Thread 33497367

Anyone here ever cured their asexuality?
Its causing massive problems in my life and i want to be able to tell my gf what realistically she can expect me to change.

i have always treated sex as something I do for her pleasure while it doesnt give me any pleasure of my own. i cant seem to make the emotionally connection that I should be able to enjoy it too.

Anon, I just want you to know you aren’t alone. I think my relationship is going to end soon because I can’t keep pretending to like it. It’s torture. I tried the usual like stopping SSRIs, taking supplements like Ashwagandha, etc. I just don’t care about sex.

>>33497367 (OP)
You're not asexual you just dont find your gf attractive anymore. If you really think you are then I suggest you do a head MRI and look for tumors in the pituatary area are and also do a testicular ultrasound just in case. Being asexual is always an anomaly and should be treated properly.

>>33498270
>Being asexual is always an anomaly and should be treated properly.
No, someone can be physically normal and not be interested in sex. That’s extremely difficult for most people to fathom.

>>33497367 (OP)
Shoot jiz you can limited amount of times. Smart people don't shoot at all, use volunteer semen retention technique habitually effortlessly.

Do not ejaculate at all, never would be perfect and spill some times from self fullness more realistic.

All tantra fucking curses, enjoyment to fuck like there is no tomorrow ... cause you tomorrow as always with out lust for fuck (sex)

You run out of ammunition, your battery is empty you fucked up your life by fucking (sex). Why do you thing jews show you porn for free? because it is a weapon against you.

>>33498305
>not be interested in sex.
Fuck = sex I am not interesting of fucking up everything in my life

Lust exist in healthy body. Fuck or sex are harmful ideas in ones mind. Your mind get penetrated by porn.

Sex is relatively new word. Sex = fuck so why jews created new words for same thing? Kikes don't want you to know that sex is always bad and destroying everything that is good.

Just use old word fuck and everything be in place as it should.

Go fuck yourself you fucking cunt = have a sex you sexy cunt sex = fuck, got it?

there is no such a thing as sexual health, you can only fuck up your health by fucking.

>>33498305
yah, because the fucking motion is hard-wired in mammals
like the reflex to yawn or whatever

if you don't know what you want to fuck, I guess you have some hang-up related to the subject
getting molested or seeing your mother suck dick will do it

>>33498403
Why is it so hard to fathom?
>because the fucking motion is hard-wired in mammals
So? Some people are born blind. Eyesight is hardwired in mammals... Some people are born without fingers or limbs. Some are born without the desire to socialize, and some are born without the desire of sex. I don't understand why you guys always draw the line at sex, as if it's the only thing one can't lack.

>>33497367 (OP)
By the time he encounters his first real live naked lady, a typical guy has had literally thousands of self-enduced orgasms. As nice as they are, they're a known quantity, with few surprises. On the other hand, a woman's arousal and satisfaction are infinitely fascinating and exciting to watch and be part of.

The point is that enjoying her sexual pleasure IS a big part of your sexual pleasure. That's totally normal.

>>33498436
but you weren't born without sex organs were you
and if you went through puberty, they're doing something aren't they

zero sexual desire is an irregularity on the level of not feeling pain

>>33498238
Im sorry anon. Its tough. My gf is pissed I didnt tell her when we started dating. I honestly didnt know it was an issue. I dated a girl before this and treated sex the same way with her and she was okay with it. I always thought in my head that I can make he feel good, and get her off she will be happy, and then I will be happy.

However my gf now says that I need to enjoy doing it to her, that her sexual pleasures come from being desired, that I touch her because I WANT TO for my own pleasures, not touching her because its what SHE likes, not having sex because its what SHE wants. She is convinced I'm gay, she keeps looking for signs because thats the only possible outcome that makes sense to her.

She is making an appointment for a sex therapist next week to resolve this, but has her doubts it will be any help.

