Thread 213822489

they did investigate it tho

>>213822594
>Dad can't talk and has fork holes all over his face
Don't have to look into it any further

Friends/relatives of the parents would have tried contacting them and that would have blown the whole thing up.

The whole last act was too heavy on the exposition; just let the witch do witch shit.

Also since the kids did actually just run all the way to the house wouldn't there be lots of ring cam and security cam footage of them running that route? Surely the police would have tried to track which direction they were headed (basically like Brolin's character does) and so would have been able to follow their movement this way?

>>213822939
How much camera footage can you find in the suburbs? They weren't in an actual city oŕ anything.

>>213822795
Honestly yeah, the whole story hinges on the fact that the parents are dicks who don't know each other. They don't even have a WhatsApp group or anything?
Also, the one child who didn't disappear is taking the bus home? Man, his parents really don't give a fuck. Or the teachers, not to notice it.
Maybe it's an indictment on how schools are so hung up on not getting sued by shithead parents that they stopped engaging with the children?

>>213822489 (OP)
>it was a spoopy old witch lady all along
Hack shit

>>213822939
They also could've at least had Brolin's character get a couple more estimated trajectories from security camera footage. They didn't even have to explicitly show him collecting it after the first scene with Justin Long. Really lazy.

>>213823733
Maybe those were the only two houses that had ring cameras. How common are they, even? Dunno about your but I don't have a camera outside my home.

>>213823631
I liked it. It's like Sleepy Hollow. Witches gotta be on the grind too, so what do they do? Witchy stuff. They don't know anything else!

>>213823796
Pretty common. A lot of people around my area have them.

>>213822725
She said he had a stroke. Any more questions?

>>213822795
My sick sister has no one else to go to but us... Any more questions?

>>213823631
Its based
Everything is lame demons and shit nowadays

>>213824579
Witches are just another facet of the occult/folk horror trend you're bitching about.

>>213823631
No druids shamans and witches are eternally based. As the other anon said
Demons is the real eye roll slop

>>213822725
>she said he had a stroke which is why he isn’t speaking
>literally shows her adding makeup to his face to conceal the injuries

>>213823733
Do you not understand triangulation?

>When discussing the character, he stated that he gave her two options as to Gladys' origin: one where she was a regular person using witchcraft to prevent her dying from an incurable condition, and one where she was instead an immortal creature performing an approximate simulacrum of a human being, but that he did not ask her which one she chose
Which was it

>>213822489 (OP)
is this worth watching. the name is awful. trailer is a super cut of 2 hours worth of all the action scenes and too vague

>>213823733
He didn’t have to get more information because Justine showed him where Alex’s house was when he showed her his progress on the map…

>>213822725
>Composure - Medium Failure
>I notice you wear heaps of foundation. Were you perhaps *stroked* off in drag?

>>213825291
I didn’t see the trailer and when in completely clueless as to what it was about or who was in it. My whole group was like that actually and we all enjoyed it.

>>213825279
Which one do you think?

>>213825279
I like the first one more

>>213825291
I liked it and thought it was the best season of Stranger Things since the first.

>>213825339
maybe because im partial to the jeepers creepers monster ethos but the latter

>>213823378
Every other house and driveway (tesla) would have had something

>>213825201
>said he had a stroke which is why he isn’t speaking
Something which would be easily verified with a phone call

>>213825137
Stop samefagging

>>213825461
Youre partial to Victor Salvas work pedo

>>213826107
>implying 95% of directors in hollywood arent pedos

>>213822489 (OP)
retarded movie

That cop was a retard. His gf had massive honkers and was his boss' daughter, essentially ensuring his career for as long as he was there. Now, as cute as Julia Garner is, she's not hot enough to throw all that shit away.

Stop the reddit tier argumentation. /tv/ was a better place couple of years ago.

>>213822489 (OP)
This was barely even horror, it was funny as fuck from the opening monologue to her getting chased down by a mob of children and I loved it

>>213825279
Sort of hard to tell since all of her weirdness could be justified by her fucking around and being callous in general

>>213822939
Don't ring cameras only activate at a certain distance when movement is detected?

>>213826578
>reddit tier argumentation
What does this even mean.

>>213827815
I had a discussion with my brother because I wouldn't classify it as horror either. To me it's more of a mystery with horror elements, because I never felt the movie intended to give me a sense of unease, dread or fear, despite there being a bunch of truly fucked up things happening in it.

>>213825279
I like to think she was kind of just a shitty witch. I mean- she had, what- 23 people she was feeding off of for a month, and she could only get enough vitality to grow back some shitty pussyhair on her dome? Makes sense she got Henry Rhoes'd by a bunch of kids.

>>213827943
Fuck you miro

>>213827989
The way her victims would "help" or sustain her is deliberately ambiguous. You don't really know how much "energy" a child or adult would grant her, or even if that's what she needs.

>>213828063
I'm just saying- I could get a lot done with an entire elementary class worth of slave labor. She didn't have the get-up-and-go I'd expect from an ancient demon or whatever.

I've gotta say the last part was truly retarded. Movie was a solid 9/10 until Alex's part where it falls to a 7/10. how THE FUCK did no one questions Alex's parents getting stroked without a single medical incident tied to it. Also so Alex is going to the store buying THIRTY CANS OF CAMPBELLS SOUP EVERY DAY and no one gives a shit? The kids should have stayed gone not just in some macguffin basement. Stupid film. Also Donna had some serious honkers

>>213827943
Yeah it felt much more like a combination of horror and black comedy to me, the only bits that felt all that horror were the jumpscares in the nightmare sequences and the second gets turned humorous by the guy’s exaggerated “WHAT THE FUCK” in response, I saw some negative reviews saying it wasn’t horror when I feel like that clearly wasn’t the intention; you’re primed for humor from the get-go with the monologue of the kid discussing it with all the “like”s and silly line choices
>>213828063
She seems kind of pathetic/incompetent once you have her whole plan in perspective and that seems intentional

>>213828208
the parents going braindead was an allegory to alcoholism and people not caring outside of showing some basic consideration and leaving it carries said allegory further

>>213828251
Is the film an allegory for a good movie?

