Thread 214029320

Why aren't there any good monke horror kinos?
They'd make for some great horror material

>>214029320 (OP)
Fun fact about chimps is that they try to rip off/bite off your genitals to incapacitate you

>>214029320 (OP)
The Monkey literally came out this year.

Better Man

>>214029379
I would know, I played the Monkey myself.

We aren't allowed to call them monkeys anymore

You haven’t seen monkey shines?

Why are orangutans chill while chimpanzees are freaks?

>>214029320 (OP)
>>214029369
WARNING:
YOU ARE POSTING IN A DISINFORMATION THREAD BY BIG SNAKE.

WATCH THE REEDS FOR MOVEMENT.

NOPE had some scurry monke parts...

>>214029437
Orangutans are solitary while chimps are more tribal

>>214029379
>>214029394
What are you fucking retarded?

Apes good enough?
Congo, 1995

There are barely any recorded incidents of chimps or monkeys hurting humans. There's this one monkey who attacked the woman and ate her face but that's it.
Chimps are actually quite chill and statistically harmless

>>214029518
is that the instance where she brought it to her house and probably sucked its PP?

>>214029320 (OP)
Why are monkeys capable of doing this?
Humans are stronger and taller, yet every time a person and a monkey fight, the person gets BTFO every single time.

>>214029518
Simian hands typed this post.

>>214029437
Orangutans can be pretty scary too

>>214029538
>yet every time a person and a monkey fight
do you have some underground PVP human VS monkey combat source.

>>214029538
Most humans are domesticated and hesitant to kill things, while chimps will just rip your arm off and beat you with it

>>214029581
>human VS monkey combat
It's the national sport of Laos.

>>214029538
Firstly a chimpanzee is a great ape not a monkey. The answer is because they have much denser muscle tissue, longer canines and no self-preservation instincts.

>>214029320 (OP)
Horror kino. Bombed catastrophically.

>>214029518
You forgot to mention the birthday cake incident (don't research)

>>214029518
important to mention that the woman who owned that chimp was mentally ill and fed him xanax

>Sandra had previously given Travis tea which she had laced with Xanax. He was also on medications for Lyme disease

>>214029320 (OP)
This is literally the opening to Nope

>>214029473
this for about twenty minutes or so

>>214029320 (OP)
Hans Zimmer - HOT YOUNG HOLLYWOOD REBEL ROCK STAR

>>214029462
>>214029518
>t.

>>214029320 (OP)
there is an old movie with Ron Perlman on an island where he and a team of scientist must fight wild killer baboons. If it is only half as good as I remember it it's an easy 7/10 and a great time.

>>214029518
They have a predilection for violence. Do not trust the chimpanzees.

>>214029369
you mean bunnies

>>214029518
that woman had the wirst luck ever, chimp was on withdrawal, she had a new haircut which he never saw before and she picked up his only friend (a doll) and took it away.

>>214029518
fake, they are accounted for 50% of the crime in the US

>>214029781
>4 year war
>6 killed

>>214029711
the fuck is this shit

>>214029437
Orangutans will rape human women.

>>214029644
>St. James and LaDonna adopted a chimpanzee named Moe in 1967, not long after his birth in Tanzania.[3][4] Tanzanian poachers had killed his mother when he was one day old, leaving him an orphan.[5] St. James and LaDonna were unable to have children due to LaDonna suffering from uterine cancer and requiring a hysterectomy, so they raised him as their own.[4]
If they had adopted a real child none of that shit would have happened.
White people are really stupid.

>>214029928
Yeah tell me about it. Not only do they adopt wild animals, they also bring in hordes of wild animals into their countries through immigration.

>>214029928
>adopted a real child none of that shit would have happened.
I'm not so sure about that. Might have ended up worse

>>214029538
This actually isn't true, there isn't a single instance of a single chimp killing or grossly maiming a grown man. It's always either a group of chimps or a freak incident like Travis.

>>214029437
To more fully answer what other posts said, it's the difference between solitary animals and social animals. Solitary animals generally have fewer boundaries and tolerate more behavior, while social animals play mind games and are more competitive. Both will fuck you up if you cross their line.

