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Thread 96962063

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Anonymous No.96962063 [Report] >>96962084 >>96962104 >>96962116 >>96962130 >>96962199 >>96962459 >>96962519 >>96962916 >>96962964 >>96963241 >>96963383 >>96963505 >>96963600 >>96963729 >>96964111 >>96964211 >>96964314 >>96964420 >>96964533 >>96964922 >>96965600 >>96965667 >>96966171 >>96966399 >>96966442 >>96966739 >>96966956 >>96967553 >>96969269 >>96969419 >>96969854 >>96969890 >>96970736 >>96971163 >>96971194 >>96971215 >>96976839 >>96976928 >>96976956 >>96977125 >>96977936
What's your character's excuse for NOT marrying the saved farm girl and settle down?
Anonymous No.96962084 [Report] >>96962154 >>96962888 >>96969217 >>96972219
>>96962063 (OP)
He's 12.
Anonymous No.96962104 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
from each of my 3 sorta-monthly games
misanthropic necromancer would be genuinely disgusted with the idea
holy knight not only has important things to do, but would never marry a commoner
old-ass witch is a widow, not a dyke, and would likely think of this farm girl as a kid
Anonymous No.96962116 [Report] >>96962123
>>96962063 (OP)
because I'm in a homoerotic relationship with my non binary gnomish life partner
Anonymous No.96962123 [Report] >>96962187 >>96963217
>>96962116
The Drow are putting chemicals in the water which turn the gnomes gay
Anonymous No.96962130 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He refuses to settle for anything short of a princess, god-sorceress, or literal angel.

Any level 2 loser can get a farm girl.
Anonymous No.96962154 [Report]
>>96962084
Anonymous No.96962165 [Report] >>96962173
What's yours? Give us a detailed and through explanation.
Anonymous No.96962173 [Report] >>96962591
>>96962165
He's gay
Anonymous No.96962187 [Report]
>>96962123
Just wait it out a couple weeks, they'll start doing it to each other instead.
Anonymous No.96962199 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He's a pedophile.
Anonymous No.96962459 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
>nogames /v/ coomer anime bullshit
>ESL
Anonymous No.96962519 [Report] >>96976727 >>96976854
>>96962063 (OP)

It does occur to me that by level 5 most DnD characters are pretty rich by Middle Ages/Renaissance standards. I feel like you'd see a lot of retired adventurers setting themselves up as merchants or lordlings. So maybe the people who are still adventuring at level 9+ are a little touched in the head, like Call of Cthulhu investigators or stubborn 40 year old athletes who have a hard time stepping down.
Anonymous No.96962571 [Report]
>nogames imagines something that might happen in a game and posts about it in an attempt to pretend he's part of the hobby
Anonymous No.96962591 [Report]
>>96962173
So why doesn't he have a childhood farm boy friend waiting for him? Explain in exhaustive detail.
Anonymous No.96962888 [Report] >>96963143
>>96962084
Also doing a King Arthur?
Anonymous No.96962916 [Report] >>96971633
>>96962063 (OP)
She's 15.
Anonymous No.96962964 [Report] >>96963060
>>96962063 (OP)
He wants to fuck the party barbarian
Anonymous No.96963060 [Report] >>96963143
>>96962964
Who could blame him?
Anonymous No.96963143 [Report] >>96963172 >>96963249
>>96962888
Apprentice wizard who was sent out to get a chunk of topaz and told "Don't come back until you found it" and took it a bit too literally.

