proteas mentality edition

YFO

(NO INDIANS)

first

maybe Mulder just gets off on the thought of being humiliated by BBC

>edgbaston again

>Harry Brook is now the number 1 test batsman in the world
game's gone

>>149689357
jeets being cringe just pasting their players on an australian meme. it's like them trying to make the whole aus-ind rivalry into an ashes tier series when it never will be

hopefully it means we won't ever see players like cook boring our screens again

gagging for the Hundred
McCoys will go far this season

>>149689357
keKkkkk

I’m just so sad all the time

yes and currently i am playing for the SF Unicorns! don't let the name fool you, we are EXCEEDINGLY gay!

nothing boring about a forward defence

>>149689340
Fuck I haven't studied! haha

will never understand delete niggers

>>149689135
>split threads

>>149689285 (OP)
diplomatic way of saying 400 vs Zim isn't the same as Lara getting it against.a.prime englel

>>149689427
just turn yer frown upside down innit hahaaa x

IT WAS A PRIME ENGLEL
end of

>>149689516
kekkk

>>149689367
>>149689398
In fairness Big Chef was an opener whilst Brook plays at 5, quite different roles really if you think about it and know anything about cricket.

>>149689533
>Indian scammers now making threads on spee
games gone

>>149689668
†spoo

>was today years old when I learned that Cook's nickname is Big Chef
oh my dayzzz

>>149689650
for you

has a black person ever thought about making a movie that’s about something other than racism?

>>149689516
would normally be a bit cringey to repost a post from an old thread like that but it was a good post so I'll allow it haha

mad how there's literally no blacks in Australia (like people from the Caribbean or whatever who settled there over 2-3 generations)

first neek ITT

>>149689764
I knew it was a good-un

>>149689792
we have loads of blacks

>>149689904
Name three

>>149690053
scott boland
jason gillespie
brendan doggett

>>149689792
just somali's, but they all live in heidelberg

I thought Perth and Melbourne had problems with Africans?

yes, they are situated on planet Earth

At one point on Saturday I was on 1 run from 24 balls (SR: 4.17) in a 40-over game

Is that incredibly brainful?

>40 overs for a casual game
bit much

>>149691107
There was nothing casual about it m8
Tempers were frayed, particularly when I refused to walk for a caught behind shout
Wore a beamer on my forearm shortly after

scorchies

@149691084
HE'S A BUNNY!!!!!!

>>149691154
Dispatched the bowler for a six and a couple of one bounce fours in the over afterwards because I was even boring myself to death
Then I tried blocking again so that I could last until the first change, and snicked behind on the last ball of his spell
Hélas

Did exactly the same thing the other time I've opened this year, although I think it was the opener's second last ball on that occasion
Never used to get caught behind
But never used to try blocking the ball like some cowardly little limp-wristed poof either

@149691208
see>>149691154

>>149690788
Melb is full of nogs. Blackborne. Fcking hate it here.

any neeky narcissists in?

>forearm
think that's a full toss not a beamer

Musing upon how I can develop some scoring shots against good length bowling when the field is in

Any ideas gratefully appreciated

>>149691347
bazball it

>>149691345
Forearm was in front of my nose at the time, as I was trying and failing to hook the ball for 6

>>149691356
If I walk down the track and turn it into a half volley then I can do a lofted drive of some sort - that's pretty much been my strategy to date desu

But that's quite high risk, and I'm wondering if there's some other lower-risk way to keep the scoreboard ticking over without resorting to that

small reminder bard is pondering his shot selection for casual saturday games on your taxpayer dime

After I refused to walk the fieldsmen started calling me Stuart Broad, and this only intensified after I dispatched the bowler with a lofty straight drive

The sledges may have appeared humourous but they were laced with hatred and venom

Had to make up for it by triggering a couple of the other lads when I went out to do a stint as umpire, so that I could get back into the good graces of the opposition side

pretty disgusting to not walk desu.
reflects badly on your upbringing. show some class next time

>>149691572
I ALWAYS walk if I know I've hit it, it's a point of pride
Genuinely couldn't tell for either the one I was given not out for or the one I was given out for

>>149691347
ramp it (you wont)

>>149691572
most people in village games will walk I find
bit different in international cricket like Broad because there's more to lose but it's a bit of a gentlemanly unwritten rule to walk in a friendly sunday game. disappointing stuff from bard

>>149691347
tell the bowler that was an excellent delivery as you move and do a bit of gardening where it landed then take your stance forward about 12 inches (they won't notice because of the gardening) and the next one will be too full then the bowler will adjust short next ball and you go back to where you were ordinarily and prepare to play off the back.
This tactic is to get the bowler to stop putting it in the corridor of uncertainty.
Also ramp shot or a charge to the half volley are both excellent ideas

>>149691603
Been practicing the reverse sweep in the nets and have even connected with it on a few occasions
Maybe I'll bring that out in a match in 3-4 years
Ramps are more difficult when the bowling very rarely gets above 65mph

>>149691635
It was a Saturday so that rule doesn't apply
Not convinced I hit it

>>149691684
Unironically good advice, thank you my Irish brother

>Been practicing the reverse sweep in the nets
game's gone

>bowling rarely ever gets above 65mph

>adults bowling slower than kids

oof

>65mph bowling attack and you somehow score 4 ducks in a row and become a glorified team mascot / specialist fielder

>>149691767
One must always keep learning

>>149691824
I average 33 for this side and if I didn't play a meme hoik to get bowled on the final ball of the innings that one time then the average would be 49

I got 3 ducks in 4 innings at the end of last season and the start of this one, but that was in the midweek league and against some more talented bowlsmen (including a Worcs Div 1 and Worcs Div 2 bowlsmen)