>>213825201
>he conveniently had a sudden medical condition that prevents him from talking
>of course you can just take my word for it in this incredibly important investigation
Lazy

>>213828284
I thought it was hilarious

There was retarded woman in my theater chuckling loudly during the nightmare sequences, which I felt added to the eerie nature of the scenes.

>>213828251
I think you think this movie is more interesting than even it thinks it is.

>>213828338
My theater was loud as fuck and it added to the experience

>>213828362
it’s clearly taking the piss the whole time but the ideas came from somewhere

>>213828413
I hate viewers like you. Something good is kino and well thought out and the bad stuff well that's just taking the piss :^)

>>213828450
it’s just a comedy having fun with the premise

>>213825241
Yes. I understand how triangulation works but he's making a massive assumption that they ran in a literal straight line. Having more than two plot points to go off would make more sense for that leap in logic. Also now that I'm thinking about it the kids couldn't have ran in a straight line to the house. If they did there would've been more instances of windows and fences being broken down like in the last chase sequence. The writing is retarded and lazy which I could excuse if it did anything else interesting at all.

>google Donna's actress
>she's got small tatas
I feel betrayed. Movie magic has gone too far

>>213825241
I loved this and I’ll totally be a slurper for it but him using only two points to establish things was kind of weird considering how methodical he was being; it wouldn’t have been hard to throw in a third or something, even with just a cut to his map with a third line

>>213828467
It's not really, though. There are allusions to much more interesting and heavy topics throughout but the people making the movie didn't know what to do with it so it devolved into slapstick horror comedy with a Benny Hill chase sequence to wrap things up.

>>213828682
Josh Brolin in the movie is an allusion to Thanos

>>213822489 (OP)
mid ass movie

>He can't talk because he had a stroke

Come on now. That was BS lmao

>>213826578
>Stop pointing out ridiculous plotholes!

>>213828682
I do think that’s kind of weird, if you go in expecting it to follow through on the serious side of the premise you’ll come out disappointed but if you’re willing to follow the veer harder into comedy as mysteries get answered it’s outstanding. Stuff like the imagery of the gun with the time on it is evocative but never really goes anywhere

>>213828467
I wouldn't call it a comedy, even if it's got some admittedly hilarious scenes.

>>213828787
>oh, don't mention his acne scars, mr fbi agent. he's very sensitive about that topic.

>>213828510
That's why he circled a massive area where the kid might've gone. He knew it was an assumption. Plus Alex's house wasn't in the center of that circle or anything, it was almost on the fringe.

>>213828539
Hey, that's Paul Sheer's wife you're talking about.

>>213828787
>Well, it's unfortunate that Mr. Lilly can't speak or provide any medical records proving he received treatment for his stroke. But we're lucky you're here to clear things up- strange, ghoulish woman. Oh, no, I don't think we'll need to speak with Mrs. Lilly, that's fine.

>>213828836
And that's where it fell apart for me. Like, I don't think every horror movie has to be about SOMETHING. Frankly, I'm tired of the "elevated horror" trend where the tentacle demon is really about your uncle raping you or whatever but this movie wanted it both ways and I think it felt clumsy because of it. It wasn't a bad movie but it wasn't a great one either.

>>213828843
I think it deals equally in humor and intrigue but I was laughing through the whole thing, I was never really scared outside of being lightly startled by the jumpscares.

>>213825291
It’s pretty good. Not a fan of the tryhard humor, but a couple parts scared the shit out of me

>>213828510
>>213828631
A simple no would suffice

>>213825291
Be open minded and don’t expect heavy horror and it’s a good time

>>213825291
It's pretty good. VOD should be out soon, though so maybe save your money if you're on the fence.

>>213822489 (OP)
The manner in which those children disappeared would have been a global news event that would have attracted every agency in the world. The town would have been encamped for monthes with no stone unturned.
When it transpires the creepiest house in the town was ACTUALLY where the kids were, I totally dropped the film. All goodwill and mystery absolutley trashed.

>Fruity Pebbles
>whole tray of hot dogs
Based. Creggers is the only current director with the balls to make gay jokes.

>>213829732
You just know like seven of those hot dogs were just for Wong, too.

>>213828682
Yeah that Benny Hill sequence completely ruined the ending for me, it just wasn’t funny at all and was such a gay payoff considering how good the buildup was. Obviously a minority opinion as zoomers seem to think it’s the best ending ever, but it tainted the whole movie for me.

>>213829732
Classic zach

>why yes crazed crone that showed up at the exact same time that Alex's parents stopped going to their jobs and now you say that they both simultaneously had a stroke to which there is no recorded medical event, it is of no concern to us the police that your ward was the only child not to disappear mysteriously, and who's parents don't pick him up from school anymore and buys a platoons worth of beans every day from the supermarket all of this coinciding with your arrival to town. good day go about your business as you stay in the spookiest house in town with your two stroke patients and a young child.
who wrote this?

>>213830261
The reddit cope is that the bumbling old hag actually enchanted the whole town to act like retards. Off camera obviously.

>>213822489 (OP)
>r/cinema sins

>>213830388
Trying to justify everything like that is even worse than all the cinemasins tier criticism in this thread

>>213829618
The house wasn't creepy at all, you'd only notice if you went up close. Guess people in suburbia just kind their own business and don't care about their neighbors.

>>213830261
>who's parents
Whose

>Oh no!
I didn't think people were being serious when they said the movie became straight comedy by the end, but damn.

>>213830699
You can tell those kids had a great time filming their final scene.

>>213822489 (OP)
NOOOO YOU HAVE TO COVER EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO OR IT DOESN'T APPEASE MY AUTISTIC MIND, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PERFECT MOVIE WITHOUT DOUBT OR QUESTION

>>213825291
Yea I just came back from the theater. It was a really fun movie.

>>213826491
No shit, but that was where the temptation was, he was the only one who knew her well enough to trust she was innocent, though I did expect more out of that subplot like the wife getting weaponized.

>>213830939
The entire premise of the movie falls apart when you consider for five seconds that law enforcement (including the FBI) did nothing and had no leads for a month and that suspension of disbelief is too far. kys shill

>>213828787
>implying cops are that thorough to look into that shit

>>213830485
Fucking really.

