>The only case I was on was a case of cheap beer, and even that was almost solved.

>The thread was plummeting toward page 10 like a Wall Street highroller taking the express elevator from the penthouse to the pavement after margin call came due in bullets instead of benjamins.

>>213475817
Loved it

KINOOOOOOO

>>213475558 (OP)
>>213475817
>>213475893
>>213475921
samefag shit

There really needs to be more full on noir movies that dive head first into all of the cliches. Even the internal monologue / narration.

>>213475970
angry chud.

have sex.

>>213476030
The film "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid" (1982) did that sort of thing, building an entire film out of clips from old detective films.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2efDnLZjsk

>>213475558 (OP)

>that piece of trouble angela
>i made her get an abortion to get jenny from wising up to the situation
>it was a miracle i knocked her up in the first place, keepin track of her cycles and all
>luckily miracles are pretty easy to squash

>This time last year, thought I'd turned a new leaf
>But the rain kept coming down and turned that one to pulp

I'm not skilled enough to contribute but I want more of these posts

>>213475558 (OP)
I know the trope but I never watched a movie or show with it

Detective Downs perfected the genre, it will never be beaten.

>>213475558 (OP)
>And she had the type of bottom that would make any toilet beg for the brown

>>213475558 (OP)
>there was two things in life I swore I'd never do; one was to log in on my vacation, and the other was to return to /tv/- but in the summer of 25 I broke both these rules. I got a call from the Anons they said "The Janny Tranny is back in action"

Recommend me some Noir films.

>>213475558 (OP)
>My guts were a crime scene. The evidence was a hot brown river of regret, and there were no solid leads.

>>213475558 (OP)
>She walking into the room with her breathtaking beauty
>Its was in another building

>>213475558 (OP)
>I was driving from the monkey costume competition, and realized I got a tail.

>>213475558 (OP)
>I followed the robbers foot prints. He had the same shoes as me. I felt like I was going in circles.

>>213477671
>I was chasing down a lead in India Town
>the killer left calling card on every body, a model train on the ground and a brown log on her chest
>we tried to pull some information from the fecal matter but every sample we tried was tainted with at least 6 other sources of fecal matter
>if we don’t catch this guy soon my career will be down the toilet

>>213477671
>>213478115
>>213477793
Fucking kek. Thanks for making me laugh out loud in the middle of the office.

>>213477494
- Thief (1981) 7.4/10
- Blow Out (1981) 7.4/10
- Blade Runner (1982) 8.1/10
- Missing (1982) 7.7/10
- Blue Velvet (1986) 7.7/10
- Miller's Crossing (1990) 7.8/10
- Basic Instinct (1992) 7.0/10
- Heat (1995) 8.3/10
- L.A. Confidential (1997) 8.2/10
- Memento (2000) 8.4/10
- Mulholland Drive (2001) 7.9/10
- Sin City (2005) 8.0/10
- Nightcrawler (2014) 7.8/10
- Inherent Vice (2014) 6.6/10
- The Batman (2022) 7.8/10

>>213477718
If you had made it
>She walking into the room with her breathtaking beauty
>She was in a different building
It would have worked better

>>213479421
Thank you.

>He was trying to buy more sand for his hourglass. I wasn't selling any.

>>213475558 (OP)
>I got a call from the Police Commissioner
>He said he was looking for a rapist pedophile
>I told him I could do it

>>213479421
WTF is this list? Miller's Crossing? Blue Velvet? Heat? Batman? Fucking Nightcrawler none of these are noir >>213479492 don't listen to that shit.

>>213479691
ive seen every movie on that list except blow out which im going to watch for sure.
>A noir movie is a moody, cynical crime drama often drenched in shadow where flawed, hard-boiled characters navigate a corrupt world that’s doomed to chew them up.

>"I tried to drown my sorrows, but they started wearing floaties"

>>213479758
Blow Out is good, and the only one I would call noir. The others may rip the style a bit but are not noir.

>>213475558 (OP)
>>213475817
what is this genre called?

>>213480955
Noir

>>213481035
Hard-boiled, actually. Lots of crossover but they are really quite distinct. HB started and remained mostly literary, Noir was always a film style.

>"Grizzly murder scene, man arrives home, finds wife with another man, kills them both then kisses the gun, I guess they all gut stuffed."

>>213481271
This is random but I always loved that bit on NPR station with Guy Noir, private eye. Always made me laugh as a kid and made me appreciate the theme.

It doesn't get any more hard-boiled than this.

>>213481499
How did the wife’s lover get stuffed in this scenario?

>Her smile was the kind that made smart men stupid and stupid men dead. I should've known better, but my brain had clocked out and left my instincts working overtime without pay.

The night wrapped around the building like a cheap suit on a cheaper thug. My coffee had gone cold, my leads had gone colder, and the only thing hot in this case was the bullet with my name on it, waiting patiently in someone's chamber.

>>213476030
>what is Naked Gun?

>>213476030
Unironically, I think Sin City is as close as it gets to Noir kino. At least for younger generations

The door slams shut and she's gone.
'It was the right thing to do' you tell yourself.