>average would go from 33 to 49 based one a single not out

>>149692061
Well yeah, only had 4 innings for that side, so not outs have a fairly big impact (why do you think I protected my wicket like a coward instead of bazballing when I was not out at the end of the match next week)

My average for the 1s is a humble 0 this year (3 matches, 1 innings)

If ONLY they did averages for fieldsman performance, I'd be top of the leaderboards then

small reminder we are currently paying bard for this time he is posting about village games

does he ever do any work
think that lithuanian python coder or whoever joined has given him much more free time

>>149692152
You're mixing up two of my colleagues there
The code monkey I managed has got a promotion and not been replaced, and now it's just me left in the team that legally requires a minimum of two people to function properly
And now they're re-designing my role AGAIN to give me even more responsibilities
Meeting my manager and my manager's manager to tell them they need to halve my workload or I'll move teams ASAP
They're not even doing it deliberately, just really shit management, they have no idea of what I do or what it takes to do it

Suppose one could justifiably ask why I have time to blogpost about this on a Wednesday afternoon when I've got a long list of things on my to-do list

Answer is that I'm in a division wide call I've been told I need to attend but it's boring the life out of me and I simply can't be cba to listen

not sure you have a strong case judging from your post count this afternoon

>they have no idea of what I do
>or what it takes to do it
posting a load of shite on /cric/ and hands?

I'm always working during conference calls to the point I rarely listen and if anyone asks me anything I'll just ask them to repeat it

>>149692273
Only in short bursts like this afternoon
Nowadays whole days go by where I barely post on /cric/ during work hours AT ALL, because I've got so much work to do
A truly sad state of affairs

zachy > bard
this isn't in dispute either

>>149692379
bard is more 5th column though

>>149692402
what makes you say that?

>>149692424
he takes government pay without working, basically an Irish parasite on the British taxpayer. Zachy on the other hand is independently wealthy and part of the British establishment, albeit a Welsh part

>>149692481
yeah i think you're off on that term close but off he isn't some kind of sympathiser ready to rise up against the british rule he's just a lazy cunt taking for granted the position he's in

he isn't biding his time to throw a wrench into the system the day the irish attack

he likes his cushy job he likes his life and wouldn't do anything to fuck that up

Lots of seething at Bard today. /cric/ hates people who talk and play cricket.

>>149692481
I've had to lots of work recently desu, takes the piss
Widely acknowledged within the team as performing way above my grade
My hardworking Huguenot genes are outweighing my innate Irish idleness

>>149693035
So true

>he likes his life
This has been debunked

thought bnob only does weekend shifts

suspiciously always around when bard is around

bit of a choon, not like we're all saints eh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sjGBXckGB4

What's for dinner lads?

Apparently Liz Hurley is with Billy Ray Cyrus now, and he's been spotted at some local countryside pubs

wtf Liz, this is a betrayal

she has dire taste in men

you reckon you'd be much better wouldn't you

unironically would over some hillbilly cokehead

>>149693847
>mfw

Billy Ray Cyrus now been in a Lynch kino and Warne's sloppy seconds. deadset I love him

>In April 2025, Hurley announced on social media that she was dating American musician Billy Ray Cyrus
bard in charge of keeping up to date

Shane Warne was assassinated by the Peoples' Aman Committee.

more like the can't get none committee

She’s been around the block has our Liz

watching tennis

reckon I am an autumn fellas ngl

bard loves reddit the series (eng/nz) and zachy loves reddit the player (djokovic)

me¿ BGT/djoko
plain x

really strong smell of poo in here

daily reminder to dilate fella x

Queef queef x.

1st reply ITT, you fat fuck

Just had a look at Romanian and
>have a good evening
is
>o seară bună

reckon it’d be pretty easy for an Italian speaker

and 2nd

Don’t reckon anyone who rubs their poo in with paper should be talking about poo smells.
Do you even bidet?

Does this irish think he's some sort of well bred intellectual?

bard does think that of himself, yes

>>149689285 (OP)
>wi-wiaan mulda? who even is dat guy mon ?

I’m well bred, to the best of my knowledge there’s not a single racist or homosexual on either side (and I know a lot of my 3rd and 4th cousins), thank you very much

One wonders what the make up of an irish is in the fossil record? Cro-Magnon? I think not probably has a ghost species similar to sub-saharan africans.

>>149696623
Some serious beaks in this pic

would rather be a lazy but talented irish than the hardest working but genetically impotent welsh weakling

Sarah Gadon filmed an upcoming movie in Ireland

oh he's on the front foot now

based gadonspammer
missed you lad

>>149696876
walled

he's on /tv/ all the time, same with simpsons spammer, aka they're all sebbo

>>149696929
Cope

>>149696972
champagne and oysters

>Gayle on Mulder's 367* declaration: He 'panicked and blundered'
>Gayle said Mulder's decision to not got after Lara's record was an "error" and "he didn't know what to do in that situation"
safferbros... they're mocking us

>>149697153
Gross

>>149697256
Sarah played a white woman in true detective 3 having an affair with a black man.

>>149697460
Which was implied and happens entirely offscreen.

>>149697495
Yes but she still allowed her "brand" to have that done to it.

>>149697566
Cope.

>>149697782
Admit that it doesn't sit well with you. This implied purity and goddess tier platform you've put her on and she's happy to have it implied that she likes getting railed by BBC. My flo would never.

cracked her open like a walnut

>>149696667
If the proverbial cap fits, then I must humbly place it on my figurative head

neeky narcissist

the neeky narcissist likes to present himself as an intellectual but gets filtered reading 2 sentences by Joyce and thought Cormac McCarthy was an obscure author
he hasn't given any /lit/ takes since because everyone bullied him for being a pseud

>Joyce
Direish pseud who wrote incomprehensible nonsense with no literary merit whatsoever

>McCarthy
Never said he was obscure, just that he wasn't mainstream
If you read more books you'd know the difference

least joyce isn't a neek like you

>>149696442
x

>>149696515
keKkkkk
soOOO TRUE¡

imagine being Mulder in his future innings, just getting his eye in then looking up at the scoreboard and seeing he's on 33*
grim

This mentality is why the English lose. They've forgotten cricket is a team sport. Mulder did the big brained move.

