Thread 213085624

Day one

>>213085624 (OP)
Diaper status?

>>213085624 (OP)
I thought Garland was done with directing?

>>213085624 (OP)
We won!

>>213085673
Money

>>213085624 (OP)
my favorite bbc sleeve

>>213085805
Are you actually autistic? Where do you get the time to make all these fake quotes?

>headline says "to star in"
>body says "is in talks"
Why do they do this?

>>213085624 (OP)
Yep, incoming kino

>>213085842
He seems to think they will totally fool someone if he just does them enough times.

>>213085624 (OP)
>I thought Radahn was quite easy, because as long as you sort of activated the people who can assist you in that fight. They get on with fighting him, and then they take off half of his energy and you finish him off. It’s all about you activating those little summons signs dotted around. No, it’s Malenia who’s the tough one.

>>213085673
And Miyazaki retired. Until he didn't.

>>213085673
true auteurs never quit, they simply aura farm

>>213085940
He's right. Starscourge Radahn is a gimmick boss.

cast her

>>213086074
Me!

>>213086074
Kai Schreiber

>>213086193
that little coquette makes me rock hard

>>213085940
>>213086018
It's pre nerf that's hard. everyone who played v1.0 radahn got to experience pure torture, just for him to get heavily nerfed a week later. now people play the baby mode radahn and think they are cracked. they had to reduce his weapons hitbox by around 70% to make him easier

>>213085624 (OP)
>Elden Ring movie
No way it can be anything decent unless its a multi part movie. Its better off as a tv series with silent protag, but guest writers can adapt the questlines with new actors as the NPCs throughout. If they wanted to do a movie they should have started with the first Dark Souls

if cailee plays that little witch girl she'll be perfect
otherwise no, she can't be a main

>>213085624 (OP)
Melina? Please be Melina.

>>213085624 (OP)
I like her

>>213086074
Any black woman will do. Bonus points if fat.

>>213085940
>he didn't beat the game
This movie is gonna suck.

>>213087043
>silent protag
They won't be adapting the game, more likely the lore and backstory of the game

>>213085940
>he didn't fight real Radahn
OHHOHOHOHO

>>213087844
Honestly the only way I would've accepted a Dark Souls 1 adaptation. Turn it into a Twilight of the Gods story about Gwyn and his offspring.

>>213085842
He’s just using grok or something. It’s Kikifag. See >>213085655

>>213087964
She looks like a Kojima character here

>>213085624 (OP)
So is it atmospheric long shots of cool environments silencekino or overly verbose politidrama preshattering slop?

>>213087964
Did Dakota Johnson ask for consent? Constantly molesting Cailee. I'm glad that normalfags are now hating her.

>>213087964
she's doing that emilia clarke thing

>>213087964
Why does he have a raging grudge against like eight actresses?

>>213087910
Radahn may be totally doable solo, but the summon signs appearing, reappearing, and summoning far faster than other summon signs shows that the fight is 100% supposed to be played as a party raid

>>213085805
What a mid face

>>213088067
>this guy hasn't fought real Radahn either
kek

>>213088016
Because he can’t let go like a normal waifuist. He got btfo in a Foy thread a couple years ago so now he has GPT write all of his shitposts.

>>213088110
Real radahn is at the end of SotE, shitter. Coachella Radahn is an appetizer

neat

>>213088001
politidrama preshattering slop most likely
Garland said before you could only do an atmospheric adaptation as a 10 minute short and not a full length movie

>>213088016
It's Moner that really enrages him, the rest are just mild grudges.

>>213088141
I thought you were talking about the Coachella Radahn summon signs

>>213087043
You are overestimating a silly videogame

>>213085624 (OP)
Isn't A24 mid-budget? The CGI already sucks for high budget movies, there's no way this doesn't look like stinking hot garbage.

>>213088152
You could absolutely do it as a full length movie. 90 minutes of atmospheric fantasy exploration with occasional intense fights breaking it up and a light plot following the general trajectory of the game (using probably the most conventional ending), primarily used for the ultimate destination the Tarnished is heading for (the Erdtree I guess), with minimal dialogue

It doesn't have to be two hours and twenty minutes.

