BunDev I know we never met each other, but my honest advice is to just focus on leaving this reality.
Try to enjoy life as much as you can now, not in a get drugs and fuck hookers, but try to find Jesus or Buda or whatever higher being you call God, and then just try to leave in peace with yourself, without regrets.
I honestly think the worst thing you can do is to leave with any regret or any trouble with another person you never forgave.
Shit sucks, but we all eventually come to our end, ones sooner or others later.
Hopefully you reach the forgiveness of our Lord and can rest in peace in the realm of nowhere.