Thread 213809816

>After many hours drinking coffee, I've decided that a series about a big booba lady with twin handguns robbing graves is too difficult to make and not feasible.
>That will be 100 million dollars plus tip.

>>213809816 (OP)
was she gonna play lara too

>>213809816 (OP)
I thought the old Amazon bitch who greenlit this got fired and the new one was cracking down on this kind of waste?

It's ok I can simply imagine how unbearable a Lara Croft show written by the wall would be

>>213809816 (OP)
just cast Peyton List, how difficult is that?

All these new writer types can't even write a b-movie. Film is so fucked.

>>213809816 (OP)
Phoebe-Waller Bridge can go waller right off a fucking bridge

fucking reddit ass bitch

>>213809816 (OP)
Nice grift if you can get it. This is called being the People's Artist in commie nashuns.

>>213809929
This could work

>>213809929
Yeah, the good, old one

>Amazon slowly getting the rights to some of the biggest IPs ever
>Everything they've done has been dogshit

>>213809816 (OP)
MOLEEEEEEEE!! M O L E ! MOOOOLEEEE!!

>big booba lady with twin handguns robbing graves

the latest game series can't even get this right, she only dual wields at the very end of one game and it's a shitty QTE. They also gave her a sad backstory dead parent bullshit, like ticking off a writer's checklist or something.

The very first game has her fighting a T-rex, raptors, mummies and an Atlantean queen. The second game has her fighting the mafia and a Chinese emperor who could turn into a dragon. They should just embrace the camp and stop trying to elevate it with Hollywood bullshit.

>>213809816 (OP)
>Phoebe Waller Bridge
Is she a nepo baby or something
Everything I've seen her in (thankfully never paid for) has been absolute garbage

>>213810318
It would be an endearing feature like felicity jones' teeth but PWB is a cunt so fuck her and fuck her mole

>>213809929
Speaking of old child stars, whatever happened to Dakota Blue Richards, the girl who played Lyra in the Golden Compass movie? There was pics of her going around when the tv show came out and she at that point had a huge pair of knockers. But she never really popped up in anything noticeable since, despite having such huge assets.

>>213809816 (OP)
Not defending her but working with directionless Amazon execs that have no creativity and no interest in movies or tv seems unlikely to be productive.

>>213811909
>whatever happened to Dakota Blue Richards
busy being a mom

>>213809816 (OP)
>stuck in development hell
that's what happens when you insist on doing everything with the free version of chatgpt, sometimes you need to actually invest

>>213810038
Or maybe the issue is that Amazon makes stupid demands and it’s hard to figure out how to make it all work with the suggested budget limits. Development is more than just sitting on a desk and writing a complete script and then waiting to see if the studio says okay we’re shooting in six months, you know.

>>213812114
the father looks a bit under the weather

>>213809845
They cast Sophie Turner. She actually got pretty yolked for the role. Poor girl still thinks it's happening... finally her big comeback.

She's the voice of a generation. Don't disregard her that easily.

>>213809816 (OP)
Why was she in every major film for like 5 years and is now non-existent?

The challenge is to remove the guns, big tits and the killing and grave robbing of third worlders and still make it Tomb Raider somehow

>>213814515
She made two huge hits in Fleabag and Killing Eve and be came the next big thing for Hollywood. She got a big deal with Amazon and has produced absolutely nothing from it. Either success has made her lazy or she's written out or too filled with anxiety about topping Fleabag

>>213814640
>She got a big deal with Amazon and has produced absolutely nothing from it

People here really don’t seem to understand how much stuff never exists the development phase and it’s not because the person isn’t working or producing anything, it’s more likely because the executives in charge aren’t satisfied or keep making stupid mandates which take time to implement and figure out how it could work or the studio just changes what they want on the fly which can throw away weeks/months of work into the trash as you have to start from scratch. And as we know from Jeff Bezos’ infamous “I know how to make good TV” guideline memo, the people at the top making decisions are usually complete morons.

Rarely is it the talent hired to make something just unable to write anything. Usually it’s outside factors, executive level meddling, etc. at play.

