Thread 33263697

Did I genuinely fumble this, or did she just lose interest somehow?
Context is we met at a gig, she was very receptive and keen in person. She wanted to meet after the gig, and we exchanged insta handles to arrange a date over pints in the future.
In the DMs we had two rounds of messages back and forth, then I was ghosted. Not even left on "seen".
I wish this one had worked out, I really liked her.

>>33263697 (OP)
"Fancy meeting up for that pint next week? Feel free to say if youre not up for it, no pressure."

What are you, gay?

>>33263843
No, I wanted to know if she was actually up for it or not just to get closure. I would rather a "no" than no answer.

>>33263697 (OP)
you did nothing wrong. ghosting is just a normal thing to do now and can happen for literally any reason. dont blame yourself, and take comments blaming you with a grain of salt.

>>33263697 (OP)
Anon. Haven't you heard? Women hold massive political rallies and post endlessly online about how they want an emasculated beta male who worships feminism. But what they ACTUALLY want is a rough, risk taking, strong alpha.

You went the beta route and got rekt. Your mistake? Listening to women.

>>33263697 (OP)
>Sounds like you're studying to become the ultimate travel buddy haha
This is where the train flew off the rails, assuming it hadn't already been wobbling in the previous conversation.

There's like three things wrong with that sentence

>>33263843
>"Fancy meeting up for that pint next week? Feel free to say if youre not up for it, no pressure."
>What are you, gay?
Also this.

>>33263875
he did at least 5 or 6 things wrong here just in that one screenshot, also it's not "ghosting" when a girl doesn't immediately reply to a "haha" cringe message

>>33263897
I made my intentions clear - I wanted to meet up for a pint. You can only build real chemistry in person, hence why dating apps fail. Also I need to know her interests and personality to direct the conversation seductively.
>>33263875
Yeah anon it sucks, I'll have to get used to it. It's more the sudden shift in interest that bites me. She was genuinely alight with interest when we spoke. She wanted to speak longer but the gig started and we had to part.

>>33263897
>hey want an emasculated beta male who worships feminism. But what they ACTUALLY want is a rough, risk taking, strong alpha.
You are terminally online, obsessed with identity politics, and are only able to view the world in black or white. A girl not immediately replying to a "haha" text and a fumbled invitation to go out drinking has nothing to do with feminism or modern politics and everything else you're mad about online.

>>33263949
>I made my intentions clear - I wanted to meet up for a pint.
Listen you don't need to be LE ANTI-FEMINIST ALPHA CHAD like the other anon is ranting about but you need some confidence. You madde you intentions clear in the first half of your text and in the second half of you text you immediately backtracked on your own intentions talking about "haha but you don't have to haha no pressure haha tell me if you're disgusted by the idea of going out with me haha forget I said anything haha"

"Hey this is anon from <venue> last sat - this is anonnette* right? Want to get drinks some time this week? I can do Tues or Thurs afterwork"

*bonus points if you misspell her name in some non-obvious way

>>33263697 (OP)
>ultimate travel buddy haha
ick
>double texting with 50% of the sentence showing no confidence ''feel free to say if youre not up for it''

in the real world there isn't anything wrong with this but youre playing the game of online dating, there are things you cannot do and you did them, here is what will have happened either

>she hasn't gotten back to you, she might not be a cunt, she might be up for it, maybe
>she could have gotten the ick
>a man more attractive than you and with more chemistry popped up and shes meeting him instead because tinder is a deli counter for women and they just pick and chose whatever they want.

when I was on tinder id keep convo to an absolute minimum, do an opener (NO jestermaxxing its sad and makes you look gay) but something based on the profile, if her profile is dry as fuck just say you think shes cute and directly ask to meet for drinks, if it has substance open like a normal person, if she likes you she will reply, if she likes you she will be up for drinks, but never ever ever again give her an option to fuck you off, she can already ghost you she doesn't need that, it makes you look not confident.