>>33498270
If thats the case then I never dated any attractive women in my life, because I've felt this way with all of them. In the beggining of the relationship it starts off as nervousness (do i touch her now? should I kiss her? should I make a move?), then when i get enough green signals I start to become more hands on (how is she responding to this? does she like being kissed here?) and then i find out where her sensive areas are, and what makes her squirm (neck, boobs, stomach etc) and then I get her to orgasm, and she feels really good and happy. I feel happy because I did something right and didnt bumble around. Once I know how to make her happy I just repeat a variation of this in the future. I dont particularly enjoy the actions of themselves but I enjoy getting her to react.
Unfortuantely the truth got revealed and she knows Im doing it for her service, and now everything is falling apart

>>33497367 (OP)
Asexuality, as such, can't be cured. But there are medical conditions which create a low sex drive (which is NOT the same thing): hormonal issues, medication side effects, etc.

>i cant seem to make the emotionally connection that I should be able to enjoy it too.
I would suggest working on the emotional side of things first. Until you can feel a genuine emotional connection to someone, you won't enjoy sex with them. And if you don't feel that connection to your girlfriend, you shouldn't be with her.

Once you find someone you do connect to emotionally, at that point you can see a sex therapist and start doing Sensate Focus. But until you're with the right person, that won't help.

>>33499433
>connect to emotionally
I guess im not really sure how to do this. Things have gotten so bad that Im going to get tested for autism in a few weeks because Im having such difficulty.
I grew up in a family that loved each other but which showed very little physical love. I didnt get a lot of hugs growing up but this never bothered me until one of my teachers asked if I was ok at home. My parents did not regularly kiss each other or be romantic, and my understanding of a father role was someone who played with his kids and provided for the house. granted kids arent going to see their parents having sex, but after my two sisters were born my dad started sleeping on the couch from that point on.

I do have sexual lusts they are just very low. When i do sexual activities with my gf my dick gets hard and i leak cum. If I were to see a hot person in public I might think thoughts for a few moments but remove them from my mind just as quicky.If I watch a movie with a sex scene I might get turned on and imagine what it would be like if I were to be in that situation, but then feeling passes quickly. I have cut all porn out of my life, and if I do get any serious urges its through text-based erotica only and I can get off in minutes and be done and get on with my day.

>>33499480
>I might think thoughts for a few moments but remove them from my mind just as quicky.
A therapist would ask: why do you feel like you need to remove them?

>>33497367 (OP)
At least you're not a sex repulsed asexual like me. Be thankful, anon. I can't even touch or kiss a woman because I find the idea of it absolutely disgusting. Not as disgusting as the idea of touching or kissing a guy but pretty close. I've had zero luck with women because of this. They'll claim they're okay with me being asexual but it always ends the same way. They say they feel ugly and undesirable because I won't have sex with them or kiss them. It really fucks with their sense of self esteem and they break up with me.

I'm just fucked. I guess I'm going to be alone and miserable the rest of my life because in our society, the only acceptable close, loving relationship you can have is with someone you have to have sex with. Friendship is hollow and meaningless. I don't want someone to go shopping or drinking with or whatever. I want someone to share my life with.

At least you can fuck a woman. Just fake it and don't ever let her know that you're not actually attracted to her. You've blown it with your current girlfriend but just find someone else and don't make the same mistake. What I've found in life is that people don't want to really know you. Not really. They want you to tick all the boxes they want in life and for you to be "happy." They don't care if you're pretending to be happy or not, just that you appear to be.

>>33499561
I had to guess I had to say it was due to low self esteem and the feeling the "those things" would never happen and thus not worth spending mental energy on.
And if I do make it past that point, every step after that is laboring anxiety, of what do I say/do/act on next.

>>33499566
Oof thats rough man. I'm not quite that bad but I feel that I might end up that way over time. I made the cardinal mistake of opening up to my gf, because she kept asking me to, and when I revealed how I really felt she told me she wished I would go back to pretending. I cant cum from sex, so its likely performance anxiety, but the idea of a open wet dripping vagina does not appeal to me if I think about it too much, so I try not to.

