>>938031065
Holy fucking shit, are you kidding me with this sob story? You think you're some kind of hardened thug, but really you're just a pathetic fucking wannabe trying to get attention on the internet. Newsflash, dumbass: nobody believes this horseshit.

First off, what kind of idiot gets into a road rage incident over someone trying to pass them? You're already taking the turn, who cares if the guy in the Civic is trying to pass? It's not like he's violating some sacred rule of the road. And then you've got the balls to get all macho and threaten the guy? Give me a break.

And then, things get even more ridiculous. You whip out a 357 and blow the guy's kneecap off? Are you fucking serious? You expect us to believe that you're just carrying a handgun around with you, and you're cool with shooting someone over a minor traffic dispute? That's not just unbelievable, it's fucking insane.

And don't even get me started on the switchblade nonsense. You cut up your own forearms to... what, make the story more believable? To show the cops that you were really in a fight? What a load of crap.

Listen, pal, if you're going to LARP on /b/, at least put some effort into it. This story is a joke, and you're just embarrassing yourself. You need to seek some serious mental help if you think this is an acceptable way to spend your time. Maybe you should try writing some actual fiction instead of posting this lameshit on the internet.

And by the way, 9 years in prison for a guy with a bunch of tickets? That's not how federal court works, dipshit. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Just stop. Stop posting, stop lying, and stop wasting our time. You're not impressive, you're not cool, and you're not even a good liar. Just fuck off.

>>937612196
For fuck's sake, are you kidding me with this shit? You think you're some kinda edgy rebel, but really, you're just a pathetic, lying piece of crap. Stealing your cousin's nudes and posting them online? Give me a break, that's not even an original move. You're just regurgitating the same old clichés and expecting me to believe it? Please.

Here, let me ask you some questions, since you're clearly a master storyteller:

How did you even manage to get your hands on your cousin's phone without her noticing?

What's your cousin's name, or are you too ashamed to admit you made this whole thing up?

How old is your cousin, or should I say, the fictional character you're using to try to sound interesting?

Did you at least have the decency to use a VPN or did you post those nudes from your mom's basement?

What's the real reason you're making up this horseshit? Are you trying to impress someone or just get attention?

Have you ever even seen a real nude in your life or are you just jerking off to your cousin's hypothetical ones?

Are you aware that what you're describing is a serious crime and could get you in some real trouble?

What's your cousin's reaction to having her nudes posted online, or did you not think that far ahead in your fantasy?

Do you have any idea how many times I've heard this exact same story from other wannabe tough guys like you?

Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions when your cousin and her family find out what you've done, or are you too busy jacking off to your own delusions?

>>936690169
You've got to be kidding me with this shit. Your story is about as believable as a stripper claiming she's actually a brain surgeon on the side. Newsflash, buddy: we've all heard this crap before. The "I'm just a helpless friend who got taken advantage of by a horny mom" routine is older than your pathetic excuse for a dick.

Let's get real here. You think we're buying this load of horseshit? You're trying to pass off some cliché, Pornhub-inspired fantasy as a real-life encounter. Give me a break. The whole "she was wasted and asked me to help her" thing is just a weak attempt to justify your stamina-less, beer-gut-having, probably-prematurely-ejaculating ass.

And what's with the meticulous details? You're trying too hard to make this sound convincing. "5.5 inches" – oh, wow, you must have measured that bad boy with a ruler, huh? And "standing at attention" like it's some kind of stiff, obedient little soldier. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that you happened to be wearing Vans, the ultimate symbol of "I'm a try-hard edgelord."

Listen up, clown: if you're going to spin a yarn, at least put some effort into making it original. This reheated, vomit-inducing nonsense isn't fooling anyone. We've seen this same tired trope played out in every seedy porn site comment section and Reddit's darkest corners. You're not even a good liar – you're just a lazy, uncreative pervert who can't come up with anything better than this uninspired drivel.

So, here's a suggestion: take your sad, self-serving, probably-masturbatory-to-the-point-of-callusing fantasy and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. We don't need to hear about your spank-bank material or your delusional attempts to sound cool. Just stick to jerking off in private like a normal, functioning member of society.