>t.went on many tinder dates in my heyday

less words the better, it is better to be nonchalont and confident than overly enthusiastic, try to not use many emojis if at all, try to not say ''haha'' or ''lol'' too much.

they do this though, tinder girls are evil. I once had a girl go on 3 dates with me then ghost me.

>>33263697 (OP)
>Did I genuinely fumble this,
Yes.
>or did she just lose interest somehow?
But probably also that, yes.

Among other things, note that you can be polite without being apologetic or self-deprecating. You need to sound decent, but confident.

>>33263988
this works because youre directly asking her and laying out your days, not pussyfooting around, no gay emojis either

>>33263988
This. When asking a girl out, be specific.
If you say something along the lines of "wanna do something sometime? :)" it's an instant turn-off.

Also maybe try to say/make it so it's with a group of friends, drinking alone with essentially a stranger as a first date may seem a red flagish and potentially rapey

>>33264001
>wanna do something sometime?
this, women detest making any decisions

> drinking alone with essentially a stranger as a first date may seem a red flagish and potentially rapey

not if you give off ''chill vibes'' ive had many women agree for a drinks date, as long as you dont look like a rapist or give off weird energy

>>33264008
>this, women detest making any decisions
?
I don't know who told you that, women be making decisions all the time.
It's just that asking a girl out without a specific date or at least a fixed window of time e.g. "sometime next weekend" is the equivalent of a limp soft handshake

>>33263995
Thanks for the pointers fren
I think you're right, my mistakes might have been forgivable IRL and we could move swiftly along - plus she has my body language, voice and physique to be attracted to. Online it's just the words, and I find it hard to drop the self-depreciating "please pick me" angle
>>33263988
Wish I'd thought to send that instead. I've attached my opener.
I think it's more my mindset, I want to embody whatever it is that would make a brief and to the point opener come to me instead, without the self deprecation. I think it takes a lifestyle change, and I am aware that I need to do it, but I keep falling back on old habits.
>>33264001
I live in a country with a strong drinking culture, so in my case I think this was okay

>>33264057
its what I have learned, some like it, the ones that dont will suggest something else but its always better than being limp

>>33264064
not a terrible first half, if instead of the travel buddy thing you had just asked her for drinks she probably would have, youre in the yookay so always go with drinks, thats what I did and I live here because everyone is mostly always up for drinks, only ever had 1 girl turn down drinks and suggest a walk and a coffee, which was fine.

If a guy doesnt immediately ask me that day to a bar or for coffee hes blocked. Not interested in scared men

>>33263697 (OP)
Anons already told you what to do better, just remember that she's also having 40 other guys in her dms she stopped responding while talking to 10 others

>>33264057
> women be making
Post skin

If you hardly know a woman you can't approach and communicate in a way that frames you as worth less than her. You just make it clear how needy you are for her and her attention. You can be kind and give compliments that don't come off as fake and gay, but not until you have a connection, and NOT over text. "Ultimate travel buddy?" You're writing like a woman when you do compliments that way.

The best way to compliment a woman is either A) Genuinely, after the courting phase, once you know each other, or B) through jokes that make fun of her that she can take. Don't suck her clit telling her how great she is when you barely know her and still have to meet at social places to hang out. But don't sweat it either, you aren't the first and won't be the last she ghosts. Just don't fuck around with women you meet at loose places like gigs or bars, and if you do don't take it seriously.

>>33264447
> complimenting too soon is needy
noted anon, this is also a good advice
As a follow up. She took well to my opener (>>33264064) - after that I should've immediately arranged to meet?
We *did* leave the IRL convo with the idea of meeting for pints, and she smiled at the suggestion. Maybe that's what she was actually expecting, and instead I jested (haha look at me I am so funneh!!) in the DMs, which put her off.

>>33263852
textbook closeted homosexual

>>33265183
> wanting to improve at progressing things until he has sex with a woman
fellas, is this gay?

>>33263697 (OP)
>Feel free to say if you're not up for it, no pressure.
Dickless behavior. She would've told you herself if she didn't want to, she didn't need you to offer the option to decline. You gave her an out by saying that, it sounds like you were saying it's no big deal and doesn't matter either way to you, which it clearly did or you wouldn't be here posting this. If you want the date, ask a firm question for a firm answer.

