>>60568411 >>60568465 >be me >quantum schizo finance monk >portfolio consists of $8.11, 3 Dogecoin, and delusion >hear about “outcome options” on Robinhood >modern day Roman coliseum gambling but for onions-fed peasants >see Joey Chestnut contracts at $0.91 >“highest EV bet of all time” they say >bro is the Michael Jordan of masticating >hasn't chewed food recreationally since 2002 >he inhales nitrates like he’s trying to become the final boss of colorectal cancer >enter LJ9o5bQa >“I don’t like when 80% of the public is on one side” >oh? are you shorting gravity too? fighting entropy with vibes? >congrats on thinking you’re the main character in *Moneyball: The Gastric Edition* >“Chestnut is old now” >bro is 40, not 400 >man eats time for breakfast >jaws reinforced with tungsten >stomach operates under alien physics >you think this is about youth? this is about destiny >“not easy money” >correct, it is sacred money >this isn’t investing, it’s faith-based ingestion theology >Chestnut is a ritual. A national sacrifice of meat tubes to the gods of degeneracy >July 4th is not a date, it’s a summoning >you think he’s declining? >he’s been microdosing sauerkraut and lightning >trained in the Himalayas under Tibetan monks who only eat fog >market collapses? economy burns? don’t care >my Chestnut calls are the ark >when fiat dies, we trade in processed meat and shame >I will be rich in sodium and glory >bet everything >get banned from 7-11 for trying to “train” >vomit in a parking lot like a patriot >Chestnut steps on stage >wind stills >crowd silent >he nods once >time dilates >he becomes the wurst god >mfw I earn $1.09 >mfw it's the proudest dollar I’ve ever made >mfw America