>>214029954
SHAAAKMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>214029928
Idk mang, the story says they only suffered the monke attack because two unrelated chimps escaped their enclosures while they were hanging out with Moe. Seems like an outside context problem. A DnD scenario where evil monkes descend out of nowhere.

>>214029781
>>214029851
One my uni electives was a cultural anthropology course about iirc Papua New Guinea tribes that basically fought like this.
They had battles that would end at the first death. They loved their 1/0 KD ratios.

>>214029538
chimps are significantly stronger than humans

>>214029538
monke are a species that are naturally maxed out in both DEX and STR

>>214029917
Human men will rape orangutans.
Not a joke (the article and the language...)
https://www.bbc.com/pidgin/tori-46388767

>>214030043
I hope the Niggers gonna be the next

>>214029553
>>214030082
The worst I've ever seen an orang do is grab a dude through some bars at a zoo and refuse to let go.

>>214030380
BBC Pidgin is the craziest shit ever.
It's one of those things they put out so heretics will identify themselves by critiquiqing it.

Any Jungle horror movies that aren't cannibal movies?

Is this the thread?

>>214030731
ZAMN

>>214030731
>slides up
>shows you his ass
>refuses to elaborate

>>214030713
First half of Peter Jackson's King Kong

>>214030731
>>214030751
Still, jobs against a grizzley

That one of the monkey checking dubs

>The Gombe Chimpanzee War, also known as the Four-Year War,[3][4] was a violent conflict between two communities of chimpanzees in Gombe Stream National Park in the Kigoma region of Tanzania between 1974 and 1978.

>The two groups were once unified in the Kasakela community. By 1974, researcher Jane Goodall noticed the community splintering.[5] Over a span of eight months, a large party of chimpanzees separated themselves into the southern area of Kasakela and were renamed the Kahama community. The separatists consisted of six adult males, three adult females and their young.[5] The Kasakela was left with eight adult males, twelve adult females and their young.

>During the four-year conflict, all males of the Kahama community were killed, effectively disbanding the community. The victorious Kasakela then expanded into further territory but were later repelled by two other communities of chimpanzees.

>In her 1990 memoir Through a Window: My Thirty Years with the Chimpanzees of Gombe, she wrote:

>For several years I struggled to come to terms with this new knowledge. Often when I woke in the night, horrific pictures sprang unbidden to my mind—Satan [one of the apes], cupping his hand below Sniff's chin to drink the blood that welled from a great wound on his face; old Rodolf, usually so benign, standing upright to hurl a four-pound rock at Godi's prostrate body; Jomeo tearing a strip of skin from Dé's thigh; Figan, charging and hitting, again and again, the stricken, quivering body of Goliath, one of his childhood heroes.[23]

Adaptation when?

>>214031479
Why do you want more documentaries from Detroit and Baltimore?

Turns out...

>>214030731
So it seems

>>214029320 (OP)
unless ur a disabled woman theres no way a chimp is beating you in a fight

>>214031762
>They see me rollin', they hatin'...

>>214031772
please fight with a chimp and tell us the outcome esl

>>214031848
there are no chimps in my area

>>214029538
>Humans are stronger
No.

>>214031866
Got a mirror nearby, big fella?

>>214031921
so am I a big fella or a chimp? 'cause chimps are extremely tiny midget apes

>>214031479
>Name a chimp Satan
>Surprised when he does fucked up shit
Come on now, this is some Grima Wormtongue shit.

>>214031952
I'm a different guy that just wanted to knock that softball you lobbed right out of the park.
You're alright, though.

>>214029781

Wasn’t there a monkey war where they maimed a male chimp and then castrated him and ate his genitals in front of him?

>>214031762
WEEEELLLLLLLLL

HE AIN'T MY BOY BUT THE BROTHER IS HEAVY

>>214031479
>Satan [one of the apes], cupping his hand below Sniff's chin to drink the blood that welled from a great wound on his face
I can't believe Satan would do something so cruel

>>214031762
Love this fat bitch

>>214031903
We literally are, chimps are only 1.5x stronger pound-for-pound.

>>214031762
>u mad tigercuck?

>>214031762
okay I pull up

>>214032132
It's pottery.

Thread soundtrack:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg76lxMeIoU

>>214030731
You know he's been practicing that for weeks.

