Thread 33888933

FIRST

It was nice seeing you again

Just graduated college in May and I've been working since June. Had a couple of friends/roommates in college, was involved in clubs, and dated a little bit (mostly rejected or mistreated), but was alone most of the time and rarely ever felt fully "in a group" or included. Spent most weekends alone and felt gross and unliked and ugly. Now that I'm graduated, I've started a new job, finally have a boyfriend, and I'm moving out of my toxic household like I've always wanted but I still feel off. I like my coworkers but I still feel like something's not quite right with my job and like I'm running out of time to change it. I like my boyfriend a lot and I feel great when I'm with him but when I'm away I feel anxious all the time that he's going to leave me. I also have two friends I hang out with monthly but I still feel kinda awful/alone. My boyfriend left for the weekend to go to a party with his huge college friend group and I felt depressed about it, even though he cancelled another trip he had planned this next weekend for me. Went to a bar with my one friend and got drunk. There were only old people there and middle aged men kept trying to flirt with me and I felt kinda terrible the whole time.

>>33888933 (OP)
sometimes I wish I was asexual.
I have friends, I have a career in front of me, a loving family and anything else I could want but I just struggle to find a place for my sexual urges. I struggle to approach people and I don't have a great consideration of myself and finding a romantic/sexual partner is something I feel just as too hard to do, I don't know where to start.
Sexchatting with strangers was sufficient for me in the past but I reached an age where it is weird to never had any experience of any kind and I just feel it. Sometimes I am anxious somebody could find out, sometimes I feel gloomy knowing that likely I won't find someone if things don't change.
I don't blame anyone other than me, I just wish I could turn off my balls or something. I looked up how to reduce libido but I don't want to run the risk of castrating myself. I read that intense training can reduce libido, I hope that I can stomp it out in the gym.

Shit dude, loneliness hitting hard again.
Hasn't been this bad in months. This sucks so much, I hate it.

>>33888933 (OP)
Its early in the morning, and I have been having trouble getting enough rest

I dont associate with you, I denounce you

Why can't I just get up and do things?

I don't understand how people meet each other
Just you just simply strike up a conversation? Do you just make friends this way?

it's over.

I'm going back to restricting.

I finished reading The God Delusion. It was good, although Dawkins goes on a lot of tangents. Nothing can undo the decades of physical/mental/sexual abuse I faced as a result of my Catholic upbringing, but it was cathartic to see many of my objections articulated so well. Beyond my upbringing and family, I, deep down, wanted to believe in a god. I wanted the comfort of a loving father who had my back and understood my pain. If the Chrisitan god did truly exist, which he doesn’t, I would spit in his face. He's a vindictive, cruel, barbaric, deceitful, petty monster with an unfathomable ego. I have nothing but empathy for all past and future children forcibly indoctrinated into this and other similarly rotten institutions.

I wish I was dead. I want to die more than anything else in the world. My life is shit and will always be shit and I don't want to be alive anymore.

I miss fren.

I never wanted to end up like this. I had a carreer, a good job, and a loving family. I had a life, goddamn it, I had a fucking future, now it doesn't mean shit.

feel kinda bad 4 getting drunk on haloween and yelling at the security guard, guy still let me find the thing i lost i just feel kinda bad for being so angry i lowk want 2 go down there and personally apologize to the guy but then again all i did was be drunk and yell didnt start no fights or anything,
y'know, attack of conscience or whatever?

>>33889467
What happened to your friend?

neuropathy in my feet is stopping me sleeping and its making me want to blow my brains out
i've had proper sleep twice in like 10 days
i was doing so well, doing my uni course, doing c25k, all whilst working full time, and then my body just turns on me and i cant stop it
i'm going insane

>>33889456
Catholicism is like the ghost of the roman empire. Plato called these things "forms" but for clarity it's best to call them thoughtforms. But Plato never created a unified theory on thoughtforms. Neither did Aristotle. Or Socrates. Or Descartes. Or Becker. Dawkins gets closer with "memes", but it's still incomplete.

What are you planning?

>>33889496
You should go apologize to him. You’ll both get a lot out of it.

>>33888933 (OP)
even though i had phone sex with an 18 year old romanian girl last night i still fucking hate women so god damn much

I got the worst mental illness possible, but I'm scared of seeking psychiatric help. I'm afraid they will lock me up if they find out what I am. I can't do it, I got a life.

>>33889588
i kinda dont want to go there right now because the place is a total dump.

>>33889626
memory coming back the thing i lost (at their wardrobe which i paid to keep my things keep in mind) i found covered in barf

>>33889633
yeah yeah im recalling things i was angry at first and i got furious when i found it wet and gross and only then did i actually yell, first at the guy then at the whole club as it was closing...
maybe i was the bad guy but its my thing covered in barf, my thing i paid to keep safe.

I gotta take a shit, but the toilet will clog if I use it

I confess, I'm 28 years old and I still live with my retired mother. Outside working a mediocre desk job full time, paying the bills, letting mum rant to me about things and doing some very basic home chores occasionally all I do is veg out with audiobooks, replay single player video games, and jerk off occasionally. That is literally and without exaggeration everything I do, both my responsibilities and my passtimes. I guess I've saved a hell of a lot but that's just because I'm frugal and I'm in these circumstances, it wasn't through design or financial wisdom. Being like this doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I worry about it a lot.

The boy I have a crush on doesn't like me back. He's really ugly, retarded, and a jerk & all my friends say I could do better but I think he's funny and we have some similar interests. On Halloween he wore a prisoner costume & went to a party, idk if this is generational but for gen z this means you're trying to get cracked/sex. I can't believe he would do something so corny. I lost some attraction after the prisoner thing but when I see him at school tomorrow it's going to be awkward because I drunk texted him & he left me on seen. Why am I such a failure? Is it because I'm chopped??

>>33889706
>Being like this doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I worry about it a lot.
No, but it clearly isn’t making you happy. Being stuck in a rut isn’t fun.

>>33889706
you'd be a bad person if you weren't contributing

>>33888933 (OP)
Ive ruined my life. Im not hiding this anymore from people.
I've abused alcohol since I was 15. 25 years ago.
Since that time, I've been fired from jobs, got a DUI, and most recently assault for getting kicked out of a bar by security.
I had every opportunity. I had a good career and now I'm untouchable, and have to resign from my professional organization.
Im 40, unemployed, unmarried, no kids and am now living with my parents.
Im going to plead out next month on that assault charge.
I went to AA this morning. And I'm going to go everyday until I have a job.
Ive said this stuff before.
I hope this time is different. This has to be rock bottom. Because my parents love for me is the sole reason I haven't killed myself.
Im so sorry everyone.

>>33889560
I'm working on it.

I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. Maybe there is nothing I am supposed to do. That's how God gave us free will, with nihilism.

>Moms boyfriend was at one point a homeless drug addict
>Eventually got back on his feet because his extended family let him in
>Dude quite frankly has never viewed me as a son or a friend and just someone living in the house HE MOVED INTO
>He's very keen on kicking me out of the house despite knowing damn well I have no where to go
>Anytime I get into argument with him or my mom he brings up wanting to kick me out
>Threatens and jokes about kicking me out
>Moment I turned 18 he went on a rant about how I should leave the house and just magically find somewhere to live

I need to get a fucking car as soon as possible so I can sleep there when he inevitably forces me out of the house

>>33889969
Get a job is first thing. I know it sucks, but get income.
Worry about the rest later.
This should be your number one priority.

>>33889989
I'd do that if anywhere was hiring. I've saved a thousand something dollars for if something happens but that won't carry me very far.