It’s like people bitch about JJ Abrams not producing anything despite his deal, even though he actively works on tons of projects. The reason one of his sci-fi TV projects was cancelled for example wasn’t because he couldn’t come up with anything good, it was because WB had promised him a certain level of budget when the development began but then later under Zaslav, when they started cutting costs everywhere, WB changed its mind and didn’t want to make the show anymore because the already agreed budget was suddenly too high. Even though they had poured tons of money in a bidding war to get the project in the first place, spent years in developing it and it was even ready to start the casting process they just dropped it.

>>213812114
Why do women think that the haircut on the right with super high straight bangs look good?

>>213810221
Why did anyone think it would work? Imagine if Ebay had launched a TV station.

>>213814913
Why do guys think we care about your opinion?

>>213814948
What color are your panties female sir?

>>213814913
It's the new hitler youth haircut for lefties
It shows how avant garde you are

>>213809816 (OP)
This bitch legitimately has zero fucking talent or even braincells. It's amazing how worthless of a person she actually is.

>>213814948
You don't have to. Just don't be surprised that no one is interested in you.

>>213810633
Tomb raider 2 is the apex of the series. Never found all the dragons that were hidden in the levels. 3 added new mechanics bit it was impossibly hard. I only passed the first level once and all my desire to play disappeared. They should just do the survival origin story of her in the plane crash.

>>213815002
Killing eve was a cool tv show and fleabag was surprisingly funny.

>>213814903
This is the cunt in OPs pic isn't it

>>213814640
Those 2 have interesting moments but rather shapeless overall. Movies need structure

>>213814913
It's a wartime marm look

>>213811953
Yet other contracts produced sth.

>>213814993
>new
the arthoe cut is ancient in terms of fashion trends. It couldn't be further from avant garde

>>213814913
They don't and that's the point. Fighting Beauty norms and stuff and it is Part of their dress Code. In her social circle women and simps tell her it looks fantastic

>>213815023
I remember a friend told me there was a t rex in the first Level and i didn't believe him. One day my finger slipped from the grab button and why i hit the ground in that canyon before the level end I heard a roar and I thought their might be truth to the story so I sought the hidden way down. Found the Last Dragon and the grenade Launcher. Today you would have markers pointing to it and some dozen Internet walkthroughs how to find the T-Rex

>>213809816 (OP)
I think PWB is cute and I liked her in the new Indy film.

>>213814993
Der kamalajugend

>>213809929
or Grace Fulton

Just Jews paying other Jews to make nothing at all.

>>213809816 (OP)
Yeah looks like she has a lot on her mind.

>>213815084
Bowlcut mullet is the resistance

>>213815063
K.

>>213814913
Intentional ugliness. Like mullets.

>>213812114
Nooo my waifuu turned into a breeding cow

>>213815023
The Apex is TR Legend. And the original is better than 2

>>213810091
BIG SNIFF

>>213809816 (OP)
I just can't understand it. Thingamagick, few betrayals, US army, blackrocks and still Lara makes it with guts and brains. I know Hollywood cannot write anything else than AI slop nowadays for scifi and fantasy but just make Lara shoot guns. Modern movies like jurassic park are so shit why not make tomb raider as fucking shit (as it will be in any way)

Fleabag was a godawful show

>>213809816 (OP)
How fucking retarded and incompetent do you have to be to singlehandedly tank 5 different franchises that have survived for decades on the simplest shit possible
They paid this actual fucking idiot millions to lose them billions
Funny thing too is BBC bought all those Emmys she got for her piece of shit series
This stupid cunt has never deserved anything good in her life

>>213815041
Kill yourself

>>213809816 (OP)
she's pulling the jj abrams shit
he had a $500m deal with wb and produced jack shit

>>213816552
>>213816591
How brown and pathetic do you have to be to simp for this disgusting literal prostitute? Jesus Christ the fuck is wrong with you

>>213809816 (OP)
>Hot British woman with huge tits
>Is stereotype upper crust
>Fights dinosaurs and pirates in big caves
This really isn't rocket surgery.

train her physically to be able to climb some shit and do some flips and let the money roll in

>>213811953
It should be easy. Look at the Terminal List crap.
>Heres a 100 mil
>Just make whatever the fuck you want, we need to fill spots by next year
They seem to have zero fucking interest in anything and throw money at any name. Their entire film and television division is just an afterthought bonus for package delivery subs.

