I need to throw away all my journal entries so my family doesn't find them after I'm dead. But I can't seem to bring myself to get rid of them.

I feel bad. I told my therapist I wanted to work on the misogynistic feelings that I have and I was. I was getting better but I've just completely fallen off. I can't seem to stop wallowing in self pity and bitterness. I don't know how to get out of this. I just really hate women. I don't know. Staying away from here didn't even help. I guess because I'm just incapable of relating to or getting along with women. I just want to give up on trying to change anything. It never works. I'm always just me.

I think I'm gonna make my therapist disappointed. She's the only one that talks to and supports me. But I've just completely given up. I guess I'm still working. But I've given up on my life ever improving. It's just too much. I really don't want her to hate me.

I don't really understand when people say that men and women aren't that different. The differences seem vast to me. I can't relate to women at all.

Is it bad to look at the life of the first girl I had a crush on, see how beautiful she is, how she has a boyfriend, and how she's likely more happy than me then get a feeling of spite and anger towards her?