I can't relate, but I can suggest that you focus on working out, especially lifting weights or doing something else high intensity like hill sprints or climbing. I had a slight dip in sex drive as I got older, then I started taking better care of my body and bounced right back. Good diet is critical too. Both of these things are good for you even if they don't make your peepee any harder.

>>33499886
good advice anon. I got a membership in may, have been trying to go at least 2x a week. focusing on weight lifting and some cardio. I think i may have some level of depression which is clouding a lot of what should be happy moments in life as well.

I was head over heels in love with a guy that id been into for a while (long story) and I've always been asexual and he is hypersexual. I was so infatuated I felt obligated to let him do what he wanted and I started eventually feeling resentment. I would literally be thinking "can this just be over" during sex. He (i am a woman, no not a tranny, no wont show tits) was demanding though and wanted me to make noises and basically pretend it was porn. I eventually was able to do all this acting while still thinking "when will this be over" or the weather or anything besides what was going on.

I did enjoy the closeness, but sex itself just did not interest me - even if i had a biological response my head nor my heart were ever able to get there. He was abusive anyway and dumped me for a much younger (barely legal and he was in his 30s , im 4 years younger than he is) girl who enjoyed sex , and despite that being years ago he will still occasionally text me , even though we live states apart and I have crushed any emotional response to anyone as a personal decision. I actively told myself over and over that I refuse to feel any attachment, because when he dumped me I already knew then how bad the dating scene was going to get and im shy and introverted and dislike dating apps and social media. I pretty much knew I would be forever alone after that and I had to accept it.

I dont even know if hes still with that girl or not but I keep my responses to him short; until I blocked him the other day because its pointless. what my point is here is that if youre really asexual then consider it a blessing as lust screws up many lives and is a huge problem today. Just be upfront with it and try to find another asexual, because if you keep faking it like I did you will eventually feel disgusting and angry.

>>33499566

kissing too huh? i am pretty sex repulsed, but I enjoyed kissing. It just felt like romantic closeness to me, but the other party ALWAYS sees it sexually. It kind of ruined it for me because I know it always leads to sex.

Pretending you like it in a relationship is so much worse than not dating at all. It might be OK at first, and maybe you think you'll get used to it ... but you don't.

>>33500281
Im sorry to hear what you had to go through. I know you said you've checked yourself out of dating, but do you think you'd be happy with a guy who was also asexual like you, or you still think it would be better to not be involved

>>33499596
>I had to guess I had to say it was due to low self esteem and the feeling the "those things" would never happen and thus not worth spending mental energy on.
>And if I do make it past that point, every step after that is laboring anxiety, of what do I say/do/act on next.
Well, all of that sounds like something you could work on. Of course you're not going to enjoy sex if you're in a constant state of panic.

>>33500367
>Of course you're not going to enjoy sex if you're in a constant state of panic.

I must be a bad communicator because telling this to my current gf elicts annoyance/frustration with me. It turns into "well WHEN are you going to STOP being anxious? Im trying to be very patient with you..."
I know my gf needs sex, and I know now she needs me to want it as badly as she does, and I can only give her the first but not the second. and I feel awful, I feel awful Im causing this person so much stress.
She tells me she only wants to be with me, she cant picture herself being with anyone else, but say a moment later this issue of sexual enjoyment is really pushing me to the limits. You said you were going to work on it months ago and you havent improved yet, I dont trust you to do therapy on your own because you've shown to me now that you wont do it unless i force you to.

>>33497367 (OP)
huah
fuah
fuck, even

an asexual is getting a girlfriend and I'm sitting here DICK DRY AS SAND

bitch of an earth

>>33500398
calm down pal, the reason i got a gf was because she didnt know I was asexual and I was acting in a way that made her happy. I didnt realize I was asexual either, I thought I was just nervous

I thought I was asexual for years. Eventually I realized that it was sexual trauma, worked through it, and genuinely enjoy sex now. Not trying to say it's •always• trauma (I hate how easily the word is thrown around), but do you think it'e a possibility for you?