>>96963060
>this butch bitch
Minerva is the epitome of wasted talent. She has among the highest human talent caps in the series and I believe her younger brother has the highest cap among human beings (barring those without a limit), yet she has to rely on dirty, underhanded, and cowardly tactics to fight and STILL gets fucking wrecked in the process.
Anonymous No.96963172 [Report] >>96971228
>>96963143
Huge muscular barbarian girls are the most fun to instant loss + ahegao.
Anonymous No.96963217 [Report]
>>96962123
>turn the gnomes gay
So no changes then?
Anonymous No.96963241 [Report] >>96963516
>>96962063 (OP)
>What's your character's excuse for NOT marrying the saved farm girl and settle down?
Because she is a girl and she's stuck in Hell.
Anonymous No.96963249 [Report]
>>96963143
>Apprentice wizard who was sent out to get a chunk of topaz and told "Don't come back until you found it" and took it a bit too literally.
Fair alternative.
Anonymous No.96963383 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
My characters generally aren't close enough to civilization to save farm girls to begin with, because I play games that focus on adventure and tactical combat.
Anonymous No.96963505 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He has a cycle of revenge and violence to perpetuate
Anonymous No.96963516 [Report] >>96963607 >>96963878 >>96966805
>>96963241
that sounds like a place that would end up collecting sizeable population of lesbians
Anonymous No.96963600 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
he travels with his childhood friend that also his girlfriend and will likely marry her one day...
Furthermore, there are only two kinds of women:
Childhood friends and Homewreckers.
Anonymous No.96963607 [Report] >>96963866
>>96963516
Nothing a healthy dose of corrective rape cannot fix.
Anonymous No.96963729 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Both are women who haven't completed what they set out to do.
Anonymous No.96963866 [Report] >>96963934
>>96963607
No amount of rape will stop you from being retarded faggot,
Anonymous No.96963878 [Report]
>>96963516
That makes sense. Lady demons tend to have some really nice tits.
Anonymous No.96963934 [Report] >>96964024
>>96963866
Nah, I'm raping you because I'm clearly stronger, smarter and better than you.
Anonymous No.96964024 [Report] >>96964418
>>96963934
The only thing you are raping is your own retarded ass. The only thing you can beat is your meat. When it is not outsmarting you.
Anonymous No.96964111 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Doesn't seem to have an interest in romance or sex.
Anonymous No.96964211 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
My very first character married his tomboy childhood best friend. I'm not even fucking joking. I forgot to add a hometown and relations to the info, so the DM asked who would miss my character when he got kidnapped from home. I jokily said his hot young single mom and his childhood tomboy best friend. About 30 sessions in the Mad Lad got our group to my "HomeTown," and I was forced to play a fucking Japanese Dating Sim while the rest of the group giggled at me.
Anonymous No.96964314 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
An ambitious character with a noble background has no reason to marry a random commoner and settle down with her. It would be the ultimate downgrade.
Anonymous No.96964418 [Report] >>96964474
>>96964024
Nice witty comment, now bend over and present your tush.
Anonymous No.96964420 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
In the 20+ years of gaming, only a few of my characters have been married, but none with a farm girl. One married the bar wench from the tavern the party regularly frequented. Sweet girl, always urging my thief character to be a better man, a greater man. When I finally retired my thief at level 25, he was a lord working with the kingdom and with the marriage he "made her a princess" and settled down in a nice manor with servants but she still liked to work so my thief and her operate the fanciest tavern and inn in West Reaches.
Anonymous No.96964474 [Report] >>96964569
>>96964418
I bent you over and presented your ass to you. Just how you like it.
Anonymous No.96964533 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He's a wizard. 'Nuff said.
He's also a kobold, and those generally get the "torches & pitchforks" treatment in any farm towns.
>but the polymorph spell-
Is for people without self-respect. He's scaly and proud.
Anonymous No.96964569 [Report] >>96964586
>>96964474
Thank you, I will proceed to rape you now.
Anonymous No.96964586 [Report] >>96964651
>>96964569
You need to reread the post you are replying to.
Anonymous No.96964651 [Report] >>96964671
>>96964586
I'm not here to read, I'm here to rape you.
Anonymous No.96964671 [Report] >>96964810
>>96964651
More like you are here to fail at reading about you raping yourself.
Anonymous No.96964810 [Report] >>96964872
>>96964671
Hmmm, no. Anyway I'mgoing to rape you again.
Anonymous No.96964872 [Report]
>>96964810
You been raping yourself in the butt.
Anonymous No.96964922 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Ones a self loathing "cursed" aasimar gnoll raised by a good but heretical sect, who thinks anyone who would love him is messed up in the head. Would prefer to sacrifice himself to save his friends as repentance for being a gnoll. (not 5e gnoll lore)
Ones a cursed warrior who was raised to be the "chosen one" but died long before he could accomplish this. This caused him to return as a skeleton bound to finish his task. Resurrection magic seems to have no effect upon him, and he will "die" once his task is finished (aka the BBEG of the campaign is slain).
Another is a robot from an ancient clockwork empire, who has suffered severe amnesia and currently accompanies the party to learn about the world and protect his new friends.

Previous characters have married: a princess as part of a political alliance, a crazy but not evil witch, a minor goddess (unwilling and by accident), a merchants son, and a large blacksmith lady.
Anonymous No.96965600 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
What game are you playing right now?
Anonymous No.96965667 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
"Miss, ah have greatly enjoyed your company, but ah'm afraid that ah need to be movin' on. There are more people what need savin', and a man like me can't jest ignore it."
Then he rides off into the sunset, on his horse, motorcycle, or mech (depending on which game we're playing).

