I remember it vividly, like it happened just a second ago, it's probably the #1 most striking and lasting of all my memories.
It was when I was in 6th grade, and we had to take life class. Basically a class taught by an older lady who introduces you to basic life shit like cooking, cleaning, sewing your buttons back on ect. Our first time cooking was my first time cooking a meal all to myself, prior to this I'd help my mom here and there in the kitchen peeling some vegetables or stirring some soup, but never a whole meal by myself. Before that moment, I had always thought and been told by my parents, my teachers, by everyone that we all take the same path in life; that I'd graduate high school, go to college, meet a girl, get married, and have kids. I looked down at what I was cooking in class, and said to myself "wait a second, there's no chance you're ever gonna get married, can you even see yourself having a gilefriend? You will never come home from work to the smell of food cooking on the stove and a girl who says 'welcome home' and gets you to taste some sauce. That shit can happen to other people, but not you. It will never happen to you."
I then had a vision of myself as a 30 year old man, something I never even imagined for myself at the time, as up until that point I never even considered the fact that one day I'd stop being a child and grow up into an adult. I imagined myself coming home from work, an empty and dark house. I'd then turn on the lights and start cooking something, maybe some spaghetti or some shit. Because obviously nobody was gonna do it for me. That this was my eventual future, a perpetual state of being alone. At that moment, everything clicked for me: my parents, teachers, they were all lying to me to make me feel normal/they don't know any better.
It was a self fulfilling prophecy. I was 100% right. Nobody is coming to save me. I was alone then, I'm alone now.