But deep down you know this can't be right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJwWDO3IrMI

>>213477494
Not TV or Film, but check out the Guy Noir segments from the radio show “A Prairie Home Companion”
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdbEVTYmfdrtYEhYTgqQKUCM5i2JjwUVF

>>213476030
Brick (2005) does this in a highschool setting. They play hard-boiled theme completely straight, which is charming.

>Every lead who wasn't 6ft under was pleading the 5th
>She was my last shot
>Mind if I smoke?
>'I don't care if you burn.'

>>213477494
Out of the Past 1947
Farewell, My Lovely, 1975

>Three bullets, two suspects, one truth buried deeper than hoffa. The case file read like a suicide note written by the city itself. I poured another whiskey and let it argue with my ulcer while the radiator clanged out a funeral dirge in B-flat. Tomorrow I'd wake up and pretend justice still meant something. Tonight, I'd drink to forget that it didn't.

>>213475558 (OP)
>I was balls deep in my sicillian grandmother's pussy when i woke up in a daze, i guess she put more roofies in those meatballs then im usually used to. It was a setup from the start.

>>213479547

>>213476612
you know women plant their bare asses on toilets even when they just piss?

>>213483296
local

>>213483192
Assassination of a High School President does it too, but more humorous than deadpan

>>213477494
Chinatown
also, Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a fun parody

>“Large popcorn,” he grunts, his voice low, gravelly, like it’s been dragged through the gutters of this town. “Extra butter. And a Coke. No ice.”
>I nod, playing my part. The dutiful employee. The cog in the machine. But I can’t help but wonder what brings a guy like him here, alone, on a Tuesday night. Is he running from something? Or toward it? Maybe he’s just here to lose himself in the dark, to let the flickering images wash over him like a cheap whiskey.
>I hand him the popcorn, the grease already seeping through the bag. His fingers brush mine, and for a second, I feel the weight of his life pressing down on me. The loneliness. The hunger. The endless, gnawing void.
>He takes his Coke, turns, and disappears into the theater. The door swings shut behind him, and I’m left standing here, the smell of butter and regret clinging to me like a second skin.
>Another night in the belly of the beast. Another customer lost to the dark.
>I wonder if he’ll ever find his way out.
>I wonder if any of us will.

>Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

I think this got slept on 'cause of Covid. Worth a watch. Funny and indulges in all the cliches, but uses irony in its cinematography as it's shot warm and bright, almost like television during the photochem era. Then the solution is gutwrenching, fucking sick, right up 4chan's alley.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEyiKNXsVGo

Hope it's well-liked and spawns some memes here.

Christmas Morning. Time for presents and merriment. The icicles hanging off my potbelly stove dug into my heart like a pincushion as I remembered last year's gift. No more jubilation for 3 year old Jessica. No more pageants, costumes, or decorations. No more yuletide greetings. Maybe next year Santa will remember my coal.

>>213487239
This was so good I bought the BluRay.
Highly recommended.

>>213477494

>>213483370
His Kind of Woman is another great Mitchum noir, with special guest Vincent Price

>>213486847

>>213483007
reeee garrison keillor is PROBLEMATIC, chuddie!@!!!!

>>213487278

>I always wanted to write a kino noir dialogue but all I had was this Noirpepe

>>213486847
Heh

>>213479452
>>213477718
You're both brown

>>213475558 (OP)
>I was running out of time and the only ones that were croaking were the victims.

>>213486847
kek

>>213486847
Neonoir

>when we searched the domicile we thought we had our man, that aura of darkness emanating from the basement surrounded me like a cloud of gas
>my partner saw the various women's undergarments, soiled in ways only debauched violence can do
>as I move closer, a forked hatchet on the floor, this is what they used to cut up that runaway in unspeakable measure
>There he is, the senators stepson we were tipped off about, lying facedown on the bed
>sticking out his ass, the biggest strap on dildo I ever saw
>we didn't have him pegged as a killer

>>213477494

>>213479543

>>213476099
Hey, uhm, can you remind me, what was the german word for "cleaning lady" again?

>>213476030

>>213476486
>Detective Downs
I can't find this anywhere. I don't torrent for reasons.

>>213477494
99 River Street 1953
Chinatown 1974
Cry Danger 1951
Dead Reckoning 1947
Farewell, My Lovely 1975
Guilty Bystander 1950
His Kind of Woman 1951
I Wake Up Screaming 1941
Kiss Me Deadly 1955
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye 1950
Laura 1944
Le Deuxième Souffle 1966
Le Doulos 1963
Le Samouraï 1967
Murder My Sweet 1944
Out of the Past 1947
Panique 1946
Phantom Lady 1944
Pickup on South Street 1953
Raw Deal 1948
Ride the Pink Horse 1947
The Asphalt Jungle 1950
The Big Heat 1953
The Big Sleep 1946(pre-release version is my preference)
The Killers 1946
The Killing 1956
The Maltese Falcon 1941
This Gun for Hire 1942
To Have and Have Not 1944
Where the Sidewalk Ends 1950

>>213487627
Price steals it. His glee when he realizes he might get to shoot some people lol.

>>213486847
Kino

>sat down on the toilet after a hard case and had the worst shit of my life, but when I went to wipe there was nothing there…

>>213482670

Not bad. Unless you stole it like >>213479543 did