>le not mainstream author who wins the Pulitzer and the National Book award, shills his books on Oprah, and attends the premiere of the Oscar winning production of his novel directed by and starring the biggest names in Hollywood
I reckon a lot of writers wish they were not mainstream to a similar extent

>>149697894
That pig you spam played Paige who made blacked porn

>>149700070
The Road and No Country for Old Men did enjoy some mainstream success, granted, but that doesn't make him a mainstream author more generally

don't forget he had a ridley scott film too

>>149700070
not zachy but that was a brainlet take by bard and he was rightfully lampooned for it
McCarthy is quite clearly mainstream - it's like saying King isn't mainstream lmao

Bard probably hadn't heard of McCarthy when he picked it up on the bestsellers shelf at WHSmith, as such the only logical conclusion to his mind is that no one else must know of him either

>>149699302
McCarthy is also Irish you intellectual equivalent of a squashed tortoise

>>149700307
only had obscure actors like brad pitt and michael fassbender in it though

Cormac and Joyce are both excellent anyway, I can understand people disliking either of them though because they both have peculiarities

>he still reads fiction and watches movies
ngmi

nobody understands Joyce, it's not about being a brainlet. the bloke isn't even using english

>bard ran away

Hate to see the bullies win.

To be fair Cormac wasn’t mainstream, as far as that goes in literature, until well into his career and it was because of the adaptations

such midwit normie talk super dire

>>149700730
shit book

>>149700625
>when you pick up Finnegan’s Wake as your first proper novel
Read Dubliners it’s easy and good, and if you can’t handle that just give up, still here now you can read Ulysses

if you've heard of it, it's already too mainstream for me

I only read self-published e-books with 10 or less views

>>149700487
Michael Fassbender isn't obscure. He played Sarah Gadon's husband.

>gadonspammer is a bot
not really a surprise I guess

Actually no, don’t give up if you found Dubliners too much. Start again with some children’s classics, The Hobbit or The Wind in the Willows, something that an 8yo can read

I thought the direish flag was a pozzie in Ireland. was he always an actual direish or is there 2?

just another arm of the vpn spammer

>>149700307
Never even heard of that one
Probably an obscure awards bait arthouse flick

>>149700404
McCarthy and King are in completely different categories
King just writes dross pop fiction with no literary merit whatsoever

>>149700416
None of McCathy's books would have ever made it to the WHSmith bestsellers self except for maybe The Road after the film / Oprah's book club
Even with all that publicity the book only sold 1.4 million copies, which is still way below most bestsellers today
For most of his career his books only sold 10-20 thousand copies, because he wasn't mainstream

>>149700480
No he's not
Born and raised in America
If he's direish then I'm direish, and I'm not direish

>>149700625
So true
Pseuds just pretend to understand and like him because they think it makes them more smarterer than others

Hello /cric/

>he was more obscure in the 80s so when I read it in 2020+ it still counts as obscure

>>149701481
I read The Road in about 2008, I think
Was my favourite book as a 16 year old

>The novel was awarded the 2007 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction and the James Tait Black Memorial Prize for Fiction in 2006.
just a mainstream awards lemming

love /cric/lit

>>149701213
>None of McCathy's books would have ever made it to the WHSmith bestsellers self except for maybe The Road after the film
not him but I see his books in WHSmith all the time. Blood Meridian? (whatever the one with the ox skull on the cover is) is always right in your face when you walk in

>>149701213
You’re only Irish if you consider yourself Irish and are considered Irish by the Irish.
Irishness allows for multiple nationalities, Irish-Americans like Cormac are Irish just not from Ireland

like how the narcissistic neek's way of proving he isn't a narcissistic neek is by continuing to argue his point knowing he's clearly wrong and has been told as much by 5 other posters

>>149701621
Sure, they sell some of his popular books generally, but not on the bestseller shelf
That's reserved for bestsellers

>>149701627
I can see why the direish would try to claim yanks as their own when the quality of direish writing is so frightfully bad (see "James Joyce", for example)
Next you'll be trying to claim Flannery O'Connor

>>149701627
>muh heritage
you're sounding as cringe as those so called german yanks or ''''glammy''''lad and spaccy now

Listen to Sarah Gadon's new audiobook

I'll tell you who's a bloody good author
PG Wodehouse

if it's in WHSmith it's mainstream mate
this 'bestseller' thing feels like a bit of a desperate goalpost shift

>>149701704
/general

>>149701683
Germans don’t take bloodlines into consideration for them it’s language and culture, once you’ve emigrated if you don’t teach your children German and eat sausages and cheese for breakfast or whatever Germans like to do then you become foreign. Totally different. I’m not expert on the Welsh but I’d imagine they’d be more similar to the Irish than to the Germans

>>149700404
why do yanks piss and shit themselves over King so much?
I've tried some of his stuff and it's ok but also feels very basic, as if it's like some 18yo writing it
idk, the films are good so there's obviously something in his storytelling but it goes over me

>>149701678
It’s not a one way claim, they consider themselves Irish and are accepted as such by the Irish themselves. It’s not hard to understand

>>149701413
'chabin bla
beenaminute innit x

little known store called WHSmith

>>149701773
Canadian actress Sarah Gadon said:
>I love Stephen King. I think my favorite book is The Dead Zone. It also happens to be one of my favorite adaptions because David Cronenberg directed it and he's one of my favorite directors.

