Thread 214658814

>>214658814 (OP)
I'm sorry, John Carter

>>214658879
You are forgiven.

>>214658814 (OP)
I always liked that movie, to bad they went retarded with the title not being John Carter from Mars

Face/Off reboot. Just copy Mission Impossible.

>>214658814 (OP)
i love john carter, will rewatch now

John Carter blew.

>>214658814 (OP)
underrated movie, enjoyed the fuck out of it. I have nothing to apologize for. i even bought the god damn bluray.

>>214658814 (OP)
They bought multiple IPs that catered specifically to young men, and they decided to shit on those young men and make garbage out of them

>>214658814 (OP)
>>214659406
This. Disney had AMAZING IPs for young men in Star Wars, Marvel, etc. but they couldn't fucking stop themselves from turning them into vagina franchises instead.

>>214658814 (OP)
Boys didnt go see John Carter, its why it flopped

>>214659499
I finally watched Star Wars ep IX two days ago (that's how uninterested I was after ep VIII) And all the little feminist details in the story felt so ridiculously forced, the board that approved the final script would have brain damage not to realize how bad it was
>uhhh oh Leia was almost a jedi, here take her lightsaber
>the forced dyke kiss sneaked there on the end among many more

>>214659548
Nobody saw it in general. I'm not sure why they thought anyone would.

>>214659499
>young men
They just watch shit on tiktok and twitch. The old media are fucked.

>>214658814 (OP)
The irony of this post is that the original title of the book was called "Princess of Mars" and probably contributed to less people seeing it because of the more generic name.

>>214659687
Young boys arent going to see a movie with princess in the name

>>214659654
>Disney can't make anything more entertaining than egoths shaking their tits and talking about cuck cages
They aren't really trying, are the?

>>214659716
They will if she has big, oily tits and a skimpy space bikini like the source material.

>>214658814 (OP)
Make another tron movie with an all white cast and make it even 80% as cool and it will make a billion dollars

>>214658814 (OP)
It's hilarious to me that Disney is having to brainstorm how to make shows that appeal to young men.

Hey Disney, get this: "Action man kills the bad guys."

You can even have multiple versions of this. Action spy kills the henchmen. Action knight kills the foul knaves. Action fantasy hero kills the monsters. Action commando kills the goons. Action cop kills the gangsters. Action ranger kills the desperadoes. Action space captain kills the aliens. Action rebel kills the jackboots. Action barbarian kills the sorcerer. The possibilities and variations are practically endless while also only really needing to make the same fucking movie over and over again.

Young men are literally the easiest audience to please so long as you don't actively resent them.

>>214659621
When you start seeing this garbage, its kind of hard to stop seeing it.

>>214660180
Disney doesn't want that, they want "Action man is a bumbling depressed impotent oaf while action girlboss saves the day"

>>214660180
we cant have that
this era is all about deconstruction of heroism
I blame millenials

>>214660180
Or, if they really want to go with a female protagonist, MAKE HER SEXY AS FUCK!

Jolie's Lara Croft. OG Red Sonja. Kate Beckinsale as a leather vampire.

>>214660892
Yeah, the formula is basically set and they had it down to a science, and then they fucked it up for no reason.

>>214659046
This. It's an ok action movie. But the title killed it. All they had to do was add "of Mars" or "and the Princess of Mars". Easy blockbuster lmao.

>>214658814 (OP)
Lynn Collins is still hot but now she has crazy milf energy.

>>214661165
>Failed writers pushing deconstructing and subverting classic myths as a replacement for re-telling the myths but for modern audiences
Everything thinks they have something new to add, but the classics have perfected it all. Same thing happened to architecture

>>214661818
Yeah, the title said absolutely nothing about what the film was about. You can't sell a film on your Literally Who protagonist alone.

>>214658814 (OP)
Yeah because the problem is the IP, not Disney's activist leftoid Commiefornia-braindead woketard lmbtqxyzkys beep/bop/boop showrunners, writers and actors, naaaah it's the IP silly, they just don't have an IP that appeals to young men! Darn it, if only they had one of those!
>Sir, we just bought the "cool guy murders bad guys in an exotic locale" IP!
>Great work, Johnson! Call Ms Nosering and tell xer to assemble a team to ru(i)n it

>>214663107
For some reason, most media companies these days think that buying an IP is basically like buying serfs. Like there's some fandom or audience tied to the IP like serfs are tied to the land and they have to serve you and consume all your products no matter what so long as you hold their IP, freeing you up to go for some kind of wider audience and ignore them almost entirely. And then they're bewildered every time that turns out to not be true no matter how many times the failure is repeated.

