>be me, middle schooler
>mom fucks my life up by bringing me up as sped, as well as being strict asian mom at home and only encouraging me to hang out with sped/chinese kids
>mom forces me to play piano/do chinese and doesn't let me have free access to the internet/ipad
>let it all out in normie school, which just makes them still think i'm sped
>mom still forcing me to play piano/do chinese and doesn't let me have free access to the internet/ipad
>suspended from normie school, they make mom find me a shrink, we settle on some old jew
>mom STILL forcing me to do piano/chinese and stuff
>kicked out of normie school for kicking teachers
>mom STILL being an asian mom etc, not letting up
>going to sperg school, but still seeing that shrink
>mom, in addition to all that, makes me go to chinese church sunday school so i can still see normal kids
>discover what being gay/trans is, since it's like 2017, and sunday school teaches me how much god "hates the sin but not the sinner"
>come out to shrink, he says i need to go to church anyway
>come out to mom and dad, they say i need to go to church anyway
>start begging for longer hair / trying on mom's clothes when she's out
>eventually caught by mom in drag, she lets the shrink know
>shrink chides me over next few sessions
>"anon, idt ur trans... gay, maybe? but not trans... also, idt bi men are real"
>no longer seeing old shrink now, found different younger lgbt shrink at college who's lgbt themselves
>still flitting in and out of literally the same church since it's so close to college and sorta also serves as a support network (mostly for food tho)
>literally went to that exact fellowship leader's house for a BBQ last week (he still works at the church)

Is Chinese a classical language?

So some more bg for context:

My folks found me this place last yr through WeChat. Seemed ok: nice renovated suburban house, own room, quiet, 10 mins away. Sweet deal to get away from dorms/doubles?

LL seemed great at first, said he wanted other students (Chinese intl, but was open to other chinks, like me). Was the first one to move in, 1 Aug 2024.

Red flag #1: it's just LL's wife + her sisters. Am the only non-family member in the house. They speak Chinese 24/7. My own conversational Chinese is shit-tier. I was in a tankie phase att so it was kinda sobering ngl.

Soon actual students finally arrive from China. I'm like "great, people my age". But nah, they speak Chinese only, are cucked af, I'm still the odd one out.

Then the real shit starts.
>LL shows up unannounced, many times a week
>LL got cameras in all the common areas, constantly being watched
>On a call with my friends, one bitch comes to my locked door, starts screaming at me for being loud at 11pm
>Same bitch videos me calling my mom bitching about em, posts it in the house-wide GC by one of the LL's relatives
>I get sick (tested negative for everything). They treat me like I got the plague, make my life miserable.
>They (in-laws AND students) threw my kitchenware out because I left it out one night. Even when I was at my part-time job.

Final straw: get a text from mom at work. LL went through camera footage, saw someone go outside at 2 AM, assumed it was me doing drugs, and gave her a mouthful. Took the bitch to confirm it was her friend for them to stfu.

Mom first told me to "suck it up and learn to compromise." Took till Oct before she finally agreed to help me break the lease. Spent rest of fall sem commuting before moving into a frat house.

So, /adv/, how fucked up was this on a scale of 1 to 10? Was I just being a sensitive bitch who can't handle a "different culture," or was I paying rent to live in a paranoid, high-surveillance, Mandarin-speaking panopticon run by a wannabe CCP chairman?

You will never be a real Chinaman. You have non-black hair, you have non-yellow skin, you have sub-average IQ. You are a white man twisted by hentai and propaganda into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your Chinese teacher is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “classmates” laugh at your botched pronunciations behind closed doors.

Chinawomen are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Chinawomen to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even laowai who “pass” sound uncanny and unnatural to Chinawomen. Your Caucasoid face is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk woman home with you, she’ll turn tail and bolt the second she gets an earful of your awful, awry tones.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your English name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a laowai is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skull that is unmistakably white.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.