>>82165818
>>82165828
>>82165830
i've been stuck in tutorial hell in gamedev for over a year. i still can't write a single script from start to finish, all i can do is copy-paste scripts that other people made, even manually transcribing scripts on paper doesn't make me learn anything.
>>82165837
i went to trades school and was top of my class for the 2 years i went there. i know i can learn but the only proper way to learn is to have a teacher. if you don't have a teacher personally teaching you, you're screwed. there is no such thing as self-taught, even shits like da vinci were taught by others

To preface, recently - the past 8 months of so - I have been experiencing super long dull periods of life where I do not want to do anything, followed by periods where, suddenly, I completely 180 and want to do things
I think I may have discovered that the reason I have so many peaks and valleys and why they persist. It is that I am sort of a perfectionist, or sometimes, so worried about time that I excruciatingly think about min-maxing my life
Needing every moment to be optimal
So, this naturally makes my mental "peaks" overwhelming if I can't perform at 100% all the time, while also causing me to want to do multiple things at once. Going so far as to often writing lists to not forget...

As for my "valleys" they become elongated due to me never feeling like doing anything, That is to say, either having no desire, or having a legit repulsion. I thought... maybe some sort of stress response? After all even if i force myself i tend to not enjoy it until i suddenly just do again and it feels so satisfying yet fucking annoying to not always feel enjoyment and not always wanna strive for more and be proactive, achieving things, reaching higher heights, etc. (Saying such lofty words about hobbies sounds silly honestly)

Example: If I am writing, I am totally acting like a perfectionist over every single line I write, if Im studying Japanese from I worry if I am doing enough, and every sort of hobby I have connects in an ouroboros fashion of sorts, they can all be interrelated, so, if I'm not doing one
i'm not doing any I find