ITT: Better than you expected

>>212719326 (OP)
You didn’t expect the original Conan
The Barbarian to be amazing? What are you some kind of a fag?

>>212719384
Quite possibly. Or he was just surrounded by people with shit opinions.

>>212719384
I didn't expect the production value and amount of sovl, I was expecting something cheaper and dumber
That scene where the evil black man casually turns into a snake in front of the orgy while gallant music plays and there's a huge pot of human hand stew was surreal

>>212719326 (OP)
The whole movie is just a Nietzsche allegory. Thulsa Doom's cult represents Abrahamic religion if you couldn't tell. It's a Satanic movie created by atheists and jews

>>212719743
that's right goyim. that's why it's so good.

>>212719326 (OP)
I thought this was just slop for 20 something's, turns out its legit kino with masterful cinematography

>>212719743
>It's a Satanic movie created by atheists
If I was this woke id kill myself

>>212719743
I did notice the disrespectful treatment of Christian imagery. I liked that about it

>>212719536
It's a great movie.
>>212719743
Howard was decidedly based, you keep your faggy culture war bullshit to yourself.
>The cult of Set represents abrahamic religion
Worst take I've seen on Conan in years
Only fags and degenerates say 'abrahamic religions', by the way

>>212719833
ywnbaw

>>212719326 (OP)
>now op is going to watch a fuckload of 80s sword and sorcery movies
>but he'll never again get that feeling when he saw Conan the Barbarian (1982)

>>212719955
>It's a great movie.
Can you rec anything with similar qualities? When I try to google it I get a whole lot of sword and sorcery recs but I just want something kind of similarly subtle and good
>>212719979
You literally read my mind

>>212719326 (OP)
Reminds me of Star Wars 1 for grownups

>>212719955
>Howard was decidedly based, you keep your faggy culture war bullshit to yourself.
Do you know who Friedrich Nietzsche is?
>Worst take I've seen on Conan in years
The movie opens with a Nietzsche quote on the screen anon.

>>212719955
>>The cult of Set represents abrahamic religion
>dude the foreign desert cult couldn't possibly be based on the irl foreign desert cult

Holy kino

It's especially refreshing now to see a movie take itself seriously and not apologize constantly for trying with quips and fourth wall breaks. Also I can't think of another action movie like it where 99% has no dialogue while everything is set to the orchestra.

>>212719974
you will never be with a woman

>>212720167
What I liked about the movie is how it didn't get so specific about what is was representing. The cult seemed to represent power. You see the weak people flocking to them to prostrate themselves in exchange for safety.
The cult leader says he used to seek iron but now he seeks flesh, its sorta backwards but that reads as an analogy for technology and influence over people respectively. The snake imagery is interesting because reptiles are associated with those in power and also psychopaths, with the orgies and speeches to the people being decidedly opposed to the reptilian nature.

Anyways the movie is obviously not trying to make a statement about the real world but its more about the underlying structures of human organization and advancements with conan being the antithesis of all of this representing individual reason cutting through the bullshit

>the riddle of steel is that... uhhh... you need to swing it with your body
whoa... deep

>>212719326 (OP)
The whole movie should just be his work in the slave pits. He should eat the slavemaster in the end and find the sword. The wheel-turning segment should last a good hour.

>>212719326 (OP)
The girl is a FUCKING cute also
Top tier buddy gf material you can just fuck her and play sports with her and vidya all day she doesn't need to go to fancy restaurants and shit and hang on your arm like a banshee

>>212720371
>You see the weak people flocking to them to prostrate themselves in exchange for safety.
>The cult leader says he used to seek iron but now he seeks flesh,
This is straight from Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morals. The Set cult is Abrahamic religion, full stop.

>>212720437
Sounds pretty gay anon

>>212720586
Milius helped write both scripts and directed Conan

>>212719326 (OP)
Hopefully you watched the director's cut with the improved ending

>>212720641
>Milius
hmm I wonder what he was trying to say

>>212720586
so uhh what is the point? what did he mean by it?

