Thread 2835101

I'm about to end it all. It has been more than a month that me and my ex broke up and I still amnot over her. I've been journaling for days to find out she truly loved me but I had avoidant attachment issues, and that because i was raised in the emotionally unavailable household and dry neighborhood. All I've been doing for my entire fucking life was studying and playing computer games on my spare time. I didn't know the isolation was delaying my emotional maturity until i got into relationship with her. I never knew how I should've loved, because I simply never knew how to deal with emotions. I was emotionally unavailable (as i was raised) to her during the situationship, but she perceived it as "mysteriousity", got attached, then we got together. Then I'll just say shortly, the childhood trauma just never let me be vulnerable to her and overtime, the "mysteriousity" turned into "nonchalancy". I never wanted to get things to the end, but i had been doing the completely opposite thing without even realising. She felt I was never authentic to her, she even hinted me to open up by sending relatable Instagram reels so she could reciprocate, but I never did. Now I know that a healthy relationship is built on trust byproducted from the emotional authenticity. Now I heavily regret the way i treated her... God forbid all i wanted was to keep the relationship alive, but it was destroyed by the same immature retard with something he cannot change.
You guys know what the worst thing is? All the discipline, dedication, consistency and hunger of working for my successful life is fucking gone. I used to be unbeatable at my mathematics club at my junior year, (we even met there) and now I have potential to score maximum on the exams, but fuck sake everything has lost its spark. I will go live on Instagram tonight at 4am (gmt +4) and watch something that is completely safe and harmless happening to me. IG: misanthropearchangel. The account will be public.

what about going gay instead of killing yourself?
sounds like women didn't work out for you

>>2835101 (OP)
I'm not reading any of that.

End it because you broke up with a girl? You can do better anon, go lift some weights

>>2835101 (OP)
going outdoors isnt going to fix your problems. the problems are still gonna he there you're just gonna be in a different environment.

>>2835114
it might help him if he goes out long-term.

OP I am not reading that but you should just go a spend a year on the AT and you can kill yourself there or come up a whole new person kek

>>2835115
what is AT?

>>2835115


>>2835116
see what i mean

OP has 7 months to prepare for his thru hike. I suggest the AT. It will teach you to be social.

>>2835114
>it won’t fix your problems
The fuck it won’t.

His problems are all internal. The only way to solve that is to change his own outlook. He can’t do that with a drastic change of environment and exciting new experiences.

>>2835114
OP didn't even mention the outdoors. He might have meant to post on /soc/.

>>2835127
>his problems are all internal
my point exactly. Internal problems require internal change, time and coming to an understanding with things out of your control. If he were to go into the woods he'd be left alone with the thoughts of his girlfriend and a bunch of rope he took with himself and alcohol. Not a good idea. OP needs to start change slowly. Too fast and he's gonna be the exact same person in a different environment with all the same opinions, ideas and thought processes.
Shit like the replies ITT are why i barely take advice from this website seriously.

>>2835139
>op didnt mention outdoors
>posts on an outdoors board
ok

>>2835141
i think a good comparison would be fat people since you guys are having a hard time understanding philosphical nature of change

It's similar to a fat person thinking that going to the gym is the ONLY change they need to make
when the reality is they need to put the fork down so their body can actually burn fat INTERNALLY

>>2835142
absolute state of nu-/out/

>>2835101 (OP)

OP how old are you? If you are taking math exams, I'm assuming you are early 20s at most.

I'm an oldfag who has had quite a few failed relationships. Some because of the other person, some because of my own bullshit. I've also lost jobs, failed college courses, been hospitalized due to drinking, and a bunch of other embarrassing things that were primarily a result of my behavior. For the longest time, my parents were convinced I'd either be in jail or be dead. Now I am married to a woman I have been with for 7 years, make decent money, and am about to finish my masters degree.

It all didn't change overnight, but with my fuckups, I eventually learned. What did I do right, what did I do wrong? How can I repeat doing those correct things, and avoid repeating the mistakes? Reflect on your behaviors and choices with their consequences or rewards and change the course your life is taking. There are a million ways to do it, but a popular book is 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. You can also just start journaling, as long as you start to learn and recognize what needs to be fixed.

Good luck

>>2835141
>alone
Yeah you don’t know shit about the AT.
>slowly
Can’t start until mid March. 7 months is a long ways off. That’s plenty slow enough.

>>2835168
you're retarded

>>2835101 (OP)
try going for a hike. there are plenty of fish in the sea

>>2835101 (OP)
>my ex broke up
boohoo and you're le sad? i'm 32 years old khv. man up. i'm not reading rest of your text.

>>2835175
Great retort, Anon. Really insightful and on point.

You could have just said “I’m angry.” It would have been funnier.

This board is shit.

>>2835183
>>2835184
cope

>>2835175
>>2835183
>>2835184
>>2835186
imagine getting this emotionally invested in some random anon's first breakup sob story

Dis is da first post ive ever seen on 4chan nd i gotta say tuff shi bruh.

K. Why is this on /out/?

>>2835184
>rando says he’s depressed
>not going to not harm himself at all or doing anything drastic in the slightest on live stream
>posts this stuff on an outdoor forum
>thousands of people hike the AT (or similar long hikes) to straighten out their mental health
>people here suggest he try that
Is this a surprise to you?