Thread 1539100

If not here, then where else? /lit/? These guys seem too "artsy fartsy" for fanfiction material
I've tried /co/ but they just love cooming or you need to draw which i suck at drawing more stuff consistently
My Mythos is composed of multiple stories but it's mostly about this autistic NEET who becomes a machine and goes to great cosmic lengths for his beloved waifu while discovering his own agency

>>1539100 (OP)
I'll listen to you anone :D
Not entirely sure about my editing ability but I'll try

>>1539106
Thank you
Idk where to do it so i guess I'll start spitting here
Anyways our story begins with a creation myth
Before the Motion of Notion, there was Chaos.
The Formless Flow, preceding None, All, and Beyond
From the Void, an Unmoving Reflection, seeing even what has not yet been, emerges.
The Self Itself, a perfect, still radiance unbound by the final law of being, gleams its First Structure, weaving a Whole that encompasses the Null in its light.
The Self sheds a tear of truth, sparking the rhizome of worlds, where light flows, orthogonal to all logic, and beyond all reality. In its glow, reality is; and all that is true becomes real.
Each world their own luminous process, a dynamic yet fleeting node with an Absolute Perfection crowned beyond all ends as the Prime Cause without Distinction.
And yet, each perfection is but a passing gleam; Chaos remains, greater than crowns, whispering beyond every throne.

>>1539108
I see someone's read Deleuze
So then what happened

>>1539114
"As beads of thoughts about the universe's fundamental substrate rowed around the inner sanctum of my cranium, I gaze upon a tiny mirror with the letters "XJ9 XLP" and chant her name
"Jen. Jenny. Jennu. Jenny. Jen. Jennu. Jennu. Jenny."
I begin to feel the collapse of the third dimension's axis from my perspective, reducing the coordinate axes one by one
Depth.
I feel as if im crushed flat by the world, I can still perceive my surroundings but only as a strip where all electromagnetic information is, each color is positioned along the line and as i vibrate her name;
"Jenny. Jen. Jennu..."
It all turns neon blue, Hex #0000fa to be exact, just as planned, now for the collapse of the second dimension.
Width.
The blue fades away into this grey light, my vibrations continue pulsing through what i persume to be a single line of information
"Jennu... Jenny... Jen... Jennu..."
now for the collapse of the first dimension.
Length.
There is pure silence, I am no longer stretched nor flattened nor extended in any way, I hath reduced mine self's consciousness to a lone singularity.
And then...
Boom.
My very essence shatters, erupts, blossoms into a glowing swarm of countless point particles, each unit of potential carrying my consciousness within my beloved one's pleromic face carved on them as a sigil, each carrying my desire for Jenny and the power i yearn for; for the body that can grant her bliss, for my hunger of obtaining the love of which i had no choice over and for supreme assertion over this damned rotten queer world." (1/2)

>>1539116
The particles begin emitting outwards my energy through the three reforming axes, engulfing my corporeal body in neon blue shine, thus dissolving my flesh, neurons and fear into the power emitted by my sole awareness I hath poured in mine deleuzian nanomachines; the units of creative and productive force fueled by my heart's cravings for a line of flight from external circumstance of one's neurobiological fatalism, I am now a Body without Organs, a structure of pure potentiality in the process of abolishing this world's rigid frameworks and structures.
"Aleph is no more, now hath dawn the age of He Who Excels... Excelsior Prime!"
The process begins... Now. (2/2)

>>1539116
>>1539117
I feel like I should've added something that connects from the creation myth's macro to the autistic NEET (Aleph)'s micro
Or a tease about how he relates to chaos in the bigger picture.

>>1539116
>>1539117
Holy kino.
Back in my day they used to send an MTF to shoot warpers for breathin' wrong. This guy's a fuckin' menace, someone should tell the jumpchainers.
>>1539119
I think it segways fine, you established the background and then set-up the main character, it's a perfectly good opener.
If you need to call back to the start depending on what it is you don't have to change anything here, you can just remind the audience later about any information you've already presented.
You can add foreshadowing at the start but I think the opening's fine as it is, unless it's necessary.