>>33890006
Keep looking.
Im the 40 year old alcoholic fuck up above, I totally get how hard it is to find work. But its so important.
I am literally a former lawyer applying for construction anon. Its know its bad, and worse when you're agitated.
Keep at it. As with most things in life, its the startup costs and time that's the hardest part. By that I mean, once you first get the job, then get a room/apartment/car, its easier to maintain those things than first acquire.
Good luck

>>33890026
Thank you, friend.

>known online friend for over a decade
>we used to play Battlefield a lot
>we were both utter shit
>stopped playing vidya with him because he got married and had a kid
>didn’t want to drag him to 12 hour gaming sessions because that’s time he should be spending with his family
>after a few years he starts gaming again
>wants me to play Battlefield with him
>absolutely fucking hate it. I suck too much at the game
>want to try to get him into OW2 which I’m super into
>he just is not into it
We just can’t agree on a game to play together. I’ve tried to get him into other games like Vermintide or Darktide or Team Fortess 2 or Killing Floor but he’s just not in interested in anything but Battlefield.

>>33890058
You'll get there man. Might be the best decision in your life to move in somewhere with a roommate or two, start your adult life.

It's time for commitment.

It's crazy that you would do this to someone like me. To put a screaming noise in someone's ear artificially and then pay off everyone I talk to in order to make them say it's completely normal. No one is concerned that I tell them there is a SCREAMING in my ear. Not a single fucking person. Doctors, family, anyone.

Why would you? All I ever wanted to do is help people. My biggest dream is save the girls, It's a beautiful dream that no one could be against. Unless you were the very people keeping them hostage and raping them to death. In which case, why did people let it get this bad?

Why don't they stop them?

i'm on the cusp of real wealth and power, potentially, yet I've never felt more alone. oddly this loneliness doesn't feel awful now. more like a tender melancholy

>>33889469
what happened?

I hope she remembers me forever, like I’ll carry her with me

I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again.

>>33890526
She probably will

>>33890601
Good. I pray for her and will always love her

>>33890642
Why can't you be together?

I hate women

We all have microplastics in our balls.

miss my birds so much

I love them so much I want to ruin their life so I am the only girl they will ever need. I want them back I do not care if I have to hurt them to have them be mine.


I did everything right for him. I pampered and mothered him and he left me and now he must pay. I want to rape him. I want to be the only person he can think about. I miss him so badly.


ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS LOVE YOU.

I won't be afraid to be wrong!

>>33890877
Does he know you feel this way?

>>33890926
Not completely not the ruin his life part at least. He does not care about me at all anyways, could not even ruin my life like he threatened to twice.

i dont like how liking cute things is synonymous with mental illness, daddy issues, or being an sa victim to other people. cant enjoy anything innocently without people thinking its corrupt or immoral. god forbid i be a regular person who just happens to like hello kitty or other childish things

>I won't lose you Mike. I know that.
>I won't allow it.

Do you feel sick to your stomach too?

EXTREME INSANE DEATH

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now and i couldn't be more grateful.
I'm not gonna go too much into details about our relationship, we are long distance and its going good except for this, she is very much against porn and what not and she considers it cheating.
I have a few incidents where I've jerked off to porn, l've had one not long ago. I hate myself for it. I've up until this point avoided it just generally, after this one now I've set up porn blocking filters and made it as hard as possible to access any form of pornography.
I really love her. I want to have a future with her. I don't want to see porn ever again because of what it did to me.
I don't want to confess to her because I know she will leave me.
I don't know if she will ever forgive me for this when she finds out, wether it be now or on the day of judgement.
Pornography websites need to be outright banned and actually policed for age verification, it ruined me.
We are long distance, plus after having sex for the first time l've had an even harder time with sexual frustration.
Is it ok for me wanting to stay with her and fix this issue I have? We've been together for around a year. I don't know even if I deserve her. This is my first relationship.

I dont feel sorry for anything,in fact i feel pissed that this is the general sentiment in society that everyone has to feel sorry for everything, because everything gets blamed on you, and you have to conform to retarded societal rules and hyper moral expectations of all things in this society
i dont feel sorry for anything, all the things that im sad about in life is not because of me, its because you guys are cocksuckers
to all the people around me, fuck you cocksucker, you suck, hahaha, I'm not sorry for ANYTHING

Hello Ana. Again I come here to this draft message I'll never send. More and more time passes, but I'm still here with the same thoughts. I wanna talk to you Ana. Should I? I know you already forgot and don't care, neither do I. But some sentimental force inside of me is leading me here to say hi. I know it's a bit too late but, happy birthday. I know very well that you haven't changed but still... Okay enough, bye! Hope you'll text me back some time

I'm starting to see the beauty in the dirt that I am.

>>33891023
i know right. it's like they are using it as camouflage

>>33891220
you might be on to something, those "uwu cutesy girls who type daintily and have curated social media pages" don't give me the best vibes. sometimes they turn out to be bad people and it's unfortunate because normal fans of cute stuff get caught up in it, and our reputation is stained

>>33891276
In my experience hello kitty girls are hoes

>>33891171
I tried to tell her that I chose her over porn in every way but she did not give me a chance to tell her that.

Obviously I choose her over porn in every way

>>33891368
i do not want to choose porn over her.
i dont know what drove me to do it. i fucking hate it.

>church: so I guess you found out we betrayed you. we won’t give you what you want but you should be happy with this [incredibly shitty] other option, right?

>world: so I guess you figured out we will always act against you no matter what. we won’t give you what you want but instead offer this [incredibly shitty] option as a peace offering.

go fish

>>33891206
Same. Symmetry is boring.

i posted here like 4 months ago about how i've gotten to such a low point in my life that i paid someone to blackmail me into improving my life. i dropped out of hs 5 years ago and have been a shut in hiki since, so i decided to take that drastic measure

small update since then in case anyone read through it back then: i was forced to apply to jobs, and went to multiple interviews. since i was forced to take care of my hygiene, workout etc. i didn't come across like a complete bum, however my autism was very noticable and i didn't end up finding anything.

luckily i was also made to pursue my passions after 5 fucking years of wanting to do it but barely doing anything, so i ended up making some solid money that way. i'm pursuing it full time right now. they're making me bust my ass open so i'm very hopeful that this'll lead to something greater, i'm taking it a bit slower for a week or so but i worked for over 11 hours a day on it a few weeks ago.

they're helping me with moving out and becoming my own man soon so there's that! they want to mold me into my best possible version. my parents think i got cured by some freak miracle lmao but if they only knew. i'm excited to see where i'm going to end up, i used to be an unsolvable case before, not leaving the house for over half a year sometimes, not showering for months etc. so i'm surprised on how well this worked

I can't bring myself to talk to women. This is ridiculous.

>>33891276
well, as a guy i'm not really into this 'cute stuff', but i'm cursed with surplus empathy and these 'oh poor me, victim of everything and guilty of nothing' women with their o so miserable lives always manage to pull my heartstrings. and they always have this 'cute' fashion style going on. every time it turns out they're actually living life on easy mode, using every inconvenience in life as an excuse for not having to function in society or for the abhorrent bevahiour they sometimes pull off before returning to being 'cute' as a way of apologizing or making up for it with the intent to avoid the concequences of what they just did
i feel like such a fool for falling for it the amount of times that i already did and it's probably not going to be the last lmao

If they force me to kill myself in that gruesome way then it's nudungeon for everyone. Bad guys and "good". Tat is going to be fucking pissed if this shit seriously ends like that.

I miss you. I wonder how long it'll take before I stop thinking about you all the time.

Im gonna try to be functional

>>33891673
What would make you dysfunctional?

