I frequently suffer from nightmares that leave me to start the day in a horrible state of mind and body that sometimes takes hours to deescalate. Rapid heart rate, tenseness all over my body, oftentimes shaking, swirling thoughts, emotions spinning across rage, terror, regret, sorrow, inability to return to a state of rest.
The focus of these dreams is often one or more people I have encountered that hurt me in some way in my life.
I have been betrayed by nearly everyone I've ever cared about. The only ones who hadn't are dead, so seeing them in my dreams isnt exactly comforting either; awakening to the reality without them in it never loses its punch.
I dont know how much longer I can go on like this, haunted by people whose malevolence took their toll on my real life and left it worse by having been in it.
For several years I've been living a life of solitude. For anyone outside looking in I got the peace and quiet I was asking for from all the malevolence and betrayal. But I don't know how to move on from the perpetual state of abject misery I was in when I chose to flee from it-them, everything. My dreams keep me there and I don't know why when I now have the freedom to be at ease and heal

My friend, married with children, called returning a voicemail I left mid April. Insisted I come see him. Was buzzed, so he offered to pick me up. After a quick shower, I was at his house shooting shit out back over drinks
His wife comes home. We get along, she knows I'm a bit weird and say offkilter things sometimes, especially when we drink.
Topic of mutual friend who we are estranged from comes up. Guy chose a succubus, we agree, they agree he looks dead inside. me, we haven't spoken in years. Try to lighten the mood with humor, attempt to lead into joke, address friends wife saying I bet when you suck friends dick he appreciates it
1) I'm single & no relationship I ever hated was built on spontaneous enthusiastic blowjobs
2) comparing example of good marriage to bad one
3) implying she clearly satisfied her man, which bitches always be bragging about anyway

She gets visibly uncomfortable and whole friend is telling me off walks inside. Make my case to friend I don't understand and I'm sorry for any offense. He keeps saying 'its none of my business' and I 'made it sexual' when I wasn't, I could have said made breakfast in bed to the same effect.
They're tattood, drink smoke, and met in a bar. I didn't expect the fact an adult married couple pleasing each other in a positive way to be taboo or some big secret.

What did I do wrong?