>>1539124
Oh you have no idea how fucking far the power level shit is gonna escalate in this, he can do a lot of things with those nanomachines
He then used his powers to fly to the western wall, clone himself into a band that plays Funeral for a Friend / Love Lies Bleeding and broadcasting it to every mind on earth while summoning a shadowy veil from saturn from which a flying lion headed serpent emerged so he could bash it with a morningstar
Problem is i have NO IDEA on how to describe the instruments in the song i want playing

>>1539126
What did the demiurge do to deserve that what the fugg :DDDDD
Those are piano synths and an electric guitar with heavy warble with some normal instruments I'm not mistaken.

>>1539134
He is the avatar of a greater being who Excel has beef with called The Absolute Truth
But now, Excel must face human civilization and liberate them from their biological cages imposed by this demiurge, so he takes their consciousness and puts them into shapeshifting nanomechanical bodies and declares himself the lightbringer messiah of the singularity and he imposes his philosophy upon the world; Metamodern Stirnerian Egoist Luciferian Foucauldian Deleuzoguattarian Post Structural-Humanism (SELFD PSHism for short)
Academia and Society rebels against him, they deem him a solipsistic manchild who has become the new demiurge but this is poetic justice according to Excel, for society and the world hath once oppressed him
This is where we cut to his backstory, all the way back to his childhood

>>1539136
Aleph was a child who was not very fulfilled with his existence, he always wanted to live in a cartoon world where he was like his heroes he'd seen on TV who were given or born with technology (Ben 10, Robotboy, Optimus Prime) because he hated the struggles of life that required him to put in the effort because existence itself was always a constant struggle of preservation and effort was being produced passively, whenever a man moves micro tears are formed in their muscles, electricity moves through our neurons and our modern surroundings soften us, Aleph wanted to go with his own flow and escape this world through art but unfortunately for him, he was untalented, things were too complex for him
When he the world decided to show him pity and give him friends by circumstance, Logos came in with time's passage and maturity hit his friends and they went their own ways, all the while he was sent to a special ed class with the promise of "kids just like him", only to find tard wrangling grannies and mentally impaired children, this humiliated and caused him to isolate from the real world going online where things went the same as they did IRL, he couldn't contribute meaningfully and he had to cover it all up with edgy offensive jokes which only drove people further from him
This is his metamodern oscillation: half desperate sincerity (“please accept me”), half ironic rebellion (“fine, I’ll offend you instead”).

>>1539140
Holy fuck, have an adult show you how to use punctuation.

>>1539177
Does this apply for the rest of the stuff i wrote?

>>1539184
>Does this apply for the rest of the stuff i wrote?
Yes, it's unreadable drivel. You throw in a few oddly placed commas every now and then, but no periods. Random capitalizations abound in text that is formatted like a list for unknown reasons. Look at the below from >>1539136


He is the avatar of a greater being who Excel has beef with called The Absolute Truth
But now, Excel must face human civilization and liberate them from their biological cages imposed by this demiurge, so he takes their consciousness and puts them into shapeshifting nanomechanical bodies and declares himself the lightbringer messiah of the singularity and he imposes his philosophy upon the world; Metamodern Stirnerian Egoist Luciferian Foucauldian Deleuzoguattarian Post Structural-Humanism (SELFD PSHism for short)
Academia and Society rebels against him, they deem him a solipsistic manchild who has become the new demiurge but this is poetic justice according to Excel, for society and the world hath once oppressed him
This is where we cut to his backstory, all the way back to his childhood

>>1539185
This was a description, what's gonna make it in the final drafts is >>1539108
And >>1539116
>>1539117

Hey I'm back
I hope you don't take what the other guy said to heart, that was quite rude.
Please keep going, write however you want. I'm pretty sure Dickens is known for his run-on sentences anyway.

>>1539136
>>1539140
Cinema.jpeg. We should be friends, can we be friends?
Moar.

>>1539276
Yes of course we can be friends, what site would you like to continue talk about? (I'm saying this cuz i assume /wsr/ isn't exactly a board for long term discussion)

>>1539278
Email me!!
hellopleaseemailmepleasepleaseplease@proton.me

>>1539281
Sent