>>213818779
Back when i thought her fighting a giant training robot was stupid, nowadays I yearn for such earnest silliness

>>213818754
they're incurable, except with lead, unfortunately

>>213809816 (OP)
Gettting a woman to write an action show about a big titted woman? What the fuck were they thinking?!?!

>>213815041
Fleabag was funny but killing Eve was relentlessly shit.

>>213814459
Sophie bogged herself. Dumb party slag.

>>213809816 (OP)
>get paid $100 million in 2019 to produce a new Tomb Raider
>fast-forward to 2025
>still haven't come up with shit
>enjoy all the free money

>>213818779
>Rocket surgery
Good one.

>>213810091
Not that Peyton List, the other one.
Anyway, I would rather rewatch Relic Hunter than watch new Indy/Lara shit from current year.
>it's a Nigel bumbles accidentally into a relationship with a sexy gal while Sydney does a sexy native dance to get some info on their treasure hunt episode

>>213809929
German model Charleen Weiss. She fits the Lara Croft image perfectly.

>>213809816 (OP)
I'll help her started
1: we see Lara doing some sort of Indian Jones stunt so people know she's an archeologist who gets stuff from hard places. Doesn't have to relate on the rest of the show in any way or form.

2. Lara is approaced by someone, who wants her to find something.

3. we see Lara finding the PLOT device. It turns out it is a, let say, some apocalypse device. The villain obviously gets the item.

4. Lara needs to get the item back. More adventure ensues. But in the end, Lara finds the item and there's poetic justice for the villain.

5. Now, depending on what you want Lara can either return the item, destroy it, keep it or it is hidden in a goverment vault.

Add in all the dialogue and stuff you think you need.

THE END.

>>213818896
>according to a Reddit thread
I still somehow don't hate journos enough.

>>213809816 (OP)
>a series about a big booba lady with twin handguns robbing graves is too difficult
Sounds like a skill issue or an insecurity issue
>western woman writer
It all makes sense

>>213818968
The new narrative as dictated by Crystal Dynamics is that Lara is no longer a treasure hunter. Quite the opposite she has "team diversity" who goes around stopping treasure hunters because seeking lost relics and artifacts forgotten or completely unknown to humanity is "white colonialism" and bad.

She's also a lesbian now.

I wish I was making this shit up, but am not. That's why Tomb Raider is in trouble now, and why they're having a hard time making anything new. They want to further the modern narrative, but after the cartoon and a flopped game, they know that they can't without a guaranteed flop. People want Lara to be the anti-hero who doesn't give a fuck. In the original CORE games she shot up a Polynesian village to get her hands on an artifact, and fired a nuclear missle from Area 51 to distract while she got another artifact. THAT'S the Lara fans want. So Crystal Dynamics came up with (((UNIFIED LARA))) where they claim both the old and new versions are the same person now. It was tiny-hat trickery to try to convince the old-Lara fans to shovel cash for their new stuff. It didn't work.

>>213819144
>My OC is super kewl and unique. She's black, and lost her legs in a tragic accident so she had those cool sport running prosthetics(that actually kinda suck for anything else but as an SJW my understanding of the things I prattle on about is completely surface level) AND get this, she wields a BOW like ROBIN HOOD(geddit)
If given the opportunity I would sincerely struggle not to use the nearest heavy object to cave in the skull of whoever came up with this shite.

>>213819323
I assumed the backstory was about how she got diabetes from being forced to live in a food desert and now that she got her legs removed she fights colonialism to send money back to her neighborhood

>>213819385
>how she got diabetes from being forced to live in a food desert
That made me chuckle harder than it should have. Irony based in truth really is the best comedy.

>>213819323
My OC's that I make in my head always end up as
>Handsome/Pretty white person who is competent at their job, owns their home, is saving for retirement, and ends up in an intense situation due to circumstances beyond their control.
It's always boring, but better than Tumblr shit I feel like.

>>213811022
She's literally landed gentry. Her family is one of the wealthiest in England. All that money and she still didn't get that hideous birth mark removed. Dumb cunt.

>>213811022
>Is she a nepo baby or something
Just a well-connected rich bitch.

>>213819579
And she fucked up both Indiana Jones and Lara Crot with her bullshit. The only one left for her to fuck up is Nathan Drake from Uncharted.