>>33499351
>I can make he feel good, and get her off she will be happy, and then I will be happy.
I’m the anon you replied to. It’s similar for me, except I have a condition that also makes sex painful, and I thought I could power through it. I thought, “Well, I have the parts for it, and that’s just what you have to do to be in a relationship.” Well it turns out I don’t think I can force myself to do this anymore and things are going to end soon. I’m feeling horrible. It sounds like you’re more trying to go down a path of “curing” it than viewing it as something essential about you. Do you think you’ll stick with that?
>>33499480
You sound a lot like me. I still have a libido (e.g. the ability to feel aroused and orgasm—but it has never happened in the presence of another person).
>>33500281
The “when will this be over” feeling is so real.

>>33500971
your first two messages are both to me lol
Sorry to hear about your painful sex, do you mean your dick hurts after fucking? or after you cum?
>Do you think you’ll stick with that?
my gf has put heavy pressure on us to see a sexual therapist, shes told me every day for the last few days that we NEED to do this NOW. Today we reached out to one, I'm a little scared of talking to a sex doctor but it might be necessary.
My gf doesnt know if it will help, she fluctuates between yes this will help and no its hopeless.
Im at least hoping to get some self-discovery from this and find out more about myself. If I am sex adverse at least I can say it with confidence. If not, then I can pinpoint why sex isnt as good for me as it could be.

My libedo is there but low. When she kisses me sensually and puts her hands in certain areas, it gets me turned on, i get hard,. I think thats the one thing thats keeping her hopeful right now, that men cant really fake their horniess like women can.

I also think about "when will this be done" during sex, so again i get no self-pleasure from it, but I still go until shes sexually satisfied

>>33501138
I have a condition called vaginismus and it makes sex feel extremely painful like a cheese grater is ripping my insides.
>we NEED to do this NOW
This sounds so stressful. I’m sorry. My partner is being accommodating but I’ve seen him have moments of frustration where he is very clearly impatient with me “figuring things out.” It almost makes it harder that he is being patient, because then I feel like I’m the villain for wanting to end things.
>When she kisses me sensually and puts her hands in certain areas, it gets me turned on
It sounds like you have a lot of sensual attraction, which a lot of asexuals separate from sexual attraction. For me, it’s similar. I simply don’t want to have anything to do with genitals at all.

Just remember picrel anon. Hug

>>33500394
>"well WHEN are you going to STOP being anxious? Im trying to be very patient with you..."
I would break up with any woman who said that to me. The last thing you need is that kind of pressure.

>>33501340
I put up with a lot man, because I have low self esteem and think I need to solve every problem and if I cant its my fauilt

>>33501212
Thanks anon, I can relate to a lot of that.
interestingly enough she also has vaginismus, and we've never been able to fully penetrate, its too tight and painful for her. she goes to a gyno that uses dialators to help her relax her muscles or whatever the issue is.
I didnt think about sensual vs sexual. We have a meeting with a sex therapist tomorrow. I'll see how it goes and hopefully i can learn something about myself

>>33502227
That’s so interesting she has vaginismus and is still intensely focused on PIV sex. I tried “dilating” and I hated it. I hope it goes well anon, post an update if you want tomorrow!

>>33502221
>I put up with a lot man, because I have low self esteem and think I need to solve every problem and if I cant its my fauilt
That sounds like something you should be working on with a good therapist.

Bump

>>33502548
I agree, and I’m starting with a new therapist next week to really work in and tackle some of this stuff

OP update, things aren’t going well we had a call with a couples therapist today and my gf told her she only wanted to focus on sex desire/libido and not spend time with the couples therapy and the the therpist said we should seek someone else. My gf is very opposed to couples therapy but I feel like that’s what necessary to learn about ourself sexually

>>33510635
You’re right anon, I feel like couple therapy and sex therapy would be intertwined. I hope you aren’t feeling too much pressure. I hope one day you can find yourself in a relationship that feels safe where you don’t feel like you have to perform, whether it’s this girl or another.

