Thread 212404294

How does he get up there?

>>212404294 (OP)
he jumped

>>212404294 (OP)
Maybe an eagle carries him

>>212404294 (OP)
magic

He uses the force push he used to knock over and spin gandalf but on himself like a rocket jump

>>212404294 (OP)
>He sticks his thumb up his ass and speaks ancient words
>o-puh-e iz aye pha ghot
>Then phases through the ceiling until he gets there
Who fucking cares. He is a wizard you gay nigger

Better question is how those dudes live in those mountains and light the beacons. With that kind of performance they could solo Mordor.

>>212404294 (OP)
A deleted scene shows orcs building an enormous special scaffold to haul him up there, then dismantling the scaffold afterward.

>>212404353
stuart gave them a good 401k

>>212404353
Because they have to live there alone 24/7 all the time.

>>212404353
>how those dudes live in those mountains and light the beacons
I mean that's their job. There are people irl who live in isolated places because they are needed to perform some kind of task that nobody else wants to and they're paid for it. Why is this concept so hard for zoomers to understand?

>>212404294 (OP)
Did they ever explain why sauronman turned to the dark side? He was a white wizard, white wizards are supposed to be invulnerable to sauron's evil. How can he even be a white wizard and be evil? Wouldn't his powers be taken away by the elf god thing? Galadriel felt her power start to decline after just thinking of getting the ring and resigned herself that she'd have to go to the land of the dead

>>212404422
Have you ever been up a mountain? Even a medium-sized hill?

>>212404456
Not how this works. Wizards are corruptible. They are the same race as Sauron and Balrogs (beings that got corrupted/turned to evil).

Everyone is tempted by the Ring. Gandalf and Galadriel COULD potentially take the ring and actually defeat Sauron, taking it's power for themselves, but the ring and it's innate power and how it causes the desire to dominate would corrupt them and turn them into tyrants.

Also Galadriel never felt the power declining from wanting the Ring. The rings of power are actually what GIVES elves their magical abilities and what preserves their lands. It's why Elves are so fucking sad that Sauron is defeated and why they have to sail to the West - the magic in this world is dying and Sauron initially fooled Celebrimbor and other Elves into making the rings claiming it would preserve their immortality, but after his death, they stop working, so magic will eventually end and Age of Men will begin.

Fun trivia - world of LotR is actually OUR WORLD. As in, LITERALLY the Earth, but in far far past.

>>212404353
they probably live there for a few months and then someone else takes their place.

>>212404294 (OP)
I am pretty sure there were stairs in one of the shots.

>>212404339
Sauroman is a wizard from the imperial province of Morrowind, he can cast levitate and Jump

>>212404353
lighthouses were a thing

>>212404294 (OP)
SKIBIDISHALARBADAR!
OOPYDOOPSKADOOPYDAR!

>>212404540
there are no mountains in europe high enough to be unlivable

>>212404353
Chud discovers beacons

There's stairs.

>>212404774
the rings staved off the elves' decay not what gave them their power

>>212404774
>LITERALLY the Earth, but in far far past.
please provide archeological evidence

>>212404294 (OP)
He spins his staff like a helicopter.

>>212404456
No one is incorruptible. Gandalf wouldn't even touch the Ring because he knew the temptation to try to use its power would be too great and even using it with good intentions would lead to him becoming a tyrant just like Sauron, maybe even worse because it would be done with an air of righteousness.

Saruman fell victim to a mix of his own arrogance and ego, his envy of Gandalf for his ease in befriending and allying with the various peoples of Middle-Earth (Saruman is the guy you go to for advice, Gandalf is the guy you invite for dinner), frustration with the slow passage of time in the form of a human, despair over believing Sauron couldn't be stopped so it was better to just grab what you can, and classic power hunger. He had been chosen to lead the wizards due to his wisdom and knowledge, but great stature doesn't always guarantee great character.

He WAS punished for his betrayal as well, when he "died" his spirit looked to the West, to Valinor, but was denied a return, and scattered by a breeze, his power is permanently broken and he'll remain formless in Middle-Earth for the rest of time, like Sauron after his final defeat.