>>214658814 (OP)
There was a bad SyFy type movie adaption with Traci Lords a while back. It wasn't good, you'd think having a porn actress might make it sexy at least, but it really wasn't.

>>214658814 (OP)
Let's see how many YUGE male-oriented franchises were turned into diarrhea by studios, just off the top of my head:
Star Wars
Star Trek
Lord of the Rings
Marvel
DC
Wheel of Time
The Witcher
Halo
Jack Ryan
Resident Evil
Last of Us
and I'm sure anons could make the list go on forever

>>214663288
Holy fuck it just popped into my head, because it was so fucking bad my mind probably tried to erase the trauma:
Cowboy motherfucking Bebop

>>214661939
>Lynn Collins 7

post 1-6 please

>Spends the better part of twenty years steering away from boys
>Buy boy franchises and turn them into girl franchises
>How do we appeal to boys?
Is doing what worked before not even an option?

>>214663213
Good analogy, I'll start using it. Here, have a bunch of Gina Caranos.

>>214658814 (OP)
Comic accurate reboot when?

>>214658814 (OP)
Why not just make marvel and Star Wars movies, but for males

>>214663557
>male coworker getting thrown out the window dot jpeg

>>214660180
It's honestly insane how easy it is to make something appealing to men. All you have to do is make some basic wish fulfillment slop where the every man saves the day and gets the girl at the end. If you want women to watch the film too, give him a good male friend.

>>214658814 (OP)
I always liked this movie. Saw it the day it came out and the theater was packed...was surprised it flopped.
Disney (at the time and probably still now) really let their films become too bloated. Like all the pirates of carribean movies are 30 minutes too long , if not more.
Lone ranger was way too long
John Carter had too much stuff going on instead of keeping it stream lined.
John Carter should have been close to 90 minutes rather than over 2 hours.

>>214661939
SEX ARMS

>>214660180
>Action
>man
well there's your problem. Men are not allowed to be strong or heroic in disney or any movie in general that's why you get all the 90lb 5'3ft woman beats an entire platoon of russian ex-spetsnaz goons slop so many times.
The protagonist must be old, female and homosexual for extra credit

>>214663650
fuck forgot pic

>>214663329
>>214663644
Sex boobs too. From the same set. She really has lucked out on the genetic front. Why wasn't she cast in more movies, even as a mom figure?

>>214661939
Fuck that's a great body for an older gal

>>214663668
Who the fuck wants to see an action movie starring a bunch of middle aged women?

>>214664461
I'll tell you who doesn't, middle aged women.

>>214663317
Cowboy Bebop was a special case where they were so tryhard they created a live action show that was actually more over the top than the anime it was imitating.

>>214658814 (OP)
Why the fuck are we apologising? Disney are the ones who have been progressively fucking up for the past 20 years.

>>214664494
>>214664461
>tfw middle-aged women want to watch character-driven romance and drama but the entertainment industry refuses to make those either

pursuing the imaginary crossover audience really does benefit nobody.

>>214659766
Nope not even then. Older men would watch that though

>>214659789
Nobody cares about Tron. Its why the movies always dissapoint financially

>>214660892
They made a Red Sonja movie earlier this year. Nobody watched it even after a schizo posted a new thread for every production update about it daily for 3+ months

>>214659548
I went to watch it

>>214658814 (OP)
Im sorry john carter was terribly written bordering on nonsense and shit all over the male power fantasy source material

>>214660180
>Action man kills the bad guys
Reminder the new Blade movie died in its crib because they actively refused to pass any script with this premise.

>>214661939
i really really hate they missed pairing collins and kitsch for at least one more sequel while they were in their prime.
same feeling as dredd with urban and thirlby, how can people be so fucking stupid and don't realise what they've got

>>214658814 (OP)
I'm sorry, John Carter

>>214658814 (OP)
sorry childhood friend, at least they didn't reboot you with dei cast and woke script

Just make a movie with ONLY White men in it. Make the main character masculine and muscular (an appearance of what we all should aspire to become).

>>214661818
They avoided having Mars in the title because "Mars Needs Moms" flopped.

