>>212138090
Just had enough of those strange mornings filled with fear and regret. I somehow fucked up a really good friendship on a blacked-out phone call and missed my chance to get concert tickets I really wanted. I was always fucking up and missing appointments but after years and years of it I'd just had enough. It had been building for a while. The hangovers were getting worse and the blackouts were coming on sooner.
Once you find yourself spending $400 a month on your nightly fifth and mixer, your entire life outside of your job is drinking or recovering from drinking, and you're getting *maybe* an hour of good times before the brain switches off and you discover the rest of your night by looking around at evidence of what you cooked/ate, who you called, what you broke, it's time to hang it up.
And despite all that I STILL want that relief and comfort from the early days. I think about drinking every single day. And every day I decide I'd better not. I already know the outcome. It's always the same. And since it's a progressive disease it will be even worse. I'll need 1.5 bottles and I'll blackout in 30 minutes and be even more sick than I would have been.
It's easy to quit. It's hard to stay quit. I don't know how I got it but I did. If not I'd still be drinking or dead by now. Everyone finds their own rock bottom. For me it was physical illness and the general disgust at what my life had become. But I'd had those things for years before and continued to drink anyway.
I wish I had better answers for you. But I do have support.
