So there's a new guy at my workplace. He got the position i fought tooth and nail for, the position i got rejected from for "not being experienced enough". The new guy literally turned 18 a month ago and it's his first real job. He has better genetics than me, he's more fit than me with a physique of a greek god including chiseled gigachad jaw, he's more lean than me, he has a girlfriend, a social circle, normal, functional parents, and no fucking traumatic life changing events in his entire life. He's cheerful and friendly all the time. Meanwhile i'm a complete fucking loser in my 30s and i'm just happy to be alive to be honest because my entire life has been awful and i had to crawl out of the poverty and hikikomori life and i'm still not even at the baseline function as a human being STILL struggling with loneliness and unable to get any friends or any kind of relationship. We bonded instantly and we're, like, friends or something now, but i feel so fucking awful talking to him or even seeing him, i kind of genuinely hate him but i feel bad for doing it. I'm jealous of his life, both as a "current me vs current him" and comparing my dogshit fucking life when i was 18 to his. But he's not a bad guy at all. I basically told him i kinda hate him for mogging me but like don't take it personally.
I just don't understand how the fuck some people have an easy life and i have to struggle just to pretend to be normal.
