I've been trying to figure out if I'm trans or cis for about a year now.
Tried looking for signs in my childhood. There were none.
Tried introspecting whether I am dysphoric. Feel just fine with my body, mostly apathetic, but not like anything is wrong.
Tried a more feminine gender presentation. Felt either nothing or felt horrible.
Tried using different pronouns on a alt-account. It just felt like I was lying to people.
Tried hrt for a couple of months. Felt alright at first, but it began to feel profoundly wrong when the changes started to show.
Every single thing I've tried up until now has only reaffirmed the fact that I am just a cis man.
Being cis is obviously the more pragmatic, and thus preferable, outcome, but I simply can't accept it. Every time I am reminded I'm cis, a crippling dread washes over me.
I should love being a man, simply because I am one, but I can't help but obsess over what I am not and never will be. A woman.
How do I accept once and for all that I am just a cis man, and that I won't ever be a woman, and also that I don't want to be a woman to begin with?
Can't accept I'm cis