>>149701773
I enjoyed King when I was 13, he has a way of twisting reality. Probably influenced by the earlier American gothic and horror stuff like Poe and that racist faggot who wrote about Cthulu

>>149701773
For same reason shit like Dune is so widely read. Most non-reader normies have barely ever heard of any authors so they just try books from the few authors they've heard of.

Penetrating the normiesphere is when authors hit critical mass
Most of the books they sell rot on a shelf or don't get fully read though.

>>149701711
Maybe three of his books became mainstream
Not a mainstream author overall

>>149701761
Who cares what the krauts say/do

>>149701807
If a bloke considers himself a woman because he sticks a dress on, and other morons consider him to be a woman too, is he really a woman?

>>149701888
HP Lovecraft
Possibly my favourite horror author tbqhwy

>it's only mainstream if it's a signed copy placed in the number 1 position on the best sellers shelf in the WHSmith on Oxford Street
never go full rebard

>>149701947
There’s these things called definitions and there’s these other things called false equivalences.
It’s nice you have a favourite

>>149702016
Don't know why you're so keen to accept plastic paddies like me as genuine Irishmen
People who aren't born in Ireland, may have never been to Ireland, don't grow up among Irish people or within Irish culture except maybe their granny talking about loife in the auld country begorrah
Simply not Irish

you're direish bard
you're rightfully self-loathing but still direish

>>149702106
Just because my ancestors were some dumb micks who had to emigrate to Liverpool because all the potatoes in Ireland were gone, it doesn't make me Irish

I am a humble man of Worcestershire (one of the few parts of England that remains culturally English), nothing more, nothing less

Who's excited to see Sarah Gadon's new Western she is currently filming?

>>149702036
I don’t accept you as Irish if you don’t consider yourself Irish. As I’ve explained that’s just how it is and no it doesn’t matter if you’re born overseas and have never been here, even doesn’t really matter if you don’t have one Irish ancestor. You don’t have to agree with it and if you’re not Irish it’s not any of your business anyway. You can be an Irish-Worcesterman or a Worcesterman with some Irish ancestry that’s all fine and totally acceptable and agreeable

>>149702258
Does she get her tits out?

teaching the gf about cricket. she told me she'd already guessed that it was a posh sport because "does the working class have time to play 5 day matches?"

>gf
we don't use that word around here mate

The 5 day matches would be professional so yes

>>149702750
hope you threw a bar of soap at her and told her to wash her mouth out

what on earth it just keeps on going

>Italy on verge of T20 World Cup after stunning Scotland

Not sure how I feel about having wogs at a world cup. Where did it all go wrong for Scotland?

watching cricket later

had the most perfect marner, took a photo for keepsaking

It's over for us /npl/ chuds

Nice "Italian" cricket team you've got there

>>149704412
*pinches fingers at you

>>149703075
Those are all Italian Australian or Italian Brits. Theres probably more South Africans than Italians in that team

>>149705233
they are still wogs

India are trying to end the reign of the Duke ball in England

What did he mean by this?

lords is going to be a minefield after the last two roads
bumrash will take a 9fer
2-1 India unfortunately
please prove me wrong bazballers

just ordered Dubliners

picking up the keys tomorrow di lads

Just got my invite for a corporate box for the Lions test in Sydney
(I work a very important job and do important things on the daily)
Not taxpayer funded either

>>149706787
wrong sport mate, think you meant to post in /nrl/

>>149706787
I think you're making that up.

>>149706265
I hope this is true except for the part about Indian victory

>>149706873
I'm not going to try prove it now but ill post a pic from the game when im there :)

aka. you're going to trawl instagram or something and repost a picture (and will now photoshop it instead now I said that)

Question of the Day:

Should british-born ethnic indians have their citizenship revoked if they support India?

>>149707010
>when ar nige gets in

The actual answer is no because it is acceptable to support a commonwealth country as Britain was(is) an empire. If you deny them that right you are denying British imperialism

>>149706985
NOOOOO IM ACTUALLY GOING, STOP GASLIGJTING THE REST OF /CRIC/ INTO THINKING IM LYING

it's actually spelt jaslighting

>>149707055
I believe this. And it’s pronounced yaslighting

business idea: zachy house warming party for he next /cric/ meetup

he bought a flat (grim stuff)

https://youtu.be/Qvk2wNWmB20?si=qsxVyDJPQAwZ6fsm

Hazy
Pale
Ale

>>149707150
correction: his mum bought him a flat. saw that he'd pissed away all his inheritance on shitcoins and alcohol, but decided to bail him out anyway. now she'll be bailing him out for the next few decades too. should have taught him financial responsibility instead

>no asset appreciation in flats
cringe

https://youtu.be/qSkDHba75JA?si=3eZ3gl-7BLLd21kw

don't click pajeet thumbnail vids sorry
the product is the thumbnail, the video itself is always shite

>>149707226
hope she bought him one with high service charges and also cladding, making it dangerous and unsellable after

the bedsit with his own hard-earned laptop thumbing toil cash = soul
the flat sponged off his rich mum and rich grandad's pension pot = soulless

wait, so zachy isn't even getting a freehold place? he doesn't own anything then, he's just moving to a different type of rent lmao. is it too late to pull out of the deal zach mate?

worst thing about service charges and flats is if the management company decide they suddenly need to do the roof they just hike up the service charges to £10K/year for a couple years kek

Jeet Korea beat Sexpat Bastards

remember to yfo yourself before the test cricket starts in a couple of hours fatty

>there's a test today
wow zero interest, didn't even realise lol. game's gone

Think it starts in 1 bong 54 bings

>>149707297
At least 50% of the Koreans in that picture do actually appear to be Korean
I think it's the same for the Japanese team too
I wonder if that's the most fertile ground for expanding the game beyond the current Test team, surely the east Asians will come to appreciate the highest IQ sport

>>149707262
death tax is the most soulless thing in this scenario

>>149707343
what's there to be interested in? game hasn't started and there's no stakes yet

day 1 is usually boring unless there's a collapse anyway

cricket is never going to spread anywhere and it's additionally dying in the few places it is popular except india

>>149706787
I'd say it's well worth it if you don't have to pay. For no money at stake you have a chance for gloating on the poms if they lose. If they win, at least you get to spend a Saturday evening drinking andwatching footy.

