What’s the deal with gay people?
They’ve got better taste, better parties, better apartments...
I mean, if I could choose, I’d pick gay they have throw pillows!
Straight guys are like, “Here’s my couch. It’s brown.”
Gay guys are like, “This couch tells a story.”
And they actually dress like they own a mirror!
Meanwhile, I’ve been wearing the same jeans since the Clinton administration.

What's the deal with guitar pedals?
I bought one to sound better... now I need twelve just to sound normal.
You got distortion, overdrive, fuzz what’s the difference?
It’s all just “angry in a box.”
And there's always one pedal that doesn't work unless it’s placed at exactly 17 degrees northeast of your amp while Mercury is in retrograde.