Alternatively, for a different character:
"Wait, she's interested in me? I had no idea," the young man says honestly, despite this happening multiple times before. "I mean, she's really nice, but I'm expected to marry someone that can help me carry on the bloodline." He casts an awkward glance toward his tomboy packmate, with whom he shares a forbidden and secret love. "Uh, and my... family... would not approve."
Anonymous No.96966171 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Literally took an oath of celibacy. He knows he's gonna die young while on the job and embraces it fully
Anonymous No.96966399 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Cause he married the saved farm boy and settled down
Anonymous No.96966442 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)

I don't think we ever did save a farm girl, honestly.
Anonymous No.96966739 [Report] >>96969237
>>96962063 (OP)
>Girl, I've known you for 12 hours. I spent 9 of those hours talking about my FAT DOG WIFE. What made you think for even a second that I'm still on the market?
Anonymous No.96966805 [Report]
>>96963516
one would think, but Avernus seems full of bearded and chained devils. The only female we saw one hag (and I'm talking literal Hag and not a 25+ woman)
Anonymous No.96966956 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
>Undead puppet from a life sized "toy box" whose entire personality centers on being a knight in shining armor.

Even beyond being a stuffed corpse in a suit of armor (which is effectively his body), he embodies hyper romantic knightly ideals and can't settle down anyways. He will spout some poetry and randomly produce roses to give to the rescued maiden before leaving.
Anonymous No.96967553 [Report] >>96968851 >>96968949 >>96969434 >>96971106
>>96962063 (OP)
The dating market at high levels is just so much better.
In a tangent, it's kind of like Solo Leveling Man from the hit anime Solo Leveling: The Man Who Levels Solo.
His first apparent love interest is his childhood friend, a kindly B-ranked healer. But as he gets more powerful, he deserves a 'better girl', so she retires and fades out from the show.
Instead, Solo Leveling Man gets with the blonde, gorgeous S-rank hapa (on her mother's side, meaning that a Korean man sexually conquered a foreign woman and NOT vice-versa) who better reflects his social status.
It's just fucking fascinating to see the social dynamics play themselves out.
Anonymous No.96968851 [Report] >>96968949
>>96967553
The mistake is thinking that leveling up is an analogy for wagecucking rather than looksmaxxing/bodygame.
Anonymous No.96968949 [Report]
>>96967553
>>96968851
It's actually a metaphor for whiteness.
Anonymous No.96969217 [Report]
>>96962084
YOU'RE 12!
Anonymous No.96969237 [Report]
>>96966739
>FAT DOG WIFE anon

Dude!
Anonymous No.96969269 [Report] >>96969288
>>96962063 (OP)
He's ugly and undead. If he revealed himself as undead somehow it'd be over
Anonymous No.96969288 [Report] >>96969915
>>96969269
some women are into that
Anonymous No.96969292 [Report] >>96977966
Hey janny, ban the op shitting these threads out and not the people who keep calling them out.
Faggot
Anonymous No.96969419 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Because his harem comes with him.
Anonymous No.96969434 [Report]
>>96967553
Koreans are so fucked in their heads.
Anonymous No.96969854 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
She ugly
Anonymous No.96969890 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He's already got a wife and kids
Anonymous No.96969915 [Report]
>>96969288
It was a custom setting where his type of undead was the most reviled by far, unfortunately. And that's for his kind that was attractive, in which he didn't get that lucky.
Anonymous No.96970736 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Any girl he cums inside who's not resistant to ionizing radiation dies.
Anonymous No.96971106 [Report]
>>96967553
Sociopathic shit there.
Anonymous No.96971163 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Because all these Barovian women are plain as sin and, worse for my character, gutless pagans.
Anonymous No.96971194 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He married the high class courtesan instead
Anonymous No.96971215 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Anonymous No.96971228 [Report]
>>96963172
Unfortunately for you, Minerva is one of the few women Rance does not have sex with.
Anonymous No.96971633 [Report] >>96971796
>>96962916
Marriagable age in those times
Anonymous No.96971796 [Report] >>96971994 >>96976798
>>96971633
Internet pedos have dramatically misrepresented what that meant in pre-modern times. Having kids as a teenager was never seen as a good idea, ESPECIALLY in medieval times, because it dramatically raises the risk of complications in childbirth and prior to blood transfusions and modern medicine that would easily kill you and the baby. Even with modern medical tech people still die in childbirth as a not uncommon occurrence, and thats doing everything RIGHT.
Nobles would marry off their children at young ages for political alliances and shit, but the wife wouldn't be sent to live with the husband until years later specifically to avoid the issue of consummation because having a kid when your hips are not fully developed is basically suicidal.
A woman's hips reach their full width not in their teens, but in their early 20s. Thats when it is safest to have kids, not before. But nerds on the internet read some guys pedo-fanfic and decided that meant 14 was fair game back in the day, when it absolutely was not and you would get your shit kicked in for trying it by her family.
Anonymous No.96971994 [Report] >>96976798
>>96971796
And you are forgetting that marrying teens to men in their 40s and older was common and uncommon at different points in time. Marrying off your kids young was something seen among the nobles, as you say, with the commoners being most likely to marry off in their late teens or early twenties.
We have whole sets of paintings from artists trying to shame the unions between younger girls and older men in Eastern Europe.
How it was common during the Interwar Period, because of a lack of young men, to marry your daughter to a much older man.
You think all the child marriages in the Midwest happened out of nowhere? They are carryovers from the traditions of immigrants who settled there.