>>213088166
I am, his fight is intended to use the summons, no other fight has that weird summon mechanic. I've definitely gone without as they're only particularly useful in pulling aggro during the "getting to him" phase, they're too much of a liability when you actually fight him as he starts spazzing out and you get hit by shit not initially targetting you.
That said he's an appetizer, he's tired sleepy corrupted dying radahn, real radahn is reborn radahn(in mohgs spirit body) at the end of SotE

>>213088267
My point is that Garland thinks Coachella Radahn is the real deal.

>>213085624 (OP)
How does this hack keep failing upwards? Ex Machina is still his only good movie and he's probably lost A24 hundreds of millions by himself at this point.

>>213088264
It should be 2 hours and 20 minutes. 3/4ths the film is cold and atmospheric with tarnished not saying a word (Rannis questline) and the remaining quarter will be necessary expository lore or flashbacks to morgott stabbing radahn or some shit

>>213088263
>The CGI already sucks for high budget movies
That isn't because of a lack of money, but a lack of time and manpower. Every blockbuster having 2000 VFX shots and a tight deadline for a summer release means they're stretched across like a dozen different companies and way too rushed. There's plenty of quality CG to be found in films, both big and small, it's not all junky greenscreens in some comic book film.

A24 coughed up a lot more than usual for Garland's Civil War, which was a box office success, if they did this they'd be committing their largest budget to date, and I imagine would be co-producing with others.

>>213088342
You do not need 2 hours and 20 minutes for this kind of film. There is nothing wrong with a 90 minute runtime, especially when you have a minimal plot.

>>213088309
That whole interview is gay anyway, either garland or some other actor mentions that he got filtered by Nameless King, an optional out of the way boss in DS3. They're all just talking shit and regurgitating what they saw in YouTube let's plays
>wear down Radahns energy
Nigger that's his HEALTH

>>213088379
You don't, I do. I want a six hour film of nothing but beautiful landscape shots to make wallpapers for my PC and phone

>>213088332
Civil War did 127M at the box office, it's A24's second biggest film ever.

>>213088332
Of the A24 produced Garland movies, Men is the only one that underperformed

>>213085807
he's zesty it's just PR

Does this shoot soon? Spaeny looks perfect for Joan of Arc that shoots 2026 probably

>>213088332
>Sunshine
>Dredd
>DEVS
>The Beach
You are clearly retarde.

>>213088519
shoots next year probably, 2027 release

guaranteed to make it 20% duller

>>213088625
And just had 28 Years Later come out too.

>>213088625
>The Beach
He only wrote the book tho, Danny Boyle directed it based on a screenplay adaptation by John Hodge

>>213085624 (OP)
there's no chance this will be good. Elden Ring doesn't work as anything other than a video game.

>>213085624 (OP)
Civil War was kino.
Warfare wasn't as good but still decent.
Cailee is actually a really good actress.
Sounds kino

Just to be clear, is this actually occurring? As in officially or properly confirmed? It seemed to be like one of those "Random faggot says source says thing" stories for ages, I don't know if more actual confirmation came out. Has anyone supposedly involved talked about it?

Civil War was very comfy in spite of the dark setting.

>>213088776
Its been confirmed Alex Garland is doing an Elden Ring film for a while.

Calling it rn, its going to be about vykes journey

>>213085624 (OP)
ring ring
Hello?
Congrats, Cailee! You got the job in Elden Ring!
Yes! Uhhh..
What?
Ummmm...
Are you crying? What's wrong?
Do I hafta play the game first?

>>213088776
It was confirmed a while back

>>213088751
I think Warfare was exactly what they intended it to be, a stripped down, realistic depiction of a single small operation. Which is fine. Especially when Garland has a recurring problem with taking on too much in his films and leaving a lot of stuff feeling shortchanged.

>>213088873
Dog shut the fuck up

>>213088821
Better Joel and Ellie than what we ended up getting too

>>213088908
This is a meta comment on women vs. nerds and their games, not a commentary on the quality of the game.

He's had an odd career trajectory. Thriller novelist, to horror screenwriter, to sci-fi and horror director, now suddenly fantasy video game director. And with a clear delineation between each "era". Most mix and match.

>>213088987
Don't care, you're being gay and cringe

>>213088821
Some folks complained a lot about it not being all action and warfare, but I could have easily watched even more of them just travelling through the war torn US encountering various people and groups comprising short little stories.

>>213089029
oh, is baby cringing when daddy banters with the cash register?

>>213088873
Okay, this is epic!

