>>76495939
NTA but it sounds like you don't have dozens of problems, but a single problem.
Rationality does not work for your situation, you're not an idiot, but you use your reason against yourself. You have endless rationalizations for your behavior and choices, and your ruminations follow something that resembles a logical path where one statement cascades into the next. And indeed if we apply induction to your situation, your past failures indicate you will just fail and fail until you kill yourself (or fail at that too and end up drooling on your family members for decades with half your face blown off)
Any anon could stand here and give you reasons to try, reasons to do well, and give you excellent actionable advice, and your silly ass would rationalize all of it away.
Obviously reason will not work.
So you need to tap into something pre-rational in you. The sort of forces that are immune to being rationalized away because they are visceral, felt rather than known.
You've got only a few options there
>hate
>love
>faith
Hate is a tricky one, you can like that anon said, become racist and just get powered by your hatred of jews or whatever. Some people have made it work, but most chudcels are not much better off than you. Channeling your drive to destroy something into a drive to build yourself does not often work and you end up in a cycle of self destruction.
Love is the best, but especially tricky when it is romantic and sexual love, which is much more fickle than filial, fraternal, national, humanitarian loves. The truth is that all of these pre-rational drives can become sources of destruction in you, but they're also your ONLY way out.
Faith isn't easy, but it is the most powerful one. Doesn't have to be Faith in our buddy Yaweh, but it does have to be in something greater than yourself (even if only your higher self).
Shut off your reason, and start feeling something so overpowering you have no room to self-recriminate and rationalize your lowly behavior.