>>213831032
>He thinks the FBI is efficient or effective
Go back to watching NCIS if you wanna suck government cock.

>>213831068
They found Luigi in a McDonald's two states away within 48 hours. They can't find 20 children 3 streets away? You are so fucking stupid. Back to school kid.

>>213831034
>>213831068
How much are they paying you to shill this shit?

I really thought there would be a reveal that the boy is who wrote WITCH on the teacher's car, to silently warn her that there is a witch in the neighborhood.

>>213831111
They found Luigi because a McD employee gave him up. Not because they're good.

>>213831124
You can't be retarded enough to think a micro-budget horror movie can afford paid shills.

>>213830912
How do they direct children to literally tear an old lady to fucking shreds without traumatizing them? I'd probably have nightmares about that for the rest of my life, even if I was told "it's just pretend"

I like how they were just like "We don't talk about the K-9s" since that would solve the case in 2 minutes.

>>213831179
Kids are super resilient. They must've had a ton of fun playing with the fake blood.

>>213831068
>He thinks federal agenents aren't attention seeking oppertununists
They'dve planted cp on the principals computer assuming it wasn't already there

They should have let the witch have the ability to emulate voices or maybe even shapeshift to make it more plausible.

>>213828208
It was also pretty funny when Gladys said they all have TB and nobody cared

>>213831179
>ok kids this old hag is the pinata, let her rip!

>>213831201
Are those dogs really that good? I've seen news coverage of searches for missing kids with dogs and they turned up jack shit.

My brain had fused this and Wayward into one entity and I kept waiting for Toni Collette to show up.

>>213831132
More like they had his ass clocked using all of their secret glowie tricks but they can't reveal methods so they bribed some old bitch to file a report. There's not a chance in hell some civilian saw that footage and then Luigi in the restaurant and made the connection. Unless you live in crazyville.

>>213827896
No. They continously record. You can just configure notifications only when movement is close.

>>213831245
Yes. A dog could track a kid a few neighborhood blocks lol.

>>213831259
Don't forget your tinfoil hat indoors as well, anon.

>>213831286
You know I'm 100% correct, faggot. Go ahead and look up that footage again and tell me it looks like Luigi.

>>213831283
It was more than a few. The hypnotism or whatever it was made them keep running all night. Alex doesn't walk home, he takes the bus.

>>213831032
It's slightly satirical over the police's lack of competency and action, but otherwise it would become a police procedural movie which isn't what the movie's trying to be. If 17 kids on camera ran into the darkness with no note, no evidence, no digital footprint, etc., it would be difficult to even have a lead.

>>213822489 (OP)
In the intro dialogue they very clearly state that the cops are retards who later covered up the whole mess out of embarrassment

>>213831309
You're delusional.

>>213831124
I'm annoyed because half the complaints are just "well this doesn't suspend my disbelief enough so it's bad"

>>213831341
but they didn't run into the darkness they ran down suburban streets to a single house and then filed inside slowly. If the kids actually went into the dark and were never heard from again cool beans but turns out they ran to some house and then were heard from like a month later

>>213831363
and you're an unconvincing troll but here's the comparison for posterity

>>213831341
No it wouldn't. Josh Brolin solved it immediately by just drawing straight lines for two of them.

A case of 17 missing kids would have state and fed investigators all over it. It would be national news nonstop with daily updates. There would have been dogs going door to door. 24/7 surivallance of the teacher and surviving kid.

>>213831382
It's the movies own fault for not doing anything interesting enough to distract people from how dumb the script was. It's honestly begging people to read into it until it decides it's just a quirky black comedy.

>>213831259
idk man he has pretty distinct eyebrows, but then again I can't remember if they even had footage that looked like him to base off of

>>213831032
There are shitty police in real life. Movies and TV make cops seem far more competent than they actually are. Not every case is solved.

>>213831382
You can't ask for suspension of disbelief when you set it up as a mystery. Watching them solve the mystery is like the entire plot.

If you want people to suspend disbelief over the investigation, then you handwave away the investigation, not make it the focus of the whole story.

>>213831427
Yeah, totally different guy. They might even have a double Luigi when they failed to catch the real one.

>>213831486
This was the closest shot they have of the two looking alike. Surveillance footage looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. The distinct eyebrows are only hinted at. The smiles are the closest thing alike but the angles are totally different. If I'm staring at this gay kid's face dead on, I'm not thinking of that surveillance footage, especially if I'm some boomer hillbily working at Toona McD's. Even if she was your typical true crime obsessed rural woman, I still have a hard time suspending my disbelief. NYC is one of the most surveilled spots in the US and this guy was high profile, and cops have been doing shady shit like bribing bums for eyewitness accounts to cover their tracks since time immemorial. I'm just saying, my money's on secret methods.

>>213831453
Because he had a dream that gave him an approximate place, from the police's perspective they already searched Alex's home. Though to be fair, it's likely in real life he would have an escort if they believed there's a kidnapper or trafficker involved, or at least I would think so. Same with the teacher being surveilled if she was the lead suspect.

>>213831592
There's really nothing that suggests Josh Brolin's kid wouldn't have turned and changed direction after disappearing from the camera's sight. Following a straight trail is the kind of obsessed, cooky line of reasoning that just might work in a movie.

That shot near the ending of the girl chasing the witch was pretty great.

>>213831722
They would have plotted the paths just like Brolin did though because thats they info they had. When they intersect right at the surviving kids house...cmon.

>>213831823
That girl was a beast and singlehandedly took her down.

>>213831837
They don't. He makes a big circle on the X. Then the teacher points out the weird kids house which is in the circle but not on the x.

>>213831837
But they don't intersect at the surviving kid's house. Brolin draws a big ass circle over an area and by sheer luck the circle had that house in it for Justine to identify.

>>213825291
It's incredibly bad and all these positive replies make me think I've been drinking dry cleaner or something.