>>214030731
I thought he was gonna spray liquid shit against the glass, was disappointed

YOU LIKE A BONOBO?

>>214032116
Where are they going?

Chimp Crazy was a comfy doc

>>214029320 (OP)
The only monke horror you need.

>>214030380
>human

>>214029320 (OP)
Monkeys have it hard enough. They don't need any negative propaganda coming out of Hollywood.

>>214033755
The VHS cover is one of those from the video store horror aisle that used to scare the shit out of me as a kid.

See also: Child's Play, Chopping Mall, Zombie, Dolly Dearest, Gothic, The Howling, and Night of the Demons to name a few.

>>214029745
I saw that a few times on tv back when I was a kid.

>>214029928
>Buddy and Ollie destroyed a majority of St. James' fingers, his left foot, most of his buttocks, both testicles, part of his torso, and parts of his face including his nose and lips
Cock status?

>>214029462
LIFE COULD BE A DREAM
LIFE COULD BE A DREAM
DOO DOO DA BOOM SHA BOOM

Would any of you be brave enough to go near an undomesticated monkey or ape?

>>214029320 (OP)
GOOD question, anon. I feel that this is an untapped well with a lot of potential. It would be like Planet of the Apes, but horror!

Its reality. I think of this scene every time I have to go outside and see niggers and whatnot.
https://youtu.be/J_HRetnxpSI?t=92

>>214029745
What if it's as good as you remember it?

orangutans are way more scary because they have been proven to plan and premeditate murder against their fellow orangutans out of nowhere

She is trying to be some kind of right wing figure but all I see is real life Ari from Planet of the Apes. No matter how based she is, she is still a monkey that needs to stay in what ever monkey shithole shes from.

>>214034665
>premeditate out of nowhere

Maybe if I wear a sonnenrod I will pass off as white and not ape

CAN I ASK YOU A NATURE QUESTION?

>>214032116
The Saudi Royal Family has entirely too much money.

>>214034805
NO

>>214030082
This. But then you have the exception to the rule Bonobos. They are so chill with each other that it's borderline/overline gay. No joke. Males who have beef with each other will "penis fence". AKA, sword fight with their boners.

>>214029518
>statistically
Statistics don't mean shit to the individual.

>>214034875
i hate bonobos almost as much as chimps due to how they're just the other extreme, they just have orgies all day and do nothing else, isn't it because they evolved with barely any scarcity and hunting and nothing preying on them? they're like if niggers were completely nonviolent.

>>214030082
this is really ignorant of animals, most predators that will fuck you up are solitary animals and apes are all over the place regarding aggression and social behaviour, orangutans are not solitary either, chimps are just aggressive animals in particular.

>>214034979
I'm no biologist, despite thousands of hours of documentaries, journals and wikipedia under my belt. But yeah, Bonobos are just the other end of the extreme. When there's no struggle a social species just fucks everything. When there's tons of struggle a social species just "fucks" everything. Poetic, really.

>>214031479
>Adaptation when
They should absolutely cast Leslie Jones.

Any good kino of a great ape making a temporary nest?

>>214034875
Bonobos are based. I love bonobos.

>>214029320 (OP)
It was the best part of Nope and you really didn't see anything

>>214029511
>>214033755
>>214034085
>>214036184
Nice choices. I'd also add Greystoke, the realistic Tarzan adaptation, to a certain extent.

>>214030148
There are similar staged battles in Africa showing how it was before the Arabs and white man showed up. They just had spears and weak bows, battle would end when someone actually died (if at all) and the loser would pay tribute or cede the hunting ground. That's how life was before agrarianism forced communities to fight over land, and before industrialization created the means for one person to kill dozens with ease and complete emotional detachment.

>>214036769
That and what >>214030148 said reminds me of the flashback scenes in Shaka Zulu, where the less-powerful tribes fight staged battles exactly like that. Then came the Horns of the Buffalo, iron discipline, and that's when shit got real.

>>214036769
Bronze Age Greeks also fought this way, 90% of the deaths happened during the rout, after the line broke. After a couple niggas died, everyone ran. Humans are not psychically-equipped for murder.

>>214029320 (OP)
Shakma & Phenomena

>>214029320 (OP)
kek

>>214029506
Awww, it's smiling :)

>>214039091
It is weird though how smiling in every other species is a threat or submission but for humans it's usually seen as a nice greeting.