>>212720194
Alright anon I'll watch this one next

>>212720947
become the ubermensch

>>212719743
>>212720114
>>212720538
>Brown Cult Leader's last words: For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.
>*White Barbarian responds by cutting off his head*
They really couldn't have made the Christianity vs Europe metaphor any more obvious

>>212720592
I am forced to agree, but I stand by my assessment.

>>212720114
Nietzsche, his philosophy, and his works long predated whatever smooth-brained viewpoint you're ascribing to this movie.
One of Nietzsche's main themes was that man was that in the absence of the comforting padding of slave morality, only the overman can triumph.
He's quoted because in this movie thst overman is Conan.
He is this way because Howard's entire thesis was that civilization has a downside - namely that it empowers weak, venomous people to do evil they otherwise wouldn't because they no longer needed to fear the strong man caving their skull in.
This is the essence that came through the film, that a strong enough man is capable of overcoming the evils of conniving sorcerers and massive institutions and that this is the one good thing about having barbarians around.
>>212720167
In the world of Conan half the fucking religions are desert cults and if any of them vaguely resembled Christianity it would be Mitraism, the predominant faith in civilized societies like Aquilonia.
Set is - shockingly - a snake version of Set, the egyptian god.
The proto 'abrahamic faiths' are in Shem (again, shocking), which still has a pantheon because this is pre-history.
To anon's >>212720371 point, Conan stories are set when they're set specifically to avoid invoking 'muh topical cultural issue'. It's not about Christians, Jews, Americans or anything else. It's about the primal truth that man will always be somewhat uncomfortable with society and will be somewhat savage deep down.
If it has any point at all it's that effete sorcerers and manipulative bureaucrats are bad and that one of the few good things about barbarism is that guys like Conan can be relied on to kill such faggy tyrants.

You're out of your depth and talking out of your ass.

https://youtu.be/BOUs6er51bI?si=gck_mN70hKKMYut9

this was my favorite track

>>212721694
Not sure why you're involing Howards worldbuilding when this movie twists the Conan lore as much as it feels like. Mad that the Set cult is Christianity? Tell John Milius about it.

>>212721135
>Brown Cult Leader
Thulsa Doom? The Atlantean shapeshifting sorcerer? The black man who the team specifically put in an asian hair wig because he was supposed to be an ancient unfamiliar race and not one we knew? He is our Christian, even though he worships an Egyptian god of evil and his religion resembles the 'abrahamic religions' in no way other than it's a 'desert cult'?
The point on slave morality is absolutely right but your Varg Vikernes pagan kvlt interpretation is juvenile and is shoving some thulean anti-Christian narrative where it doesn't exist.
Howard 100% was a white supermacist, for example, but had zero love for pagan religions, shamanic bullshit, or whatever nonsense you're ascribing to him. He was just a Texan and a race realist.

>>212722067
Howard valorized heathen barbarians and rugged individualism, anon. Read between the lines and quit being dense.
>"I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom's realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer's Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content."

>>212720002
Lots of good sword and sorcery out there but Conan the Barbarian is peak. Here is my top 10:
10. Deathstalker
9. Conan the Destroyer
8. Flesh and Blood
7. The 13th Warrior
6. Ladyhawke
5. Willow
4. Dragon Slayer
3. Beast Master
2. Excalibur
1. Conan the Barbarian

>>212721936
I'm discussing it because as an avid fan of the film I've never seen a single thing advocating for this interpretation so I'm trying to see where on Earth you're scrounging it up from. If it's not misunderstanding Howard then it's just having a very bad reading of the film itself, which seemed sillier.
And my frustration isn't with Milius it's with every uppity loser who strolls up to the podium to boldly declare that "this too is the culture war, the thing no one will shut up about and haven't shut up about since 2010". It's exhausting and it's infantile.

>>212722327
>I've never seen a single thing advocating for this interpretation
The movie opens with a Nietzsche quote

>>212721797
Great choice. The score is top tier.

I've never heard people talk about the second one aside from the admittedly great Grace Jones going full Amazon. A bit more basic as a plot but still fun and more fantastical.