>>213819508
>All that money and she still didn't get that hideous birth mark removed
Which is funny since she does everything to cover that thing. You can see her hair is basically glued to her forehead on that spot in Dial of Destiny.

>>213814459
Terrible. Should be Michelle Keegan

>>213811022
She's happy to go down on the women who are ruining Hollywood

>>213819672
She's one of the women ruining Hollywood, and she doens't give a shit. She basically made $100 million for a 5-year TR deal where in year 6 she didn't deliver anything. With that scam, I doubt that we'll see her working in Hollywood again.

>>213819618
Marky Mark already got to Uncharted.

>>213819807
They're making a sequel and she's not doing anything right now, so don't under-estimate her ability to slither in and fuck shit up.

>>213818921
Once again, you cannot cast characters on looks alone or you'll end up like IDF Woman

I aspire to achieve this level of grifting

>>213818754
She is not a "literal prostitute", chuddie

>>213811022
>Everything I've seen her in (thankfully never paid for) has been absolute garbage
She was the sassy robot in Solo, goddamn that was awful. People here love to recommend Fleabag but that's absolute garbage too

>>213818779
Lara had a Skull on her belt?

>>213819831
...did you just fucking say that Gal Gadot was cast as Wonder Woman for her LOOKS?
HER LOOKS?
that fucking microcephalic flat chested zero assed skeleton with brown eyes?
brah.
she was cast for the glory of the tribe.

>>213819144
>She's also a lesbian now.
That's great news actually

But yeah I knew about the team diversity from while ago, it's absolutely hilarious. Shame they didn't added a combat wheelchair character too.

>>213819975
>the party needs to crawl inside this tunnel
can't do it
>the party needs to climb this cliff
nope
>the party needs to go up these steep stairs
nope
>the party needs to use a ladder
nope
>the party needs to...just walk in this narrow passage
noooope
>the party needs to climb a rope
can't
>the party needs to ride horses in a place where a carriage can't go
shit out of luck

where can that character even go in a fantasy adventure?
wokeness is the highest grade of mental retardation possible in a human being.

>>213819899
she has nice feet though

>>213819975
Youd think hed just be on a flying magic carpet like two feet off the ground. This shit is even more insulting

>>213818921
She needs to train more to be believable. I'd rather see the Tetiana Dar from Bosch legacy. Hot, trained, shot guns

>>213820150
>>213820231
>but anon you can be anything in this game!
>why not be an irl cripple like me?
Ableists, all of you. You go girrrrl!

>>213820231
What about sitting in a wheelchair, on top of a magic carpet?

>>213809878
She was basically using her authority as head of the studio to pay celebrities to pretend to be her friends. You'd think Amazon would sue to get their money back, but nah.

>>213820150
Combat wheelchairs are specifically written in the rules as being able to move unimpeded over every surface and function exactly like an athletic person's legs would. It's constantly mocked for being a performative "crippled but also not inconvenienced" snowflake accessory.

>>213820476
>pay celebrities to pretend to be her friends
Never heard of that. Who and who?

>>213809816 (OP)
>idk make a black superman movie or don't lol, that'll be 500 million

>>213819867
White knighting for this cunt is fucking sad.

>>213818896
lmao they could've paid me literally 1/100th of that amount and i could have written them a whole show in like 3 months

>>213820494
Jennifer Salke is/was the studio head for Amazon, she has/had the greenlight power, and she was grossly overpaying many different celebrities to write and produce content for Amazon Prime. A lot of these deals have created precisely jack shit or just plain shit. Phoebe Waller-Bridge's Tomb Raider is one of those many projects that have gone nowhere and have nothing to show for it except continue to pay her a salary to produce nothing.

>>213809816 (OP)
Does anyone care about Lara Croft in 2025? Why did they not just do a sequel to the 2018 one with Alicia Vikander? Is a third adaption in a little over 20 years really necessary or desired?

>>213819867
All actresses are literal prostitutes, you cretin

>>213809816 (OP)
Tfw no tall gangly 5/10 horse face anglo gf to constantly spar with politically every night

>>213820624
It's just yiddish humiliation rituals, bro. Everything has to be tainted.

