Thread 40906295

There is a spoiled scene-girl inside my brain that wants to feel like an ornament at the center of the world, surrounded in tactile pleasures of various kinds. She goes away when I exercise or otherwise assert myself as a man in the world, but comes back when my energy is depleted to take what's left. In moments when I feel weak or like a crudely drawn portrait ready to be thrown in the garbage she demands to be seen, to feel beautiful and adored. For an affirmation that she belongs in the world and there are people that want her there still. Sometimes this feeling just leads me to extremely distracted, dissociated states where I have either withdrawn to watching shows, playing games, or looking for artwork I find beautiful. Other times I look for audio porn or crossdress.

Is this what Jung called anima possession? Did the ghost of my aunt who died in my childhood bedroom mantle her, and form two hypostes of a personhood/tulpa? I don't necessarily want to make her leave, but the long retreats into myself really takes up a lot of my time that I need to develop into a better person living in the world. I know I need to assert myself with "action-without-reflection", touch grass and all, but I want to be careful not to lose touch with the Anima which seems to be a part of this thing if not it in of itself.
Mainly just looking for thoughts, advice, or a kick in the ass.
Inb5 >OP is a faggot

Not gonna read all that desu

>>40906295 (OP)
is sensation your inferior function?

>>40906295 (OP)
Stop watching porn

>>40906295 (OP)
OP is a mentally ill tranny faggot

>>40906363
I think that's NTG larping.

>>40906295 (OP)
Did she have BPD or something?

>>40906348
I wouldn't say so? Personality-wise I tend to be easily overwhelmed by the world and tend to avoid confrontation of pain or fear rather than actively seek for solutions. I've only recently been trying to question my habits and examine them as objectively as possible in meditation.

>>40906362
I don't watch porn though, though I do listen to audio, either just generic moaning or sometimes more rp kinda stuff.

>>40906435
>I don't watch porn though, though I do listen to audio, either just generic moaning or sometimes more rp kinda stuff.


And imagine what? That you're a little sissy AGP getting banged? Very esoteric.

>>40906406
Maybe, she was heavily addicted to cigarettes and I think some drugs, never married but did have a boyfriend at the time she died. She was a late Boomer/early GenX, so I don't think my aesthetic sensibilities/anima have a lot in common with her. She died of lung cancer, never stopped smoking until her lungs filled up with blood one summer afternoon when she was taking a nap. It was just a summer house at the time, my parents were letting her stay there with her boyfriend because she had no money and was dying. I remember we had these two bunkbeds set up in my older brother's room in kind of a janky setup that he hated and would drop thumbtacks on my twin-brother's face if he was snoring.

>>40906459
That would be really funny, but no. I have listened to some gentle femdom and joi stuff but its mostly just segs noises and pretendtobemygfgivingmehead.mp4 kind of stuff. I know its still bad for the soul but it seems like a slightly less overly-stimulating compromise for now.

>>40906295 (OP)
You schizophrenic nigga

>>40906493
Try to find out what she was like. I mean literal schizophrenia or maybe DID could be an explanation, but what you described the personality like is exactly BPD, and regrettably I’ve discovered death doesn’t always release someone from their personality disorder.

So A girl made a thread in a forum asking if she is ugly(she is) and I said yeah, you are ugly. Her answer? So you are saying I am average?

https://youtu.be/2LaiBsm4DVI?si=jLsK0yrMppYr00VH

Hey, Op. Wanna do it?
https://youtu.be/yFyOnbHOqig?si=9f-llKxMsJCIizvX

I am gonna go FAP to a cross dresser thinking about Op desu
https://youtu.be/3MMMe1drnZY?si=LABMb4jY0ny7ACmX

I did it, Op. I came to you.
I have had better desu

Get to therapy, that's how you'll find out the origin of this girl

>>40906519
No, don't compromise. You have to stop.

>>40906295 (OP)
HEY!
that looks like Eponis.

>>40906295 (OP)
sounds like you are well-versed enough already to handle the situation. at this point, sadly, /x/ is mostly inhibited by degenerates, while chatgpt can bring curious perspectives and analogies

>>40906519
I love how you answer things op I wish I had this level of level headedness I unfortunately don't have any advice op but I want you to know that wish you the best

>>40906295 (OP)
LBRP and report back OP