Just three more years and I'm done. 27 years of this ordeal. I could never forgive you, father. Sorry you can't see that. Sorry you won't. Fuck you.

My years are passing and I'm wasting time. I'm young, but most of my life has been wasted. I think that I've wasted most of my time and will live an unsuccessful life. When one day I lose something important, I will become a completely different person. I feel that when I lose something, I will experience strong dissociation, lose my mind and go crazy. I think about this constantly. What if I don't live the life I always dreamed of and destroy myself

I'm afraid of losing stability and a sense of security in the future.

I'm afraid that I'll make the wrong choice in my life, the one that's important to me. I don't want to say it, but I'm afraid of one day a change that will drive me crazy.

I couldn't thank the people who truly loved me, I will lose them someday

>>33891727
What makes you say I didn't feel something for you?

I can't do this now because I'm not capable of anything. I feel powerless every day. Why do they have such problems with me?

I don't know what you take me as
Or understand the intelligence that J.G. has...

>>33891511
witnessed this in online drama recently lol
some women claim to like that stuff due trauma and maybe they do for real, and maybe they due have a victim complex as a result. but even if we are victims to bad shit, we cannot stay in that mindset forever, that we are innocent of everything and are targeted by the world
disclaimer, have not used it to maliciously bend people to my will, but until recently i did get stuck in that thought process of being a perpetually damaged victim that wont get better. now i'm trying to work past it. i notice that people may get excessively coddled for mild trauma. and that unequal equivalencies are made between serious and minor shit. it leads to some over sympathetic hugbox that can really affect someone. they deserve support, but not in the way that keeps them trapped in their victim label
sorry for this word salad, i just needed to get my semi coherent thoughts out the way

>>33891678
Im usually pretty dysfunctional living in my head but now I'll focus on doing the functional thing

>>33891764
Nice. Here's hoping many years of stability. Paiting...

I hope we can talk elsewhere soon.
I want you to be able to bug me whenever you want. I want to be at your beck and call.

>>33891735
I can't tell the whole truth about what I really feel because I'm really confused.

>>33891782
Confused about what?

>>33891781
Do you have a Finsta?

>>33891786
Nope, but I’d make one in a heartbeat if the right woman was asking me to.

>>33891795
Mmm, yeah, okay. Then it's not her.

>>33891800
Sorry boss. Guess you aren’t my Her, either lol

>>33891784
because I'm afraid of making someone worry about me

>>33891809
If they love you, they will worry. Comes with the territory...

>>33891809
People who love you know what they’re signing up for. They care about you.

>>33891812
In fact, I can't properly express my love and gratitude because I'm terrible at it

>>33891849
And that's okay. I wouldn't force you to. I know you're distant.

I’ll probably yap to this void about you for a while longer. Dunno if I’d go back now, but I can feel you on my skin, like knowing my own constellation. The chance to love you was something I’ll never forget. Thank you for loving me, showing me what I can be.

I fucking hate the fucking antichrist I fucking hate that son of a bitch I fucking hate the antichrist I fucking hate that son of a bitch I fucking hate the antichrist I fucking hate that son of a bitch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nSlEjI0oWo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvMhuPBsA-k&t=1s

ate sweets and i feel my cheeks fattening up

>>33891928
Ate an onion and it cured my headache. Glory be to God.

>>33891928
Which cheeks?

>>33891928
My reply is stuck in Limbo.

I think I have a crush on a friend of a friend. Sadly I dated that friend in the past and she said that she doesn't want to hang out with her friend that I'm crushing on as much as she was. Now I'm just stuck with these weird feelings and no one to really talk to about them and nothing to do with them. I haven't crushed on anyone in a while and it's probably more the idea of her than actually her that I'm interested in but still.

>>33891937
Face, unfortunately

I guess I'll just doubt

>>33891956
Dead. Raaaaaasssss, you actually answered. You're funny.
>>33891963
Doubt what?

>>33891900
i love u

I wish I was loved, but that's okay. I'll just make my own created counterpart when I can. If I'm ever out of this meatsuit.

>>33891979
<3 miss you bb

>>33891860
As I live, I will try to respond with love, even if it is shown carelessly. I don't want to think about everyone I meet in my life, I want to give love to my loved ones as much as I can. I would like my parents to be happy.

>>33892034
That's a good goal to have. Have to start somewhere.

It's hard to recon with yourself that you're the cause of your own troubles. Like, if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your own shoe.
Realizing that you can't be yourself because apparently it's not actually attractive. But having to come to terms with who you really are so that you can change is so difficult.
Not that I watch her, but I saw that standup bit when it came out from Iliza Schlesinger where she was making fun of the doomer blackpill incels, and I can't help but feel like some of her barbs were also pointed at me. I'm not angry at women or whatever, but I'm not fitting in with the society and ostracized by the pack.

damn first and last initial. that's crazy.

>>33888933 (OP)
I try my best and surround myself with people, yet I can't help but feel isolated anyways. Halloweekend is over finally so I can feel better

>>33891742
James Gordon, G.C.P.D?

ah, how confusing it all is

i feel so confused and bewildered.

>>33892199
>>33892206
I think you are confused!

>>33890773
i do too. i would roll a few joints and sit in the backyard with them for hours, it was really nice and peaceful.

>>33892218
The feeling that I lived this day somewhere never leaves me

*fast beatboxing*

the same actions, the same feeling and for a long time I can predict everything that happens to me.

I anticipate some things and I'm never surprised by them

It's all too ordinary, it's too easy to understand what's going on.

but also my consciousness is in a fog

It got worse than it got a lot better

I want to be honest

I really wish I could just be happy like I was on my 21st birthday every day. I'm in my 30s now, quiet, introverted and generally just uncharismatic in general. However on my 21st I was jovial, genuinely happy despite life not being all that great and uncertain. I wasn't even drunk. I just felt happy, funny and silly. I wish I could be that every single day. I feel like that day a switch was flipped incorrectly and I got to see for a brief moment how fun of a person I could be, then never got to see it again.

Now I'm almost in my mid 30s, never dated, never had the charisma, confidence or general interest to try. I have a thing with a chick in a couple weeks, but I almost feel like what's the point? She lives hours away and I know I'll be as boring as watching paint dry during. I wish I could just flip that switch at will, drop all cares and just be my silly self, I'd be so much happier day to day if I could just be that person.

My brother just refuses to put in some effort and focus. I don’t know what to do with this fucking loser other than let him sink at this point.

Problem is, I know he is terminally lazy and a device addict so that will doom him to loserdom forever.

I deserve indifference towards myself

I wouldn't want anyone to worry about me

>>33889457
Me too

Cute fictional men arent real and that makes me sad

xD

I'm happy!

Hey, I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.

Doubt away man

The hell?

Literally nothing arrives but doom and apocolypse and at this point I'm starting to lose hope. I don't see light at the end of this tunnel and nothing different, good, or hopeful is certain for me, it just feels like attrophy, literally just atrrophy. All I have is that I won't give up and I'll never renounce God. I experience some amount of existential uncertainty, I try to ignore the stupid thoughts which bring conflict. I don't know the degree to which I effectively manifest my problems. I don't even want to think about it lest I go insane Lindsey Buckingham style. I'm so stirred up. Who is there to help me? I guess I'll read the bible.

I want to change

I don't want to be disappointed in myself

I'm confused by the messages in this thread.

It really bothers me

Thinking about it. I didn't mean to creep out my high school crush. I am so damn socially awkward ever since we met and survived the bullying fiasco.

