How do I learn guitar as a retarded boymoder I'm trying to learn D, A- etc but remembering the positions is so hard

there is a man who my heart pines for and who crush on so hard but i can never ever tell him
it hurts so bad because all i want is to make him happy and be there for him
hes alone and i know it hurts him, he doesn’t think of himself too highly either i dont think, he calls himself a loser and it makes me cry

i can never ever tell him how i truly feel about him because its parasocial and creepy because hes a small content creator
and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because i just want to be there for him and be his rock and a shoulder for him to cry on, i want to solve his problems and be nice to him and tell him how he never ceases to impress me and how proud i am of him and how hes a unique special person who’s one of a kind

i can never say any of the true emotions in my heart
i hate myself so much for this

mirror oh mirror you never reflect my inner self
sky oh sky will you shine upon me?

there’s someone i like and i get in vc’s with them but im too afraid to talk and use a mute chat they set up like a stupid tranny coward

how do i get over my anxiety of talking? i have a nonpassing stupid tranny voice and i dont want to utter a word until its better

but theres times where hes sad and wants to talk to someone and doesnt want to be alone and i feel like such an awful coward for letting my anxiety and insecurities get in the way of me trying to make him feel better and be less alone

what do i how do i work the problem???