Thread 212294514

How would you fix Napoleon?

Hard mode: Do not offend Ridley with "historical accuracy".

Was the movie cool? I thought the previews looked neat. I don’t care about accuracy

>>212294564
I skipped half of it because half of it were cringy scenes meant to make Bonaparte look like a simp obsessed with his first dead egger wife. I found the stick figure history (whatever it's called) video about Napoleon to be more exciting and action packed.

make him a goth girl with huge tits

>>212294514 (OP)
haven't watched it yet, but I decided i'll give it a chance since I enjoyed Gladiator 2

>>212294765
Your wish is my command.
>goth girl with huge tits, as people would understand in the late 18th century
Your new Napoleon

>>212294514 (OP)
To start - get an actually competent director.

>>212294514 (OP)
Warwick Davis

Don't miscast a weepy bitch as one of history's great conquerors.

>>212294514 (OP)
Make it a buddy movie about him and his marshals. Do not worry about accuracy, just make it dramatic by exagerating their characters traits and interractions :
>Murat is a cool boy. Queer coded for free DEI points. He need to appeal to the average woman.
>Berthier is the nerd, cold, discreet, efficient, managing everything from the shadow.
>Junot is the young, little brother figure that slowly plunge into madness.
>Ney is the bold and strong. Make it tragic about his treason, redemption arc, will to die at Waterloo and execution. But make him survive in the US, he is the man telling the story.
>Davout is a gigachad, an ultimate beast crushing everything on his path without an effort.
>Bernardotte is a sneaky traitor.
>Lannes is the best friend, playing the role of moral compass but end up dying.
It would be like a band of brother whose friendship slowly fade away over the course of the movie. There is a subplote about an investigation to know if the narrator really is Ney. The movie end with the old narrator on his dying bed, crying while telling the story of Napoleon and his marshals to his relative. In his last breast, he says : "For the love of God, I am Ney, marshall of France !" .

>>212295082
And Grouchy is the promising newcomer that end up making a big mistake that fuck up everything

>>212295032
Napoleon was worse than Hitler tho, Lindybeige said so

>>212294514 (OP)
this movie was fucking horrible and the opposite of what you expect it to be. Its like you would make a movie called "Spartans. The last stand." and have 4/5ths of the movie between leonidas and his cunt wife talking about their problems. What a shitshow

>>212295216
Nuh uh Napoleon's war of conquest was not evil because he wasn't racist about it.

>>212295216
200 years later anglos still seething

>>212295216
Yeah, because building tribunals, universities and institutions across Europe, giving peoples constitutions, elections and civil laws, making every citizen equal in front of the law, hire peoples based on merit and treating soldiers like human beings, not slaves you can punish at will make you soooo much worse than Hitler.
I wonder why Dutch, Saxons, Bavarians, Wurtembergers, Italians, Poles... so willingly fought for him if he was so monstruous.

>>212295216
>Lindybeige
Isn't that the faggot who had absolute fucking meltdown because he found out some guy in historical weapons community is married christian with children?

>>212294514 (OP)
not direct sex scenes like a fucking prudish fuck through a hole in cloth type of brit

>>212294514 (OP)
- make him less of a hick. Napoleon didn't have the best manners relatively to his contemporaries but was still more civilized and educated than politicians of today.
- no yellow filter when in the southern hemisphere and no blue filter when in europe, that's retarded
- younger actor
- more emphasis on the marshals, which were the people he spent his whole time with, not Josephine

>>212294950
lol

>>212295442
what's an indirect sex scene

>>212295719
When a guy comes out of the supply closet and fixes his pants, then a couple second later, some lady comes out of the same supply closet and wipes something from her mouth.

>>212295425
I don't know but probably. He's a swing dancer.

>>212294514 (OP)
Javier Bardem and Villeneuve instead of Joaquin and Ridley. They would've fixed it by itself.