>>214034085
>they finally got the names in the right position on the cover

>>214030043
And thats why we should begin creating orbital ecologies tended by pongos wherein we humbly prostrate ourselves before the greatest ape and begin to learn their wisdom.

>>214038433
>Humans are not psychically-equipped for murder
You contradicted yourself by admitting 90% of deaths happened during the rout
They used to pursue and slaughter people who were fleeing. In some cases when one army would surround another, the winning side would just slaughter all the defenseless soldiers to the last. People never had issues mass murdering each other during war

>>214029511
There's like dozens of killer ape movies from the 30's on up through the 60's. Also the 80's version of The Murders In The Rue Morgue.

>>214029745
>>214034085
There's another one like this from the same period, Blood Monkey.

>>214039453
Is it anything like The Edge?
Fuck I need a jungle setting/killer ape version of The Edge so fucking bad bros.

Hollywood jews, if you're reading this, this is a SURE BOX OFFICE SMASH fucking GET ON IT

>>214039453
Man F. Murray Abraham has starred in some really cheap trash in the later half of his career.
You were fucking Salieri... you won an oscar.

>>214039515
Kek

>>214029437
Went to watch some orangutans in the local zoo and when that lad pulled himself up to his tree bed and put a blanket on himself I couldn’t help but think ‘they gotta free him, he didn’t do nothing’
Can’t stomach that they got these fellas locked in life sentences FROM BIRTH
Let him out!

>>214031762
>WOKE UP THIS MORNING

>>214039453
It's a low-budget cryptid movie so not really.

>>214029320 (OP)
Is it one of your cute little terminally-online "in jokes" to spell monkey with no 'y'?

I'm not new and I don't need to "lurk more", I just never did catch whatever board or whatever weeb thing where monkey is "monke".
Just your standard misspelling on purpose to be cute? Or is it a full blown "meme" of some kind??

I already know I'm not going to get any real answer so fuck all of you incels. It's MONKEY.

>>214034085
>die insel
Whoa whoa whoa... there's no need for that, I don't even know you movie.

Orangutans are the greatest

>214040309
It would have worked if it was one of the first replies. But it's all the way down here.

>>214039487
It's a low-budget cryptid movie so not really.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8FbMY-quW4
I like this scene

>>214040435
We don't know who you're replying to when you do that. I can't hover my cursor and read the post I'm not going to scroll up and read each number looking for it. I don't know why you'd fuck it up like that. You're essentially replying to no one and no one will even know what you mean. A wasted post.

>>214029384
>yeh so basically i want you to make a movie about me
>also I'm monkey
-How is it about you if you're a monkey?
>nobody will acknowledge that I'm a monkey
-Then why will you be a monkey?
>because i think i'm ugly uwu do you think i'm ugly?
-You're rich and famous and not black
>just trust me bro

>>214029615
They're not THAT great, man. I'd say okay apes at best.

>>214029437
All apes are pretty chill. Orangutans, bonobos, even gorillas. It's just chimps really.

>>214029320 (OP)
Dunstin Checks In was quite frightening.

>>214029384
>>214029638
This movie doesn't have any traction outside of /tv/

>>214040064
Orangutans in zoos have a higher life expectancy compared to orangutans in the wild, orangutans are going to be rekt as a species in the near future anyway

I know macaques love stealing other monkey babies but do they ever steal orangutan babies?

>>214029320 (OP)
has anyone actually been known to be killed by a chimp?

>>214040829
you can assume that they are replying to something they identified as "bait" post, basically an ingenuine post that when replied to just adds to more garbage in the thread.
a post that is intended to get replies in the thread and people arguing nonsense, giving that poster more (You)s that they desperately crave, as a form of dopamine. while that poster understands this, and purposefully denies them of that dopamine.

>>214042170
An orangutan would fuck their shithole inside out if they touched their kid.

>>214034085
>die insel
Ron Perlman was bashing chuddies way before glumpf's candidacy

>>214041408
Baboons are also a nightmare

>>214042696
Apparently they recognize guns and if they see you have one they will stay well away.