>>212404422
>let's juzt pay a guy to make his whole life about being part of a chain warning system we have never used and all signs point to never needing it
>btw it's at the top of a mountain so a non-zero number of deaths by frostbite, HAPE, falling and starvation will occur each year we do this

>>212404294 (OP)
bags of sand

>>212404294 (OP)
wingardium leviosa, innit?

>>212404294 (OP)
He's like Rapunzel in reverse. He uses magic to make his beard super long and tie itself to a spire at the top. Then he uses his beard as a rope to climb up... Or maybe does that with his dick, I forget.

>>212404294 (OP)
He's a wizard, so magic or whatever.

>>212404294 (OP)
>hOw Do ThEy GeT uP tHeRe??!?!?!
i don't know nigga maybe there are stairs and a trapdoor

>orthac
>minas morgul
>cirinth ungol
>black gate
Why did Gondor make such stylistically evil architecture in the 2nd age?

>>212404353
The Hackson movies are mindless proto capeshit

>>212404353
you don't think the society who built minas tirith were capable of putting some steps into a mountain?

>>212404294 (OP)
Thats his secret. He's always high

>>212404353
They have shifts.

>>212404422
Aren't people living up in mountains near meteorological equipment how we get weather forecasts?

>>212409255
Weren't some of them literally evil? Maybe it's those guys who built these.
Or maybe Sauron did a little work on them in his spare time.

>>212409255
there's nothing evil about those structures
imagine them painted white with flowers and trees surrounding them

>>212409523
Nah, all those fortresses were made to keep an eye on Mordor after Sauron's defeat and were just eventually abandoned after Gondor's power diminished.

>>212408938
why doesnt he just call someone instead

>>212409574
>and this is my throne room

>>212409602
less comfy

>>212404294 (OP)
he doesn't, that's a clone

>>212409672
>a wizard would not be able to redecorate their place of work
weird argument

>>212409461
no it's strong black women that are in tune with the earth. you white people will believe anything

>>212404294 (OP)
Did you forget how Saruman just tossed Gandalf around the room with magic?

>>212404353
>children with no life experience think no one has ever stood guard in remote areas and doesn't comprehend rotating watch shifts

>>212404456
He wanted to be Sauron. He was going to betray him. That's what he was breeding his orc army for.
>Who do you serve?
>Saruman (not Sauron)

>>212409255
>>212409672
>>212409740
They were made long ago with craft that modern Gondor can't duplicate. No one can make a new Orthanc, nor the defensive wall of Minas Tirith. They're black, not because they're evil, but because of what they're made of. The journey demonstrates at multiple points that there's many thousands of years of history that are long forgotten

>>212409879
damn i don't remember them saying the not sauron part

>>212404456
>He was a white wizard
Saruman wasn't white, he was rainbow

>>212404357
The contractor's name was Grol-Bozg the Dependable.

I wish Jackson had made a short ~15ish minute dvd extra Scouring of the Shire sequence where the hobbits return and defeat Saruman in the Shire. It wouldn't work in the theaters, but it would have been great for actual fans of the book and movies

>>212410072
his robes look like my balls

>>212409989
It was in the extended extended special edition on blu-ray. It was right after Saruman conjured am Israeli flag.

>>212410212
you should see a doctor

>>212410072
No he was white then changed his clothes and said he was Saruman of Many Colors.

>>212410209
Scouring of the Shire is shit, Tolkien is a hack. The four hobbits sharing a quiet look amongst each other while their hick cousins act retarded over a pumpkin says all that needs to be said about how the journey changed them. The point of their sacrifice is that the Shire never has to know, its innocence is maintained.

>>212410353
>white guy turns evil
>you can tell because he starts putting rainbow flags everywhere
um wtf tolkien

>>212410388
he predicted the future

>>212410376
>The point of their sacrifice is that the Shire never has to know, its innocence is maintained.
That's incredibly stupid and not Tolkien's vision. All parts of the world have changed and the Shire they knew is gone. They can never return to the idyllic lazy childlike Eden they once had. The Elves are gone, magic is gone, the realms of man will expand, Shire will be absorbed into them, industry will continue until technology is everywhere. And as it was in the movies, Saruman's end was extremely unsatisfying. Either disappearing or just being easily shanked and falling onto a spike. Wow, lame. Saruman should appear as a weak, angry old man, a shadow of his former self only fit for fighting Hobbits.

