>>938811287
Fuck, I relate so hard with this.
The idea of forcing myself to do a job I hate just to keep surviving with nothing else available to me that I could be let go from at any time, come home exhausted but also need to work really fucking hard on myself, it just isn’t worth the payoff of maybe feeling happy for a short time before I need to go to bed and wake up to do it all over.
I am so fucking jealous of normal people who can just find joy with their shit lives. The sort that get off work from their low paid job to go to a club with the utter shit music that’s popular and just dance and have a good time without even trying. Without thinking about it. Without really having to work at trying to convince themselves that they’re enjoying themselves.