>>214029538
Chimpanzees are stronger, more dexterous, and faster than humans. They also instinctively know where to attack: face, groin, and hands. Heavy damage to either of those areas will completely cripple the victim's defense. Even if the human is totally jacked, he stands little chance against a chimp.

I liked the chimps scene from Gladiator 2

>>214031762

He's literally me

>>214040430
Bigfoot if he real

monke thread. good thread

>>214030148
thats a way more efficient way to do warfare though. germanic civilizations had a much more advanced form of it, with the same exact benefits. english term for it is champion warfare i suppose, heres the historical context
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmgang
i can boil it down to this
>two opposing groups/tribes have a disagreement
>they each select the best of the best from their group and they basically have a 1 on 1 duel to determine the outcome of the disagreement

this prevents needless bloodshed, and often times it wasnt even mortal combat, but a challenge of wit or dexterity, like poetry battle, or climbing challenge.
that means it wasnt just rewarding brute strength blood shed, and it wasnt creating needless amounts of it.
so ultimately superior to modern warfare in everyway. imagine being a leader who has a soldier that is so loyal and capable, he's willing to die for you, the tribe, and your ideals, and not only that, but hes actually so good you and all your social group believes in him to dominate the opponent.

>>214040309
>I'm not new
>fuck all of you incels
You monke.

>>214044658
this is the kind of shit that jewish christianity erased from our history by the way
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Champion_warfare
replaced with massive blood sacrifice ritual "war" in the desert lol goyim casualties go brrrrrrr

>>214029462
that monkey is raping the human

>>214030380
>35 cops with guns to liberate a monkey prostitute

Meanwhile Indonesia still has child prostitution in some areas

>>214030731

>That drift
>That stare
>That ass

This webm is gold

>>214029538
Tard strength
That etsubatsu guy would do the same if you kicked his model train set

>>214044973
tard strength but really you mean stocky manlet strength in these instances. your example etsubatsu is a chubby kid. so more accurately can be described like
>Enhanced stability and force transfer due to low center of gravity and high inertia

>>214039151
>It is weird though how smiling in every other species is a threat or submission
It's less the smiling and more the baring of teeth.

>>214044744
There's no evidence that this actually happened outside of fiction.

>>214045256
irony coming from disingenuous christfag jew slave

>>214029538
Soulless beings have less qualms about using their full power to unleash their rage

>>214029928
>[Ethnic group) people are really stupid
Why do you have to specify that every time

>>214045866
obviously it tells you theyre not white, its a good weapon for discovering them
>i love white women
a white person wouldnt say that

>>214045889
Yeah (((they))) would say
>I love Asian women

>>214039738
Amadeus is pretty much the only good movie he had a major role in. Dude's filmography is majority garbage.

>>214030731
Zesty

>>214029462
WE NEED TO RETVRN

monkeys >>>> apes

>>214046087
Apes are a subset of monkeys, bozo.

A healthy human male who's strong and has some decent experience fighting can defeat a chimp.

>muh pound for pound bs
They're 70 pounds. Any 155lbs man or over can beat a chimp.

>>214046228
besides the "tard strength" advantage
>>214045051
they also have the advantage in brutality, if you really threaten them and its 1on1 mortal combat. theyre going to rip your eyes out and bolt around before you can touch them, because theyre a fucking animal that climbs trees all day and you train in the gym for a couple hours few times a week.

>>214046228
I would love to see someone attempt this. They'd get fucking eviscerated

>>214046272
You're fucking delusional if you think a kickboxer can't just kick a chimp in the head and kill it. Avoid the fangs and you're good. They can't push, they're not fast, they're not agile. They can grab, pull and bite and they're still not stronger than an average fit male.

>>214046267
Checkmate, sorry monkebros

>>214029638
Times you were forgotten after two weeks like The Better Man?

>>214029781
>calls monkey satan
>acts surprised when it starts drinking blood

>>214046267
Chimps are retarded, you absolute mongrel. They're not agile boxers with footwork to be darting around you, have you seen how they fight? They jump in place for intimidation but when approaching a target they take slow steps forward.

Wesh pourquoi un singe mange de la chair?

>>214046300
They can climb up your body like a tree and gouge your eyes faster than you can blink.

Wesh pourquoi un singe mange de la chair

>>214046370
You absolute fucking retard. Chimps aren't Sonic the hedgehog. They climb you if you get in range.