>>213088332
No, it's Devs

>>213090289
thats a sexy little boy

>>213088873
Yes.
You better stream it.

I wanna see Marika, strung upon her runic crucifix, glimmering with the ethereal pale beauty of Elle Fanning's soft pearly skin, thrust suddenly to the ground in a wretched heap at the shattering of the arch as the protagonist approaches, and then, with the soaring fanfare of the titular Elden Ring theme, I wanna see that glorious godqueen transmogrify into the hulking black muscle-bound form of Idris Elba, smirking with golden nigger eyes as if you didn't already know this was coming

>this summer
>everyone's favorite god-feller
>is coming to the big screen
>*cuts to Malenia played by Akwafina* What a crock of -BEEP-
>*starts playing *DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A PLASTIC BAG*
>*The Tarnished wakes up giddy for the morning as Empyreans are ascending in the background. His favorite rooster is yelling and he doesn't notice. Looks through his runes. Looks up and he's about to see the empyreans but then is interrupted by Freyja
>npcs in the background screaming: THE EMYPREANS THEY'RE-
>The Tarnished, played by Jesse Eisenberg: I'm still feeling quite tarnished. Want to help me get some more souls- I mean some more runes?
>*winks at the camera*
>Freyja, played by Mindy Kaling: Look man, if it'll help find Miquella then Im down to clown
>Tarnished: Then an epic quest it is!
>Two adventurers will find themselves
>Tarnished: What? Who are the Empyreans?
>Freyja: Miquella was an Empyrean. I think?
>AND A QUEST
>Tarnished: "They want to become gods?!"
>Freyja: "Miquella is basically already a god. To me at least"
>but first they have to find Malenia
>Malenia starts twerking in the middle of some famished npcs begging for food
>Malenia: "What? You don't like my moves?"
>villager child walks up to her: "you're mean lady"
>Malenia feigns pain in her chest: "Aah, my dark soul!"
>who might need to be saved from cringe
>music scratch
>Miquella, played by Jack Black: I... am Ste- I mean, I... am Miquella
>this summer
>Miquella air guitars as he summons water demons around Tarnished
>Tarnished: Umm guys...
>Dryleaf Dane, played by Ice Spice, putting on a cape in slowmo
>Freyja patting Needle Knight Leda on the back (played by Jason Statham)
>Freyja: You'll get em next time buddy
>Tarnished dodging fire balls: AWW COME ON!
>SOULS WILL CLASH
>*montage of Tarnished rolling out of the way of damage*
>Leda: Is he always this... mobile?
>Freyja sighing: "Uh huh"
>RINGS WILL GROW
>*clip of Tarnished spinning in a ring
>Leda: Is that the Elden Ring?
>Freyja: uh huh
>Elden Ring

TORRENT JOCKEY

>>213085940
>his energy
I want this fat talentless faggot to die of a heart attack already

>>213090951
I can agree with the Elle Fanning part at least.

>>213088983
He was trying to fuck her lmao

>>213085624 (OP)
What story? They are so fucking retarded

>>213085624 (OP)
>>213085710
>>213085805
LYNDON SEXOOO

>>213091285
She's an adult woman, not a kid.

>>213091256
anon why are you treating that as a real quote

>>213085624 (OP)
Never played the game but I will now watch your movie.

>>213091418
27 is basically 2 in woman years you sick fuck

>>213085940
Alex Garland is literally evil. He's the worst kind of hollywood male feminist intent on poisoning every film he's involved with. Dredd is an anomaly that he is somehow still riding on.

>>213087964
>It’s Kikifag
Proof?

>>213091556
Wtf are you on about, schizo?

Melina?

>>213092053
why does this look AI generated?

>>213092702
Because you're an idiot

>>213092825
rude

>>213085624 (OP)
But who will Crust play

>>213092053
Probably.

>>213092944
The Dungeater
Who else

>still spamming this tattooed coalburner
Holy fuck, how desperate are you shills? No way some mindbroken waifucuck has been at this for so long without pay

>>213091806
I don’t have the archive links handy but he used to have a gay tactic where not only would he come shitpost in opposing waifu threads, he’d actively try to poach them into Kiernan threads. He’s since stopped this because he made it obvious who he was and his threads got bombarded with shit in retaliation. All the other things are still his exact method of operation. As someone stated earlier he got decimated (inside joke) in a Foy thread because Foy boys don’t mess around.