>>33500394
Her reaction sounds toxic and judgemental and it's definitely not going to help with social anxiety.

>>33513104
well im in the same situation of anon's wife. so i understand how frustrating it feels. the other person will "eventually get help/get a solution", but ends doing nothing and you cant just ignore your needs.

>>33513661
>you cant just ignore your needs.
Why not leave

>>33511984
Thank you,
it has a been a very rough two days. Lots of fighting, her saying things to me, trying to force me to give her attention by crying, yelling, etc.
we had a call with a second sex therapist whom my gf dismissed imediately. At this poing Im just going along with whatever is needed to bring peace

Then today, she did a 180 and basically said "anon I want to accept this and be celbate with you. I dont want to desire sex anymore and I will do what you want me to do, I will never ask for sex again so you can be happy"
This sent my head into a spin, i have NO idea what to expect anymore. its like I witnessed her going through the stages of grief regarding lack of sex in her life, and now shes giving up and giving in. When I told her I dont think thats the solution to this she became angry and told me I'll never be satisfied.

I dont want to make her change for me, I really dont. She really seems to think Im her soulmate on an intenal level because despite every fight we have, and every realization that we may not be right for each other, she refuses to let go.

>>33515790
Oh man anon I’m so sorry, that sounds really distressing and confusing. Do you think you are going to break it off with her? I keep thinking of doing the same in my relationship but it’s killing me inside, I’m honestly having suicidal ideation. I don’t know why I can’t just rip the bandaid off when I’m making my partner suffer.

>>33515980
>suicidal
damn man, I really hope thats not the case. I want you to get better.

Everytime I bring it up she gets very emotional and I fear what the actual breakup would be like.
Thursday night she was pissed at me on the way home to her place and was furious with me once we got in, and demanded an apology for the way I slighted her (by accident) during a social dinner.
I simple said I dont want to be here anymore, I want to go home. As I started to gather my things she said if you leave now we're done, its over.
i called her bluff and she got angry, then begged me to stay and changed her tone to me.
nothing is easy in life man.

>>33516178
For me, what’s stopping me is all of the memories we have together and the crippling fear of hurting them. If it weren’t for this we’d be a great couple. But I know it’s a non-negotiable incompatibility like wanting kids.

>>33516214
Thats tough man. I dont like those feelings either. I know finding anoher person out there may never happen for me again, and my brain tries to get me to stay and make it work when my heart isnt feeling it

>>33519728
>finding another person out there may never happen for me
I know how you feel, the fear of “dying alone” if sex is viewed as a necessary requirement for a relationship. Asexual men are actually a minority compared to the amount of asexual women. It gives you an advantage in that sense. But yeah, would probably have to meet them online or something. I keep delaying the inevitable and it’s killing me. The push and pull of “I love them” but “I can’t give them what they need.”

>>33520624
I hope you can make the right choices that are best for you anon. Its not easy. It took me a long time to find another relationship. Telling a girl you like upfont that sex isnt something your crave or need may ensure you never see her again after that.
It makes me wonder, if asexual women are due to some intense trauma (rape, sexual assault, religion) vs men where it may be something like "i never got sex so i learned to live without it"

Probably because you are dealing with depression.

>>33523194
I don’t think it’s due to those reasons most of the time, though I’m sure in some cases it can be. There’s a lot of overlap between asexuality and autism, so it seems like something ingrained in the brain.
From my teenage years I knew I was different. I was 14/15, where I felt like this was the age I was “supposed” to start feeling these things. But those feelings never came. No traumatic event happened to me, and I’m in a relationship, so it’s not due to “inceldom.” I even tried to like it. I tried it several times, it was always duty sex, and it’s gotten to a point I really can’t take it anymore. I went off my antidepressants and it still didn’t make me want it.
This is really making me want to die. My long-term relationship is probably going to end because of this.
>>33523199
Not OP, but I have been this way my whole life.