>>213832266
And if the teacher could identify it, so could the cops jfc

>>213831823
yeah it was kino
I heard the last 20 minutes were bad but it was just funny
have people forgotten about the horror movie trope where it just becomes schlock for the ending and you're supposed to stop giving a shit and have fun?
Serious ending rarely work. I get wanting it though I guess but the ending here was fine

>>213832369
A Cure for Wellness is one of my favorite full retard schlock endings in the genre

>>213832348
Not really. The teacher was characterized as obsessed and clingy with the kids so it makes sense she can point out Alex's house. Plus she'd been there soon earlier.
Cop looking at a map? Don't think so, m8.

>>213831722
Yeah you’re talking about a movie where the kinds just woke up at the same time in the middle of the night and naruto ran to nowhere, that weird logic is part of the premise
But I write these things off as the police being completely incompetent in this matter, we get to follow a cop for like 2 whole days and he doesn’t do a single thing to try and find the kids until druggo tells him where they are, this kinda feels like a nod to them being mostly useless
Small town cops like that don’t really deal with a lot of serious stuff I guess, so when real shit like this happens they’re probably stumped

>>213822489 (OP)
>Brolin is the only character that decided to trace the paths using camera footage. Police never attempted it.
LMAO, and the narration about the police's embarrassment for not solving it at the beginning isn't good enough.

>>213832459
Young Han Solo wasn't on the kids' case, he's a patrolman and it had been a month. There's no reason he'd be looking for them.

>>213832266
>>213832298
If they all intersect in a small circle area, they would be all over that. Pure incompetency.

>>213832348
OK you're right. The movie sucks

>>213832532
What's a small circle? This was like a 20-block radius.

>>213832315
Seethe

>>213832522
That’s true, but if you have many different character plots all revolving around the missing kids and the cop character is the one least involved in finding them, it’s probably a sign none of the cops are really trying that much
There wasn’t even any detective assigned to the case or working on it as far as I remember, all seems like subtle hints that the cops either don’t care or are probably clueless

>>213828290
>>213830261
>>213831032

>cops keep stating they're doing everything they can
>clearly woefully incompetent or just DGAF after a month
Movie might be a bit too realistic if you ask me.

>>213832459
>get the first tip in months about huge case that can make most of your life better again
>tell no one, not even your father in law the chief who you already trusted
>go into the house without backup
See above

Alden Ehrenreich just sucks as an actor as well

>>213832750
>get the first tip in months about huge case that can make most of your life better again
>tell no one, not even your father in law the chief who you already trusted
>go into the house without backup
He was in a position where he was about to get fired by the chief after cheating on his daughter. He didn't want to make the call on the word of a drugee. He figured if it was real, he would be a hero and everything would work out. Otherwise, why embarrass yourself.

>>213832750
>>get the first tip in months about huge case that can make most of your life better again

By a junkie who you just booked and who stabbed you in the face and would likely say anything to leave you alone.

Right, its a great lead

>>213831111
>they found the government plant
Wow shocking

>>213831111
>implying they didn't put all of their resources into it as an exemplary measure not to turn on the wealthy
A bunch of no-name kids in bumfuck America would never have the same high profile.

>>213825279
>The kid does magic at the end
>Using a stick from her tree
Yeah I’m with >>213827989 on this one, I honestly think she was just a really shitty witch scraping by on nobody knowing magic exists. If the kid had turned evil he’d have been way more of a menace.

>>213832476
>the police
>solving shit

>>213825279
She kinda felt like she was pretending to be human but the parents did not give a shit because the point is that they were bad parents like Brolin and their heads were somewhere else.

i fucking LOVE amerifats who get mad at media that show how incompetent the police is.

40-50% of homicides remain unsolved
70% of rapes are unsolved
75% of robberies are unsolved
60% of assault is unsolved

amerifat police IS INCOMPETENT, the movie is realistic.

Will I regret not watching it in theatres?

>>213833382
I don't think you miss much, but I'd watch it with some friends at least. I think it's a better experience than by yourself.

>>213833057
I honestly thought it was gonna turn out that the kid was the one who made his classmates vanish because they bullied him and he hated them. I didn't see any connection between them and a Witch other than, you know, fairy tales.

I did have to remind myself a few times this was some small town PD but even the big city cops and often Feds are almost as incompetent. Who goes to that sketchy ass house brought by that sketchy drugie and doesn’t call back up or at the very least call one of your buddies on that shift with you to come and look. Just walking in after that creepy lady waves you in lmao

>>213825333
Lol

>>213833453
Frens? What's that?

cops won't even arrest insane fentzombies freaking out across the street from the city courthouse or investigate vehicle theft with perfect quality camera footage of the perps faces, license plates, and gps coordinates of the cars location.
you expect them to catch a witch in 1.5 days?

>>213833572
To be fair to Paul, he was walking on thin ice already by having cheated on the chief's daughter. He probably thought he had to prove himself or something.

>>213822939
Yeah this is one of a couple things that killed my immersion.
I could totally understand it if the house they were running to was isolated in a field somewhere but the fact that it's in a suburb and nobody noticed dozens of kids running towards the house seems really unlikely.

>>213833572
If he called for backup he'd draw attention to the druggie in his backseat and risk people finding out about what happened the day before.
Also, while the house looked a bit suspicious he only had the word of a homeless drug addict who would probably say anything to get out of trouble. He would look like an idiot if it turned out to be nothing.
If nothing else he had been through a few stressful moments in the last 24 hours and probably wasn't thinking clearly.

>>213833572
He was trying to prevent the junkie from talking to the other cops which 100% would have happened if he had called it in.
I dont' think he even believed the junkie because the guy was obviously tweaking on meth but figured there was no harm in it.

I never visit /tv/ but my SO wanted to watch this movie so bad I just caved in and went with her.
Why are the reviews so high? I don't like horror movies, I feel nothing watching them, they all feel the same to me (silence, loud noise, jumpscare!!! woaaaw!!!!) why are people receiving this one so well compared to the other horrorslop they shart out that follows the same fucking formula for the last 20 years?
I don't want people that agree with me, I want to know the point of view of someone who liked it.
This feels like someone watched The Hunt (2012 with mads) and said "huh what if i let my 12yo cousin who went crazy over annabelle write something similar??"

>>213834422
People in the suburbs are not up at 2am.

>>213834509
Read the thread.

