Thread 33841943

It's been over two months, and I'm still not over her. It's so bad that a sappy 80s pop ballad can send me into a crying fit. I know there is a world out there waiting for me, filled with interesting people and pretty girls, but I struggle to find the motivation. I was planning on hitting the town tonight, but I was physically unable due to my chest feeling heavy and my legs weak. I can feel time running away from me, but I just can't break her spell.

How do I get over her? Should I allow myself to feel sad for a while and hope it will eventually pass, or do I have to force myself to shift my focus onto other people?

I was down for about 6 months after my first big breakup. Then anything subsequential only made me sad for like, a day. First one? Give yourself a little time. You'll eventually realize it isn't worth being in pain and get back out there.

>>33841951
That's what's so pathetic about my situation. It's not my first time, and I really should know better by now. I didn't think I could even fall so head over heels for a girl at this point, but here I am. If I were a teenager, I feel like I could take the time to sulk and lick my wounds, but I'm not a teenager anymore, and I frankly don't have the time to pine for a girl who's out of reach. I just need to get over her ASAP.

>>33841943 (OP)
This will last forever if you let it. You have to be proactive. Watch movies, play games, go out and read books or manga or whatever in a park or a coffee shop. Keep going to work/school. It sucks. I know. You can't focus. But TRY. Every day, try. It will get better, little by little. But you have to try.

>>33842131
You're preaching to the choir, friend. I am staying active as far as activities like work, hobbies, studies and exercise go. In fact, working on something is the only thing that offers solace from the heartache. It's socializing that is the problem. I have been out and interacting with people to some degree, but every interaction feels empty and unfulfilling, and when it's over, I'm usually overwhelmed with sadness, worse than before the interaction. I have to stay active, that's not up for debate, but I wonder if embracing solitude for a short while will heal the wounds faster than forcing social interaction.

>>33842519
Tbh it can heal wounds , but since you already don't really socialise how would it really create a difference . Since this isn't your first time , I think it has got to do sth with your background and childhood . You should i think try to tackle it like that , otherwise you are bound to fall in these cycles again and again ig . For now , process the grief and it gets unbearable but it really won't go anywhere even if you engage in worthless cycles of consumption . For someone who actually knows how normie the coping shit is , ig it would only lead to frustration at the end of th day .

>>33841943 (OP)
when it happened to me it dominated my mind, i wasnt maybe as sad as i thought it would be but it continued my depression and I would constantly think about her and get frustrated and filled with want. Tbh now im just kind of numb and my priorities shifting to finding meaning and what im going to do so i just stopped caring about her and the idea of her in mind head i seemed to have killed. Embrace or investigate spirituality and realize this is another test of your character. Dont be afriad of the feeling but know when it occurs that it has happened numerous times before to others. Realize that she was a part of you and of your life but not the end, all that occurs does so with the opportunity to change or mature. good luck my friend

>>33841951
>>33841999
Just have patience with yourself bro
It will take as long as it takes. I thought it would never be over for me, but after two years and a relationship that came and went in the meantime, I'm finally returning to normal. Yeah thinking about her and that time always hurts, it always puts me in a bad mood, but it's not at the top of my mind anymore. I realized on a business trip I hadn't really thought about her at all for three whole days because I was so locked in.
It's gonna happen, keep living your life and you will be over it. Just make sure you're living intentionally, and not trying to be some kind of poser.

>>33842519
The thing that helped me was socializing and continuing to socialize despite feeling bad. I said to myself - feel bad with people. Not alone.

All healing is done with people. You don't truly heal alone. I don't believe that. Sure you need time to process things, but eventually you'll reach out to a friend or family member in some capacity. Whether it be text or meeting for a drink it doesn't matter - your healing is done with people.

Therefore what I'd do is I'd continue to go out even when in pain. If you need a day or two at home that's fine, but no more.

I'm speaking from my own experience btw. Tldr gf of 5 years who I moved countries for and lived 4 years together cheated on me and left me for that person. So then I found myself alone without my family and without her family either who were my good friends. And I neglected friends while with her.
In the first half a year I was at home alone and did nothing, it was awful. In the second half a year I started doing things outside with people, and the improvement was insane.

I wish there was a solution that didn't require so much effort my friend, sadly - there isn't. You have to go out there. Be sad around people who accept you. It's okay. Be who you are. People will love you anyway. From experiencing disappointment and letting yourself be lame and letting go of your expectations you will grow.

A constant cycle of expectation and disappointment. But you'll make it brother. Just skew towards less expectations, and people will be nice to you and lift you out of the dirt.

You suck it up, buttercup. It's going to hurt like hell, more painful than any physical pain you've ever had. Feel it when it comes, but don't let it stop you from moving forward in life. It only hurts when you think about it, so just constantly work to not think about it. Remove everything of hers and try to rewrite every memory you have together in a location with a new one there. She'll fade from your memory and eventually you'll just not think about her and then it will basically not hurt. But it will always hurt, when you really think about it.

>source, my wife of not 4 years divorced me last year. It hurts like hell, but only when I think about it, so I just choose not not to think about it. If I ever feel like crying, I can just remember all of it and I'm back on the floor. But I need that like a hole in the head, so I don't. You'll never "get over" her. As papa roach said, the scars remind us that the past is real. This better to have loved and lost, then to never loved at all...you loved and lost. Welcome to having a new scar, you'll have it for life.

>>33841943 (OP)
it's been two months anon, time forgives no one, give yourself a push
I say, as I mourned 5 years my 5 year long relationship when it ended.
I regret at least 3 of those 5 years, I should have gone out and dated way before I allowed myself to do so.