>>212404456
>Did they ever explain why sauronman turned to the dark side?
It started on the day all four wizards arrived in Middle Earth. The elves took a liking to Gandalf on day one, and it made Saruman seethe.

>>212409255
Most of those were literally built by good people were then taken over by evil.

Minas Morgul was previously a Gondor fortress called Minas Ithil and was supposed to keep the shit from Mordor IN, but then nazguls took it over and use it to keep shit OUT of Mordor.

>>212411544
I can see why Sauron would be so upset. Those pesky Gondorians are trying to fill Mordor with poop!

>>212404353
They probably lived at the foothills with their families, don't be retarded

Hackson made ton of choices that were literally the first capeshit before Avengers.
Even some actors disliked it. Viggo is on record saying that he disliked the focus on action and CGI in part 2 and 3 and that the first movie is his favorite.
>ridiculous Witch-King mace
>Denethor being le evil and running through a mile of Minas Tirith on fire just to have le epic fall down
>Theoden being literally mind controlled by Saruman and not drugged by Wormtongue with a way subtler corruption just so that Gandalf can have his le epic white robe scene
>everything Legolas during fight scenes
>beacons are being lit before Gandalf and Pippin arrive, and the beacons are put on the HILLS ALONG THE MOUNTAINS, not on the mountains themselves (which is why it's fucking retarded in the movie)
>Orthanc is described to have a narrow set of "thousand stairs" from the top of it that's very dangerous to traverse

>>212404339
Yeah but where's the hatch? I don't see one anwywhere.
He's just gonna bump his head on ceiling, not end up above the ceiling.

>>212404353
They rotate you fucking moron. A new team comes with new supplies etc...

Fucking idiot zoomer

>>212411724
>ridiculous Witch-King mace
Nothing wrong with it. The Nazgul and Witchking were Giga Jobbers for most of the trliogy. They needed SOMETHING to make them cool and actually scary/dangerous
>Denethor being le evil and running through a mile of Minas Tirith on fire just to have le epic fall down
Made for a neat scene in the theater but was ridiculous
>Theoden being literally mind controlled by Saruman and not drugged by Wormtongue with a way subtler corruption just so that Gandalf can have his le epic white robe scene
Good scene. There's not enough actual magic in the movies. Saruman getting BTFO'd so hard by Gandalf after Gandalf was completely wrecked by Saruman in the first movie demonstrated just how powerful he'd become.
>everything Legolas during fight scenes
Nothing wrong with them. They're overly memed. Elves are literally meant to be superhuman, magical, and doing otherworldly shit. There were Elves they could have brought along that would have solo'd Gandalf and the Balrog at the same time.
>beacons are being lit before Gandalf and Pippin arrive, and the beacons are put on the HILLS ALONG THE MOUNTAINS, not on the mountains themselves
Also not a problem. Made for one of the most memorable scenes in cinema that everyone remembers decades later

>>212410072
Are they naked under the robes? Would you hear a faint sound of oldman balls slapping against wrinkly thighs when they walk?

>>212410072
Tolkien tried to warn us

>>212410550
Well, as for that, in the book Sam uses the soil from Lorien to make the Shire even more Edenic and peaceful than ever before, and Aragorn decrees on pain of DEATH that no human can enter it. So I think Hobbits ended up even better than they were initially. Of course Tolkien also said they were eventually hunted down by cruel humans and regressed into a state of pygmies completely forgetful of their past.

>>212411913
>Are they naked under the robes?
They probably wear the type of underwear that japs wear, or something close to it

Always remember this places do not motivate masturbation, it takes a wizard

>>212404422
Because zoomers don't work.

>>212411993
>they were eventually hunted down by cruel humans
Do you think they raped them? I always thought the scene where Boromir tries to take the ring from Frodo was rapey. He could have easily overpowered him.

>watching Fellowship with wife
>wow I can't believe Sauron man joined Sauron
>she cracks up
>have sex that night

>bring horse to a screeching halt
>shout at the top of your lungs "EDORAS, KINGDOM OF THE HORSE LORDS!"
>Aragorn looks at you quizzically, "so, where's the capital? is it behind the small village on the hill?"

