Thread 214273628

>main character is getting his dick sucked
>starts going "OOOH YEAH FUCK YEAH THAT'S NICE!"

I haven't had any physical contact with a woman since I dumped my girlfriend on Christmas.

>main character is getting his dick sucked
>starts going "OOOH NOOO FUCK NOOO THAT'S BAD!"

>>214273628 (OP)
I will NEVER allow anyone to give me a blowjob. They'll have to hold me down and force their lips on my cock first. Fuck even the slimmest of possibilities whoever's blowing you decides to bite down hard and mangle your cock with their teeth. It's never worth the risk. I could be married to a woman for 20 years and I still wouldn't let her go down on me under any circumstances.

test

>Main character is sucking his dick
>Starts screaming about his enemies list and yelling out the window "THE GYPSY THAT STOLE MY GAMEBOY ADVANCE ON THE 24TH OF OCTOBER IN 2017 IS GOING TO GET HIT BY A BLUE FORD TRUCK IN TWENTY MINUTES!" and farting as he cums in his own ear

>>214273628 (OP)
i'm uncut and the first time i had my dick sucked it was almost painful

what are you even supposed to say? I know with a younger girl(11-15) you tell her shes doing a great job and interlock fingers and stuff, but what about with a fully grown woman?

>>214274239
You're going to prison pal.

>>214274239
I don't say anything. I listen, because that's what no one does

>>214274239
>good girl
>suck that dick
>this is what you're for, you got that, bitch?
Etc.

>>214274239
uhh.....
>OOOH YEAH FUCK YEAH THAT'S NICE

>>214274781
That sounds really gay and cringe albeit

>>214274816
keep in mind women are extremely gay and cringe themselves

>>214274816
Yes, but women love it thobiet

>>214273628 (OP)
What does a blowjob feel like? I’m 23 and have never even held a conversation with a woman longer than a few sentences.

>>214274239
if you're a thirdie i really hope a favella thug or a cartel member beheads you for being a pedophile

>>214275098
For me? Terrifying. I don't know how other anons are comfortable letting anyone do it to them but to my mind they're out of their own.

>>214275098
Depends on the woman. If it's good, salty milk and coins. If it's bad, teeth.

>>214274781
embarrassing

>>214274410
lmao

>>214274239
el chileANO

>>214274781
Yikes

>>214274781
nigga get off porn

>>214275202
>>214275184
>>214275130
"Good girl" is completely acceptable

>>214273628 (OP)
I would probably start moaning, and the girl would get the ick.

I’ve never made a noise besides breathing heavily and shuddering.

>>214273628 (OP)

How can I become the main character? I feel like everyone is attractive and have gf-aquiring skills except me.

>>214275274
You are the main character. Unfortunately the show is a comedy about a loser who posts on 4chan and doesn't have sex. It was poorly directed and written so the ending where you die without having a sex doesn't make sense, but it's still considered a cult classic.

>>214273628 (OP)
You don't encourage your partner when they make you feel good? If you have a generous lover that's half of the enjoyment for them

>>214274781
do people unironically say this?

>>214275323
I don't love her though, why am I like this? I think a life of loneliness might have fried my love receptors

>>214273893
Why is this in every show now? They also read my entire social security number and address while looking right at me.

I usually just yell stuff like YEAH TAKE THAT ROD SLUT TAKE THAT HOT ROD IN YOUR SLUT THROAT AHH FUCK YEAH SLUT TAKE THAT MEAT YOU BITCH TAKE MY HOT LOAD OH YEAH HERE COMES THE GOOFJUICE ABIGAIL MAY YOU DIRTY BITCH YOU TAKE IT AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA FUUUUUCK YEAHHHH AAAAAAAA and then honk her nose when I'm finished.

>>214274816
It only sounds cringe out of context. Girls love being degraded and being shit talked in bed. And I love degrading them and talking shit to them.

>take that dick you dumb little bitch
>I own you
>you're my property
>that pussy is mine
Etc.

>>214275360
Yup.

>>214275130
>>214275184
>>214275202
Why are you so low test?

I wish I knew what getting my dick sucked felt like

>>214275578
You can get it done for like $50.

>>214275616
By someone who doesn't have any teeth maybe.

>>214275578
When was the last time you flirted with a girl? You should probably try hitting on girls. Apps are good, you can try in person but apps have the advantage of being able to play the numbers game more easily.

>>214275595
Y u mad fag

>>214274781
>>214274816
Everything sexual is cringe out of context. Everything.
But it’s important to keep her engaged. I’m partial to “you’re a good little cocksucker” myself.

>>214275646
That makes it even better.

>>214275676
>“you’re a good little cocksucker”
Kino. They love this.

I have phimosis so bad it looks like my penis is wearing a top hat even when fully erect
I can retract it only when I'm soft mode and only get like a quarter sized hole when trying to pull it down at hardmode

>>214275676
>But it’s important to keep her engaged.
This. I make her say slutty things about herself back to me.

>>214275531
This guy fucks.

>>214275578
You got $24? I saw a Charizard card I really want.

My forever alone saggy milker aunt gives me the ol lickaroo everytime I mow her lawn or shovel her snow. She has dentures too so she pops those bad boys out and it feels amazing. The only bad part is her big old boobs sag so much her nipples point at the ground so I can't play with her nips because I can't reach that low when she is doing it lel.

>>214275748
Stretch it you retard

>>214276440
You stretch it FAGGOT. Retarded faggot. Fuck you.

>>214274239
>Folding under zero pressure

>>214274239
>OHHHHHH NIGGA, I'M FINNA NUT

>>214273703
It's really not that great. If you have your foreskin, like a complete man, then it's just too sensitive. Plus there's too big a risk of getting something if you don't know the girl well. The best thing about it is nutting all of the face of a cute girl and how much she wants it, but seeing how much she actually dislikes it when it happens. Making them gag and choke by fully fucking her mouth is pretty good too.