>>214660620
>When you start seeing this garbage, its kind of hard to stop seeing it.
this, /pol/ fucked up my perception. I can't enjoy things anymore

>>214658814 (OP)
why dont they make boomer dad action shows like amazon prime does

>>214660180
I don't know. I don't think little girls will like that.
What about Action man starts fighting bad guys but then pulls a muscle so his adopted daughter has to save the day? And then we can have hilarious moments where the bad guys tease Action man because his daughter is so much better at kicking their asses and he reluctantly agrees. Oh and then we can put a love triangle in there too! But get this, one of her love interests is actually secretly a bad guy. Boom, twist! No one will see it coming

>>214663668
That film was offensively terrible. Like nothing against female-led action films, but this was physically painful to sit through.

>>214667939
They did. It was called The Northman and it was atrociously terrible.

>>214668290
That doesn't even apply to the Northman.

John Carter flopped because it was just avatar except instead of magnificent sci-fi jungle and mostly nude blue cat people who ride flying dragons, it’s Arizona and everyone’s wearing too much clothing

>>214668425
no it flopped, because of limited and shit marketing

>>214660180
They got a message from the Action Man
>I'm happy, hope you're happy too...

>>214668290
and that's being kind to it

>>214660180
this. i mean i'm under no illusions that pulp shit like Conan is anything complex, it's just fun. yeah sure you know what, it's sexist, racist, problematic, who gives a fuck. i can read "meaningful" high-brow literature alongside it.

it's the same problem we have with irony and subversion: how would kids understand Shrek if they didn't know the basic fairytales, first? and for the most part they DO teach straightforward, good values - of course you can then say "yeah, but mindlessly shooting down bad guys would be DUBIOUS in real life!"

>>214668425
It flopped due to the title
Who the fuck is john carter ? Is that a biopic ?
Disney made it flop so they could kill their own live action movie, beside the mcu
Same for the death of their 2d animation

>>214669852
...it's John Carter, of Mars.

>Flash Gordon? Conan the Barbarian? am i meant to KNOW these names?

>>214658814 (OP)
Bigger tits wearing less/no clothing could have saved this film. Also change the name of the movie “Princess rapist of Mars”

>>214658814 (OP)
Storm of steel and that french love inteterest is played by sydney sweeney

>>214658814 (OP)
I loved the weird cowboy / alien mashup movies that foamed out in the 2010’s.

>>214658814 (OP)
Was John Carter still a confederate in this one. The whole appeal of these books is a Southern Gentlemen on Mars and he didn't have the accent from what I remember

>>214670476
I thought he was but the Southern Gentleman stuff wasn't emphasized in the movie very much like it was in the book. But it's been a while since I saw the movie so maybe they did change it and I'm just remembering wrong.

>>214669852
>>214668643
why do people believe that marketing == success? if it was good, word of mouth would've pushed it. it wasn't good.

>>214670476
>Was John Carter still a confederate in this one.
Ehhh... It was extremely vague.

>>214669852
what world do you live in where the name of a movie is all people will see?

furthermore, is it the same world where everyone thought james cameron's movie was related to the gay cartoon?

>>214670550
it was great though, and your "theory" that popular things are good and unpopular are bad, is wrong

>>214670476
>confederate
oh right, a princess of mars was just burroghs knocking off a confederate yankee in king Arthur's court. Thats why the movie feels to derivative and flat.

>>214670550
>why do people believe that marketing == success?
They've observed reality.

>>214670598
things are popular because lots of people like them. this isn't a "theory" as much as its the explicit definition of the term "popular."

>>214670647
so nothing with a huge marketing campaign ever completely failed? or do you just ignore those?

>>214658814 (OP)
John Carter of Mars deserves better.
Burroughs was a genius

>>214670666
that doesn't make it good retard

>>214670685
clemens was a genius. burroughs was just putting a confederate yankee on mars.

>>214670694
You disliking something doesn't make it bad either.

The Earth is hollow with a habitable inside of the shell and central sun, thanks to the crossover with another Burroughs series, Pellucidar, is great, you have to admit

>>214670707
Whoops, meant to reply with this >>214670762

>>214670835
burroughs didn't come up with hollow earth

>>214670876
Not my point, anon. My point was to illustrate the creative ideas Burroughs would use for his books.
Like the lost valley with two city-states of lost Crusaders in, IIRC, book 11 of Tarzan
Burroughs was pure pulp with crazy settings, which I find amazing.

>>214670550
>if it was good, word of mouth would've pushed it.
lmao how fucking dumb are you?