>>149707343
bet you're the cunt who made the op
>>149707368
this desu

>>149707389
Oh, I don't drink
But will put away a few canapes haha

next time some ugly chink pisses me off in public im going to kill them honestly
some immigrant freak working a low wage job, yeah mate you're done

>>149707368
I don't disagree but one must retain a degree of faith and optimism or life will become unbearable
I will become a missionary for cricket and spread it to the good gooks of east Asia

Can't believe this retards actually picked Jofra "crock" Archer for this test just because he played one county game for Sussex like two weeks ago (the first in years). This is going to be fucking embarrassing, cunt couldn't even get through ten over spells in ODIs.
>Woakes, Arse, Bashit
so fucking cooked. They seem to have a "muh speed lol" obsession with bowling atm despite this being England. Edgbaston test broke Carses back last week so who is going to be the stock bowler bowling 20 overs an innings, Bashit?

they've been mentally razzled by aussies constantly banging on about muh speed
accept it

>noooooo....cricket must grow!!!!
Grow the fuck up. Do you really want a future where we're playing test series against Greenland, Fartistan and New Zealand??
We already don't play the other big 4 nations enough

>implying there's any good alternatives
bowling stocks are at an all time low. who else are they going to bring in? Jimmy Oldmanderson?

what's the point of playing a spinner when you're going to prepare roads that don't go to day 5 and then bowl first every time anyway? not that I rate Bashir but you're not really giving any spinner a chance to be in the game are you? might as well play another medium pacer or even extra batshomosapien instead

>>149707476
Yes, I want a future where the whole world plays cricket
That is my dream, my passion, my obsession...

Unironically need a taxpayer-funded job where I'm the UK's official cricket ambassador

bard talks up promoting the game overseas but instead of setting up a Colombian cricketing academy he instead decided to get stoned off his face on ayahuasca (to cheap to go for the full experience thoughbeit)

>>149707368
cricket IS dying in india, only t20 is popular there now

>>149707519
That won't get you invited to a box for the Lions test in Sydney

>>149707524
I wish I'd have got stoned off my face
Was a mild trip at best
Probably if I'd paid thousands to go to a proper retreat with the other yuppies then I'd have got the full experience

>>149707527
99% of india don't even play cricket, they play some weird shit with tennis balls and chuckers and the batsmen just try to helicopter swing at everything

>>149707531
>Lions
Rugby?
Couldn't care less (I'm heterosexual)

bard went to south america sexless, you've got to admire his genes dedication to die off

>>149707539
This is exactly what the Indian at my club (who moved here during the Boriswave) is like
Decent bowler but effectively a chucker
Can't bat for shit, tries to ramp and reverse sweep everything
Can't field for shit, scared of the hard ball
Had never played anything except tape ball cricket before he came here

Matthew Potts for one, definitely ahead of Archer and Carse he can actually bowl 20 overs in a test without killing himself.
Could give Sam Cook a second test.
and as plenty have suggested give Liam Dawson a go.
Atkinson is back in the side after injury, much less of a risk than Archer.

Stokes talked a load of bullshit about the pitch after the last test about muh sub continent pitch, it was a fairly standard edgbaston pitch and they expected it to do something completely different, so who the fuck knows what he'll think this lord's pitch will do.

>>149707556
this for >>149707487

>>149707551
Sex tourism just doesn't really tickle my pickle
Can never move past the obvious reality that the act would essentially be a financial transaction rather than being motivated by the throes of erotic passion
I can only lie with women who are my economic equal

>>149707531
could just buy a ticket instead lol

>>149707569
I'm not sure where you'll find a woman who stops using a communal washing machine due to it costing a couple pound to use

>>149707423
very menacing post that seems to have gone unnoticed
not by me though. reported to the nz police

throes of erotic passion
things bard thinks of while sitting in his 200 quid NPC loadout while thumbing the latest financial data for his dead end london gig

>>149707226
what

>>149707244
nah the service charge is low for a flat

>>149707266
>he's just moving to a different type of rent
not really true this is it

Well you don't get the freehold do you, I hope and bets its one with a really short leasehold as well making it practically unsellable lmao

>>149707487
unironically would probs still be their best bowlsman if they hadn't forcibly retired him

>>149707668
no around 1000 years

if they're apparently so rich why did they only bankroll a flat instead of a house, especially in the north. reckon brother bowen would have got a 2 bed home and sister bowen (the favourite) a 5 bed
makes one think

houses are for neeks

>>149707645
flat prices tend to remain static whereas houses go up

land value goes up because of inflation and some other factors, it can go down too it’s not a guarantee

>toothpick-arms B saw there was too much cricket discussion going on so decides to derail the thread by getting everyone posting about his bedsit
state of this cunt

>>149707681
not true going by the price of flats in old rorkeland last few years, just pulling shit out your arse

Funny how brits don't even own the land they buy, even after paying off the mortgage
Can see why you all fuck off to Thailand

didn't bring it up

>>149707692
No, the majority of houses (except new builds which is why they aren't worth buying) have the freehold included, so you do own the land. Its just that sperg bought an apartment.