No wonder why some called me a weirdo, but yeah I am almost at my 30's now so I hope that my brain won't bother me about that anymore. I hope she's doing great now with her life.

I'm experiencing a strange feeling of derealization and I've had various thoughts on how to throw out my emotions, but I don't know if I can decide on one action.

>>33892609
I hope everything is good in your life and in hers

I need a man to massage my scalp and give me headpats and kisses

I kind of want to die, but just the visual and audio of the world still makes me happy. Always a cool feeling walking outside. Like a painting or a well shot film. Music is really interesting. Pauses time and transports you into a different zone of reasoning. Kind of hate lyrics in anything though, otherwise vocals are great. If I were to stand on a high building the pure aesthetic of it would make me anti suicidal. Jumping could be pretty nice too, but I can become a skydiver.

>>33892642
Still holding on but I hope we're gonna make it anon.

>>33892643
Me too fellow kot

My topic was so unworthy of my attention that they said that about me. I knew it was my fault, but I still felt bad when they said that to me. But it’s unlikely they’ll find out the reason why I did it. Will they sincerely sympathize with me if they actually find out the truth?

I know that this topic was meaningless and that it defined me as the person I chose. I think that I really am the person they think of that way, but I feel bad that they could talk about me that way. I don't exactly feel grief, but I still feel something sometimes.

>>33892643
grrrr don't you have a woman for that?

I mean, I know it's me. I know I think about it all the time. I don't even want to think specifically about what's wrong with me. I often avoid the topic. I don't like it, and I don't like the way people talk about me. Why do they think that about me? I can't talk much about my anxiety.

Need a girl with a big forehead to kiss

>>33892712
my forehead is small, is that okay

they all think that I'm such a shitty person or something

If they really cared, if they really wanted you, they'd reach out too. You need to understand that.

>>33892723

hmm?

It really bothers me when other people ignore me and I sometimes don't like the way they talk about me.

you fumbled a guy who was beaten and conditioned from every angle to be the most comically obedient dog that has ever existed bc you couldn't make up your mind. dummy.

>>33892715
Probably so, but I am admittedly thinking of a specific girl who I’m led to believe has a big forehead

i don't like it when they tell me that my topics are not interesting, and that they also tell me to leave. and they also told me that i need my company. and also...

>>33892741
You are a whore why do you care.

sorry for complaining so much

tell me honestly, is it me?

>>33892706
I'm a girl, anon, and I'm yearning for men

I know I'm guilty

i'm lonely and i want friends. i only think about anon and wonder if he would like to be my friend?

am i pushing others away that much, even that anon? i'd also like to meet someone who has experienced long-term loneliness.

anon u are lonely?

hey..

>>33892755
he's not yours anymore.

thanks for the trend, i poured out my soul, i love everyone

What the fuck is happening here

>>33892836
I'm not even her, you absolute bpd cunt whore. Does even know you whore'd yourself online and irl. Doubt it. He's cucked himself with an evil bpd cunt that is you

I choose resistance.

I choose you and I know you choose me. How your mind always comes back to me

>>33892723
I know. I know...I can't even cry rn...

I'm going to fuck your brains out

FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK why. Why wy hy brain why

>>33892884
oh no im a bpd cunt whore i guess ill use my man to cheer myself up

Dream good dreams

You are loyal and faithful to me because that's the only way I will be with you

>>33892981
You do have bpd

>>33892998
actuially. i have bipoLar, not bpd* to be axact : P

and then we gently kiss

As I slap you, rip your hair back and spit in your mouth as you cry

>>33893004
You have both. Keep taking your pills and don't hurt him, you fucking crazy cunt

You naturally shape to me and love me.

Youre loyal to me. Only me

>>33892740
(You)

>>33892712
Me too bro

I want you to dieI want you to dieI want you to dieI want you to die

>>33892720
If you change people change their opinions or maybe they are flawed in this perception. Not sure.
>>33892636
Try Internal Family Systems "roleplay" with Grok
>>33892577
>>33892588
You can

>>33892284
The truth will set you free (this is not legal advice)

Ask yourself this question.

If we were to meet in real life, how long does it take until you drop to your knees hands shaking as you pull out my cock slapping it on your tongue, worshiping it rubbing it on your face, completely devoted to me

That's how I know I'm the love of your life, and you know this too

>>33892786
I wonder who anon is. HMMMMMMMM

Burned a friendship to do the right thing

Ive been stuck here with my mom (who though I resent it do not hold much contempt for) and her narcissistic abusive methhead bf. I have no money, my own car is miles away, and I have to stay here to take care of my mom. But I hate him so fucking much. Today he had the gall to call me lazy when he has 6 incidents (call-ins) at work. One of whicb i know was jsut because he didnt wake up on time. He always has a fucking excuse for himself but wants to go around judging people like hes fucking better than everyone else when all he does when he is here (and not at work or out getting high) is sit around and get high and criticize me as I do all the housework. Fuck him I pray and pray that god kills him in a car crash one day so I cna stick my bitch mom in a home for putting me in the same place as that fucking psycho who almost killed me twice. Thank god hes stopped drinking. But for real if I dont get out of this shit soon im gonna either kill my mom or find a way to kill him

it's weird meeting left leaning girls (most of them) and being able to tell they're attracted and dtf, at first, but get visibly less and less so as i act more and more like a chud sperglord

it's even worse if you start talking schizo conspiracies and stuff

>>33893064
Being a whore?

gn

test

>>33893056
>>33893043
hm?

>>33893062
well..

I graduated with an associate's degree a couple of years ago and I regret not finishing my engineering degree back then. My plan was to get a job and become independent, but I ended up staying home to care for my dad.
A lot of shit went down. Mom left along with my sister, my dad underwent an operation for his cancer treatment, I got a job at a shitty company that outsourced me as IT support and worked at a massive logistics company. I tried to get my engineering degree by studying at night but I dropped out because I was getting crushed mentaly. My boss was a piece of shit, I was doing a lot of stuff way above my paygrade, and I hoped for a direct contract that never came.
Now I'm working the evening shift at a university that will let me study one career for completely free after 1 year. The issue is that it's located in a bad part of town and I get off at 10:30 PM. I've almost been robbed a couple of times.
I haven't dated in 6-ish years, I'm turning 25 next year, I have a social circle but I keep them at a distance.
My dad's 75. He refused to retire for this year and continues working for Monday to Sunday as a garbage truck driver. We'll get a measly sum once he retires, but he's so out of touch with reality he thinks we'll find a home for 70k (which is less than half what he'll get with his retirement)
I don't know what I want out of life. I don't look forward to anything in particular, and I feel like I'm growing more emotionally jaded by day.
Aside from the fact that I'd have to keep my job at this uni for 3+ years to get a degree, what else can I do to get a better paycheck? I've thought of getting Oracle/Python/Fortinet certs.

>>33893072
Just resist the urge to chudpost irl until after you've nutted in them, they get super agreeable for some crazy reason

I feel helpless. It seems like I lack support.

>>33893109
Uh huh.

>>33893115
?

>>33893115
I love you

>>33893125
A question we all ask ourselves.
>>33893130
I dunno you my dude

I prefer myself over people.

I only love one woman. She is over 6ft tall , has red hair, has prominent front teeth, and has a prominent clavicle.

No other woman even interests me. It's only her.

She arrives to me and we make art together.

>>33893076
No, I said no to a whore cos she was tryna cheat on her bf and now we’re not friends anymore
I just want friends man, I stopped caring about pussy a very long time ago

i wish i had the drive, time, and energy to do anything productive
even playing videogames hardly interests me anymore

>>33893148
me too, anon.