>>214670722
>t. resident cripple troll

>>214670982
>using other people's ideas is amazing
...

>>214671087
Come on, anon. Don't be so dishonest .
I don't know what you have against Burroughs, but what I'm saying here is, that the idea/theory of a hollow earth is a good idea/concept to create an interesting story, which is what Edgar did.
Similar to REH with his ideas about ancient civilizations.

>>214671137
just calling a hack a hack

>>214671170
If you say so. I for one, consider him a complete genius and one of the greatest fantasy authors.

>>214671192
anon he'd consider himself a hack

>>214671270
>he'd
Come on, now. Now you're just being silly.

>>214671352
oh right i forgot burroughs was a woman

>>214659716
yet for several decades young boys were more than happy to read a book named the Princess of Mars. I know I was.

>>214659377
this
it's a modern classic

>>214666923
>>214663716
I'd like to Barsoom her, if you catch my drift.

>>214671430
Come on, anon. Where is the grade A material?
Maybe we should revive Burroughs and ask him to write a few comebacks for you.

>>214661939
>>214663716
jeeebus, she absolutely transofrmed from qt hottie into godlike milf.

>>214661939
>>214671701
milf? its gilf now.
anyway loved her in that Matthew Perry depression movie, her and that sex starved therapist.

>>214671700
>comebacks
you got upset that someone correctly labeled edgar rice burroughs.

>>214660180
They learned nothing from John Wick's extreme popularity.

>>214671787
I find your opinion quite dumb and absurd, but I wouldn't consider myself upset by that same opinion, if you have to know.
But like I said a couple of posts above, if you say so.

>>214671192
There were some great fantasy novels that came out around this time that seem to be very hard to adapt properly to the screen. A Princess of Mars, Conan the Barbarian, The Lost World...

>>214671825
>you're a stupid doodoo head but i'm not mad
... be honest with yourself. unless you're very lucky that's the only person who ever will be.

>>214671908
If you say so

>>214671754
That's just the hair, she's not even 50 yet.

>>214658814 (OP)
I can’t wait for Disney to make a new IP about dinosaurs or ninjas. Something that boys like. And then by the third round of rewrites and reshoots it becomes yet another girlboss movie about generational trauma.

>>214658814 (OP)
The problem with Disney and every company is that they try to have all their products appeal to everyone instead of letting certain groups like their own things.

It is okay for Girls to like Princesses and Witches.

It is okay for Boys to like Ninjas and Dinosaurs.

The problem is trying to make boys like girl stuff and trying to make girls like boy stuff.
Sure some stuff can overlap. But to force everyone to like everything just ends in disappointment.

>>214671522
1. They weren't. If young boys actually were happy to read it it wouldn't have taken a century to get a movie of it
2. You can blame Disney and their embrace or princesses for that. It made all royalty feminine

>>214672123
when publicly traded, line must go up. if not at least trying to make line go up, stock value plummets. when publicly traded, must maintain established business model. if pivot, old model was bad, stock value plummets.

>>214663451
Anon, Mike Stoklasa is a shill for Disney and Feminism.

Mike Stoklasa literally says all boy media should be made into girl media in order to be progressive and liberal.

>>214672131
If boys had not been happy to read the Princess of Mars, no one would remember it. Also, the book and it's sequls have been more or less cannibalized by a lot of sci-fi following it, including Star Wars.

The most remarkable thing about Disney's John Carter is, that it took an IP aimed directly at young boys and made young boys repell it.

>>214672316
>If boys had not been happy to read the Princess of Mars, no one would remember it
No one DID remember it, thats the whole point. The movie flopped spectacularly

>>214672131
Getting rid of subsidiaries like Touchstone Pictures was a big Mistake on Disney's part. They can't create normal 'manly' stuff and keep the Disney brand all girly any more.

>>214673000
>Touchstone Pictures
That's just one part. The other one is staffing, hiring, internal guidelines, etc and that's the real issue

>>214661939
BarCOOM

>>214673087
that isn't just one thing though. no touchstone means no one in disney making touchstone style films.

>>214658967
Why does the nigga on the left has four legs, when the nigga on the right clearly has six? That's retarded

>>214673622
When you look at the type of thing that Touchstone used to put out you've got to wonder why Disney folded it. It seemed like a decent mature themed side-hustle.

>>214658814 (OP)
This movie was fucking awful and BORING.