Ynr Duncan Fletcher picking Saj Mahmood over Anderson because he thought you needed 90mph pace at test level.
The greatest Irish writer is actually William Trevor, but /lit/plebs don’t know about him

>apartment
foy

My three bed in Perivale is freehold all the way, and I actually will also own the access road around the back, and if I do repair works on the road the owners of the other houses are legally obliged to help pay

doesn't really make much difference
i'll buy a house next time probs

one slight problem though
it's in perivale

Just woke up

>>149707616
Thought about the throes of erotic passion quite often while I worked in my London office near the amply-bosomed Venezuelan secretary clearly hired as eye candy

But alas twas never to be

Bet she's morphed into a goblina now anyway

new place is closer to bouldering

>>149707584
Women are known for having no financial sense whatsoever, it's true
One of the reasons why men should be very wary of them, in general

i have the stinkiest bum out of anyone itt

>Zachy pretending he’s in any position for postcode snobbery
So Archer is the wrong side of 30, hasn’t played a test in four years, and has a bowling average of 31. I know a lot about cricket, probably the most knowledgeable poster on this board, and I’m saying 19-0-97-1

reckon he’ll take 5 first innings if they win the toss and do what they do

In fairness his figures in that game v Durham weren't bad.

Reckon its more likely to be Woakes that gets a fifer at Lord's, but only if Stokes doesn't use him retardedly (which he will).

oh yeah I forgot woakes is a god at lords

I suppose I will be paying ground rent but that's only 0.01388888888% of the yearly rent compared to if I was actually going to rent it
We will take that as a W

>>149707912
kek

>countysperg STILL can't get over his chadchy b light bullying episode ptsd
grire state of affairs

houses should be illegal
nobody needs that much space

>>149707679
>>149707736
dear oh dear
need to get your narrative sorted here zacharias

Ausbros, gotta say we were pretty lucky that india sent shartma and poohli to aussie last summer

ENGLAND HAVE WON THE TOSS AND WILL HAVE A BAT THANKS

Coheed and Cambria were quite good desu

Zak Crawley will never be dropped

>Adrian: "With Carse injury/fatigue; Archer not playing red ball cricket; Woakes so fatigued to barely reach 80mph last week and Stokes not bowling when conditions don't suit we almost had to bat first."
next level pre-cope kek

YES GONE GOTTEM

WON THE TOSS AND THE RIGHT DECISION

>countystreams so mentally buckbroken ol toothpick arms that he's posting about him even though he's no longer posting

>Stokes pressured into batting first when he hates doing so
that's the mental game won already I reckon

Predictions:
>Zacky C gets out trying to drive in the corridor and nicks it to slip for 10
>Pope to play onto his stumps and be out for 12

All browns out (especially spacky)

kek what am i saying its a test match thread, he's not going to post anyway from now on.

Lord’s today courtesy the Met office,

I don't care who wins, I just want to see a hat-trick off the first three balls of the game

maybe watched like 2 overs of this series live
idk Eng-Ind games just don't do it for me. never been a good styles match and everything just seems so fake/forced in the promotion and on-field incidents. Our best series have historically been with Aus/WI/Pak/SA in that order

>dead pitch
>dead spoort
>dead poomunity
what happened to english groundsman
did they cuck out to Rob Key's Evil Empire?

>test cricket
*appears*
>zachary dafydd rhys bowen
*disappears*

Ben Duckett must be inches from being a full-blown Downie

>didn't carry
another typical English slow pitch yet these retards pick two fasts.

if they don't publish the lunch menus for this game, then test cricket and thus western civilisation is officially over

>>149708167
wasn’t a drive and was duckette also didn’t carry

>>149708185
I kind of get this desu
the sky bits are really tryhard with 'DK' and Ravi trying to get into the banter and then the endless England + India combined XI chats. does feel rather manufactured

Zac Crawley is the English Shane Watson.

It must be so shite being a midget, Zachy has a lived experience of it which he can share but every 5 minutes they mention Duckett's lack of height

Shane Watson was a good player. he gets hate because he always looked like he was crying and would seethe every 5 minutes and waste reviews - but he was still a good player

>>149708207
The tnt coverage of the windies tests has been much better and more entertaining, sky does feel forced they need to loosen up a bit should hire Carlos full time set him up in London on a nice salary he’s pure gas

>no wicket in the first over
englel have the won the story tbqh

I can't actually fathom how damaging it must be to your entire existence to be a midget
You could never escape it

Debuting a new mick later on fellas

Looking forward to it

give us a hint

It involves my bum

don't think there's anything wrong with the bank of mum and dad in the current economic era and reckon you should ease up on zachy tbqgwy

>ynr vacaroo fart during ashes test

>>149708230
>You could never escape it
escape what? the bathtub?

>>149708140
true

>>149708271
Better spend as much of it now on the next generation before they die and revenue take their cut

>>149707973
...yh

>Current RR: 3.00
like watching paint dry
when are they bazzing?

Not being racist, but Bumrah does look a lot more like a monkey than the ave rage chap

bit mental that if you go through Zak Crawley's career the biggest highlight is probably him hitting that first ball 4 of the ashes. it's eclipsed all his centuries and will be his claim to fame after retiring

Some of the Indian players are overweight. Not befitting an elite sportsbeing

>>149708309
I don’t think that’s racist. Lots of white people look like dogs, rats, and pigs to me

Could do without all the constant monkey noises in my ear. They really need to turn the stump effects mic down when India are fielding

reminder that Zaky C has a better HS in test cricket than muh tendulkar and muh kohli (frauds)

>>149708326
At least Lords is the quietest venue you will ever see the poos playing at
The screeching shits can't get in

Does Joffra Archer know he has some smeared on his face?

