>>213506673 (OP)
This is a question that’s been around for a long time, and it taps into a lot of frustration and misunderstanding about dating dynamics. The idea that “assholes get all the girls” and “nice guys get nothing” is a generalization — and like most generalizations, it misses some key nuances.
Let’s break this down:
1. Confidence vs. Niceness
Often, what gets interpreted as “asshole behavior” is actually confidence or assertiveness — traits that are genuinely attractive to many people, especially early on. If someone is bold, self-assured, and knows what they want, it can come off as compelling. A “nice guy” who is passive, overly agreeable, or lacking in confidence may not create that same magnetic pull, even if he’s a better person overall.
2. Attraction Isn’t About Fairness
Romantic attraction isn’t a reward system based on being good or bad. It’s driven by a complex mix of biology, psychology, and individual preferences. Being “nice” doesn’t guarantee romantic interest — especially if niceness is used transactionally (e.g., “I was nice, so I deserve attention now”).
3. Some ‘Nice Guys’ Aren’t Actually Nice
Sometimes, self-proclaimed “nice guys” are actually resentful, entitled, or manipulative, expecting romance in return for basic decency. That’s not genuine kindness — and people can sense that.
4. Early Dating vs. Long-Term Value
Someone might be drawn to excitement, danger, or mystery early on (traits often associated with “bad boys”), but that doesn’t always last. Over time, people generally look for respect, emotional intelligence, and reliability in a partner — qualities truly kind people usually have.
If you're looking to attract someone while being a genuinely good person:
Develop confidence without arrogance.
Communicate clearly and don’t be afraid to show interest.
Be assertive about your needs and boundaries.
Stay kind — but not as a tactic, as a way of life.
