>>713333001
You've never been hurt before.
You've never known the taste of another and drowned yourself in it.
You've never lost it all. The sleepless nights. The all consuming dread. The endless worrying about losing everything else too. You don't recognize your reflection in the mirror anymore. You suddenly wake up to find the past 20 years have been on autopilot, and that you haven't known carefree happiness since you were a boy.
Your body never stops changing. A growth here, a throb there, bumps on the skin you can't recall when they appeared or even a life without them present. You're suddenly aware, even now, that your nose appears in your eyeline in a way you swear it never did before but now you can't stop noticing it.
You pivot between vices. Too much when money is steady, and then none at all when the cash dries up. You seek stimulation without end, to numb yourself against all internal thought. You cannot bear, even for a moment, the silence. For in the silence you can hear yourself, screaming, pounding from within that this is your one life and damn your ape-like body for giving into every sick, perverted, craven impulse it has that has turned you into this bloated shell of a man who can't even stand up straight let alone solve a murder mystery with no money, no memory, and no recollection. The only thing you remember is that there used to be a time where it didn't hurt so much, it's a place you can only enter in your dreams.
You've never experienced any of that because you're a little bitch and you decided to make it my problem by coming onto my board, at my time of night, and talk about one of my favorite stories. If you ever post on my fucking board again, I'll know. You won't know how-but I will. Small things will seem off at first, like your coworkers suddenly distancing themselves. All non-functional communication with them seems to have been pulled back. Discord calls fizzle out when you show up.
Then I'll be there.