>>214029369
That may be a fact but it isn't fun

>>214046367
streetfights arent boxing matches. muh footwork and technique, like i said its going to gouge your eyes out, swing from a tree, hook your head smash you to the ground. this is a walk in the park for them. they live in a warrior state of dude and the leaders are always fighting and getting challenged. normie doesnt compete with them, if they have a bunch of combat experience and know how to punch and wrestle, capable of ripping the things limbs off when you got them in a grip, etc then maybe they can do well. but not just anyone that in a weight class.
>They jump in place for intimidation
thats because they dont want to fucking mangle their big brother or whoever theyre merely jockeying for position with, its not life or death there

>>214046300
Lmao you're fucking insane
That would be hilarious, they'd literally rip the guy's feet off

>>214046407
How is a kickboxer going to beat up a chimp he can't get close to

>>214045889
Trvke

>>214046174
You know what I mean

>>214046422
>swing from a tree
So using the environment is okay? Nothing stops a man from throwing rocks at it or hitting it with a stick, then.

If using the environment is not acceptable, then, again, a man still wins, because he's bigger, faster, stronger, smarter. One good kick from any decently trained kickboxer WILL KO a 70lb chimp. Quit fooling yourself. Just because you're fat and out of shape doesn't mean others are too.

>>214046422
You know humans can bite, gouge eyes and kick them in the nuts just the same, right? You act like these are exclusively animal traits and humans don't do them in do or die scenarios

>>214032991
that would've been the mother of all power moves. and the zoo janny would've had to clean it up hehe

>>214046490
>because he's bigger, faster, stronger
Chimps are 50% stronger than humans

>>214046490
funny thing is i love kickboxing, i wouldnt say im good at it but those are my favorite exercises at the gym. hitting the heavy bag for cardio and pain training.
if im imagining the scenario play out where i try to kick an aggressive, in his prime, fully aware of the situation (i intend to harm him) male chimp. hes going to juke my kick over his head, lunge at my crotch and get me off balance, then hes literally in my anus and my eyes are gone too.
the only real disadvantage they have is the chimps inclination to not want to do that to a human, you would really need to make him hate humans through cruel conditioning, to see how this competition would go

>>214046583
POUND FOR POUND, YES. AND A CHIMP WEIGHS 70LBS. HE'S 50% STRONGER THAN A 70LBS MAN, NOT A 185LBS FIGHTER

>>214046591
Chimps are short. You'd be throwing low kicks, not kicks high enough you'd be off balance if you miss or it grabs you.

I mean you can doubt yourself if you want. I'm a 10-2 kickboxer with also some bjj and wrestling experience so I'm confident in myself. Being aggressive, staying calm and not panicking, managing distance. I'm sure the average fighter at my gym even the lower weight guys could handle a chimp.

>>214031479
>Monkeys effectively have gang wars
So that's where they get it from.

>>214046724
>you'd be throwing low kicks

That chimp is still going to grab you, it just takes one grab then it's game over, you can throw the hardest punch or kick and it still wouldn't matter since they have ridiculously strong muscle tissue

An animal that swings in trees all day is going to have faster reflexes than any human

>>214046724
I would legit pay $100 for a ticket to watch you try it.
I'll bet thousands of people would. You could make a fortune.
Reason it hasn't been done before is because you're the only person stupid enough to believe he could win a fight against a chimp

>>214029369
That wasnt fun.
Downvoted sir

>>214046724
The only way you could possibly win is just avoiding the chimp until he tired out, their endurance is not great. Otherwise you're getting dismembered.

>>214046724
You are trolling son
I'd love to hear your strategy on how you would 1v1 this fucker with no weapons and not get murdered

>>214046972
>Reason it hasn't been done before is because you're the only person stupid enough to believe he could win a fight against a chimp
there are plenty of poor, desperate idiots that would gladly go up against a chimp in exchange for a potential fortune, the real difficulty is that no TV channel/streaming service would televise it and no one with any real fighting pedigree is desperate enough to do it while other options exist (even if you win you're forever blacklisted from anything but animal fights)
Otherwise we'd have a 24/7 channel of human vs animal fights. What would the arena even be like though, octagon seems too favourable for the ape.