>>33893148
doom scrolling 4chan will make even videogames seem not fun. I'm not saying you are doom scrolling 4chan, but just incase.

>>33893111
i want to serve God, get married and have kids

>>33892229
what

Guilt.

Every night and each passing minute it’s just guilt.

I don’t think I’ve spent a single second in my life without feeling like I’m doing something wrong

Even the emotions I go through are wrong.

Writing this feels wrong

Why does blindness exist, because it is when the eye can not properly expose itself to light.

I write about all my issues in this thread in hopes that I feel relieved from them

>>33890526
Women just remember there last ex.... If she fucks 10 guys your forgotten as fuck

It's just one big grey area

>>33893267
It's because you're blind. God your a fag

The horror
The horror

I wish I had the eloquence to write about my issues in a poetic and metaphorical way so I could attract other mentally ill friends to hang out with. That’s normally what we are all into.

German is such a silly language, I hope I can attain fluency quick

>>33892723
Youre right :(

>>33893068
Just do it faggot

>>33893107
I was giving you attention. And the other one was about how honesty is necessary to get better or heal.

>>33893393
Nah I dont think I will. It's not worth the prison time really. Ill just wait and hope something happens

>>33890877
love triangle?
>>33893072
be chill they wont get the politics
>>33893287
did you miss the breakfast club in school

>>33893059
1. Thats a tranny
2. Arent you the married guy?

cmon man im not doing anything to you

>>33893508
What’s happening?

>>33893548
Just alot of time and effort.

>>33893552
Gotcha, hope it’s a good outcome.

>>33893556
Same here.

I'm spent right now, I've got nothing left to give. The days stretching out ahead of me look like a slow walk into hell.

I gave up all the things I enjoyed doing slowly over the last few years because I thought I had to lock in. Surprisingly the things I've forced myself to do to get ahead haven't lead to a life I enjoy being in. Everything I think I need to do to make things better seems to just make it all worse.

Tomorrow I've got an opportunity to start over. Less money but maybe more space to just exist.

I'm fucking tired of starting over again and again. In some ways I feel weak, like I can't cope with anything. But my capacity to endure suffering and to deliver Inspite of it is greater than it ever was. In a lot of ways I feel like I could take on anything now, but all I want is for everything to stop for a while.

I hope I can find that for myself.

I'm so sick of my neighbor feeding the fucking animals. There was a nasty possum in my yard because of it and there is constant food trash all over the place because the squirrels drag it around. Things I've seen the squirrels eating: a pop tart, an entire uncrushable, half of a Reuben. I caught the fucker in the parking lot with the Reuben yesterday and I got so pissed I scared it off stole its Reuben and threw it away. Also, the squirrels will stalk me as I walk to my car and come within a foot of me I feel like they are going to Monty python attack me. If I leave my front door open but the storm door closed they walk up to my storm door and stare inside my house like they're going to break in and eat me. Also for the first time ever they were in my garden this year eating my stuff. They are getting entitled and it's all because my fat loser neighbor can't stop herself from feeding them. Probably because she's a fat lonely, single middle-aged woman and doesn't have any kids or her husband.

>>33893507
1. No
2. Not married

>>33893552
She is worth it to me

I feel upset and devastated when everything is fine. I feel like I don't appreciate anything and I can't truly thank my loved ones, and maybe one day I'll be left alone without them.

The problem is that I'm a terrible person if everything is hard for me. I can't even properly express my love and gratitude. I never wanted to be so pathetic.

I have no energy for anything. I spend every day not on what's bothering me, I can't even just say thank you or do something good. I'm of no use. It seems to me that the days when I feel powerless are endless, I'll never be able to change anything in my life, my worries are growing.

If I lose something that is dear to me, will I be the same as before, as I am now?

They're worried about me. I think I need therapy and I shouldn't be such a burden to everyone.

I need therapy because I'm so devastated. I'm so tired of everything.

I hate it when people think of me as a poor and pathetic person.

I hate it. Why are my friends so indifferent to me and never thought anything of me. Why do they often accuse me of certain things and of being so terrible and bad? Stop judging me, I have no strength. I constantly think that you are all judging me.

People still think of me as a problematic person, as if I'm always a burden to everyone, but I've never been like that. I don't know how I became like that. I wasn't like this before. I feel constantly irritated and tired. No one listens to this.

I wish she wasn't so cold towards me.

I can't see a specialist. I'm worried about my chronic laziness and fatigue. I don't care about anything in life. I don't think about the future and I don't care about work because I don't want to become independent, even though I'm an adult. I hate leaving the house. I hate communicating with people. I hate everything in my life. I feel so depressed that I have no emotions. I've always been so emotionless. I was indifferent to my parents. My mother does everything for me, and I'm grateful to her, but I don't know how to reciprocate.

I really feel cheated by my husband. I didn't ask for a lot when we got married and I gave up a lot to be with him without compromising his life. But the things he promised he failed to deliver. When I ask and push gently nothing happens. When I blow up at him he freaks out for a day and promises me he'll fix things only to reneg the next afternoon. My life has gotten infinitely worse with him and while he says he cares his actions don't show it.

It's been a year and it just doesn't get better. I wonder how much longer I can hold out. I really do love him but at this point I am embarassed to talk to friends about our life. I know they'd tell me to come back home.

I wonder. Will my parents' death bother me? I've always been indifferent to them my whole life. They didn't notice it. Could I truly love someone? Will I be able to find a relationship in the future? Will I be able to love someone? I wouldn't be such a difficult partner.

we shouldn't be together but i can't help but want to be held and cuddled. please tell her what's happening between us or I will nag you about it to the point of me telling her because it affects my sense of self. what do you want out of this? of her and me? if you complain about her so much why be with her

All I wanted was self-pity. Was it really that hard? Have pity on me, people, and tell me how pathetic and unhappy I am.

>>33893868
Sounds like my ex. He won't change because now he knows what level of unhappiness you'll put up with and has you locked down He just makes noises until you shut up again

I'll be such a terrible partner. I'll burden him with my problems and pity for me. I'll make him feel pathetic and worthless like his parents, but I won't be able to tell them how much I love them.

like my parents*...

i'm terrible daughter.

They write threads about exes here, I'll be the same partner

fuck

I think I'm mentally ill.

>>33893879
I'm thinking about just moving back home next year if things don't improve. And if he wants to follow me great. If not we can get a divorce. But at least I won't be in this hell.
It makes me mad that he gets hung up on the big changes when he ignores all the little things I ask him to do to improve my life.

I’m a bisexual in a gay relationship that’s been improving himself and I’ve been feeling amazing except now I’m experiencing my first orientation swing since I got medicated correctly and the pussy temptation is extreme and visceral. I don’t know if I have the strength to keep my bf and not find a cocoa skinned chub to nut in

I'm tired of doubting myself so much, much
I'm so tired of loving and hating at the same time

i don't know why i'm letting you cheat on her with me. low self esteem, lonely maybe. how do you really feel about her or me? this is really soul deteriorating. did you tell her yet, is she okay with us being a thing if that's what this is? i don't want to be in the dark but I also just don't know what we are if anything. just friends? friends where you admitted to having feelings for me?

i enjoy the comfort you give me but still, something in my soul feels cautious. or is it really not that bad i should just not give a fuck about it and worry more about myself? I probably should take care of myself more. I don't know how really.

I had a dream some girl with no legs picked a fight with me in the mall and came at me so I grabbed her and smacked her down on the ground like webkinz milk cat and spent the rest of the dream running from police

>>33893556
It's a fucking troll, that likes belittling and bullying people online because of it's miserable boring life

>>33893940
You should stop being pathetic and stand up for you and her. That isn't right.

idk why i'm even still here. there's no reason to even entertain this.

life is a dream.