>>33263697 (OP)
You closed off the conversation, and dismissed what she was studying with your travel buddy comment. Like besides the ick that other people have pointed out, it's kinda insulting to be dismissed like that. Wouldn't have been bad at all if you asked her instead if she travels, then converse from there.
Also like it doesnt seem like the convo was really moving to begin with, maybe she just kinda lost interest. Ghosting is really common these days, lots of women are just kinda fed up with having to justify to people why they aren't interested. It's not transactional, sometimes you can "do everything right" and she'll still lose interest. Don't dwell on this man.

>>33265178
Don't overthink it. Nothing has even happened here, and men always tend to look for information to learn from even something as throw away as a dozen texts from a hoe. I really don't think there was ever a good chance anyways. Do people actually meet up with strangers they encounter at these places and make it work? I feel like the only way to get girls these days is proximity. Like work or school. These stupid text mind games are a waste of fucking time and parasocial. Don't read any further into it then what I said. Just don't put pussy on a pedestal next time. And don't expect anything until you actually get to know a girl. Just go in with the intent of friends with someone in irl and see what happens.

>>33263946
nah >>33263875 this anon's right, he didn't do anything wrong. The real hard truth is she probably matched with a better looking guy. You're just a demoralizing gaslighting faggot.

>>33263697 (OP)
trinity mentioned hahahahhaa never thought i'd see my uni on an /adv/ thread

>>33263697 (OP)
Bro you fucked all three of your messages
>Message 1
You said "I hear". This shows you are insecure of your opinion. -> ICK
>Message
"Sounds like" = insecurity same as above -> ICK
"Buddy" = childish word -> ICK
haha -> ICK
>Message 3
emoji -> ICI
Asking it as a question instead of saying "Hey, let's grab a beer next week" = insecurity -> ICK

And then you dropped the absolute nuclear ick that is the 2nd part of the last message, I hope you realize how bad it is, you could turn off even the most interested girl by saying that shit dude who taught you that? Where did you learn it?

>>33266124
Not exactly an obscure uni now is it

>>33264008
>this, women detest making any decisions

Alternatively, when I've seen a girl a few times and I'm not 100% into her, I just start asking them what they want to do, eat and etc, letting them make all the plans / decisions and I just say ok or not. Unironically they suddenly have unlimited ideas and places to eat at.

>>33263697 (OP)
Not really but rule of thumb is don't pre-empt with something that reads as "I totally understand if you don't want to go out with me". You don't need to anticipate the idea that hanging with you would be in some way undesired for the other party, it will be read as a lack of self-assuredness even if that's not what you want.

>>33263843
Chad:
Come thru for drinks

Normie:
You free on Saturday?

Beta:
>Feel free to say if youre not up for it, no pressure."

>>33263697 (OP)
She looks really fucking fat

>>33263697 (OP)
Fuck, I fucking hate this. Anon, you did nothing wrong. Don't get hung over how you could have worded things differently; it wouldn't have made any difference. She probably just found someone else. It's just that ghosting is normalized in online dating culture and people lack integrity and empathy to be upfront with others, so they use the cowardly easy way out. I'm sorry that it happened to you and it will keep happening to many others.

I've read a whole thread about ghosting on Reddit where the women there were basically arguing that sure, ghosting is bad, but it's okay when women do it, because men are "violent".
Funny how women accuse the manosphere, incels, Andrew Tate of fueling hatred towards women when all you need is read their own comments.
So yeah, OP, maybe she thought you were "violent" and was "afraid" of you.

>>33263697 (OP)
you really shouldn't waste precious brainpower agonizing over texts. that's not why i'm making this reply though.
>feel free to say if you're not up for it, no pressure
never say anything like this ever again

>>33263697 (OP)
"Ex-excuse me mam. Could we po-possibly go on a d-date"

>>33263697 (OP)
The correct thing to say was "fancy a pint then a shag?"