>>212722243
What about Krull? Haven't seen it. Or anything recent?

>>212722633
>Or anything recent?
Northman

>>212722327
that fat bearded guy is literally me just replace the sword with a broom

>>212722184
Howard valorized it without sucking it's dick, anon. He valorized the things in Conan worth valorizing - that individualism, his ownership of his own conscience, his courage, honesty, and grit - but he didn't shy from the evils of Barbarism. The Picts are devolving in real time back into apes.
Likewise Conan himself sees virtue in civilized people. Belit of Shem, Balthus the Aquilonian, even the monkey man from Rogues in the House.
The point wasn't to say that civilization wasn't good it was to point out that it had evils too, especially the hypocrisy that Howard himself suffered over and over.
Conan did bad shit, he was never shown as perfect, but he wasn't a hypocrite. And that's why he was always a hero.
The point was to make people question why they tolerated so much abuse from weak, spineless men and whether the world could be a bit better if the men with spines stopped kow-towing to them.

>>212722243
Forgot about Northman. That would absolutely knock deathstalker off my list. Really only the top 5 is set in stone. The others I could move around a bit plus add/subtract titles. Also want to point out how while i enjoy every film listed the quality drastically drops the further from Conan you go.

>>212722633
>What about Krull?
I really need to watch it again because it was so long ago but i remember it not being great and a slog to finish. Another one I forgot is Legend. The visuals and Tim Curry is more than enough for it to make the top ten.

>>212722365
Yes, I can read.
Other than your interpretation you have provided fuck-all in support of your position.
>Yes the movie references Nietzsche
>Yes I've read Nietzsche too, I have a philosophy degree
>No I have never seen or heard the take that Milius made the film as 'based european paganism overcoming abrahamic desert monkeys' because, again, that has been sourced exclusively from your own ass
Happy to consider my position if you provide anything at all other than "it's obvious bro" or "there's a Nietzsche quote bro"
>>212722700
Now this is an anon who gets it.
>>212720002
Quick recommendation that I need to share is pic related. Frazetta and Bakshi kino that makes up for any substance issues with gorgeous, unique animation

>>212722902
>'based european paganism overcoming abrahamic desert monkeys'
This is what the plot of the movie is.
>if you provide anything at all other than "it's obvious bro" or "there's a Nietzsche quote bro"
No you're right. They put a Nietzsche quote at the beginning for no reason at all. If it was really inspired by Nietzsche's work Conan would've looked directly into the camera and said "Oh and by the way, the desert cult is a metaphor for Christianity. Remember to buy a copy of Nietzsche's The Antichrist kids! Enjoy the film."

>>212719326 (OP)
Overrated as fuck. All of the action scenes have aged like shit and its a complete meathead take on the source material

>>212722243
>Ladyhawke
>Dragon Slayer
>Beast Master

I'm still surprised by how good this movie is.

>>212722902
Fire And Ice is in a lot of ways a very inept film. Weird pacing, kinda slapdash storytelling, there's like a 15 minute stretch at the beginning where the only dialogue is grunts....but somehow it's still rad anyway. It's like all the weirdness was just necessary for it to be what it is because no normal person could make it.

>>212719326 (OP)

I found the seventh seal to not be as slow and boring as some people have said. Great dialogue and not overly deep or artsy.

>>212722902
>>212723376
The movie compared to the poster is like going from 1080p to 360p

>>212719326 (OP)

>>212723422
Bruh they had to draw every cell by hand no shit it's not as good as a single Image Frazetta worked on for days

>>212723490
Terrible defense for rotoslop

>>212723376
Ya we love it in spite of its issues. Bakshi has never had a proper budget in his entire career

>>212720194
Started off pretty generic and cheap but this is some heady teenage asshole shit I like it