>>149708353
Did either play many tests in Rawalpindi?

if he wasn't a midget bumrah would have rocked his balls instead of his belly there. a win for shortkings

>>149708366
I'm sure memedulkar played loads

think duckett should stop letting the ball hit him and use his bat instead

Bard, pay attention to Crawley moving about the crease. He’s being a bit too obvious but let’s see how the bowler reacts

>>149708361
some what? your mum's baby batter?

Zac Crawley is just an English Sam Konstas

>>149707994
he will once key gets bored of blowing his arse out

>>149707973
Thankfully it's ODI so it doesn't matter.

>>149704412
need to bring back Michael Devanuto.. who is probably Maltese or something but fuck it.

>>149694967
They made a team for Gypsies?

Lord’s has the least obnoxious rope placement

>>149690788
Calm down Liberal-National Coalition, there's not an election in Victoria until the end of 2026, you can save the African Gangs disinfo until then.

>>149708492
I'll be dead in the ground before I recognise those fucking foam advertising triangles as a proper rope.

That looked a lot closer than the commentators are saying it was lol. I reckon that might have even been an Umps call.

>>149708512
The angle is coming in too wide. If he straightens up he’ll get him

zachy is redpilled about the boundary rope

GONE GOTTEN FUCKED OFF MIDGET DOG

not watching but I imagine if the bowlsperson bowls better they might have a better chance of taking wickets
likewise if the batsperson bats better they will likely survive longer

The correct opinion is there shouldn’t be one (if there’s a fence or other natural boundary), although if they insist upon it then let it be not more than 3m from the natural boundary

Garn cricky in Dublin lads. How likely is it to be raining at Malabide in mid-september?

PVO (peewee vermin out)

>ynr peeweehaterlad

don't think that was one person

>>149708467
webm unrelated

kek

>>149708573
it's 2, there's one bong and one ausbong

>>149708557
Like 33%, should be fine and if it is raining just pop over to the village for fish n chips or there’s a few good restaurants or pubs. Wouldn’t bother with the food trucks in bad weather

>>149708565
he was a bit of a scarecrow
peewees would run and hide when he was on. you'd see him make a post and the next nz flag would show up at least 48 hours later kek

I never bully Kiwi flags because there's so few of them that whenever things aren't going NZ's way they all leave the thread for days.

brb fellas

†when India takes a.wickey

really strong smell of poo in this thread

I’ve always gotten on really well with kiwis, they’re good lads

>>149708621
>>149696395
>>149696442
>>149696515
>>149699421
>>149699454
tabla x

Starting to suspect that bumrah is a chucker

>>149708588
Ask me again closer to the date I know Malahide I’ll give you the good recs on where to eat and stuff. It’s pretty nice

>>149708651
>>149708588
tabla x

I could definitely score a century against these bowlers.
I'd be a good chance of doubling up, but t would be arroagance to say that I was a certainty of that too -- I'm not silly

drinks?

>>149708640
bit in this

>no wicket yet
India are COOKED

>>149708679
i could bowl you out 20 times in a row blindfolded

Who tf (the f*dge,) goes to Col*mbia, takes Ayahuasca and then poosts here while still under the influence (SUTI)? Odd fella, that's who.

>Spac Crawley

>>149708679
based head

>>149708685
The BCCI demanded this footage not be broadcast again and got the cameras removed for the next test
In an act of craven cowardice, Cricket Australia/Fox agreed

>>149708704
things that make you go hmmmm

>>149708704
that really poos on my street

Is "Tongue" an occupational surname?

>posts webm of a guy not chucking
>"reckon this guy might be a chucker"
got some fuckin smoothbrains in this general we sure do

uh
PVO champ

>>149708725
used to be doctors that specialised in specific body parts in the middle ages. so "Tongue", "Head", "Balls" etc

Players should be forced to get through 15 overs before they get a drinks break.
>>149708640
His effort balls are blatant chucking and most of his regulation balls are too.
>run in like a part timer slow-bowler off half the run-up an actual fast bowler uses
>chuck
>bowl as fast as pretty much anyone who isn't the top tier speed demons

>>149708729
Takes 1 (one) to no one (1)

ffs

GOTTEM

>>149708729
>t. kiwijeet

fuckedett

>>149708743
Huh...
Explains why mine is "Inner-Labia"

GONE GOTGONE

>>149708760
there's also "de Kock".

unlucky innit,

GONE GOTTEM FUCK OFF BACK HOME TO SNOW WHOTE AND THE REDT OF THE DWARVES

GOTTEM
>>149708725
One of his ancestors from Germany or Denmark or Norway got described as a loudmouthed cunt and the name stuck long enough for it to be renamed to English.

https://vocaroo.com/12sRtHv2FjhX

rIsE AnD ShInE, mIsTeR bAzBaLl... RiSe aNd... ShInE. nOt tHaT I.... wIsH To iMpLy yOu hAvE BeEn sLeEpInG On tHe jOb. No oNe iS MoRe dEsErViNg oF A wIn, aNd aLl tHe BrAiNlEt BaSh iN ThE WoRlD WoUlD HaVe gOnE To wAsTe uNtIl... WeLl, LeT'S JuSt sAy yOuR HoUr hAs... CoMe aGaIn.
ThE RiGhT MaN In tHe wRoNg pLaCe cAn mAkE AlL ThE DiFfErEnCe iN ThE WoRlD. sO, wAkE Up, MiStEr BaZbAlL, wAkE Up aNd... *sMeLl tHe aShEs*...

