We know so much about life but so little about the afterlife. Why is the afterlife, by design, hidden from us?

Anyone else suicidal because they're confident that there is an afterlife greater than this and they just want to be there and be with God? Nearly ever NDE says the afterlife is a much, much better place than this. A place full of love, a place that feels like home. I am suicidal but all religions say its bad so that's stopping me from actually doing it, so I just am living out my life swimming in the bleakness of suicidal depression, waiting to die, not interested in anything in this world. Every day is such a drag of me barely getting by, barely getting a tiny little bit of enjoyment out of an activity like reading a book.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR DEATH. CAN IT PLEASE COME SOONER? HOW DO I MAKE IT COME SOONER WITHOUT GOING TO HELL?