>>212411913
>he didn't see the movies in IMAX to hear oldman ball slapping in pristine, ultraclear, deep bass, surround sound glory

>>212411867
>There were Elves they could have brought along that would have solo'd Gandalf and the Balrog at the same time.
That was long ago. At the time of LotR elves are weaker outside their domains preserved by rings.

>>212404353
shut up nerd

>>212411993
>Of course Tolkien also said they were eventually hunted down by cruel humans and regressed into a state of pygmies completely forgetful of their past.

That was from the part of his life where Arda was supposed to be Earth in a distant past. He later on changed his mind on that and said it's an alternative world entirely.

>>212412604
>That was long ago.

Glorfindel is literally in the books. The reason he didn't join them is because he was so powerful Sauron would've laser-focused on whatever party he's in, being absolutely convinced he's the one bearing the Ring.

>>212404353
there are many races in lotr with their respective superpowers
aragorn for example can live for hundreds of years despite being "normal" human
any extraordinary feats are not weird in lotr

>>212413072
>I-i am not s-scared, I am t-too powerful to j-join you guys!

>>212409435
>>212404888
Imagine you finish your shift as a 55 year old beacon lighter, having done this on and off for about 40 years. Never having to have lit the beacon. You know war is coming and every day you go “alright this is the fucking day i am lighting the beacon”. As you finish your last shift before retirement, you shed a tear because it didn’t happen. You grab your stuff and start walking back down and then you see a dim light in the mountains behind you and you rush back up the stairs shouting “the beacon! The beacon!!” And some 14 years old punk ass kid with downsyndrome already started the fire. How would you react?

>>212412172
Hackson was going off video game logic

>>212404353
>zoomers astonished at the concept of a lighthouse
for a generation raised with such easy access to such a vast source of knowledge and information these fuckers know jackshit about the world

>>212411913
>>212412009
the wizards' robes were made by the elves so they almost certainly have undergarments

>>212414598
most of them don't know how to gain knowledge beyond asking other clueless zoomers
a google search is rocket science to them

>>212404353
just like real life, once a month or so, the city sends a shipment of stuff. like any base in the south pole.

>>212413483
What was Theoden's retirement policy for Beacon Lighters?

>The enormous wealth of the Dwarves was from Mithril
So where is all the Mithril? Why didn't ever member of the Fellowship have Mithril chainmail and Mithril swords?

>>212404294 (OP)
Lift like in squidgame season 3.

>>212404294 (OP)
he's a fucking wizard?

>>212404294 (OP)
Real answer? There's a staircase running all the way up the tower and there's a trapdoor at the top.

>>212415231
>So where is all the Mithril?
Still in the rock. Also what has been mined has already been turned into various things. The helmets of the Fountain Guard of Gondor are made of Mithril, Bilbo's shirt was Mithril, and the rest has been nicked by Sauron who hoards it like a greedy little kike.

>>212404294 (OP)
This is explained in the book

>>212407710
this isn’t at all unrealistic

>By Eru, Sauronman has betrayed me and joined up with Sauron? How could this be? At least he's only one guy without an army!
>Send for my trusty advisor, Shmuley Lyingkiketongue, we need to figure out what Sauronman might be doing at his lair in Orctank

>>212416604
if it's still in the rock, then it's not wealth nor a mine kek.
>has already been turned into various things.
that's... entirely the point? If it is things, then where are they? There should be mithril items everywhere. Instead, the only item we truly see is an invincible shirt made for a little Hobbit. It shouldn't have been difficult for everyone to find something similar

>>212404353
> Christmas party
> "Sooo, ah what do you do?"
> "I light the beacon."
> ...
> "Well if you're here who's watching th-"
> "Gondor has fallen!!"

>>212415231
>So where is all the Mithril?
in the vaults of rich people, moron

>>212417231
>I must keep these invincible armors and armor piercing super swords locked away instead of giving them to my troops to make them ultra powerful!
Sounds like you're the moron, chump

>>212417109
It was already rare before Khazad-dum was lost. Apparently it's hard to find and harder to mine and even harder still to process it into it's proper hardness and lightness. The Dwarves were trying to get more but ended up awakening the giant fire demon that lived in the gooncave underneath their kingdom. Before Khazad-dum was lost it was already worth 10 times more than gold and after Khazad-dum was lost, Mithril became practically priceless and nobody would ever willingly part with what they DO have. Which makes Thorin giving that shirt to Bilbo a gift beyond all other gifts.
>If it is things, then where are they?
Well like I said, Bilbo's shirt and the Fountain Guard helmets and Galadriel's ring were all made of Mithril, but Sauron stole the rest and hoards it in his tower.

