I'm about to end it all. It has been more than a month that me and my ex broke up and I still amnot over her. I've been journaling for days to find out she truly loved me but I had avoidant attachment issues, and that because i was raised in the emotionally unavailable household and dry neighborhood. All I've been doing for my entire fucking life was studying and playing computer games on my spare time. I didn't know the isolation was delaying my emotional maturity until i got into relationship with her. I never knew how I should've loved, because I simply never knew how to deal with emotions. I was emotionally unavailable (as i was raised) to her during the situationship, but she perceived it as "mysteriousity", got attached, then we got together. Then I'll just say shortly, the childhood trauma just never let me be vulnerable to her and overtime, the "mysteriousity" turned into "nonchalancy". I never wanted to get things to the end, but i had been doing the completely opposite thing without even realising. She felt I was never authentic to her, she even hinted me to open up by sending relatable Instagram reels so she could reciprocate, but I never did. Now I know that a healthy relationship is built on trust byproducted from the emotional authenticity. Now I heavily regret the way i treated her... God forbid all i wanted was to keep the relationship alive, but it was destroyed by the same immature retard with something he cannot change.
You guys know what the worst thing is? All the discipline, dedication, consistency and hunger of working for my successful life is fucking gone. I used to be unbeatable at my mathematics club at my junior year, (we even met there) and now I have potential to score maximum on the exams, but fuck sake everything has lost its spark. I will go live on Instagram tonight at 4am (gmt +4) and watch something that is completely safe and harmless happening to me. IG: misanthropearchangel. The account will be public.

I'm about to end it all. It has been more than a month that me and my ex broke up and I still amnot over her. I've been journaling for days to find out she truly loved me but I had avoidant attachment issues, and that because i was raised in the emotionally unavailable household and dry neighborhood. All I've been doing for my entire fucking life was studying and playing computer games on my spare time. I didn't know the isolation was delaying my emotional maturity until i got into relationship with her. I never knew how I should've loved, because I simply never knew how to deal with emotions. I was emotionally unavailable (as i was raised) to her during the situationship, but she perceived it as "mysteriousity", got attached, then we got together. Then I'll just say shortly, the childhood trauma just never let me be vulnerable to her and overtime, the "mysteriousity" turned into "nonchalancy". I never wanted to get things to the end, but i had been doing the completely opposite thing without even realising. She felt I was never authentic to her, she even hinted me to open up by sending relatable Instagram reels so she could reciprocate, but I never did. Now I know that a healthy relationship is built on trust byproducted from the emotional authenticity. Now I heavily regret the way i treated her... God forbid all i wanted was to keep the relationship alive, but it was destroyed by the same immature retard with something he cannot change.
You guys know what the worst thing is? All the discipline, dedication, consistency and hunger of working for my successful life is fucking gone. I used to be unbeatable at my mathematics club at my junior year, (we even met there) and now I have potential to score maximum on the exams, but fuck sake everything has lost its spark. I will go live on Instagram tonight at 4am (gmt +4) and watch something that is completely safe and harmless happening to me. IG: misanthropearchangel. The account will be public.