>>213834509
You might not like Weapons but calling it
>the same formula
Is pretty disingenuous.
It has a very unique structure for a horror movie.
I can't think of another horror movie that uses the Rashomon Effect.

>DUDE THE COPS AND THE STRAIGHT LINE TO THE WITCHES HOUSE
Did you retards not watch the movie? The cops went to her house and found it empty. They thought the same thing as Brolin but nothing came up. Now sure you can argue how believable 17 kids can hide in the backyard or whatever but the cops did follow up on that witches house found nothing and left it at that.

>>213834527
I am, I still don't understand. Most people are just saying how shit doesn't make sense like "le dad has le fork face" "le children.... went le running at le night??? someone wouldve seen!!!" but that's retarded. Most people would rather stay inert, if some 9/5 faggot saw someone that looked fucked up they'd stare for 2 seconds and move on because they cba dealing with it and unless you live in Detroit or some other fucked up place it'd be pretty rare to have anyone outside late at night.
I'm not even talking about ""plotholes"" like cops ignoring obvious signs or anything like that, I'm trying to understand what makes this movie any less shit than any other horrorslop made in the last 30 years.
>>213834596
It has an unique structure if all you've ever watched was the 50 paranormal activity movies they make every year. You mean how the story was told from different point of views? People are giving super high scores over that? I knew the bar for horror movies was low but I didn't know it was literally in hell.

>>213834653
Can you name a single horror movie that you do like? If you don't like the genre as a whole then Weapons isnt' going to convince you of anything.

>>213822489 (OP)
It's really simple - it's a bad movie.

>>213834527
Done reading the thread, everyone is either schizoing out about unrelated shit or arguing about how a horror movie has a shitty plot that makes little sense. Still doesn't answer my question, this movie feels (and in my opinion is) average at best and that's when compared to other horror movies.
If people usually call horror and "2 hour long random jumpscare session" the same then I can see why people liked it, it does in fact feature jumpscares throughout the runtime but as someone who used the internet in the 2010s that shit is just overdone. When half of the videos you open end up with the exorcist girl screaming that shit gets tiring very fast.
>>213834773
I don't watch it often, no, because like I said I only went to watch it because my SO wanted. But if I had to name it'd be Hellraiser, Kwaidan, Rosemary's Baby. I watched a few others but they're the bog standard stuff everyone watched and liked like The Witch, Suspiria or the Hereditary.

>>213834653
>>213834953
Retard.

>>213834953
Also I need to add that it felt nostalgic to have a bunch of teenage girls talking throughout the entire movie, I did the same thing with my bros when annabelle was released so I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.
It's hard to not see that as the main audience for jumpscare slop, that also confuses me even further as to why people are rating the movie so high.
>>213835087
Thanks.

>>213827943
>>213827815
Autism speaks

>>213834509
I enjoyed it
I liked how the story was told
I found the characters sympathetic (especially Alex and Archer)
I found the villain suitably evil and the end cathartic without being saccharine
The story was interesting and it was a scary film because the idea of a parasite (or alcoholism) taking away a child's parents is scary
you feel anxious for Alex
but I'm not going to fight like a nigger in a waffle house to persuade you to like a movie
I liked it. That's all I can hope for. Other people liking it genuinely of no importance to me
If anything I prefer it when I'm the only person to like something since gatekeeping keeps retards from forming a fandom and ruining something
sadly the movie is very popular but what can yo udo?

The movie would make more sense if only a week had passed

Was the 2:17 thing totally pointless or something I didnt get?

How many more weeks will it stay in theaters?

>>213834509
>I don't like horror movies, I feel nothing watching them, they all feel the same to me (silence, loud noise, jumpscare!!! woaaaw!!!!)
Wow sit down tough guy

>>213835250
I was puzzled as well. It seems that, despite the gun scene and the time featuring prominently in the film marketing, there's actually nothing special about it.

>>213823378
I live in a small town and every single house has one plus additional cameras on every corner of their house/backyard, and some even have cameras inside their house.

>>213835207
I'm glad that you posted why you liked it, I understand your point of view.
>but I'm not going to fight like a nigger in a waffle house to persuade you to like a movie
You know, I reread everything I wrote to make sure but I can't understand how you'd take that from my messages. Maybe I shat on the movie too much? It wasn't my intention to trash talk people or say that their taste is bad.
I really just wanted to know why people liked it, just like how you explained it. Because it's hard to figure that stuff out for yourself, my SO also didn't like it either so she couldn't help me out with that.
I don't want someone to change my mind, I never liked horror movies anyway, my curiosity comes from trying to understand what made this one different enough from the others for people to like it because to me, like I said, felt just like any other.
You see, horror movies generally don't have good plots anyways, so at least I was expecting for the "horror" to be something more than the same technique used overused and abused for the last three decades.
>>213835309
I'm still scared of the dark and don't piss at night because of it, not that I'd tell anyone I know IRL about that....
It has nothing to do with being tough, you just get used to jumpscares when you grew up having to skip to the end of every video just to make sure it doesn't have the exorcist girl screaming.

>>213835164
are you saying it wasn't a comedy? My theater was laughing the whole way through

>>213835309
Forgot to mention I also don't look at mirrors at night because I'm deathly afraid of the image moving in a way I didn't. I'm the furthest thing ever from at tough guy.
So even considering all that I still think that jumpscares are still very, very boring and overused. It saddens me that horror equals jumpscare or just dismembering people (which is something anyone who had internet access in the 2010s would also be bored with).

>>213834509
the reason people like it is because it's barely a horror movie, it's more of a mystery/dark comedy thing. How much you enjoy it seems to depend a lot of what your expectations are and how willing you are to have them broken

>>213835309
he's right, the vast majority of horror movies are more concerned with shocking the audience than presenting anything seriously unnerving

>>213823631
At least it’s not another fucking metaphor.

>>213822795
More like the other parents would have been up in their shit too
That's really the biggest plot hole of the movie

>>213835525
If they found themselves in that situation they wouldnt be laughing.
Seriously people need to stop laughing at horror movies cause it ruins the mood, in my cinema there were only five assholes laughing, with their black tshirts and unkept beards and some quirky chungus gf, I hate the type.

im 50/50 on this movie, whats the opinion of the fat alcoholic losers who couldnt make their own movie now live off reviewing shit from other more successful people?

