Stretch your legs beyond the castle walls tonight. Go to Hogsmeade and order nothing but the cream sauce. Sip a cold butterbeer at four o’clock. Yes, four. In the afternoon. Then, go somewhere unfamiliar. Hear out the filthy Slytherins. Order the dragon tartare. Try Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans™. Have a firewhisky. Summon the second. Open your heart to those you don’t understand (Slytherins), but avoid sharing a drink. Eat slowly. Tip generously, like goblins don't. Check on your mates. Look inward. And above all, enjoy the ride. It goes faster than a Firebolt.
>The applause faded as Dumbledore raised his hand to speak
>"Thank you,students, for that most heartwarming welcome back to Hogwarts. I daresay Professor McGonagall more than rose to the occassion in my absence".
>"As you all know I spent the last few months attending a leadership workshop at Uagadou, the African academy of pagan voodoo magic. There I learned a great deal about all sorts of exotic sorcery, such as the ability to transfigure oneself into a goat to escape punishment for crimes."
>"However, what I found most fascinating was their tradition of sorting students not by arbitrary houses, but by nation of origin. Which is why I'm pleased to announce that Hogwarts will now be doing the same, as I'm sure you've already noticed."
>He gestured to the flags of England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland hung above the four tables.
>"But there will be time to discuss this later. For now, let us begin tonight's feast!"
>With a wave of his hand, Dumbledore summoned the food to the tables. Plates of scrumptuous pies and vegetables glazed just right, savory cuts of turkey swimming in gravy, delectable treacle tarts and trays of warm fudge, and tankards of butterbeer all appeared before the eyes of the students...
>Except for the Irish.
>At the Irish table appeared only potatoes. Heaps and heaps of brown, raw potatoes.
>Dumbledore smiled at the dumbstruck Irish students. "What's the matter, children? Something wrong with your dinner?"
>Nervously, Seamus Finnegan picked up a fork and prepared to poke one of the potatoes.
>"WEAPON!" Dumbledore cried, "THAT MICK HAS A WEAPON! WATCH OUT!" He brandished his wand at Seamus, whose hand exploded in a spray of red mist.
>"IS THIS HOW YOU LEPRECHAUNS REPAY MY HOSPITALITY? MISTER FILCH, ESCORT IRELAND TO THE GAS CHAMBER OF SECRETS AT ONCE! ENGLISH STUDENTS, YOU MAY TAKE THEIR COMMON ROOM!"