>>33497367 (OP)
You have a great blessing in life, why on Earth would you want to be a horny animal like everyone else?

>>33523386
>alienation from society
>not being able to understand what people call a part of the human experience
>being undateable to 99.9% of the population
It’s shit.

>>33523398
Are you saying that as an "asexual" or projecting?

>alienation from society
>not being able to understand what people call a part of the human experience
>being undateable to 99.9% of the population
Sounds like you're talking about being an incel

>>33523408
I’m an asexual, not an incel. I’m in a sexual relationship that I’m unhappy in, that I want to get out of.

>>33523422
But do you enjoy intimate physical contact in general, like hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc.

>>33523438
Oh, absolutely. That is like sex to me. I love, love, cuddling. Not a big fan of making out, but I like quick kisses. I wish FWBs (except it’s cuddling instead of sex) existed.

>>33523441
I understand the feeling, that's called being a male lesbian, very sensually oriented very attracted to women and enjoy intimacy, but involving your dick in it seems to ruin the pure magic of the experience and pull it down to lower chakras. You can try being honest about your desires up front, and I'm sure you know plenty of ways to make women orgasm without having sex.

> I wish FWBs (except it’s cuddling instead of sex) existed.
They do. There are websites and meetups for that sort of thing, but as you might expect, they tend to be sausagefests. The conundrum seems to be that if women want cuddling but not sex, theyy can just cuddle each other, since they're not repelled by each others' much the way straight men and us "male lesbians" are. Nevertheless, it has happened for me sometimes when a woman offers a hug, I hug her close, she doesn't end the hug first or pull back and we realize we both like hugging each other, that a really simple and beautiful way to start this cuddle buddy relationship.

>>33523485
>that's called being a male lesbian
I’m just a straight woman lol, I don’t want to cuddle with other women. I do still feel attracted to men and cuddling is still a sensual experience for me. Just want nothing below the waist.

>>33523491
Then this might actually be useful
https://stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/10/how-to-invite-cuddling-without-inviting-sex/

> nothing below the waist.
Not even fingering while spooning?

>>33523521
Thank you for the link anon. And yeah, absolutely nothing genital-related for me.

>>33523540
Well I'm curious then, how would you feel if a man wanted to cuddle sensually and sincerely does, but he has an erection despite not asking you to even touch it. Cause that happens, even when just closely hugging a woman standing up fully clothed. I'm sure that's the reason some women who used to hug me don't anymore, but some don't mind or they giggle playfully.

helpful thread thank you

>>33523558
I think that it might make me feel awkward IF the guy wasn’t asexual, or if he didn’t make it explicitly clear he was not interested in sex. I might have anxiety due to an expectation of sex.
>>33525441
Whats your story anon?

>>33526126
>I might have anxiety due to an expectation of sex.
Yeah that can be tough. I get it, that humans are generally sexual creatures, and some urges cant just go away in other people, but if they were able to understand how you felt about it and try hard to not act on it, it could help.
But ultimately you need to be happy with yourself and whatever person you choose to spend that time with

>>33497367 (OP)
Sex is supposed to be about the other person's pleasure not your own. There's no way you don't enjoy her holding you or her stroking your head. Tell her what interests you and if you do it right both of you are doing what makes the other person happy. It requires you to put in effort though.

>>33529493
>Sex is supposed to be about the other person's pleasure not your own.
No. Forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy is how resentment builds.
>There's no way you don't enjoy her holding you or her stroking your head.
Cuddling/caressing is different from sex (i assume you didn’t mean “head” as in his dick).

I have a response but i dont have the time, bumping so I can answer later

>>33499480
Probably is 'tism, its alright
though you should test for testosterone levels, may be it as well

>>33534832
Could very well be. I had my T levels checked in Februrary, way before all this started getting bad, it was 520 then. Wonder if its dropped or im just too depressed to be horny. Like I said I dont even look at porn anymore.
I go to the gym weekly and have been for 2 years now.