>>212295746
hot

>>212294514 (OP)
Just do this again

>>212294514 (OP)
halfway through the movie aliens invade and both sides have to unite to beat them

>>212295819
hahaha

recast Napoleon, Joaquin Phoenix was too old and doesn't have the right demeanor for the part
less focus on his sex life, who the fuck cares about that?

>>212296014
Luckily for you >>212294988 is basically sexless and barely ages.

>>212295719
>what's an indirect sex scene

>>212294988
This. Then cast him to St. Helena for good.

>>212295082
i say to this guy who stole my entire idea, i say to him: hey! quit stealing my moves!

>>212295879
why the frock did they name the battle after an ABBA song?

>>212294514 (OP)
Total foid removal.

>>212295082
Pure kino. Although too many characters for pleb to understand.

>>212296057
I don't remember top right. In which movie did Warwick get sent to Auschwitz?

>>212294864
>he enjoyed Gladi-two
Are you child?

>>212295773
>>212295425
I find it highly unlikely, Lindybeige doesn't ever name other creators. He only had a meltie when he said he made an account on an online dating service and nobody wanted to have sex with him, because he's a 50 year old balder

>>212294514 (OP)
its the worst piece of shit ive ever seen, it made me go and watch Napoleon 1927, Waterloo 1970 and the Soviet War and Peace film series, all of which are absolute cinema and all of them are what i consider some of the best films of all time.

My suggestion is counter intuitive since i hated the movie so much but it needed to be way longer. We're really going to cover Napoleons political and military campaigns AND his love life in just two hourse? From the siege of toulon to st elba? fucking horse shit, at 5 hours runtime even the 1927 film didnt feel long enough and that ended at the Italian campaign. Scott also needed to make Bonaparte likeable? The success of the 27 film depicted him as a charasmatic figure with it all figured out already to the point where it felt like a propaganda film, make it so Phoenix is likeable and not a faggoty weirdo? Basically recast the leads, rewrite the script, make it 10 hours long to filter out the casuals, dont be afraid to add colour to the movie, light it properly, stop making shit up and reapproach the framing so it feels like a heroic triumph rather than a retarded incel hamfisting his way into European court drama and drop the sex scenes. Make it like a romanticised painting from the 19th century wants you to feel

>>212296340
The scene by the glass of water was especially heartbreaking.

>>212294514 (OP)
>and don’t say 4 I want a real answer

>>212296984
I only watches the Battle of Austerlitz scene, I thought if they make the battles interesting the rest might be worth watching. Fuck me it was dreadful, just a bunch of guys running around in a field with dramatic camera cuts to make it seem action packed, with Napoleon on a hill just shouting like a retard playing an RTS.
The 1970 film blows it out the water its just a shame the effects and dubbing is so bad.

>>212296140
ABBA was huge back then

>>212297100
nothing in modern action scenes actually connect with eachother, its not meant to be a way to just shoot random running, firing, explosions and dying like a confusing mess. All those things can happen in the background to a group of riflemen or an artillery battery so you can see the battle unfold in a way that tells the story, either through properly depicting the brutality or maybe how the soldiers viewed the fighting in relation to French philosophy at the time. Borodino was done so dirty too with how short they cut that, as was Austerlitz, theres zero weight to these major battles if you dont know and to anyone in the audience who does know about them would be offended with how little screentime theyre actually given. A war scene isnt supposed to be filler, its supposed to be apart of the drama, which is why Waterloo was such a master class effort.

>>212294514 (OP)
>How would you fix Napoleon?

Maybe get an actor that's not like 50? A lot of what's interesting about Napoleon is how young he was when he did it

>>212294564
Visually it was beautiful.
Thats it

THE ONLY REASON WE DRIVE ON THE RIGHT IS BECAUSE OF THIS FRENCH MANLET CUNT

>>212294514 (OP)
less loveless sex scenes, I don't need to see Napoleon hump his bitch like a dog while she's just waiting for it to be over and with both of them fully clothed. Awkward shit

Napoleonic wars were peak NPC
>just walk slowly forward while getting shot at, don't dodge or jump to prone position