I love these movies but with time you notice they were essentially the prototype for modern capeshit with a lot of decision made solely for "cool factor".

>>212417335
The movies are a disservice to the books. No wonder Christopher Tolkien fucking hated them.

>>212417297
>Sauron stole the rest and hoards it in his tower
How does that work with the timeline? Wasn't there thousands of years after Sauron's defeat that Mordor was a peaceful land and the tower was empty? After a while the evil creatures popped back up and retook Mordor, but it wasn't immediate. Unless one of his underlings took the wealth from Khazad-dum after it fell and brought it to Mordor

>>212417364
If he was alive and if he has seen how Amazon raped LotR he'd be praising the movies to no end.

>>212417378
Sauron had more than one fortress. He holed himself up in Dol Guldur for a good long while after he was able to retake physical form.

>>212417467
If he was alive the Amazon sloppa would never have been made. No shot he would've ever sold the rights.

>>212417335
I love the movies too. Most of it I don't mind as things needed to be changed to bring it to live in the theater and make it work on the cinematic way such as needing comic relief, getting rid of songs, screen wasting side content like Tom Bombadil. The books still exist and the movies made them more popular than ever. I'd say the only unforgivable change was the ghost army. They should have never been able to affect anything real and certainly not won the battle. That was definitely capeshitty. Fellowship is still peak LOTR and so comfy.

>>212417469
I never bought into that crap kek. That's just proto-star-wars-prequels where everything has to be connected and pretending it was all predestined, etc. Can't just have a fun necromancer story that expands the word, nope, it needs to be Le Sauron! Even thought his return was shocking and unexpected to everyone just a bit later.

>>212417785
I know you're trolling but you can have this (you) anyway.

>>212404353
Dude just load up your Switch with some Bing Bing wahoos and connect to the local wifi and you're all set.

>>212418186
Not him but I genuinely enjoy the simple fairy tale aspect of The Hobbit where things like giants and necromancers and werebears just exist as a matter-of-fact in this mythological world without all the lore autism. Gandalf as just an eccentric, wandering wizard is far more interesting than him being an a gel come to stop the dark lord.

>>212418446
I think even Tolkien noticed the Gandalf disconnect, seeing as he had to literally kill the character to get him to stop fucking around.

>>212417562
the obvious ghost army solution is to have the just scare off the corsairs from the ships, which the rangers then take to the battle. the arrival of the ships with a small human force would be a small material boost but the huge surprise would have a huge morale effect.

then the battle is barely won, which just shows how vital frodo's success is

Why did Tolkien base Shelob on the famous porn actress Stoya?

>>212418941
>Frodo defeats Shelob by sticking the Light of Earendil buttplug up her ass

Sauronman had some SERIOUS tower-envy. His just didn't measure up to REAL towers

>>212410550
nah Fran Walsh & Jackson’s take is superior to Tolkien. The hobbits can never return to the Shire they knew, not because the Shire is different, but because their journey has caused them to be irrevocably changed. “No Man crosses the Same River twice; For it is a Different Man, and a Different River”

the Scouring of the Shire is lame as hell & I’m pretty sure Tolkien only put it in because he was trying to reference the Harrowing of the North.

>>212407710
>>212404540
>>212412044
Zoomers are actually hopeless. They can't even imagine going to a location for shift work. Like its actually beyond their mental capabilities lol

>>212404294 (OP)
He was the chairman of the Order of Wizards, LLC, PLLC, INC. He had total control of his spire and surrounding lands. He could simply materialize up there. His power was crazy in that place.

>>212419838
No one has EVER done that in all of human history! It's the most unbelievable thing in this fantasy tale!

>>212404774
Couldn't the elves make their own rings and power them with clean coal?

