Thread 33917784

How do you know the person you want to marry is the right person? Any married or even divorced anons have advice?

You like them and seeing them interested in whatever theyre into is interesting to you.

>>33917784 (OP)
Do not marry.

You open yourself to a host of legal problems AND relationship problems. There is no upside to offset this other than temporarily placating a foid who requests it.

If a foid makes her association to you contingent on marriage its like saying "give me the power to destroy your life or I don't want to hang out with you"

>>33917784 (OP)
I read someone historically, it was someone prominent enough to have things written about them, in the 1800s wrote someone a letter of proposal and it took her almost a year to accept it, at which point they got married. That's what life was like then (at least sometimes), and people's fathers were involved. It mattered, if you came from a good family, what family she came from I think...

A few things strike me. There were no diamond rings, and it was not some grand romantic gesture but rather it was pragmatic as you did need a wife, and also, I feel like most men wouldn't wait a day let alone almost a year without pulling this card:
>you had your chance bitch, i'd rather we both rot alone haha you'll never get this cock, bitch

>>33917874
I've read a plaque from the 1800s of a man explaining that all he wants is his dog because current year(1800s) women weren't as feminine as before.

>>33917836
His advice might sound a little extreme OP, but that is more or less the case. What are the upsides besides a stupid paper? If you already share the same things, buy from a shared account, sleep in one bed, what changes after marriage? You get to waste some money on traveling and a stupid party.

>>33917887
And this is useful why?

>>33917887
I saw a quote from Ancient Rome that said if men didn't have a duty to marry nobody would.

>>33917894
I'll also add at some point the State did start taxing anyone who was unmarried past the age of 25. These days, with our current "State", they seem to just want to import a new population and have zero interest in maintaining this one.

marriage is an archaic contract that legalizes sex under the eyes of God and is an ownership decree. sex is not only legal now but you don't even own the woman anymore, and it's been bastardized to the point it's lost all it's benefits for both sexes

>>33917910
No, it hasn't because the world is falling into Communism without it.

Married at 30, wife divorced me at 33. She did me the favor as she was not a good wife. Short answer is, you don't know for certain anon. You'll never know if she's a good wife until she has proven that she is. Scorates said, "By all means marry, if you get a food wife you'll be happy, if you get a bad wife you'll be a philosopher". I'm not a fan of the state taking part in marriages, but as a covenant between a man and a woman, it is a good thing. Otherwise, pay attention for signs if feminism and milage. If they have tats, if they've had a lot of sex, if you aren't attracted to them, if they were bad wives before....all of these ate evidence, but not proof. The only way you can find total proof is by marrying a woman and finding out. If that is a risk you feel you need to take, then I'm all for it, many are not. Rest assured, it is a risk. Even if the state didn't take half your stuff by force, your heart is at risk because if she ever leaves it'll be the most painful thing you've ever gone through, but you will survive it.

>>33917975
Oh boy auto correct did a number here. Sorry.

>>33917975
>>33917979
All that to say, when my wife was being a good wife, for the very short time she was....it was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I do want to get married again should the opportunity arise. Maybe I'll get a good wife, maybe not. Either way, I know I'll survive and if I can be that happy again, well it's worth the risk. This is what us meant by the pursuit of happiness in the founding US documents, I believe. It isn't permanent, it isn't the same for everyone and it cannot be reliably retained or even known what will result in it...but we should all be so lucky to be happy in this life for the fleeting moments we can.

>>33917975
Thank you anon.
I'm engaged but today I told her about an article I read that said women are leaving their husbands for other women, to which she replied "based". She then said that she doesn't like how divorce is stigmatized or vilified or whatever in our society, to which I responded "What society do you live in?"

We ultimately did not agree on the matter. However, I looked at data and it makes sense- divorce rates when I was growing up were DRASTICALLY higher than now, so I may have a bias.

That being said, it is clear to me the institution of marriage is not "sacred" in this country (USA) at all.

My fiance also was very much in favor of me getting a prenup to protect myself in case things ever go sideways so I believe she has a good and honest heart. I was just really alarmed after the above conversation. Absolutely has signs of feminism but I'm her first anything.