>>214673818
they made up touchstone specifically to make films for audiences that might see disney and think its for children and/or the movies might reflect poorly on the disney brand.

of course now they have fox to do that.

>>214673087
You're up against an expansionary ideology. They're not just going to let you do your "edgy, manly" thing. They'll constantly be seeking ways to gain oversight or subvert from within. In fact something like this will be top priority for them

>>214674393
Actually I'm not

>>214667939
>shitposter thinks that would sell
Let the adults talk here, child.

>>214672131
>>214672524
No dogs in the princess fight but the reason Po/JC was "unfilmable" and bombed is because it feels derivative, while in reality is the exact fucking opposite, you can find D&D, Superman, 40k Orks, and so much more stuffed there becuase they all directly or indirectly took inspiration.
THIS is the real reason.

>>214671792
It's worse. They actively torpedoed the franchise which was already dying from sequel fatigue with a girlboss movie.

>>214660180
>Action man kills the bad guys.
The John Wick franchise has made billions off this and no one has tried to emulate it. Why?

>>214663613
>John Carter should have been close to 90 minutes rather than over 2 hours.
i think it was pretty well paced, although maybe the starter normie-world scenes could have been cut back and John being thrown onto Mars sooner if you HAD to cut back on time.

I walked into the theatre not knowing a thing about that universe and walked out stunned at how much fun that film was. Its a shame it flopped.

They could make not gay shit, but they won't.

>>214665804
i read the source material, it was kinda shit, the core ideas and the world-building were great, but the dialogue and plot-progression was dogshit and needed a total overhaul. Thats not a slight on the author, considering the books are ancient and predate alot of other classics however, its just not fit for purpose as-is.

They did an amazing job cleaning it up for cinema.

>>214676061
they just have been trying various combinations of 'putting a chick in it and making it lame and gay' without success soo far.

>>214675556
>>214672524
for the record, i have a bad memory, i REALLY enjoyed watching it in the cinema from a person who never knew the books existed, and i forgot the name of the movie countless times because John Carter is soo fucking generic a name it just slipped my mind constantly.

Its one of the worst names ever given to a film, until that magical niggers movie came out a few years back at least.

>>214673667

Ones male, the other is female

>>214676126
Maybe it will work the 128th time they try it.

>>214660180

At this point, I'd say it's far too late. Disney spent the last decade pissing in everyone's face and they're not going to forget. The company is basically doomed to insolvency at this point. They've squandered too much morey and opportunities and now they're saddled with debt, bad press, and toxic IPs.

I wouldn't be surprised if Bob Iger and Kathleen Kennedy are embezzling even money so they can run off to a non-extradition country with a decent retirement fund as well.

Turok Dinosaur Hunter

I... AM TUROK

DINOSAUR HUNTER

T U R O K

D I N O S A U R H U N T E R

Valiant comics will sell it to you for a few years of rent, just do it

>>214677796
And make sure you use the fucking tech dinos that stand on their hind legs. We are talking appealing to boys. Buy the rights to everything Turok and then release Turok 2 material as a superhero movie in the spirit of Predator but with Turok as the Predator and the dinos as the dumb humans

Youre fucking WELCOME. It is ridiculous how much dicksuckers will pay ome another to scrape for ideas while ignoring crowdsource data. We give it to you for free, you fucking idiots, there should be zero problem, there are literally thousands of adaptions available and these people produce echoes of the same 50 in their own little mirrorbox datacruncher trend brand world.

But do we even want the current crop to adapt our favorite shit and bring boys into their fold? Why not wish for them to struggle? Why not do everything in our power to neg literally everything for the rest of the ideological rotation period and then start applying our ideas openheartedly as writers and contributors to various projects once the chuds or fascists or whoever are in control?

>>214659046
>from Mars

Everyone keeps talking about John Carter Of Mars and they seem to forget

THERE HAS NEVER YET BEEN A HALF-WAY DECENT TARZAN FILM

Just do the book straight and there you are.

>>214660180
Disney is a perfect example of creating self-inflicted problems in the First World.

>>214678472

I unironically really liked the one with Lambert.

>>214660180
>Young men are literally the easiest audience to please so long as you don't actively resent them.
Impossible in modern hollywood.

>>214678472
>Tarzan
>monkeys without tech weapons
Turok, you fools. TUROK!

>>214676061
Lots of people do that every year. Just this year we've had
The Accountant 2
The Amateur
A Working Man

>>214659748
>They aren't really trying, are the?
They are, which is what makes it so funny.