I had a girlfriend who, according to her, loved me. She felt a lot of pain and frustration because she didn't think I believed her and if was true, I didn't. Why am I like this? Why do I reject love? It just seems hard to believe, like they love the idea of me but not the real me

>>33313711 (OP)
You have ass self esteem. Your perception ≠ the perception of others. She liked your features.

>>33313711 (OP)
>ugly
>had a gf
somethings not adding up

>>33313711 (OP)
it depends do you have a good self image do you feel like you understand yourself? if yes then maybe you guys just weren't meant to be together and someone who does truly see you will come eventually if you are open to it, if no then you need to learn to love yourself and understand yourself and figure out what you want in a partner and what you would want for them to see the most in you

>>33313740
>if no then you need to learn to love yourself
Not to be a "Howie" but how do I learn to love myself? I think I understand myself and turns out I'm a pathetic piece of shit, there's nothing to love there, so whenever someone cares about me I feel like I must have deceived them and makes me feel guilty, like I have tricked them into loving a person that doesn't exist. I try to be vocal about the fact that I feel empty, I try to tell them how I feel but for some reason they want to stay which makes me feel more guilty

>>33313756
It's not about love, it's about acceptance. Why do you think there's nothing to love?

>>33313756
there has to be something good about you think deeply about all you've achieved and done good count your blessings literally and if you can't think of anything you can make things happen now invest in a hobby you enjoy exercise regularly do whatever comes to mind that would make you proud of yourself and stick with it long term

>>33313762
>>33313780
I think the main issue is probably the fact that I felt the love from my parents was conditional and it made me spiral into a hateful person, I broke my hand as a teen because I couldn't hold my anger, for instance. I had horrible arguments with my parents. And I also developed a pretty bad porn addiction and I did jerk off to truly heinous stuff

If there's a God I wonder why am I still allowed to live. I hope I can heal someday, I have no idea how to but I need to forgive myself one day

>>33313795
Why not go into a combat sport?
The porn addiction is sadly just commonplace now. I know that doesn't make it better, but just try to control what and how often you're dealing with it.

>>33313801
I like judo and grappling martial arts in general but unfortunately it's not an option due to how expensive they are but I could try to do calisthenics or something physical that is true

I guess right now I just feel bad for the break up but at least it made me realize how low my self esteem really is

>>33313829
You should probably start doing something more heavy at home that will wear the anger down during the day.
You could probably talk to her about all of that, though I don't know what terms you guys are on.

>>33313837
I tried to talk to her but she is pretty much done, it's probably for the better because I don't want to hurt her further but she told me it made her go through a lot of pain whenever she felt I was dismissing her love for me, she did a few things that made me doubt her too so I think it was a "not bad people, just bad together" type of situation, although she was really understanding and that's very hard to find nowadays

>>33313846
If you've got friends you can hang out with, you should contact them to get out of your headspace

>>33313859
Thank you Anon, will do, let's see how things turn out

>>33313866
Good luck.

>>33313711 (OP)
>Why am I like this?
Because you're an arrogant prick. You think you know how other people feel better than they do.

>>33313896
>Because you're an arrogant prick
That could be true but I also have a hard time believing that I could be loved in general, it's like I have some sort of mental block

>>33313903
>I also have a hard time believing that I could be loved in general
And a good first step to getting past that is to recognise that you do not, in fact, know what other people are feeling better than they do. If someone says they like you and acts like they like you, they quite possibly do. You shouldn't be making decisions for other people about whether they want to spend time with you or not; let them decide for themselves.

>>33314243
You have a point. I wanted to write a counterargument but I can't. Point taken

I just don't know how to move on from this, I hate myself so much and I've been feeling like this since I was a kid, it's all I know.

YES FAGGOT CASE IN POINT CHRIS CHAN

FUCK OFF WITH THIS CONSTANT NON STOP ON REPEAT "bru its over mane i am a 2/10 onions beta cuck" FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

>>33313711 (OP)
I know how you feel op, except the girlfriend part because I never had one. (probably for the best) I try to be self aware as I can, however I believe in a principle that if there's a man with better qualities than me such as looks, physic, finance, etc. It's only natural to expect your girl will wade towards that guy.
I'm afraid you will to get used to the cards you were given and put more effort on yourself against people who are privileged with looks.

>>33313711 (OP)
Sometimes the unhappiness you know is more comfortable than the happiness you don't.

>>33313711 (OP)

You sound like a huge faggot.

You were right and she definitely didn't love you because only women, children and dogs are loved.

She only loves what you can do for her.

If you think you're a garbage person go improve yourself.