>>213820503
>literal Hollywood grifter in your path
If that dude wasn't jewish, he would have been run out of town years ago, might even be in jail for fraud.

>>213820624
nobody cares about anything until you make them, at least not normalfags.

if you released:
>a 90 minute action-adventure movie
with
>a hot, athletic female lead
>indiana jones levels of low magic/fantasy
>some nice practical sets
>a variety of obstacles from environmental to animal to plain armed goons
and NO
>nigger bullshit
>faggotry
>worthless ideological mouth-piecing and soap-boxing
>deliberate contemporary calls-to "le women power"

it would guaranteed 5x whatever budget you gave it, minimum

>>213819144
What happened to her legs?????? Old franchise need to be left to die, but there's too much Gen X/Millenial retards who will throw money at it (or shady woke firms willing to keep taking baths)

>>213820768
so... which member of which family of the jew old money dynasty is she? i'm guessing there's a rich uncle involved whose brother is yada yada yada. probably all right on wikipedia. they don't even bother hiding it anymore

>>213820744
Sure, a good quality product should in theory do well regardless but it's heckin 2025 chud, we're well past anyone making anything good ever again. So if you were to try and make some Lara slop in 2025 would you even be able to reliably get sales from fanboys? Would investors even have faith in such a project? Frankly I'd be incredibly skeptical and I'd be right.

>>213820844
they don't care about sales, fans, investors, or faith though. all the money is fake, all the work is for a check, all the investors are endless wells of goybucks to launder, and they have zero conviction in their own astroturfed beliefs. it's dog shit all the way to the bottom of the barrel

>>213809816 (OP)
I'm genuinely surprised this hasn't officially been canceled yet. Noone's watching the inevitable feminist tomb raider for a young female audience this will turn out to be. And male-skewing a female protag project is unacceptable ideologically. So what's the hold up here? Saving face?

>>213820150
The Game master needs to learn to create more inklusive settings

>>213820150
>>213820477
The only time it's ever been done well was in Sly Cooper.

>>213815041
Only the first season of KE was really goid, and I think that's the only one Phoebe wrote.

>>213818901
That's a big Dalek.

>>213819646
Probably too old now, and just had a kid.

>>213810633
>They also gave her a sad backstory dead parent bullshit, like ticking off a writer's checklist or something.
It was written by Terry Pratchett's daughter and the father/daughter stuff is so shamelessly self inserted it's painful. I know people tell you to write based on your experiences but come on

>>213816552
>>213816591
>>213821242
she looks like a brit guy from a philosophy channel on youtube who trooned out couple years ago, I can't remember what the channel name was

>>213809816 (OP)
The studios deserve to lose as much money as possible for every deal they’ve made with a “creator” like this.
So foolish.
They need to end first look deals and signing on people with blank checks.
Enabling people like Shonda Rimes and Ryan Murphy to churn out slop is shameful. And giving money over to Fleabag after Indiana Jones? Embarrassing.

>>213820715
Sure buddy. JJ has produced tons of popular media.

>>213814640
>Fleabag and Killing Eve
>huge hits
Let's not go overboard here.

>>213818779
Where's your head at?!

>>213820744
>it would guaranteed 5x whatever budget you gave it, minimum

No it wouldn’t.

>>213814948
Because there are entire billion-dollar industries centered entirely around allowing women to attract male attention.

>>213821465
She always looked like Lord Byron to me.

>>213821613
They were hits

>>213809816 (OP)
we had 2 great movies starring jolie that almost pefectly encapsulated the games
they're done, go home you retard

>>213821670
Second one was horrible

>>213809816 (OP)
she is on my short list with elizabeth moss of actresses so distractingly ugly that I will never watch anything they are involved in. luckily both careers seem to be rapidly dying so I won't have to be on the lookout for them much longer.

>>213819975
does he just spin in circles holding the knife out? how does he actively go forward in combat while wielding a knife with one hand? why?

>>213821951
Meh.

>>213822041
Who gives a shit?

>>213822077
me. do you have brain damage or something? do you often reply to people asking questions to ask who is asking the question?

>>213822326
What question. Your query is too retarded to be considered real.

>>213814903
She literally said she didn’t even have a script, retard.