>>214047116
They don't televise cockfights or dogfights either but they still happen. Nobody is dumb enough to try kickboxing a chimp, LMFAO

>>214046724
I would love to see the horrified expression on anon's face once he's actually in a ring with an angry chimpanzee and realizes what he's signed up for

>>214047080
if it's not on a time limit I would just wait for it to sleep and then gouge it's eyes out. Once it's blind I just have to keep provoking it from afar until it's exhausted enough for me to clobber it.
With a time limit I'm probably dead, I'd try hit and run, grabbing and breaking it's fingers when it lunges at me until it is incapacitated and even then it will probably still manage to grab and bite me eventually.

This is all assuming I'm somehow at peak fitness during the fight, IRL I wouldn't last a full minute before losing my breath.

>>214047202
depends on the arena then. if its in the wild then he can just sleep in a tree and goodluck sneaking up on him.

>>214044658
You'd still have to deal with the discontentment of "we outnumber them ten times over but because their big guy beat ours we have to prostrate ourselves".

>>214047144
You vastly overestimate the average human's intelligence and desperation, I've seen a man drink coolant for 50 bucks convinced he could just throw it up after and be fine.

Goat fights are the ultimate in animal entertainment imo, cockfights are too short and dogfights make me feel bad for the dog. Goats go forever and only have one move so it's just BONK kino over and over again. Neither of those involve a human though, I've never heard of a human fighting an animal for cash and entertainment, not in our century at least.

>>214047227
Oh yeah for sure if we are fighting in its natural setting no way is a human winning without a weapon.

>>214047202
>I'd love to hear your strategy on how you would 1v1 this fucker
>Wait for him to fall asleep
Oh my God I can't believe how retarded this anon is

>>214044658
this only works in tribal society though. In today's world, rich countries would just import the best fighters or whatever is relevant and win every single conflict, there is nothing keeping a champion attached to the country without tribal ties.

>>214047255
kek it is the only viable strategy for a probable win without a weapon you moron. If a chimp grabs any of your limbs, they will crush it, if it grabs a piece of flesh, it will tear it off, if it grabs your head, it will crush it like a coconut. The only chance a human has it to outsmart it and the situation originally described gives the human 0 resources other than patience and time to do so.

>>214047080
I have more muscle than that chimp, how limp wristed are you

>>214047301
Holy shit you people are retarded. Chimps aren't fucking superheroes. They don't have the strength to rip out limbs from a healthy strong man. Retards the lot of you. No fighting experience, no clue about anything.

>>214029462
>I′m ready for this, there's no denying
>I'm ready for this, you stop me falling
>I′m ready for this, I need you all in
>I′m ready for this, so, darling, hold my hand

>>214047359
lol sure anon, I'm sure your many fights with chimps have informed your enlightened fightgod opinion. Nigger keep quiet and go back to giving men handjobs on the mat.

>>214047301
>if it grabs your head, it will crush it like a coconut
Guess what the chimp is going to do when you try gouging it's eyes out with your fucking thumbs lol
Imagine your own reaction if somebody tried to gouge your eyes out in your sleep with their fingers
Now imagine you're a literal beast with no inhibitions and overpowered retard strength and somebody tries to gouge your eyes out in your sleep with your fingers lmfao
Just stay away from chimps

>>214034099
I liked this one

>>214047359
>They don't have the strength to rip out limbs from a healthy strong man.
No, they'll just rip of your fingers, your balls, and your face, and then literally bite your ass off
You're so delusional it's fascinating, I'm having a great time watch you dig yourself deeper into this hole

>>214029320 (OP)
Ad Astra gas a good monkey sequence from what I can remember.

>>214047359
>rip out limbs
Learn to read retard, the previous poster clearly said ''crush''. Fucking idiot.

>>214029781
>predilection for violence.
Source? Most of that can be attributed to socio-economic factors

>>214047390
anon this is my ideal strategy, I don't expect it to go this way IRL lol. An alternative I've considered is putting my full weight into a foot pressed onto it's chest and then stomping its head to bits but when it grabs my leg I'm fucked and I have no idea how hard a chimps head is. The eyes seemed like a better gamble since if I pull it off I probably win whereas the kicks would need a shitload of kicks to get some real damage in which would mean putting myself at risk longer.