Just crazy to me that there are so amyn better cricketers in the County Championship, and shitters like Crawley, Duckett, Pope and Stokes are instant selections
You need to root the peewee maggot filth out of your sport

ONE BRINGS TWO LADS
>DROPPED
oh dear bindia

oh ffs

rush of poo

GONE GOTTEM AND FUCKED OFF ABSOLUTELY

Think this top order might just be shit

Someone in that position should be catching that. That's not particularly "tough" for a pro cricketer who is such a fielder specialist should be in there.
GOTTEM!

englel. Be liek WATCH OUT here comes di bazball....INDIA be like...
https://youtu.be/OsU0CGZoV8E

hard luck mate, don't worry though you're playing the next 20 tests :)

DROPPED THE FLUSHING TOILET-NEARBY STREET

so this is the power of bazball...

>the only team we support morpheusly

Maybe Gill was right and not just memeing about bowling first

o here's the theory. when Bumrah plays, batsmen are more on guard and watchful. by the time his spell is over and they've survived, they have their eyes in long enough to capitalize. that might explain the win loss stats being shared around

>>149708816
anon it didn't carry

Think I'll stick the Tour on

always admire how england decide to play with a handicap by filling half their team with players they and everyone else knows will never succeed at test level

this pitch is SHIT
that's what you get for putting an irishman in charge of your marquee pitch

>>149708856
exploding off the surface?

>Root Pope
based instructions given to vatican choir boys iykwim haha

bindia are doing us a favour by removing the detritus early so that the proper batsmen have more time, all that's left now is pope

have to mute it when stuart broad comes on commentary
he is the english equivalent of david warner -- acceptable only to the smoothest of brains

>RMEMBERING SHANE WARNE
cunts been in the ground for over 3 years ffs let it go

never forget, son

>>149708876
They can't believe it was three years ago.

cricket on

whos winning?

>>149708781
Crazy to all English cricket fans too
Selectors make baffling calls and then just shrug it off in the name of bazball

>>149708933
China & Israel

can't stand these brown dogs and their faded beards

>>149708863
Not bad x

holy based

>>149708933
reckon cricket is my guy

Business Idea:
Root actually contributes and doesn't get out again for fuck all runs

finna try out this fertilizer for acid loving plants on me blueberries fellas, wish me luck x

>>149708948
only good post ITT

stream if anyone needs one

https://cdn.livetv854.me/webplayer2.php?t=ifr&c=2776332&lang=ru&eid=290922324&lid=2776332&ci=433&si=41

>>149708974
>>>149708970 #
>only good post ITT
tabla x

>>149708864
actually our batspersoning begins with Smith

Ladies of /cric/, do you prefer Tongue or Root

>5-2-22-0
It's over for Akashdeep

>>149708991
Congrats on beating Scotland. Arrivederci

REDDY TO ROOT

>>149708991
finally a good irish post

>>149708991
carse I reckon

Personally reckon Tongue should be moved up the order it’s not appropriate for Tongue after Root imo

>>149709024
kek

>>149708990
same

>>149708991
I your mum likes to tongue my root

just finished three crumpets (buttered and vegemited as is proper)

tongue was dropped lads
left aghast at how much pajeets reek of poo

i'm gay

>>149709075
WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES

>>149709063
I buttered your mums crumpet last night champ

>>149709085
Thanks Dad, loving the vpn btw

business idea: whenever Stuart Broad isn't commentating, all the other comms should be asking "where's Stuart Broad???"

>>149709075

Bob Katter's proposed map for the state of North Queensland

>>149709063
get a syringe and inject custard into your crumpets shit is so cash

>>149709079
same

Australia's unique fauna does not make up for its desolate flora

>>149709113
Not a fan of those colours. I’m not from there though and only visited once

>>149709113
not enough Union flag m8

we have dragons and lions in our iconography, so maybe Australia's should include depictions of snow and comedians

>>149709128
Are you mad? Grevillias, callistomens, banksias, those ancient fern trees, actual wild citrus alone arguably ranks Australia right up there

>>149709079
>>149709126
>t. Aussie rules players
Go back to your containment sport

The lemon myrtle. Every kind of acacia, Australian sandalwood. Haven’t even mentioned the gum trees. Red cedar, huon pine

those are all british discoveries

I've always wondered what the fruit of a quandong tree tastes like

>>149709144
England’s should include depictions of good cricket players

>>149709171
excellent in chutney

>>149709174
wdyn Jamie Smith's right there

The British would be nothing without Australia

>>149709194
I think we'd have been ok, was very useful to send criminals to and test nukes though.

bad day to be a line of coke around gayle and binga

Personally of the opinion that the noble colonial hypothesis of cricket as a tool for moral education and virtue development is ultimately disproved by the state of India

>>149709207
we could use the atolls for nuke testing
and send convicts to New Zealand. so every pozzie in this thread would be Kiwi, I understand the tone of desperation in this post now >>149709194

I mean, have you ever seen how much they appeal for literally everything, even when they know it blatantly isn't out?

That's just not cricket

GOTTEM GOWN

>>149709236
Enough about England though.
>>149709113
A triple H fan I see.

>>149709228
I disagree. Whatever the matter is with India it’s not because of cricket

When I go to Korea to teach them the forceful front-foot cut, I will stress the importance of grace, honour, and decorum

>>149709273
I didn't say that cricket was the ultimate cause for the problem that is India, only that cricket (unfortunately) did not fix the problem that is India

The noble civil servants of the British Empire did their best to spread virtue and civilisation by championing an even contest between bat and ball on a difficult wicket, but alas the project was doomed to fail

oh good now the narcisstic neek who is clueless against 65mph bowling thinks he should get into coaching

Luncheon and new thread
>>149709302
>>149709302
>>149709302

>Cricket West Indies (CWI) has announced plans to establish and spearhead La Federación de Críquet de las Américas (FECA), a regional body that will "act as a collaborative platform to coordinate the exponential growth of cricket" across North, Central, and South America.
*steps in because tard and spaccy weren't up to the job*

>>149709236
I know

what about the way they pass the ball backwards into hands and score by diving

thats just not cricket