>>33894056
i just asked him about telling her, seeing how he responds until further notice. they're in open relationship but she should still know

>>33894056
like open relationship but feels like cheating rn and I don't like the feeling it gives me that she isn't aware of how far it's gone

>>33888933 (OP)
blasphemous is better than symphony of the night and i'm tired of pretending it's not

>>33894070
Have fun with it, nothing matters and the points are made up so cause some righteous anarchy

>>33894098
You should tell her

>>33894099
If she doesn't know - it is not an open relationship and he is lying to both of you and cheating. You are just ok with being a homewrecking slut, obv.

You think about me more than and that says a lot

>>33894103
>>33894107
no they have dated separately before and have been in a throuple once with a friend of ours. her social even says open relationship still, just I don't think he ever told her he has some kind of feelings for me and I already told her he flirted with me once and she called it that and I feel like she deserves to know the truth of the whole scope I just want him to be honest with her and them work out their issues if they can. I've been flirty with her in the past too and she's aware of that from way back when

>>33893868
This is what happens when you get married to a mistake. Shouldn't have kept digging

I'm so fucking lonely..........

>>33894206
hello, dear, how are you feeling? tell me, please.

I know

>>33893909
Why not both?

>medication makes the gay go away
Problematic

>>33894206
And what would it take to make you stop feeling lonely?

>>33894087
Life is a nightmare

>>33894226
I'm just sad. I'm gonna turn 24 years old soon and I'm a kissless virgin still. I'm so lonely I pretend I'm in a fictional relationship with my waifu sometimes. I just want to experience love and I fear it's becoming too late. I don't know what to do. I'm starting college soon so maybe I'll meet someone there but if I can't idk what to do....

>>33894263
34 wizard here.

You obsessing over it is what is getting in the way. You where brainwashed into thinking it matters and must be intense. It doesn't matter and doesn't work like it does in fiction.

Stop trying and it's more likely to happen.

I just fucked up to the point I should be killed.

>>33889969
Your mom is a fucking retard.
One he gets rid of you she'll be the only target left.

Fuck I'm horny

yesterday i realized what it is to be a man
...no i didnt get fucked in the ass

>>33894296
Go have sex with your boo

>>33894297
What is it to be a man?

>>33894279
Okay anon I'll see. Not sure what else I can do though. I'm gonna keep trying but be less obsessive I guess

My intrusive thoughts are getting real bad. I think about doing godawful things even though I don't want to at all. I see horrible pictures on my mind. I won't see the shrink until the next two weeks and I ran out of medication.

,

The way...
You make me feel these days...

People who think they can actually read people should be shot publicy

>>33894357
No one can read you because you can't spell. Publicly.

>>33894301
Good one

Realising I desperately need some intimacy again. Keep going to porn but it's just not... I don't even know how to phrase it, real?
I want to see girls with a few screws loose with a smile on their face being massive exhibitionists, but all I can see is their dead eyes, the druggie looks the look that they are just an empty vessel.
Can't even go to 2D as seemingly it's all cunny and rape which I'll be honest I'm not into even with a massive age play fetish it grosses me out

Sometimes you gotta pop out and show niggas...

I am writing a non-fiction book about everything I know, which is everything everyone should know, and I don't even know why. I'm about 7-9% finished.

I believe a person can know so much that it makes them forget what they once remembered. And I believe that to do something great takes in turn great sacrifice. And all of humanity including myself is evil inherently without the structure and framework of society.

I spent 10 hours on it yesterday, and now I am drinking coffee this morning thinking about what next to write again. If I had the opportunity to partake in what was sacrificed, I wouldn't be writing a book in the first place. It's what I want, and do not at the same time.

I have no desires or thoughts of my own. I don't have my own "ego" and my "ego" merges with the "ego" of other people. I don't have my own ego. I have no future. I often talk for hours to a wall, waiting for some answer to my questions, as if I'm waiting for my brain to generate a solution to my problem. I ended up in the hospital. The days were like a fog, everything was blurry. I think I've lost myself.

I don't know who I am, I don't have my own ego or thoughts. Maybe I'm retarded?

My psychiatrist explained to me that I ended up in the hospital because I lost my ego, but I know that this happens to drug addicts when they are under the influence

It seems to me that my personality can be easily erased and remade, like some kind of plasticine or something like that.

It seems like there are a lot of thoughts going on in my brain and I probably can't translate each thought, so my brain is broken.

It's difficult to understand the context and meaning of each thought. I seem to be lost in many feelings, emotions, and the meaning of everything that was happening, especially when I ended up in the hospital. I wish I had gone to the hospital because this place seemed so safe and truly

I remember talking to a girl from the mental hospital. She had bipolar disorder. She seemed so nice to me. I was surprised that she had a child and her own family. She seemed so young to me. She was only 21, but she looked all of 16, just like when I was 16. She explained what happened there. Our conversation was short. She was an artist. She loved to draw. I remember later, six months after that event, I went to visit her at her address. She wasn't expecting me. She didn't let me in. She would have been a wonderful friend. We had common interests. I didn't know it was so difficult for her. So, does that mean she was already pregnant when I was in the hospital?

She taught me to draw. My drawings were so crooked. I wish she could talk to me again for a little while. I miss her. That was a year and a half ago. Every day I think about that hospital and that girl.

I'm not a foooooool. I just love that you're dead inside...

In the mental hospital they told me to be respectful to my elders, but for everyone I was a child and no one took me seriously.

>>33894528
hm

who are you addressing?

do you want to say me something or not?

>>33894544
>>33894545
Idk who you are, no lie. Sorry.

my efforts can snowball

>>33894584
What does that mean?

>>33894547
don't sorry, it's all alright

>>33894588
like my efforts are valuable and can accumulate

If you have something to tell me then just tell me directly and I would leave.

Yo can you stop the discord music charade?

If you want to talk to me, that's up to you. But I want you to know that your love song antics aren't going to make me reach out. It kind of just makes me sad that you still sit around waiting for me to be online, hoping I take attention to you, and I seriously don't know what to do about it /-:

I would be lying if I said it didn't make me slightly uncomfortable.

>>33894748
Do you know if...
The person you're talking to...
Will read this or are you just venting?

damn, did you know that they sell chocolate with bugs in it in stores? Yes, I know, don't try to explain to me that this is something new and that we eat these things ourselves... BUT just... aaaaaah...

Chocolate with larvae... hehe

and I also often think about how after death I'm unlikely to be asked whether I want to rot underground or not, but I would like to be cremated or something like that

I don't want to rot in the ground. People are disgusting and I can't think about my loved ones dying like that too. I don't think I even want to be born because of this.

I can't get rid of the feeling that all people are as ugly and disgusting as their biology, and I also think about the fact that I hate myself and my body ohmygosh

sorry for writing disgusting and vile things.

I really should think more about something good and not about something bad

sorry sorry sorry how delete it

>>33894782
Tough to do when demoralization campaign larps threads and comments are constant.

I want to improve so I don't become a disgusting and vile person.

Everything I wrote above about insects is terrible.

>>33894798
Check the box next to the posts and go down the delete button next to the report button. You only have a certain amount of time to delete the posts.

thanks

i should really get some friends
VVVHT

>>33894820
will be my friend?

do you think I could be a good friend to you, anon?

>>33894832
Sure. But nothing other than a friend.

>>33894840
yes, i know, i still won't look for such a relationship, because it doesn't seem sincere to me.

>>33894847
That's valid.

I'm glad that you will be my friend. I will think about you. I will try to take care of you.