>>212723101
Yes, for the third time, since you have no other points. I already agreed that it's influenced by Nietzsche, but that doesn't make the rest of your points true. Nietzsche himself would tell you that if you were in a seminar with him.
Pic related is the quote, for the record. >"That which does not kill us makes us stronger".
Now, along with inspiring the lyrics of noted true kvlt pop singer Kelly Clarkson, it's fair to say this quote is very important to this movie or else it wouldn't be in the title card.
So, do we think that is because:
>Conan is forced to survive the death of his whole tribe, only to be enslaved and tortured
>All the powerful people underestimate him and expect him to be broken by this into a docile slave, but he only gets stronger, sharper, and more resilient
>Ultimately the savage boy the villains spared comes back from his ordeals so strong as to threaten the whole enterprise
>As he defeats the ubermensch (Thulsa Doom) who had shaped an evil empire in his image, he is recognized himself as an ubermensch for denying the lot the world handed him
>The answer to the riddle of steel is indeed that the Human Will (perhaps..
to Power???) is stronger than blade or muscle
>King Conan will one day lead his own nation of slave morality people under the definitely-not Christian stand in faith of Mitraism, just as Thulsa did, because the point is that those with the Will rule and those without obey
OR
>Conan is le heckin based euro chad paleomaxxing in cimmeria
>Stinky brown desert cultists (except they're largely europeans...so converts?) kill his family
>The Abrahamists (Setitism is just a cover because of (((them))) surely) torture Conan, but he is too strong
>Conan overthrows the stinky poo-poo religion because he's a heckin Cromcel or whatever
>The thing that was wrong with Thulsa's little fiefdom was that the people were part of the evil religion, not that they were subjects to Thulsa's inferior Will to Power
Which is more right, I wonder?

>>212723376
Couldn't agree more, anon. Like a beautiful fever dream.

>>212723767
Yeah you're coping hard, no way around it. Sorry it makes you so mad that it's a blatant criticism of Christianity.

>>212722243
don't remember deathstalker, know the title of 13th warrior but don't know if i've seen it.
seen the rest, destroyer isn't worthy of any list really, it's such a horrible insult to barbarian.
excalibur is a work of art, and conan the barb is a masterpiece as well. they are two nearly perfect films, i think excalibur is slightly higher because of the overall consistency, and that it touches my soul more, but conan is the embodiment of warrior, and nothing comes close in that regard.
flesh + blood is good, but although it is set apart from other similar films, i can't place it in same bracket as conan or excalibur.
willow is good and has soul and quality.
ladyhawke i liked as a child.

>>212722842
legend's empty unfortunately. it's just a long music video.
i can't remember anything about it apart from stompy clompy man in a dining hall and fagboy skipping through the forest with glitter on. the girl was pretty.
krull was cool when i was a child, the throwing star stuck in my head for years afterwards, i really wanted one or to make one. never did.
did feel like a proper adventure though.

>>212719326 (OP)
I thought it would just be wacky Nick Cage. I'm going to be thinking about it for a while.
It also taught me why you usually don't see lady vampires in horror. They're just too sexy, so it's easy to forgive them. Man is ready to give his blood for Woman, just like in Dracula.

>>212724138
I forgot my link.

>>212723137
Have to agree. I'm a fan of Arnold, Conan, and barbarians and I still don't like the movie that much

>>212724265
>Hello fellow barbarians

>>212724265
>>212723137
you both have aids, perhaps start a therapy group.

>>212719326 (OP)
Here to post the best score ever recorded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLJ2hurTJKo

>>212724480
Cope, the soundtrack is the only good part of this trash.

>>212721694
It's not set when it's set because it's about primal truth. It's set when it's set because it really happened and that's how the spirit of King Conan told it to Howard.

>>212719326 (OP)
Shockingly good and well-made. The absolute peak of cult/rural horror films.
The finale is one of the best ever.
The only caveat I'd add is that there are a bunch of different cuts of this floating around, and I'd recommend that you aim for the "Final Cut", that should be around 1 hour and 30 minutes, and have the song, "Gently Johnny" at around the 1/3rd-half-way mark.

>>212722566
Conan's drunk act is an extremely funny and charming act of boobery that I hope Arnold is remembered for forever. If Grace Jones and the little elf man had a romance I'd give it a full extra star.

>>212723805
I now it's a cliche but in this case I unironically find being both really drunk and high enhances the experience considerably.