>>213835530
>>213835426
Maybe you'll do a real scary movie one day and show us

>>213835624
Nah, you wouldnt be laughing seeing it in the dark, alone, with the windows open

All the sperging about the competence of the law wouldn't exist if the movie didn't make such a big deal out of it. The movie opens with spoopy voice over telling you the cops never solved it and that's why they were able to keep the media from knowing but that's not how the media works at all so don't tell me to just turn my brain off lmao when half the PREMISE is that the cops are trying really really hard

>>213835756
If you were on the passengers in Airplane! you wouldn't be laughing either. What is that supposed to prove? It was a funny movie.

>>213835789
boo!

Why does anyone think this movie is good? It's 2 hours of basically nothing happening then you get the funny kid chase scene.
Everything about it is forgettable and will never be worth another watch.

>>213835756
there are so many scenes explicitly meant to be funny, from the cop whining about aids to the crackhead to the final resolution being classic slapstick with an old woman getting chased down by an army of 12 year olds; it's more autistic to fixate on how you'd be upset if it was happening to you than to laugh at a funny movie

>>213835580
>barely a horror movie, it's more of a mystery/dark comedy thing
True, some parts were quite funny.
>seems to depend a lot of what your expectations
Yeah, maybe that's why I'm a bit upset with it. I searched it and thought "woah a well rated horror movie? it must be quite scary!" and got bummed out when it turned out to be the same shit as always.

>>213835756
Sounds you're (YOU)'re a fag

>>213835756
I can almost feel the high BMI emanating from this post, some rando fatty with his black leather jacket malding in theater while everyone around him is having fun.

>>213831127
That'd have been clever, yeah

>>213834509
>>213834953
>my SO
Only pretentious fags use this "mature" gender neutral terminology

Why are witches so evil bros

>>213836600
Couldn't care less about whatever culture war faggot shit you're on buddy, English is not even my first language and I often see people using it so that's what I picked.
Would your feefees be less hurt if I called her "my bitch" or something? What would've changed? God I remember when SJWs were called "snowflakes" because they got triggered over meaningless shit yet here you are at the other end of the scale doing the exact same shit.
Kill yourself, you're exactly the same as them, just instead of asking people to respect their made up pronouns you're here whining about wanting people to give you permission to say nigger or whatever.

>>213823603
I think the mom who didn't want to give the camera footage up and Brolin getting it from Mac guy was pretty funny though.

>>213823733
Yeah I was like are 2 enough? The radio tower meant nothing. And wtf was with the assault rifle dream?

>>213823796
Every house on my block has one and the entire dev of condos across the street too.

>>213827815
>>213827943
It's Horror Suspense Comedy!

>>213829795
I was cracking up at that "dinner" feast.

>>213831201
They literally would have tracked the kids all to that house unless the witch fucked with them too

They should have set the movie in the 60s or something. If this were modern day it would be everywhere and everyone would be all over it and TikTok would be absolute cancer.

>>213836717
yoo timmy just did the naynay in the witch basement we flossin in this bitch

>>213836761
Everyone would be filming the witch getting eaten alive by the children, with their mouths open doing the s0ijak face.

>>213836715
>wtf was with the assault rifle dream
I was feeling really dumb because I just couldn't figure out why the movie was called weapons, the rifle dream or the 2:17 but it turns out it's just random trash to get more social media attention.

>>213824541
Yeah, what doctor diagnosed him?

>>213836953
She just has to say it once. Look at him.

>>213836704
>you talk like a fag btw
>heh, sorry for hurting your precious feefees SNOWFLAKE
>Now let me write a whole paragraph about muh horseshoe theory because you're so triggered, unlike me
It ain't that deep, pretentious ESL fag
>ARE YOU IMPLYING SHE SHOULD BE DEMEANED
Just call her your girlfriend like a normal person, retard

This movie was Satanic. Involved sorcery, adultry, homosexuality, and other assorted liberal ideas.

>>213837205
It’s absolutely a nitpick more than a complaint, but it was pretty annoying to see how much of this movie was pushed by general incompetence. Not a bad movie, had some cool shots and a hilarious ending.

>>213837248
Don't forget you're the one feeling so uncomfortable over two fucking letters that you have to bitch about it to someone else.
>triggered
Yeah I get quite annoyed over the fact people like you seem to mock other people for doing the exact same shit as them, it's pathetic. How can you not see that you're doing literally the same thing as them? Fucking over a decade past gamergate yet people like you still exist, how is this possible?
>whole paragraph
Yeah I often write quite a bit but I type 120wpm so it doesn't matter that much I'm not the one who has to read it after all. But I can see why an american would feel threatened by more than 120 characters so I apologize.
>ESL
And I'm proud of that, I thank god every fucking day for not being born in the muttamerica.
Now I'd tell you to have sex but we both know you never will and that makes you very unhappy so go shoot up a school or touch up your manifesto and stop bothering me you ridiculous eop mutt.

>>213822489 (OP)
just came back from marathoning this as the local kinoplex and yep it was kino

>>213822489 (OP)
TURN AROUND AND SAY IT AGAIN
TURN AROUND AND SAY IT AGAIN
TURN AROUND AND SAY IT AGAIN

>>213837474
>you mocking my English with one sentence means you're uncomfortable and TRIGGERED, now here's several more paragraphs about muh horseshoe and GAMERGATE and I even attached a pic of a cringe guy to prove it
Whatever you say little buddy
>120 wpm means my screeds don't indicate that I'm owned
Regardless of how fast you talk, brevity is the soul of wit
As a pretentious fag like you would know

>>213837474
>Now I'd tell you to have sex but we both know
We both know everyone who says this doesn't have sex

>>213823796
my next door neighbor has ring and another cam. also I go to many people's houses most of them got it especially if they deal with guests often

>>213834953
>Done reading the thread
>Continues to stay in the thread and spiral over a movie he doesn't like getting praise
You are a failure on most accounts aren't you?