>>213822736
maybe you're just too retarded to understand it m8

>>213822041
It's telepathic. While searching for pics I stumbled upon a reddit post talking about all the stats and even there people called "the epitome of overpowered, Mary Sue homebrew" which is correct, this shit is insanely op.

Also the creator trooned out, FtM. What a shock.

>>213819646
Ugly film director will never cast anyone prettier than her. Lara will be a bog goblin.

The truth is more likely she wrote some snarky girl boss shit and the studios have seen how audiences are turned off by that now, they know that's basically her entire skillset and she's incapable of writing any other style that won't make audiences cringe.

>>213810038
Writing is easy, getting words past endless amounts of producers, consultants, sponsors, stakeholders, and focus groups is the problem

>>213821601
name one in last 15 years

>>213810221
>biggest IPs ever
>indiana jones but a women with big tits that only 40 year old incels care about

>>213819885
don't worry, he was a really bad dude

>>213823529
40 year old karens care too otherwise things wouldn't be what they are

>>213809816 (OP)
i really don't get why people liked "Fleabag" so much. It's pretty meh.

>>213823528
Stark Trek reboot
Mission Impossible movies
West World
Fringe
Person of Interest
11.22.63

>>213822741
You write scripts when the show is going to move to full production.

>>213824029
there is zero reason to think any streaming platform original is popular. no streaming platform releases viewership data.

>>213821279

For who

>>213818896

I bet she just lived it up like a bohemian with all that money lmao. Good for her, fuck Amazon.

>>213826066
hell yea! I hope she got to enjoy a couple of well hung fuck studs making her airtight!

>>213809816 (OP)
>get hired for $20mill a year
>do nothing
>get the woman who hired you fired because she made such a huge fuck up
>still write nothing good
i think she stole the idea for fleabag and killed a woman like lady gaga did, but i have no proof.

>>213809845
They wouldn't cave on her demand to cast Zendaya.

>>213809816 (OP)
I'm sorry she has woman with opinion face

I dont vibe with her

Fuck her in the fanny

>>213827257
And that one probably had a lower budget than Hercules/Xena. I miss fanservice shows like this and The Lost World

>>213827106

Literally didn't imply that did I, you weird mong.

>>213812114
Womb Traitor

>>213819975
sorry, Anon didn 't mean SEXY LESBIAN that get into hot stuff with other hot girs.
it meant MODERN WRITING lesbian, aka Boring and preachy stuff and everything about MHU FEELINGS/MHU TRAUMA.

>>213809816 (OP)
Should've given it to Pratchett's daughter. It wasn't great, but it was serviceable what she did - especially the 2nd game.

>>213818779
I know who could pull it off.

>>213811022
>Phoebe Waller Bridge
>is she a nepo baby or something
she's old money, she's the grand-daughter of the 12th baronet of Hitcham

>>213819144
>people of colour politics

>>213809929
>not british
>not brunette
>green eyes
???

>>213829160
She also eats Kathleen Kennedys pussy to get work.

>>213829453
I guarantee she didn’t write fleabag herself. She paid someone or pulled a Truman capote and had someone gift it to her, not that it’s even that good.

>>213810221
The only way you're EVER getting Tomb Raider, LOTR, etc. back is after they run them into the ground entirely and sell the rights for pennies on the dollar to an up and coming challenger.

>>213810633
>hey should just embrace the camp and stop trying to elevate it with Hollywood bullshit.
They can only do this if everything is ironically detached and constantly self referential

>>213814948
This always reads like a fat incel defending his fedora.

>>213810633
>the latest game series can't even get this right
Nu-Lara isn't Lara. They made an entirely new character and just made her skinwalk her.

>>213819975
>That's great news actually
Yuritroons out.

Just steal storylines from the comic?

>>213819144
That divershitty crew is looking EXTREME!

>>213809816 (OP)
Stealing cultural artifacts from indigenous tribes is problematic and reeks of colonialism and white supremacy.

Do better.

>>213819144
>She's also a lesbian now.
Wait but all Tomb Raider content i've seen suggests she's into bestiality?

>>213827284
>They wouldn't cave on her demand to cast Zendaya
That would have been hot, but she was actually going to cast the Shazam girl. Which would have been even hotter. We were robbed

>>213832535
zendeya is hot now guys... we changed our mind

>>213820601
>is/was
How can she be both at the same time?