>>33894824
yeah let's be friends!

I wonder if you realize no one listens to your shit music.

>>33895081
I'll smack the fuck out yo' goof ass.

>>33894752
Idk 100% if they come here, so mostly just talking into the void and hoping things change for their sake. I basically inflated their ego when I pursued them initially and I think in that sense, I've done a lot of harm I don't know how to fix. But I know it's not on me to fix their problems.

I'm in limbo trying to understand what makes them like this while also trying to just move on. I've waited a long time for maybe an apology or something - but it's just constantly been on me to figure it out and take the lead. But I can't give them that and they should know it by now. It's not what I want in any type of relationship, me having to do everything. I could delete them, but I know it would be hard for both of us. No closure type situation.

Dreamt I was kidnapped in a high rise apartment in Kansas. I could fly if I sucked on a vape, but it was so high up, I didn’t have enough juice to escape. There was a lot more, but I managed to escape.

>>33895088
With those noodle arms? Really?

>>33895187
You know what I look like?

My brother is so fucking annoying. Why even text me to ask if I'm ok with his wedding plans when he knows for a fact I am obviously NOT? NOBODY IN MY FUCKING FAMILY IS. He isn't having any groomsmen or brisdesmaids for his fiance they are just having "honored family" walk down the aisle with their gfs or wives, and he's going to make my depressed single little brother that got dumped last year walk solo
He is a fucking shit for brains egotistical piece of shit and I am embarrassed that I am related to him

i gotta shoot my shot

>>33895263
Do it.

I hate this guy so fucking much. He's objectively a shitty human being and a narcissist. He pushed me down a set of fourteen concrete fucking steps for calling him out on his bullshit during a minor argument; I grabbed onto him and, during the fall, he fractured his skull and had to go to the ER to get eight staples. I walked away with a broken pinkie and some minor scapes on the back on my head.

Objectively, not like a terrible outcome, but I still view it as the guy trying to outright cripple me and it was only my own reflexes that prevented that.

He's also the grandchild to a pretty big public figure that used to matter in this piece of shit small town. He is professionally homeless, living in some hotel room for the past three months under the direct funding of his family cause they can't stand to be around him.

Worst of all, it looks like he's packing and I hate the idea that anything good is going on for him or his life tbqh.

>>33895190
5'7", slightly chubby, small tits, flat butt, noodle arms

>>33895318
Who are you supposed to be?

>>33895320
Close your eyes and think on that.

>>33895285
He looks like a faggot

>>33895330
The only person I can think of that has that name is a girl. The other being I can think of with that name is a supposed Angel. Which one are you saying you are?

>GOY NS

The thought has occured to me; That, if for instance, his phone was stolen a few days prior and dumped in a river it would be hard to trace back to any particular person. And if, in Minecraft, at any point after that someone who was familiar with his patterns and behaviors, like donating plasma at multiple locations to fuel an active alcohol addiction, might be reasonably able to find said individual while they weren't being tracked by satellite via their phone.

Homeless people go missing all the time, complications from mixing medications and alcohol can have all sorts of adverse effects. People get robbed walking in the hood all the time, in Minecraft, and sometimes things spiral.

>>33895349
Im the sun

>>33895361
And you think I can't snuff you out if I was allowed? And it's not your Father that is holding me back. You better have some goddamn sense.

>>33895371
You can't do shit because it's written in stone. What will be will happen.

>>33895381
You actually believe any of your ilk can control "fate." That will be your first and last mistake.

Don't fight ghosts. It's not worth it

>>33895285
Maybe he's mentally ill. That's a very violent reaction for a minor argument, and for his parents to fund his "homelessness," there must be a bigger issue. If you can avoid the guy, I don't think you should pay him any more attention. I don't think anything good can come out of it.

it's not a fair fight

I have too many things I need to do and not enough energy to do it all.

Men don't want women, they want servant robots with no emotions or reactions to their neglect or abuse.

Me the fool for thinking you were any different than the rest of them.
"Are you mad?"
No. I'm just disappointed I trusted you.

>>33895540
How am I the same as the rest of them?

>>33895549
Same behavior, different words.

I will sell my body in the future

but I'm not sure that I could change myself and my body, because I have no beauty

>>33895635
Why wait? How much

I want to lose a lot of excess weight and improve my appearance, but I have an unperfect face shape, terrible skin and I am not capable of anything

>>33895634
Elaborate? I can change.

>>33895654

I had plans but now I don't.

hey anon up top, do i deserve this?

>>33895664
You listen solely to "fix," and if it isn't something that can be immediately fixed, you argue, get frustrated, bring up your issues with me/things I've done (but only ever then when I'm upset and trying to talk about it.) You don't listen to understand and comfort.

I'm afraid of some kind of wrong life

what do you expect from me?

>>33895674
Maybe you're not her...

>>33895682
I'm not, and you're not him.
Hope you can work things out with yours.

no risk no reward

watfuck what happened

I love you

ok

>>33895664
and how so?

>>33895674
what do you want from me? i don't understand

>>33895735
I'm highly adaptable, but I give the energy I feel like I'm getting... I can change that and be more understanding.

>>33895742
hmmmm

>>33895654
how much is what?

>>33895387
I'm not controlling fate. I'm living it. There's enough that happens and has happened in my life that reflects what will be and it always comes to pass as I live it. I know it's going to happen, even if I think I made a mistake it only leads to it happening still.

>>33895742
are you lonely? or bored? i don't understand.

>>33895518
In my case I want my person for who she is, all of her. That's what I find beautiful and who I love. If she looks exactly the same and was a different person I would not love her. I love her for who she is

>>33895772
Your words betray you, bud.
>>33895775
Just trying to reach out to someone I like.

>>33895674
I'd listen and understand because I care for her.

>>33895676
I am too. Losing what matters to me. I can have the world but without love, My soulmate, it is all indulgences to pass the time.

>>33895782
I'm afraid of you

>>33895796
Why?

>>33895731
Oh you’re actually here. I miss you, hope to hear from you sometime

>>33895701
All it takes is a single message and we go from there.

>>33895727
Say it directly

>>33895794

i just want to live, well, a normal life, i guess? i don't know what's bothering you so much, to be honest

>>33895782
I don't know what you're talking about. All I have to do is be honest with her. There's one other thing that I don't quite understand why, but I'm still doing it for her

>>33895803
...

>>33895811
I’m crazy, what can I say?

>>33895654
we can start with this

>>33895807
Her silence and distance. This inbetween.
Seeing every experience and the part where she's missing, having that space inside me where she completes me being empty and hurting everyday.

Nothing feels normal, it feels hollow

>>33895814
no, i'm crazy

>>33895827
I liked being crazy together

>>33895834
and lose my mind

>>33895840
I understand. I’m not trying to force anything. But I went back to that place and made you a voca, things I want to say to you. I think about you a lot, and I care. I don’t really have excuses to make, I just want you to know that I love you, always will.

>>33895859

ok and I love u too

>>33895867
I truly wish you (her) the best, and I’d love to talk again, but if not, be well. Please take care of yourself.

>>33895872
I wish you all the best too. It was a nice time.

>>33895880
It was. You showed me I’m worthy of love just as I am. I do remember my promise to you, and I’ll make you proud. I’m sorry for all the bullshit I put you through.

>>33893743
I don't trust anyone who hates animals there always pedos or sadistic wifebeaters

Have you ever messed up to the point, nah you fucked up?

Isn't gare both of those a pedo and a beater

I washed my face and brushed my teeth

I was advised to use 4chan. but I know why they told me to sit here... I'm just... I'm just unhappy with my life.

