She rose from Fox’s plastic lights,
A slampig star in skin-tight tights.
She shed the weight, the world took note.
But spoke like Shrek with half a throat.

She shagged a Duke, his kids at home,
Their scandal scorched the newsroom dome.
Blacklisted fast, the jobs ran dry.
She packed her bags with one last try.

To Sydney then, with dreams half-bent,
And five-girl rent she couldn’t dent.
A queen in Auckland, sure, no doubt.
But here? Just noise, a washed-out clout.

She chimps at fakes with AI grace,
Her coomer fans just want her face.
Fame’s poisoned fruit, she will not bite.
Though OnlyFans was hers by right.

Unhinged she turned, the simps withdrew,
Their goddess cracked, the mask fell through.
And now she’s back where all began;
A mum’s spare room, no Aussie plan.

She's not just any old commentator
She's got pizzazz