>>213838100
The average american reading comprehension is a truly sad thing.
>>213834527
>told to read the thread
>>213834653
>i am currently reading
>>213834953
>finished reading the thread

Better now? I was done as in finished reading and caught up to the thread, not as in the slang of being "so done with something". If there's any failure in this thread it'd be the educational institutions you participated in.
>>213837847
True, I was larping about a fake SO from the beginning.
>>213837834
Based, don't you think it's time for you to woke police another thread? Someone could be using gender neutral words in your vicinity RIGHT NOW and I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

>>213822489 (OP)
So reading this thread
>movie pseuds hate it for not being serious in its entire runtime
>horror movie fans love it cause it baits being serious and makes fun of horror tropes then goes to being camp

>that scene where paul tries to resist justine then it cuts to her waking him in her bed
I kek'd

>>213838640
Kek that pretty much it. Glad Im the
>horror movie fans love it cause it baits being serious and makes fun of horror tropes then goes to being camp

Im going to sleep now

>>213838640
so basically according to you the movie gets a free pass for having a shit third act just because you claim it's "le wacky deconstruction". Please go back to rebbit and stay there

>>213839259
What shit third act? The conclusion's great. You watched a horde of kids fuck up an old lady.

>>213839259
the third act is great, you just have to accept it being really dark comedy instead of sperging about it not being as much of a horror movie as you anticipated

>market something as X
>it's actually Y
>people get upset over movie being Y and not X
>who cares it's not X? stop being a sperg!
what I enjoy the most in my horror movies? the funny and campy parts of course

>>213839381
>>213839390
>Movie isn't what it says it is
>Somehow this is a good thing
If I wanted a laff I'd have gone to see the naked gun, instead of a horror movie. You two are blinded by your contrarianism

>>213839801
You should've known about the movie you were going to watch then, retard.

>>213839868
Grasping at straws now huh

Every good horror movie ever made has camp while shit that takes itself too seriously is forgotten to the sands of time.

>>213822489 (OP)
I just finished watching Barbarian and the cops were mouth drooling retards in that movie too. I take it the director doesn’t really like the police very much.

>>213822489 (OP)
The writing did have some hackish stuff but that's typical for horror. Like the parents blaming the teacher. Put yourself in their shoes, would you possibly think the teacher could be involved? If so what is it you think she did?

>>213840811
I'd rape Justine. Then we'd be even.

>>213839259
The movie was dreadful. Good premise but poorly done.

>>213834514
That’s where you’re wrong! Veeheehee

>>213830578
This is going to sound crazy but I blame dark souls.

Barbarian was much better. This one was really good for the first half, but the reveal came way too soon when there were no real stakes and no suspense left for the rest of the film. I do appreciate the humor, though. It carried the latter half

>>213822489 (OP)
They do all those things,was show in screen or said by some character.
Put aside the fuckin cellphone idiot!
Fuckin zoomers can't do anything without move eyes aside the goddam screen.

>>213834509
>that follows the same fucking formula for the last 20 years?
Because this one didn't? There's a whopping 3 jumpscares in this 130 minute movie. It's a mystery thriller with elements of horror and comedy. It's nothing like the usual trauma or ghost slop we usually get.

>>213835303
It's coming to HBO Max in November. It'll probably be on Amazon to buy or rent a month before that.

>>213823631
>>213824579
Eggers made a great Witch movie.

>>213826578
So was 4chan

>>213837474
AZ was right, by the way.

>>213826176
But Salvas is a gay pedo

>>213831179
It's literally not real you wimpy faggot. My siblings and I would eat her fake jelly organs.

>>213835817
Lmfao. You are so gay.

>>213825279
I like to think Witches just hunt humans for sport the same ways our neanderthal brothers often hunted animals as an activity, not always for survival.

>>213831127
Witch would have known.

>>213830699
there are hints at it from the start really, I'd go so far as to say it's more funny than it is scary

>>213844447
But The Devil is featured in that movie, not just a witch.
>tfw no one asks you if you want to live deliciously

>>213822489 (OP)
All of it would've easily been fixed by just having a scene where she uses a spell that makes them overlook anything suspicious. Like that scene in What We Do in the Shadows, when the cops turn up and don't see anything wrong with a corpse stuck under the coffin lid, a person floating on the ceiling, and a vampire burnt to cinders.

DO YOU HEAR ME, ZACH, YOU HACK? THERE WERE ALREADY EXAMPLES TO FIX THE HOLES IN YOUR FILM, YOU JUST NEEDED TO FUCKING THINK FOR A SECOND.

>>213847710
>uses a spell that makes them overlook anything suspicious
How does the magic know what qualifies as suspicious? Is it an old spell? Would it flag a woman wearing trousers as suspicious? Your retarded 8nput is straight out of an episode of Sabrina.

>>213848228
/tv/niggas are so retarded goddayum

>>213848228
>How does the magic know what qualifies as suspicious?
It doesn't, you do.
>Is it an old spell?
Could be. We're never told how old any of her spells are.
>Would it flag a woman wearing trousers as suspicious?
Depends if you do.
>Your retarded 8nput is straight out of an episode of Sabrina.
Don't project, retard. It's unbecoming.

>>213848251
>>213848330
Glad you don't write scripts, losers.

>>213848476
Wow, you ran out of arguments already? That's embarrassing.

>>213848476
its horrorslop and youre here arguing over minor shit nobody cares
go watch a real movie

>>213831034
>he thinks that when uncle tex dissapears, Gil Grissom, Monk, Columbo and agent Mulder are going to come and solve the case in a whim

>>213848538
I'm replying to non-arguments so why should I bother?
>durrrr make an I-win spell

>>213822489 (OP)
in case you couldn't tell from this movie and didn't watch the director's previous movie, he hates cops, so he makes the cops incompetent or villainous, or punishes them. it's the same kind of director that goes for the easy low hanging fruit of using children for shock value, putting children in scenes of extreme violence for an easy audience reaction. same as steven king that does this in every one of his cheap works. and it works, people are talking about this facile garbage.

>>213848551
Cope.

>>213848606
And also, cops are bumbling morons irl.

>>213835629
All fiction is a metaphor, it's just not a pretentious, shallow, borrowing, one-dimensional, on the nose metaphor like school shootings on mental illness.

