>>2791628 (OP)
You will never be a real Chinaman. You have non-black hair, you have non-yellow skin, you have sub-average IQ. You are a white man twisted by hentai and propaganda into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.
All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your Chinese teacher is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “classmates” laugh at your botched pronunciations behind closed doors.
Chinawomen are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Chinawomen to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even laowai who “pass” sound uncanny and unnatural to Chinawomen. Your Caucasoid face is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk woman home with you, she’ll turn tail and bolt the second she gets an earful of your awful, awry tones.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your English name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a laowai is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skull that is unmistakably white.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
