Dear A/E.
In a black ocean of dread,
you came drifting by.
An island of bliss in my umbral and infinite heartache.
Like the sunrise in a paradise few have glimpsed. Golden and radiant.
Augeas crown pales in comparison.
I breifly danced on your shore.
As unworthy as I am.
Leaving tracks in your sand, where not one person has tread.
I sat for a time and cast off into the black again.
Where I came from, the lost souls of yester-year. Those I've lost. Those I knew. The places I saw with them. And the love I still carry.
All remains here, within the depths of my heart.
With me, in Abbadons pit.
Descending ever further into the abyss.
The past me, of not a month ago, died.
Now a husk of my identity, confronted with my actions.
You see the empty shell.
Where there once was a person, full of light and hope as radiant as the summer morning.
Now you dread that i ask to repay you the favour of once washing ashore.
I must, as i am in your debt.
You haunt me, taunt me, as if some righteous and divine wrath is possessing you.
I fixed my broken mind, mended my heart with the hopes of being with you.
Relearned to be a person, in that hope.
From a dostance you control me. In my dreams you kill the monster in me. Tame it, turn it against those you deem worthy of punishment.
And in reality I would hunt them, encircle them, speak provocations and agitate them into violence.
You're a debtor I cannot escape. My sobriety, sanity and health belong to you. But blinded by your fears of that monster coming lose from your grasp.
You don't request repayment. You let me drift in this space, in my black ocean, alone, truly alone.
My only wish, is to be your dog.
Nothing matters to me more than this.
The chaos quiets, the rage subsides, the clarity and bliss your smile provides. One moon passes and another rises.
A guiding star to follow.
No other came as close.
You know where my heart is. It burns in your hands. Yours to keep or to return. Its your decision.
-J
