>Get me everything you can find on this suspect. His driver's license, work history, degree, every apartment he's ever rented, his credit card and mortgage statements, anything! I want interviews with his friends, old housemates, coworkers, instagram followers, all of them! Hell, find me the girl he took to prom!
>Sir...
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 1:24:29 AM
No.213477531
>>213479686
>H-he has none of those things? Good Lord, this guy's a ghost....and clearly a fucking expert who anticipated we'd be on his ass, bastard probably wiped his record clean
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 1:26:59 AM
No.213477596
>>213479686
>Are you telling me the suspect doesnt have any internet fingerprint? You know who else hated technology? Ted Kaczynski. Get me the president
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 1:27:26 AM
No.213477609
We used to watch the same shows, read the same papers, worship in the same places, now everyone is just sent off to fuck off and do whatever, of course there’s people who fall through the cracks. They might just be the realest ones. They might not breed, but why would they want to bring children into this fuck ass world anyways? Fuck off.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 1:33:03 AM
No.213477765
>>213479610
it was funny the first time. stop milking it.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 1:37:48 AM
No.213477907
>>213480822
>We've unearthed his 4chan post history, Sir.
>He's done nothing but post a thread about The 40 Year Old Virgin every day... for nine years.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 2:05:26 AM
No.213478741
yup, this pretty much describes me. its why im so despondent and suicidal at 33. all i think about is how ive wasted my entire life.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 3:35:50 AM
No.213481651
>>213477470 (OP)
Shazam 1 did this exact joke, and I've thought one of the writers must be lurking /tv/. I've never found the opportunity to talk about it until now.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 3:38:33 AM
No.213481721
>>213481754
>Sir, we finally have something from the listening device we've put into his house.
>He's ranting about some "Jane E.", who "always does it for free".
>Must be some kind of a nympho freak. Try to run down the name, could be a good lead.
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 3:40:39 AM
No.213481766
>>213481799
>>213477470 (OP)
chat gpt said they didn't have any info on him. Can I go to lunch now, you're making me feel a lot of pressure
Anonymous
8/8/2025, 3:48:58 AM
No.213481996
this would somewhat be me if they tried to research shit about me, im 32
never went to prom, never had sex or girlfriends
only social media i have is a facebook account i deactivated a decade ago
got a degree a decade ago, been working a shit job for a decade, but dont have any linkedin or anything like that
only time i didnt live with my parents was in college, no contact with anyone i knew in college since leaving
only people who would know of my existence are the coworkers at that job, and the coworkers and coworkers/people i know at my hobby
never owned a car
its so fucking pathetic writing my life out, the the main fuel for why i want to kill myself thinking about how ive wasted my entire life and how pathetic i am.
