>dry humped pillow to masturbate since age 8
>came while flaccid and smooshing my penis into blankets and pillow
>could still get hard
>did NNN 2019 when I just turned 25
>get motivation to get job, start near end of november
>Dec 1st 2019 I bust in ten seconds without even an orgasm, then again ten minutes later
>start sleeping 5 hours a night in wage cage
>libido plummets
>NNN 2020 it takes me 20 minutes to cum once after a month of not doing it
>finally in 2023 get my first gf at 28
>can't get hard with her
>finally get viagra 8 months into the relationship so we can finally fuck
>don't cum, too used to prone masturbating
>she leaves me after another year of mediocre cumless sex
>I finally quit prone masturbating entirely
>after 2 months I still can't jerk off normally
>libido still fucked
>finally get laid off from job last month
>morning wood comes back
>libido is still fucked
>I jerk off normally to porn and come for the first time in my life from NORMAL masturbation 2 weeks ago
>lots of stroking glans and pressure against bottom of shaft and base of shaft
>but I did it, I came without being prone
>still need viagra to get boner with new gf
>can't come from her blowjobs or handjobs
>dick still numb, probably will be forever
>libido is still fucked
>quit porn and sex drive is just low as fuck
>tfw this is me at 31
NNN is easy for me, actually busting a nut will be harder, half the time I can't even fap at all.
Got my T levels tested and it was 550 ng/dL...so, not high but normal
Went to urologist but all that faggot did was cancel my viagra prescription so I had to spend 20 bucks getting another one.
Went to a physical therapist for pelvic floor issues and did frog pose stretches and squats which helped slightly but she also stuck a finger up my ass and suggested I get an ass vibrator.

This year my father's first cousin suddenly passed away. This really shook me up and because of that I started going to therapy, where I also got diagnosed for OCD. Now I am better than I was initially since the passing, but I am still feeling really anxious about stuff, specifically for my father's well being since he has a somewhat similar problem with drinking as did the cousin in question had, but on a smaller scale. However all this worry got exponentially raised because during the initial period in question, while I was in a panic mode, I made probably the stupidest decision in my life. And that was to enroll in major that I don't really want to study, in a university i dislike. My initial thought process was that I should get a higher education so I could get a well paid job and with it I can lift some of the financial burden of the shoulders of my parents and eventually, hopefully, it would have meant that my father would have started to take his own health and bad habits more seriously, maybe even go to rehab if truly necessary. But all that has pretty much fell apart by now. And that's because right after the moment I enrolled i noticed that my second cousin, the niece of the of my father's first cousin, attended this university before died. Also before that, during her first semester there, her dad also died. Aside from her, there's this one other cousin, not related to them, that had his bachelor's degree from there and his father has also died. I don't know if it's because of the OCD or I may have some other mental disorder but I started to make the association that if I go to said university something may happen to my dad. So I am unsure how to proceed forward from now on.