>>213092993
Mindbroken.

>>213093084
Fucking cuck faggot

>>213092702
the uncanny camera movement and the stupidity of the situation, "chilling" next to a noisy, polluted and ugly highway

>>213093062
jesus that's a hot as fuck photo

>>213088776
it's confirmed that oscar issac is playing solid snake, the movie is surely going to start filming any day now

The problem with making a movie about the lore and the backstory which lets face it most players knew absolutely nothing about is that it abandons what people actually like about Elden Ring - the atmosphere, the exploration, the epic battles. The gamic parts are the best parts of the game, I spent most of my playthrough not really caring all that much about who the fuck the Dung Eater was or what Radahn's problem was.

LEAKED TRAILER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9G-sG9ucMw

>>213094118
the real problem is that the only story is in the lore and the game itself is just killing stuff
people like characters like malenia and ranni, but the story of these characters happened in a bunch of distinct historical events hundreds of years before the game is set, and many events are at most implied and the history is intentionally presented as an ambiguous patchwork
the other problem is that the game is all incredibly colorful fantasy settings which is a lot harder to make look good in live action

THE LOATHSOME DUNG EATER

>>213094266
>many events are at most implied and the history is intentionally presented as an ambiguous patchwork
Yeah this is gonna be a problem desu
A lot of the appeal in these games is the mystery and for a big budget movie you'll need to fill in tons of gaps and over-explain everything for the normalfag audience. More casual players might not mind being spoonfed but the solipsistic and obscure nature of the game is what makes it special.

>>213093062
TUMMY EROTIC

>>213085624 (OP)
rolling is gonna look ridiculous when you're a midget with a huge ass

>>213085624 (OP)
Im going to pop that Hack (((alex garlands))) neck with my bare hands if I ever meet him

>>213095055
I’m sure all the game moves will be meticulously adapted to live action.

>>213085624 (OP)
This might actually be good

>>213086420
>Born: December 13, 2008 (age 16 years), New York, New York, United States

Reminder that Elden Ring is a feminist fantasy world where the women are both smarter and stronger than the men, and both create and destroy civilizations.

The game is so feminist the lore implies that no man was smart enough to see the moon LMAO. You’re all fucking retarded.

>>213085624 (OP)
Can we please get Amazonian Marika breeding kino

>>213096567
>get woke go bro-
>40+ million copies sold
oh

>>213096638
The irony is that most chuds are too stupid to notice when something is truly woke or not. Had Elden Ring been made in America it would have been hated. It’s made in Japan, and chuds love le anime, so it’s a pass.

>>213096567
Isn’t it supposed to be ambiguous whether Rennala is truly the best, or good for the academy, or not? The same way it’s ambiguous over the whole Malenia vs Radahn thing, or the whole Bayle vs Placidusax thing, etc.

>>213085624 (OP)
THE LOATHSOME ASS EATER

>>213096776
Yes. Miyazaki loves lolmysteryambiguity.

The zoomers are it's really hard to cast anyone regal, this shit's backstory is Game of Thrones Pantheon edition. How many zoomers do you think pull off Princess?

>>213096595
p-post the webm

>>213097568
qt.3.14

This is your waifu??

>>213097833
She has some weird gene where she looks 10 years younger than she is.

>>213098616
Yeah that’s TOTALLY what it is.. kek

>>213096562
yes teenagers are hot and give you boners, whats the issue? as long as you dont actually fuck them that legal retard

I dreamt of kissing Cailee on the lips last night, it was the best experience I had this year

>>213085805
>ok so in this scene you’re a gay twink who’s trying to get your sister and your brother to fight because you’re in love with your brother and want to use your other brother (uncle?) s body to turn your first brother into your mind and body slave

>>213085624 (OP)
cailee spaeny doesn't burn local

>>213086074
>>213086193

>>213085624 (OP)
>a24
>roll slop
Most reddit combination in history.

>>213085805

That would make normal people not able to relate to any of the characters in a Medieval European-inspired Fantasy. Best setting to explore characters with diverse and progressive backgrounds would be films set on current day college campuses and at rich progressive people's multimillion dollar houses.

Bump for Cailee!

>>213097833
yeah?

>>213085710
pitslut

>>213088983
Unironically

>>213085624 (OP)
I still have no idea how are they going to adapt it into a coherent plot for a 2 hours movie