>>212724909
aids has affected your brain. if you posted a full profile of yourself, everyone would say "ahh, now i see".

>>212723468
She's not a replacement in the film for that character, the bratty princess is

>>212725328
it's even better when you're jacking off to vr porn with a heroin needle in your arm and you're sucking on a bottle of pressurised ketchup and someone's shoving cocaine cubes up your rectum

>>212719384
>You didn’t expect the original Conan The Barbarian to be amazing?
I expected a really cheap sword and sandals schwarzenegger vehicle where they took a property and made it around a bodybuilder with a big physique and not because they actually wanted to make a good Conan movie.

I was positively suprised how good it actually was.

>>212719833
>sex and drugs are scary

>>212722566
The sequel isn't unenjoyable and has some really excellent sets and costumes and locations such but it's just so cheesy compared the original. Conan the Barbarian is a film, Conan the Destroyer is a movie

>>212719743
How will Christianity ever recover

>>212722842
Let me get this straight. You're saying that the movie where the guy throws a starfish made out of knives he pulled out of a lava pool, featuring an oracle protected by a giant spider who she controls by using a magical hourglass, a cyclops, and a vanishing castle that can only be reached by riding flaming steeds through the sky was "a slog to finish?" Did we watch the same movie?

>>212725373
>capeslop with muscles is actually...le deep!
Not surprised someone who consumes this sloppa happily has nothing original to say or contribute.

>>212720194
This kills the schizoid

>>212725876
>You have chosen a paltry kingdom on an insignificant planet
I love Krull

>>212725299
Awesome movie

>>212724244
This is high up on my list

>>212722243
Flesh + Blood is good but I don't think there's any sorcery in it. It's just set during the Italian Wars.

>>212719743
>>212721135
Thulsa Doom’s cult is officially (confirmed by director) inspired by the Peoples Temple cult led by Jim Jones, a communist hippie. He convinced his racially diverse followers to commit mass suicide a few years before Conan the Barbarian was filmed.
This means the snake cult represents the free love hippie degenerates, the ancestors of the modern woke agenda. King Osric talking about how his own daughter was turned against him is similar to how leftists turn against their own people in support of a globalist new world order. These hippies were used as pawns to subvert Western culture, and they were always anti-Christian.
Why would the snake cult represent the religion that vilifies snakes? There is no “Christianity vs Europe” because Christianity is the basis of our a millennium of European culture. Neo-pagan larpers should remember that Christian institutions being replaced by secular ones had unlocked the gates for the real life snake cultists to subvert European culture. If you are opposed to Christianity, you are a dumb shabbos goyim cultist being led to your own destruction just the girl that willingly jumped to her death. There is nothing that Jews hate and fear more than Christianity.

This has quite the rogues gallery.

>>212726703
Wait until you find out what religion Jim Jones' cult belonged to

>>212726703
>If you are opposed to Shabbos Goyism, you are a dumb shabbos goyim cultist
????

>>212719833
S1 is kino, S2 is cringe.
PS: Zendaya/Rue a cute

>>212722243
I left Deathstalker 2/3 of the way through just the other week. It’s charming and production is fun to look at but I lost interest. I’ll have to finish it and find 2 because the chick in 2 is cute.
I was bored by Ladyhawke almost immediately when I watched it earlier this year, but I don’t remember why.
Dragon Slayer was awesome. The way they filmed the dragon in its earliest scenes was really cool and made it seem impressive.
Excalibur was billed to me as “dream-like”, but honestly it just seemed poorly edited. I’ve tried twice. Maybe I’ll give it a third.

>>212725299
Fantastic film. It’s what every cult movie should but never will be. That ending is legitimately haunting.

>>212719326 (OP)
you need to watch this

>>212727621
Deathstalker 2 isn't related to the first, and is more like a parody. Despite the extreme cheese, I thought D1 was much better.

