I've never wanted to be a girl growing up
I've never felt acute discomfort from puberty
I've never hated being a boy and wanted to grow up as a man
I've felt pride in my masculine features. My deep voice, broad shoulders, and muscular build
I had no issues with intimacy and my genitals
Despite all of this, learning about hrt and the process of transitioning at 20 flipped a switch. A switch that's not mine
The intense envy I feel when I see women around my age is not real
The disgust I feel whenever I'm reminded of my grotesque appearance is not real
The utter despair I feel at imagining living as a man is not real
Crying in a fetal position over the fact that I'm a man is just me playing pretend
The abject horror I've felt when I've tried hrt and the effects started to show is enough proof that I'm just cis
I wish I were a woman to begin with, but I don't want my self to be a woman, and I hate being a man
I've never felt human. Always a facsimile, a skinwalker, a puppet, a living corpse

I’m a man
I’ll never look like a woman no matter what I do.
It’s impossible.

I can’t believe I actually thought I could ever look like a woman. Man I’m so retarded.