>>214274239
I start talking like an old timey auctioneer and time it so when I'm about to cum - >GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE... SOOOOOOOOOLD to the homeless tranny in the alleyway next to the sex shop!

>>214275098
Feels mid, even with a girl that knows what she's doing and is enthusiastic. Pussy, ass or handjob; it's all better. Unless she just licks and kisses your cock, in which case it's fucking great.

>>214277277
I don't believe for a second that you have ever gotten a blowjob from a real person.

>>214275110
Those cartel members are all pedos, you racist white-guilt faggot. You don't even realize that by glorying people because of their race, you're babying them and diminishing their responsibility and their power, which is inherently racist.

My gf won't blow me anymore because almost everytime when I'm about to coom I feel my sphincter loosening and I fart and the second she smells it she gags or fully throws up. :(

>>214275247
Tranime lover; girls and women love vocal men, but you have to be masculine and sexy even for them to want it. If you make no noise then they'll just think you're not enjoying it.

>>214274239
wait why do you interlock your fingers how does that help

>>214277362
I've had blow jobs from twenty different women; they either feel like too much or a responsibility. Teasing the cock with your mouth is amazing, not behaving like a fucking vacuum.

>>214277411
Does she at least throw up on your cock? Can you fags stop making me horny.

My wife only sucks my dick when we 69 but she goes crazy and lets me go full on fist full of hair face fucking mode. So that's fun. I can never finish with a regular bj anyway.

>>214273642
same, but it was the christmas of 2013
>>214273703
if we're talking purely statistically, receiving a blowjob is one of the safest things you can do. cases of a girl maliciously and harmfully biting a man's penis during oral sex are near unheard of. I doubt you could find more than half a dozen cases, if that, of a woman purposely biting a man's dick to harm him, out of literally billions of blowjobs performed every year. the only cases I could find when searching it were accidental and the fault of risky behavior such as doing it while driving and then getting into an accident.

>>214277506
>t. Mike Adriano

>>214275360
women LOVE being called a good girl when they're trying to please you.

I laughed like a retard when 365 Days introduced its protagonist with this scene

>>214277731
Even better when they're literally young enough to be your daughter and calling you daddy.

>>214277787
hot as fuck. these days it would be fully "implied", the woman would be in total control, and you'd barely see any movement out of her at all, let alone glimpses of a dildo entering her mouth while she's being face fucked.

>>214277934
>these days
Nigga it's a Netflix movie from four years ago

>>214277787
based

I dated a bipolar girl who gave me weekly blowjobs, except they weren't the normal half-hearted, low effort ones 90% of white women give. It's like she was trying to impale her face on my dick. It was violent and quick, the longest I lasted was 3-4 minutes. She would grab my nuts in the shower and based how full they felt she would decide whether it was time for some sucky. The first time she licked my balls it was actually a little crazy and I asked her to slow down. That was early in the relationship and i didn't know "how" bipolar she was, I was afraid of some teeth.

The real tragedy is that I was ignorant and underestimated the manic swings of bipolar disorder. It was fucking nuts. She was like a monotone, depressed, death cult member on a low swing and the drugs she was on were insane. I broke up with her and I'm pissed about it, all these years later. She was too crazy.

>>214278037
reading a plot synopsis seems like it's literally porn made for women.
>rich handsome sexually aggressive mafia bad boy "kidnaps" you because he's obsessed with you
>proceeds to start a gang war because a rival mafioso groped you at the club
it's also hilarious how netflix critics universally panned it while actual viewers (women) watched it so many times on loop to shlick to that it ended up one of their highest streamed all time.

>>214278157
I fucked some other guy's BPDemon for like two years behind his back. All the upsides of crazy sex (there was literally nothing she wouldn't do for me. rough anal, throat fucking, ass to mouth, cumming in and on every part of her, recording it all) but none of the downsides of being her "favorite person" aka emotional tampon.

>>214275616
The risk of disease isn’t worth any amount of money.

>>214278270
Two years is alot of cheating anon. I did the same thing with an army wife, I'm not proud of it

I repulse every woman I’ve ever come in contact with, but gay dudes are always attracted to me. It’s like a curse. I’m not gay, but should I just bite the bullet and have sex with a femboy/tranny? Will I want to kill myself after the post-nut clarity?

>>214278883
Yes. Fucking trannies is horrible if you're actually straight.

>>214278944
i don't think an actual straight guy would even entertain the thought, and once you start trying to justify having sex with other males as totally not gay, that's how you know you've gone full gay.

>>214279052
It's easy to fall for the trap porn but once you're there actually trying to stick your dick into them you figure out quick if you're a fag or not.

>ex gf that was my age used to blow me to completion and swallow my load several times a week even without me asking (she would literally get out of bed and walk over to me in my computer chair and start sucking my cock randomly all the time)
>current zoomer gf thinks sucking dick is a chore saved for special occasions like when Haley's Comet is flying by, is terrible at it in comparison, will never swallow, and thinks sucking dick is gross because her two frigid harpy cousins she grew up with told her it was a disgusting thing to do and to abhor it

I'm seriously considering killing her and her whole family just for fun at this point.

I think I like getting blowies now more than sex.

>>214279091
I don't know how anyone would let it get that far. I had to sit in the back seat of a hot car with no AC with an FtM who's widely considered "passing" for three hours on a group road trip, and he smelled like a dude and starting from about 6 feet away their skeletal structure and facial hair and flaws in their voice become extremely apparent even if they're slim and have been on hormones for years.