>>212404294 (OP)
a wizard did it, i.e. him

>>212420470
Nope. The only person skilled enough who knows how to make them that's yet in Middle Earth is Sauron himself, and the rings were his formula he taught the elves as a trap. They lack the knowledge to make new ones. That's first. Second it would be just prolonging the inevitable, the time of Elves is over.

>>212409855
I'm pretty sure tolkien didn't base his beacons on some mud people version

>>212421034
the beacons dont exist in the books at all iirc

>>212421105
They do. Gandalf and Pippin watch them light up when riding to Minas Tirith.

>>212404353
I think the real consideration should be how difficult it would be to keep these guys supplied considering the time period - the wagon train equation would make it very difficult to transport supplies to them, I'd imagine.

>>212417064
saruman

>>212414598
Aren't most, if not all, lighthouses unmanned and fully automated now (some of them, I understand, are just metal poles with solar panels and a light), so if the bumblefucks did google it they'd come up with the contemporary iteration rather than the previous staffed versions?

>>212404294 (OP)
Eagles, read the book already.

>>212423036
Do not entertain the retards who seethe at "zoomers" with your time

>>212404353
It was called 'peak duty' and they would sent homosexuals like OP, and yourself up there

>>212419574
In the book it is mentioned the white wizard made the effort for Orthanac to look like Barad-dûr

>>212404294 (OP)
flying sausage

>>212404353
yes because its necessary

>>212409300
beacons are from the books
tolkien was a hack

>>212404456
In the book he wanted the ring for himself and didn’t want to join Sauron desu

>>212404294 (OP)
>How does he get up there?
He was lifted up by sauronman's progressive tax policy.

>>212404353
The eagles operated a goods & personnel ferry service to service the beacons of Gondor. That's why they couldn't fly Frodo to Mordor, they were exclusively contracted to Denethor in his capacity as Steward of Gondor. Then obviously when he died the contract was voided and they were free of any legal obligation therein, so there was no threat of penalties or fines preventing them from joining in at Mt. Doom.

>>212404353
The second one is actually unrealistic, its just snow and steep cliffs

>>212413072
then why didn't he lead a decoy fellowship?

>>212411724
I'm really fucking annoyed by the portrayal of Denethor in the movies, he was actually a really honorable and powerful man in the books

>>212404294 (OP)
He's a fuckin sorcerer.

>>212418941
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3AZYQh2e0k

>>212425452
Ok, without that they have pretty much nothing for Pippin and Gandalf to do for much of the third movie. They need a sort of secondary antagonist for them to have conflict with, they need to demonstrate the corrupting power Sauron is using which is not obvious since it's fear/despair/anger/instability, they need to demonstrate that Sauron is using the Palantirs to corrupt more people than just Saruman. All of it was good choices for the theatrical adaptation. Things will never be perfectly 1 to 1 from book to movie since they don't fit each other's mediums.

>>212404294 (OP)
Very carefully.

>>212404294 (OP)
You don't see the stairs because it's hidden behind a trapdoor.

>>212425575
>they need to demonstrate that Sauron is using the Palantirs to corrupt more people than just Saruman
interesting that the movie makes no mention of Denethor's palantir

>>212421105
fucking idiot

>>212426056
he alludes to it
"the eyes of the white tower are not blind, i have seen more than you know" etc

>>212418941
Oh, boy... We're going off the rails with this thread now, gentlemen.
https://youtu.be/6o4DLcH9U_Y

>>212425575
They can do all that without making movie Denethor a retarded asshole.

>in the trenches every day defending your people against Sauron
>supposed to give your allegiance to some fag afraid of responsibility because muh blood

>>212404294 (OP)
Wizardry

>>212413483
If he's spent a career manning the post he would have to have developed a sense of duty and understanding of his role beyond that of a child who wants to experience the novelty of lighting a fire

>>212409672
It's pretty comfy, a couple of nice rugs would really tie it together

>>212404294 (OP)
he sauros up the tower

>>212404422
How do they collect the money to pay these guys? What's the tax policy like?

>>212404353
Not a better question...

>>212415231
It's used in weapons and armour.
Oddly enough, every guard of the citadel in Minas Tirith has a mithril helmet.

>>212404294 (OP)
>trololololololo hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh
>hahahaha

Peak orc

>>212429885
I need traps like those