>Good paying job
>Extremely close, 10 min walk
>Rented house
>Saving about 1500 per month
>Alright body, working out to improve it
>Alright looking
>6'0
>19 years old
>First world
>White
>Dreams and goals
>No social life
>Shut in outside of work & working out
>Free time on chores, tasks, videogames, movies, shows, working out

Nothing has changed, I'm just as depressed, hollow and apathetic when I was a shut in NEET. I don't have the energy, nor do I really want to try to make friends or pick up new hobbies. Maybe life just wasn't made for me.

I've been suicidal for the past few years, I feel completely numb to life. I feel like I'm controlling a game character, and I want to quit. Life doesn't feel real anymore, I feel as though I am floating trough a void.

But I cannot go to a therapist, I cannot talk to a psych, I can't take medication, I can't talk to anybody. Due to the fact that I am training to be an officer in the army, I would be kicked out and lose my dream job, then I wouldn't have anything left to live for as its my only dream. I have always loved military equipment, history and strategy games, its been my passion.

This is my one space I can be open with my thoughts, I am with like minded people. I like to discussing life with you guys, thanks pals.