>>212727832
Reminder that the directors cut is the vastly superior version and everyone who's not blinded by nostalgia for muh 80's synthwave realizes this

>>212727063
Jim Jones was an atheist that hated the Bible and considered himself to be a divine figure. Even back when he was a preacher, lots of Protestant churches in America are really Freemason lodges disguised as churches. They use Christian name and imagery to attract masses, but are extremely heretical. Mormonism is an example of this. In practice, they are nothing like Christianity 100+ year ago. Freemasonry promotes the erasure of nations into a multicultural slave state, very similar to the cults of Jim Jones and Tulsa Doom.
And in Freemasonry, snakes are worshipped as symbols of wisdom and life/renewal. Only an illiterate fool would look at snake worshippers and think they are supposed to be Christians.

>>212727137
The modern people we call “Jews” are descended from Ashkenazi tribes that worship Babylonian demons. They have no relation at all to the ancient Israelites, who were related to Europeans, they just try to steal their identity. This is why Jews are their snake cultists get so triggered by Jesus being depicted white and hated the red haired Esau, these are reminders of the truth they try to hide.
Again, there is nothing the “Jews” hate more than Christianity and Christians. If you are Christian, you oppose them, and if you oppose Christianity, you support the Jews and their goals. Christ warned his followers about the Synagogue of Satan, of a people who say they are Jews but are not (Revelation 2:9 and 3:9). If you attack Christianity and help the Jews destroy your people, you are indeed a dumb, dumb shabbos goyim.

>>212729127
Weak bait. It's one of the only Ridley Scott DCs that makes things worse. Destroys the pacing and turns Gump into a fucking tool.
Although it's funny you are so aware that just pointing out the soundtrack difference is enough to destroy your opinion that you feel desperate to attack that obvious superiority before it's even mentioned.

bros...

>>212719326 (OP)
Blatant wokeshit, but I still enjoyed it a lot.

>>212721146
I went in expecting kino and got it - and more. The ending is perfect, starting from when Cagney (ad libs) the dance down the stairs. Pic: OK I knew the soundtrack would literally rock but the story and performances were unexpectedly good.

What if it was Onan the Barbarian, and he just masturbated a lot?

>>212726703
>>212723767
>>212721135
It's a "hippies bad" movie, like Logan's Run. Not "Judaism bad" or "Christianity bad". John Milius is a Jewish convert, by the way.

>>212719743
Obvious troll is obvious.

And to the retard engaging with the troll. Don't.

>>212720230
>Also I can't think of another action movie like it where 99% has no dialogue while everything is set to the orchestra.

Predator comes close in the last third of the movie, where it's just Arnie (again) against the Predator. Very, very little dialogue except for the rare Arnie one-liner (You're one ugly motherfucker.)

>>212723888

>>212719326 (OP)

>>212731127
The only time a "made for tv" edit was good
>"You're one ugly motherf-"
>Predator cuts him off with a roar and a pimp hand
Always gave me a laugh when I caught it on TNT or something

>>212724480
>>212725373
high quality bantz, i raffed

>>212725229
Based and TRVE

>>212725876
It was a long time ago and I remember the flaming steeds and thought that was gay. I usually love comfy slop but I think it was hyped up so much by friends that when I watched I was expecting something better. Again I need to re-watch. Wouldn't be the first time my opinion has changed due to a 2nd viewing/age.

>>212723376
>but somehow it's still rad anyway.
Spot on. If I was thinking straight last night Fire&Ice would have easily made my original top ten list.

>>212723266
Nice to meet a like minded S&S connoisseur :^)

>>212722327
Suck it up buttercup the culture war is here to stay till you soiboys finally an hero and stop making shit day and stupid

>>212719743
That’s why it oozes with Sovl

>>212720506
At what point did FUCKING morons start putting their emphasis on the adjective rather than the NOUN

>>212726703
>uh Conan is actually le heckin based Christian hero of Europa

Holy fucking cope

>>212733701
The God of Abraham is canon in the original stories and helps Conan stay in power after he becomes king.

>>212733800
The foreskin God of Abraham isn't the Christian idea of what God is.

>>212719326 (OP)
Amazing soundtrack. Poledouris left us too soon.

>>212733930
RIP -_-