I want to be a pretty, I want to be an beautiful, I want to have a charming appearance and be showered with compliments, I want to change myself

I want to dress beautifully and have my own style in clothes

I also want recognition.

>>33895986
You could always become trans I've heard that helps

>>33896045

and I will be gay?

>>33896045
but no one will love me if I'm gay, I'll be the hideous gay :(

who will love me, so ugly and not sweet?

only my mom and i will cry into our pillows every day.

Those are things we tell each other directly. It's important to hear each others voice.

I want to take care of my future boy, but I'm unlikely to find him. I think I'll change everything for him.

or I want to love a girl

I'm not gonna fall for anyone.
I'm not gonna mistake your friendship for something else.
You're just nice.
Touching my hair doesn't mean anything, giving me a little gift is just a sign of a nice friendship.
Spending all day chatting with me just means we're good friends, I really missed having this type of friendship.
Yeah I made you laugh all day, that doesn't mean anything, that's what I do.
Yeah you trusted me with a lot of serious stuff, that just means you see me as a trustworthy person.
Thats all, I won't think, I won't vocalize how I feel about this friendship.
Last time I did that, it all went to shit, for a different reason that weren't the expressions of affection, but that time I let myself think and feel how much I cared for some people, I can't let that happen again, friendship or not.
Yeah I'm shielding my heart but I can't take this type of pain anymore, I just don't wanna feel anything, I just wanna talk shit, do my job, etc.

Show up and I promise I will fulfill you and nurture your heart

>>33896179
You are insufferable

i can take you

>>33896214
Why

I think I've been suffering from an addiction for the past 10 years or so. An addiction to distraction. Not in the highly visible quit-your-job-and-grind-MOBAs-12-hours-a-day kinda way, but in the sense that an unreasonable amount of mental energy has been wasted on consumerism. I may not buy mainstream full price collector edition crap day one then get excited for next product, but that doesn't mean I'm not a subhuman too. That bit from Candide with Martin and Pococurante comes to mind. I think it's gone a long way towards separating me from my humanity, really. I've been in a sort of autopilot for ages; work, home, distraction, nothing else. People around me live and die and discuss matters I really should understand but it just flies over my head. "When the time comes", I think to myself, "what they're saying will make sense to me, right?" Then I return to absorbing asinine trivia for hours. And I wonder why I have memory issues. At least my interest in new toys has been tanking rapidly these past few months. Maybe it's finally time for me to get back in the saddle?

>>33896232
What do you mean?

>have to do training stuff for work
>lgtv+2 section is longer and more obnoxious to complete than everything else
WHY ARE FAGS LIKE THIS?? WHAT DOES THIS FAG INFO HAVE TO DO WITH MY WORK?? I HOPE ALL TRANNIES AND GAY FREAKS KILL THEMSELVES

Fuck the lgtv+2 community

I'm a bad person

>>33896464
What person is good?

>>33896467
thanks to me, the girl was poisoned to an audience of half a million.

i mean, i'm so terrible at everything as a person, i hate that i'm like this

>>33896497
It's not easy for anyone. If you want to be perfect, you can be taught how.

So I've got cucked. It didnt feel special for you. I was the only one who felt it.
You wouldn't have left me if you felt it at least 50% as intense as me.
I'm dissappointed it took me so long to figure this out.
I'll never believe in love again, keep my walls high. I dont wanna go through this again. I've been fooled one too many times

>>33896518
she gave up what she wanted and what she liked, i will also give up this to support her in this

>>33896536
I'm closing off myself, because it seems that all I do is hurt people.

I will commit suicide

>>33896579
Why?

>>33896545
People hurt each other all the time, just apologize and get over it

I want to start dating but I know I really can't until I'm more stable, both mentally and career-wise.

>>33896581
because i can't cope with these nervous breakdowns, constant screaming, violence against loved ones anymore, because i can't constantly cry for no reason, because i can't cope with my mind and reason, because i'm to blame for everything, because i've always been a loser. i've always had unsuccessful attempts at dating, and i won't be able to find a job and might end up in prostitution.

I won't allow others narratives impact my own. I choose love, faith, loyalty, care, commitment, communication. I choose it now. We are ready now. I choose home with her. She choose home with me. We are each other's truth

>>33896581
i've always had anxiety that i couldn't cope with, and i avoided people just because of these anxieties. my whole life, i've thought that everyone pitied me, just like my parents, and yet everyone blamed me for my sins. they blamed me, and i myself became so vile, and now i hate it.

>>33896639
Are you sure?

>>33896612
I don't think apologizing will fix it.

>>33896648
>>33896675
Nothing is exactly the way everyone wants it.

>>33896706
Yup. Maybe if I didn't hate my major and didn't drop out of University I woud definitely try, but not right now at the moment.
I need to just improve until I find where my passion lies in this world.

Sunlit Rays of Love
In Warmth I drown
The stars above
I remember
My Mike
Encompasses me outside and in
So I bloom, all of me to you

Didn't expect to miss your cooking so much. What I make just doesn't compare.

i am wild i cannot be tamed

>>33897072
I wanna embrace you
Domesticate you
But you belong to the world...

I stopped crying, stopped saying anything but ok, I'm fine, sorry...and you liked me better that way.

>>33897091
Is this a song?

>>33897100
No.

>>33897114
It rhymes...
Does your mind just do that?

>>33897124
Sometimes. I find it upsetting. Usually I have clarity of mind to change wording so things don't rhyme. Not the case today I suppose.

Maybe it's because I'm so old
Or it's because you made me go cold
>>33897134
That's highly impressive.

>>33897140
I think it's cringe, but thank you anon.

>>33897143
Yeah, no problem.

You know what F? You are a fat fuck and I don't care if you show up Saturday. You hold us back not just on the trail but as people. You are so inconsiderate and actually embarrassing to be in public with, we can never do anything nice because F can't behave in public or dress decently. No nicer bars or restaurants ever again sports bars and chain restaurants only for F and the times we brought him to anything beyond chilis he had the audacity to wait until we were all finished to buy a second entree
>Eats two entrees and wants to split the bill evenly

Either way F you told me your shoes don't fit so you can't come to the even surface walking trail the rest of us are going to. Your shoes dont fit you go so fat your sneakers don't fit? you? the guy who begs us to drive him to these walks then dips out and sits at the entrance? Or the guy that walks so slow that half the group gets to enjoy the day and the other half has to chaperone a walrus?

>>33897081
yes i belong to the world,
and it's ok,
i'll run free and fight and hunt all my battles
on my own with my pack

>>33897195
You should listen to the song.

I don't feel this is worth a thread on any board, but I was curious what people think. Is it at all odd or strange that I think it's almost degenerate to want the abolition of funerals? I know that sounds like an odd question, I've just encountered a wierd nihilism around this subject, my sister doesn't care for them. That's fine, I don't don't particularly "care" myself, but part of me thinks it would be a sick thing if that just dissappeared. Apparently I'm a crack smoker for thinking this, or am I?
You be da dsuds.

>>33897211
I naturally have an inclination to tradition and a reverance for it and I find it weird when people want that, in ANY capacity gone. I assume such long lasting traditions to have something of value in them even if it's beyond what I understand, but I also think there's an odd lack of reverence there. I don't know. I'm again, curious what others think of this.

Maybe I am just a stupid faggot I don't know.

Sudden silence in all 3 places is telling.
Place 3

What type of games are bein' played? How's it goin' down?
If it's on til it's gone, then I gots to know now...

I'm going to tell him I cut myself because of him
I hope he cries
Asshole

>>33897380
Why? What'd he do?