>>33917836
not taking relationship advice from someone unironically using the word "foid" lmfao

>>33917902
The demoralizing suggests the amount of interest in maintaining this population is somehow less than zero

>>33917988
I believe Scorates also said, "the oaths of women I inscribe on water". Meaning, yeah it's good that she is in favor of you getting a prenup...you should almost certainly do it, little to lose other than some hours with a lawyer if your to-be wife never divorces. Unless you get a terrible prenup, she gets rich and divorces you. I wouldn't waste much thought about her disagreeing with you on the stigma of divorce or women leaving men for women. Women say all sorts of crap, look at how she lives her life now and go from there. If her actions suggest she's fine with a prenup, but her words say she is flippant about divorce...whatever man, don't loose sleep. You can turn yourself inside out deciding if she's the " right one" for you and you'll never get an answer until her metal is tested in the crucible of marriage. To be honest, I don't think most wives are good wives, yet someone married them thinking they would be. What are we to reason, that man in his pragmatism is just abandoning it because he's so horny? Or is it just that no man can know with certainty what his wife will be like until she is? I believe the latter because literally no man has ever failed to ask the very questions your asking right now before his own marriage. If that feels like handcuffs, then I can give you the keys to break free should you discover she's a bad wife...but you won't like the truth. And the truth is, you don't divorce her but for cheating....if she's a bad wife then you need to be a better husband. She'll either shape up or ship out. Because bad wives can't stay bad when they're with a good husband...they either become a good wife or they stop being your wife altogether (meaning she will divorce you). All you can do is be the most tough loving man you can be.

>>33917784 (OP)
>How do you know the person you want to marry is the right person?
You can't know the future. The "perfect" marriage is a lie. There is not "right" person. Or rather, "right person to marry" doesn't mean what you think it means

Marriage is an endurance test. You need to marry someone who's shit you will be able to put up with decades. And more importantly, they need to be someone who will put up with your shit for the next few decades.

FWIW, I've been married 16 years.

>>33917912
the main reason people sleep around is birth control, the invention of condoms and other forms of birth control singlehandedly destroyed marriages and monogamy in general, without the consequence of birth. if sex = kids people would automatically start having it less and with less people, especially in this age where a child is a 20+ year poverty ticket if you're not prepared, with the destruction of the nuclear family people have used liberal ideologies because it promotes freedom from consequences when people opted for individual freedoms instead of community ones and in turn makes communism the gayest afterbirth of this entire mess

>>33918065
yes increasing the number of unwanted children will surely make them no longer a 20+ year ticket to poverty, dumb shit

>>33917975
Wow. That's deep. Sounds like you have some pain there.

>>33917784 (OP)
Make sure to go through one of those "tough questions to discuss before marriage" lists.
If you've lived with the person for a year or two, it's still great, you love going to bed and waking up together, and your future plans are compatible, then marriage is not as big a step as it feels.

>>33917784 (OP)
They’re all the same.

>>33919109
Nta, but you actually are too retarded to even comprehend their argument. You are too dumb to even live. Just kill yourself

>>33917992
Fine. It's your funeral. I'll be kind and hope that you don't have cause to regret your arrogance.

>>33917784 (OP)
You will never know 100% if they are the right person. They could be the right person for just that moment in time. People tend to change over time and sometimes don't want things they used to like/desire. All you can really do is hope both of you continue believing in the institution of marriage and want to uphold that contract regardless of the how you both change.

>>33919327
ah yes now i get it, you have to be 200iq to understand that people will just stop having sex, one thing history tells us is that sex is only something people do in excess when theres no consequences

>>33918019
>Scorates
Why should we care what dead white man thought?

>>33918065
None of this is remotely true.

>>33920165
>I'll be kind and hope that you don't have cause to regret your arrogance.

>>33917836
Just have a marriage without the state. Just have your own ceremony. Women want commitment not dead beats that are scared

>>33920595
Not an argument.
>>33920636
>Just have a marriage without the state.
The state is the mechanism of enforcement. Without enforcement, it's not actual commitment.

>>33920645
>Not an argument.
Yes, saying "everything you said was false" is an argument.

>>33920645
>Without enforcement, it's not actual commitment
the old, "I need threat of hellfire to be a decent person"
sounds like a tou problem

>>33920636
be carefully about that some places have laws about acting married. being enough to allow them to apply divorce.

also watch out for common law marraige.