But yeah, just staying away is the only good solution.

>>214029437
Chimps are black

>>214029320 (OP)
ITT

>>214029638
>Bombed
Rent free.
Made its Australian grant money back before the film even came out

>>214047301
Why is monke breaking beans

>>214029320 (OP)
silver back gorillas arent real

>>214047708
they would be if it weren't for all the poaching

>>214044744
>things were so much better back when nothing was written down
>don't ask me how I know, I just know

>>214029320 (OP)
Brother monke would never.

>>214047912
couldnt you tell i have a higher iq than you, from my posts? it took me 10 seconds to dig this up to prove you wrong shlomo

>>214029538
They're made to swing in trees all day. Imagine if humans were all born knowing how to do gymnastics and acrobatics and that's all they did 24/7.

>>214048180
>look at my jpg that has nothing to do with what you said
besides you write like a moron

>>214047301
Stupid monkey, that's not how you snip beans.

>>214029320 (OP)
I remember there being an episode of Nip Tuck about a woman who got her face ripped off by a monkey. It was pretty horrifying.

>>214032991
Gorillas are vegetarians so they never get runny diarrhea unless they eat something like chocolate.

fucking hate monkeys
ugly and stupid animals

>>214032671
great song

>>214029954
He shocked audiences everywhere.

>>214049857
I imagine he started the feel the agonizing pain a few seconds after this video ended. infection is a serious risk of death in such shitholes

>>214029644
Idk why this anon said not to research, it's an extremely interesting story.

>Moe disappeared in the summer of 2008. He had been living at a ranch for performing animals, Jungle Exotics, in San Bernardino. Construction workers reported they had seen him at a home near Jungle Exotics; other witnesses spotted him heading towards a mountain. St. James and LaDonna hired a helicopter to do flyovers in an attempt to flush him out of hiding, and authorities searched the San Bernardino National Forest, but he has never been found.

>>214030380
>Egypt zoo face fire say dem paint Donkey to look like Zebra
Fuck this is hilarious.

>>214031762
Imagine being that ape. Like from his perspective, an advanced alien race abducted him and a bunch of other people, but unlike all the rest of the abductees, the aliens inexplicably give him access to their technology and let him learn how to use it, so now he just spends his days driving around the cages styling on his former predators. What a life.

>>214029320 (OP)
Link is kino just for the scene where the evil monkey stares at the Karate Kid's girlfriend while she's naked.

>>214029781
Why the fuck would you call an animal Satan?

>>214029320 (OP)
MONKEY SHINES, directed by Romero. It's always been underrated, overlooked gem of a horror. Watch that shit nigga

>>214050502
luv ella

>>214050649
what a menacing looking creature

>>214050649
Thank you monke for bringing me my heroin.
You truly are my best friend.

>>214029518
>webm of a monkey literally peeling the scalp off an old man
>webm of an orangutan grabbing a mans leg and trying to bite a chunk off

>>214029320 (OP)
Didn't you watch Nope?

>>214029320 (OP)
The true story of 90000 baboons going on a blood-drinking rampage during a drought, not a bad movie at all.

>>214051563
There are way more that two videos of crazed MAGA lunatics attacking people, yet you don't seem concerned about that?

post more violent chimp webms

>>214043151
>Chimpanzees are stronger
Pound for pound, yes, but not overall.

>>214049857
Based monke
Feels cathartic watching jeets getting rekt

>>214049245
stupid cunt deserved it lmao

>>214047301
Why does grandpa look angry every time he snaps a bean?

thanks for the monke horror recommendations anons

>>214029320 (OP)
It makes Americans racially uncomfortable

>>214046724
You’re a fucking idiot. I’ve been in more actual fights than the majority of this faggot board and there isn’t a chance in hell I’d go against a feral fanged animal known for ripping off genitalia and mutilating faces.

>>214047301
kek I hated peeling beans as a kid, probably had the same grimace as I did it

>>214046724
good bait, congrats

>>214047301
it's over for women.

>>214049742
I had a plate of vegetables yesterday for lunch and had diarrhea after. Not even joking.

>>214056406
lmao, why is this so funny

>>214050178
It's actually a female pongo, no flanges