I had my first kiss when I was 30. I am 31 now and haven't been on another date. I feel almost scared to even try again. It wasn't traumatizing, the woman kissed me first which made me feel good. However, I knew I was doomed as soon as she did it because I consider myself close to retarded when it comes to social interaction. Unfortunately, things didn't work out between us and I think its because I started distancing myself from her. I stopped texting her as much etc. I definitely liked her but a part of me didn't want to advance things because I didn't want to get involved and then ultimately lose her somehow. Not even sure how I really explain that.

Basically, I don't like relationships even though I want to be in one. But I don't like them because I know the likelihood that it ends is very high because of my ineptitude. So I don't want one because I know I am going to fuck it up. Is there anything I can do to get over this? I almost wish she hadn't kissed me because now I know what kissing is like and before I had no idea. Now it may never happen again and yet I know what its like. I hate that feeling. The feeling of knowing but never being able to have again.

I will say though that I think overall I am glad it happened. It made me wonder if maybe I am not as bad as I thought. I use to think I was completely unworthy of even having friendships etc.

I unfortunately am basically forced to use dating apps to try and even remotely get dates. On those sites I see many MANY women who are obese. Incredibly so. So many of them also have kids. Who is doing this? Some of these women have 3-4 kids. So I ask the question, who is nutting in fat women repeatedly? Its insane to me. I am a guy of regular healthy weight and go to the gym etc. Never had a girlfriend in my life. Women with staggering weights have had relationships, SEX AND HAD KIDS already. How? WHO IS FUCKING THESE WOMEN!?!?!/

I have always hated that I could probably never date a woman who is regular healthy weight. A woman not being fat immediately gets her scooped up by men.

>>531993141
Its going to get worse before it gets better. Its rumored that the release after blade is a strategist and the one after that may be another duelist. Ontop of that, 2 vanguards regularly get banned in games. So realistically, there are like 8 vanguards in the game. The fact that solo tank is common means even fewer. Hold onto your butts because we won't need eyes where we are going.

What the fuck is wrong with my body? I usually get about 7-8 hours of sleep(more commonly 7 hours). Most days when I get up, I am okayish. When I get to work and sit down in my chair though, I start falling asleep. My mind sort of slips away from me even though I feel like my eyes are open. I get stuck in like this half asleep half awake mode. I will feel my eyes drift away basically but I still feel like I have my auditory senses. Then I will try to do things like pull my arm hairs out or take deep breaths just to try and make myself feel more alert. I usually don't start to feel better until about maybe 1 hour after I get to work. What can I do to remedy this? I actually tried drinking coffee and I noticed that it wards off that feeling but coffee destroys my stomach. I don't know if its because I drank the really strong kind of coffee or what. I just want to make sure I don't have some weird sleeping disorder. Seemingly nothing will keep me from getting that heavy eyes feeling. It comes and goes on its own. The only thing I noticed that helps is it something startles me. Then I feel very alert for a good awhile.