>>213848603
Oh, so your problem is that magic is magic? Gotcha. You can go back to your brainlet seething alone.

>>213848646
you are right, large groups of similar people are similarly retarded. for example, cops, women, fags, niggers, americans.

>>213837384
and placing young child actors either watching acts of depraved violence, being subject to acts of extreme violence, and performing acts of extreme violence. very soulless and deranged movie.

>>213835787
are you talking about RLM? it's a degenerate soulless movie, which invariably means they loved it

>>213835250
bible quote? 2:17? quick google says "in the last days, God will pour out His Spirit on all people, leading to prophesying, visions, and dreams" which matches somewhat. would need to check different books but i can't be assed because watching this movie was homework for me.

>>213825279
Both

>>213831179
this is correct. same as the Alex kid witnessing adults stabbing themselves in the face with forks or chasing him around the house like deranged psychos, that shit WILL leave a mark on these kid actors. it's deranged film makers putting kids in these situations, and then surprisingly they grow up fucked up.

>>213831032
correct, if 17 kids died from a school shooting oh sorry i meant disappeared from a school simultaneously, it would make worldwide news for months and journalists from around the world would flock to that place, and the police, fbi and national guard would be 100% on that case updating it every 12 hours.

example: maddie mccann (died at home and body disposed by the father but media still doing the Masons song and dance)

>>213838419
>True, I was larping about a fake SO from the beginning.
Leave this board and don't come back. You're too retarded even for here, maybe /v/ is more your speed.

>>213847710
that would be so much more stupid and poorly written than people just being kind of dumb/ignorant in the town, not everything has to make perfect real-world sense

>bruh the cops IRL would have known the stroke was a lie
>bruh the cops would have solved this so easily because that bitch is creepy fr
>bruh a real witch would never do _____
Shit board full of contrarian zoomers

>>213825279
Witches are a lot like creatures in myth all over the world, human or not. It’s the same with wizards.

>>213850301
This. Even the wizards/witches in Harry Potter are more than human, or less than human, depending on how you look at it.

>>213850341
We really should have had witch hunters in that world

>>213849613
Yeah, you're right, in a film about a witch, it would be so much more stupid and poorly written for the witch to have a plan, better to just forget that police looking into a case of a whole class going missing would obviously look further into everything and say "I dunno". You fucking div kid.

>>213823631
It was clearly paranormal. What would have been better?

>>213835250
>>213848977
It's a reference to The Shining, in the book the evil room with the dead woman is 217

>>213823631
i thought it was cool because if witches exist then witch-hunters are around too

>>213851306
In your head? Sure. They aren't in the movie so wtf does that have to do with anything?

>>213851410
are you retarded? if witches exists and magic also exists, it means out there there are more people aware of both. Thus, witch-hunters also exist

>>213822489 (OP)
It’s even worse when you consider that she could’ve easily just made Alex disappear, too, to avoid the scrutiny. Obviously, then he’d have to come up with a totally different plot. But how the fuck are you going to explain BOTH parents being suddenly incapacitated by stroke?
It fell apart instantly the minute the principal looked into it.

I think the movie was making some commentary on the police not really doing their job.

>>213851475
Of which none are featured in the movie this thread is discussing. So, while I'm happy your little fantasy Weapons cinematic universe is rich and full of interesting ideas, it has no bearing on the actual thing being discussed because it only exists your fuckin head.

>>213851607
But it was actually doing a commentary on writers not doing their job BAZINGA

>>213822489 (OP)
When does the DV torrent drop?

>>213851570

It follows Stephen King logic where everyone in the town is under slow low-intensity spell that makes them docile and complacent.

Bear in mind that both Garner and Brolin's characters had dream/visions which singles them out as agents of "good" and makes them question what is going on.

This is very typical Stephen King stuff.

>>213850763
the witch is bumbling and too desperate to stay healthy to actually consider what she's doing, if she was planning to begin with she would make things a bit more gradual instead of grabbing 17 kids at once and she'd do something about Alex instead of leaving him to eventually get sick of her shit and ruin her plans like he does. I'd rather a story about people reacting to something impossible with no leads and failing to handle it than "oho the witch actually casted a mystical spell that keeps anyone from catching on to her fuck you". If your issue is the witch not planning your issue is that you want a different movie entirely

>>213852424
>your issue is you wanted a good movie
Yes.

>>213852461
this movie is great though it's funny as fuck

>>213851607
...again.

>>213851607
if you have to deal with them irl you learn pretty fast that cops are way more incompetent than you'd anticipate

>>213852479
It's really not that funny.

>>213852563
I found it laugh out loud funny pretty consistently but humor is pretty subjective I guess

>>213822489 (OP)
Why is this thread so fucking autistic? How do you guys manage to shove a stick so far up your ass without coming out of it needing a colonoscopy bag?

>>213848606
The Paul actor's portrayal of a cop was very good I thought. When he comes into the bar to meet Justine he's got puppy dog vibes, super normal guy. Then later we get to see him go into pig mode on the job.
It was very funny how his old ugly wife is obsessed with sex and he's miserable, classic marital humour.

>>213850763
Yes it felt like the director was fucking around and having fun, more concerned with his gags and specific shots than with crafting a good mystery thriller plot.
Like the junkie was funny, but I agree I would've liked a better plot and more believable motivations, as well as more insight into the witch's motivations and origins. We don't know exactly how she was using the kids or why. Yeah, to keep living, but we don't see the process of their youth being transferred to her or any changes in her appearance for example.

Die thread

>>213853470
she does actually grow her hair back over time

The fact that the 17 zombie kids and both parents have to be continually fed means that the curse does not impact the natural digestion process, which means that they would have all been pissing and shitting in that basement for the entire month. The fact that Alex and/or Thanos didn’t vomit immediately upon entering the room killed the immersion for me. And for that reason, I’m out

>>213851639
who hurt you anon?

>>213854465
i did think of the shitting when the kid was feeding his parents who sat at that table for days on end. maybe the witch would send them randomly to the toilet, or no poop would be produced because the witch absorbed everything. or they would just shit themselves all day for days on end. would make no sense when the kid cleans up the house to receive the CPS workers, no way the shit smell would get fully cleaned up.