Yes, the meme that the taboo around pedophilia is a modern thing is that. A meme.
Whatever passed for a good age to marry your teenage daughter to an adult man varied depending on era, culture, social stance, isolation and availability of age appropriate men and the sexual preferences of those in power. And you bet your ass they consumated at the convenience of the groom rather than "waiting until 20 somethings"

But yeah, you see an adult trying to put the moves on a child, you deal with him accordingly whether that's your child or not. Just felt like clarifying that in case this comment was going to be dimissed otherwise.
Anonymous No.96972219 [Report]
>>96962084
based
Anonymous No.96972220 [Report] >>96973030
He's on the run from the interstellar glowies.
Even if he wasn't, he's something of a selfish bastard and more interested in finding out the truth than settling down.
Anonymous No.96973030 [Report] >>96973098 >>96973103
>>96972220
Just like the Hero Alex Jones
Anonymous No.96973098 [Report] >>96973103
>>96973030
Nigger you stupid. Those glowies are in league with interdimensional beings, not interstellar ones, hes explicitly made the distinction many times.
Anonymous No.96973103 [Report]
>>96973030
He's more like Sarah Kerrigan, pre-Queen of Blades'ing Or rather, post Queen of Blades'ing but unaware that it's happened.

>>96973098
Funnily enough there are interdimensional psychics involved as well.
Man I never realized how Alex Jones coded the setting was until you said that.
Anonymous No.96976727 [Report]
>>96962519
Exactly for that reason I keep campaigns going into higher levels by introducing conflict that directly relates to the pc's or is something they can't ignore.

I think it's very natural that a high-level campaign should be about the pc's protecting their fief from an outside threat, or being called upon to save the kingdom or the world from an existential problem
Anonymous No.96976798 [Report] >>96977582
>>96971796
>>96971994
I just want to butt here and remind you guys that anyone can go on wikipedia and look up the age when various female historical figures had their first child - and therefore the rough age when one might think they started having sex with their husbands, assuming they got pregnant almost immediately.

from 1800 onwards you see mostly ages 19 and up, but the 5 princesses I picked from the 1600-1700s were 21, 21, 17, 16 and 16 when they had their first child. I didn't bother checking the specific dates to see if they were 15 or 16 when they got pregnant.

And these are rich, important people who cared a ton about making successful heirs and such, so I'm feeling a bit doubtful about the whole 'everyone in the past knew women have to be early 20s so their hips are grown out' thing.
Anonymous No.96976839 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
He is a wanted man, so he is trying to get to a place where he CAN settle down. Maybe Tahiti, or Mexico.
Anonymous No.96976854 [Report]
>>96962519
Well, if we're going 5e type of adventurers. I would say most level five heroes tend who last that long often get that high of being a hero and want to keep going and often do till they get wiped by a higher level opponent or fall for a trap. Or they do settle down and sell most of their gear for a farm and all the starting supplies for said farm. Though I can see nobles, those in orders, guilds, etc keeping up with their craft till they get older and are like level 10-15. I think only mad wizards, warlocks, and holy men/women would keep going till level 20 and all.
Anonymous No.96976928 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Because traditional games. You shoild try to play them some time.
Anonymous No.96976956 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Retirement is not an option for those serving the Holy Inquisition.
And why would he settle for a simple girl from an agri-world? He has a deliciously chubby Rogue Trader lady to plow with his Omnissiah-blessed augmented dick.
Playing a Tech-Priest who is also the party's face is fun.
Anonymous No.96977125 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
Whats your excuse for not making a good thread?
Anonymous No.96977582 [Report] >>96977584
>>96976798
Confirmation bias, anon. You don't find a lot of wikipedia articles on princesses that died in childbirth 500 years ago. They are not the ones that get remembered.
Anonymous No.96977584 [Report]
>>96977582
Fucking brain fart. Survivor bias, not confirmation.
Anonymous No.96977936 [Report]
>>96962063 (OP)
That's not worth XP
Anonymous No.96977966 [Report]
>>96969292
At some point you will realize that their (unpaid) job is to make the board worse, not better