Thread 939443934

Andy!!
Andy, Andy...

https://voca.ro/1lvQIpY5Liv5

>>939443934 (OP)
McDonald's is waiting for you! Turn in that application! Don't leach off your son anymore! C'mon man!

>>939444551

lol @ You never getting paid $16,000 for two and a half days work hahaha pathetic

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TALENT

nor do you have a wife

nor do you have a girlfriend

nor do you even have any generic platonic just basic friendships with women

BUT AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT THAT STUPID LITTLE CHAIR

>>939445751
nta but why are you so obsessed with gaming chairs?

>>939444551

and when I say "2 ½days work", of course when you're painting murals the majority of time isn't spent painting...

The majority of the time is spent rolling joints and changing music and laughing

The painting part goes by very quickly So you want to pace yourself so the client doesn't feel like they paid too much

>>939445780

obsessed?

lol I'm not obsessed with anything
YOU GUYS ARE OBSESSED WITH THE GAMING CHAIR

The gaming chair is a metaphor
I don't care if you're seeing on a plastic bucket

GAMING CHAIR = YOU ARE THE FIRST GENERATION OF ASEXUAL ADULT MALES IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

>>939444551

If you want, I would gladly teach you how to draw and paint and charge money for it

That way you could actually afford a decent gaming chair

(If you were heterosexual, I would have said you could finally attract a girlfriend, but everybody knows you're afraid of women)

YOU COULD FINALLY AFFORD A REAL GAMING CHAIR

>>939445811
>I'm not obsessed with them!
>I just decided to make them a symbol of everything I hate about young people!

>>939444551

because being a talented artist is only half of the process

SELLING ART IS NOT EASY

You've got to have a lot of self-confidence to meet somebody for the first time, and talk them out of an $8,000 50% deposit, and walk out the door 10 minutes after meeting them with the check in your hand

I can teach you how to CLOSE THE DEAL

But it's not free
ask your mother if she's willing to pay your tuition

>>939445905
>hate about young people

>hate

hate?...... You think I hate young people? hahaha wow

no. I don't hate any of you guys
This has nothing to do with hate

YOU ARE THE FIRST GENERATION OF COMPLETELY ASEXUAL YOUNG ADULT MALES IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

we are doomed as a species

thanks to your lack of sexual drive

>>939445948
Art of the deal is like $12 on Amazon.

>>939444551

Like I said, since the dawn of man, even back in the caveman days, our species has survived thanks to the YOUNG ADULT MALE CAVEMANS instinctual determination to fuck as many hot girls in the backseat of his car as possible

metaphorically speaking
hundreds of thousands of years before the automobile was invented

YOURS IS THE FIRST COMPLETELY ASEXUAL GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULT MALE HUMANS IN THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH

>>939445988
>Typical Johnny Neptune-conversation, devolving into semantics.

They probably pay you the check to get you out of their office.

>>939446020

and Donald Trump never even read a single word in that book

because he has dyslexia
but the guy who wrote the book
was hired by the publishing company to create an image of a business genius for Donald Trump

But Tony Schwartz isn't a business genius. He never specialized in closing the deal

So he literally just made it all up
his interpretation of a business genius

>>939446060

semantics?

would you have preferred I said
YOU ARE THE FIRST COMPLETELY HOMOSEXUAL GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULT MALES IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND ?

I thought I would be nice and use the term ASEXUAL

But if semantics are a waste of time, then yes... Yes everybody knows you're all gay

You're not really asexual at all YOU ALL END UP MASTURBATING WITH OTHER MEN IN DISCORD

>pay money to get rid of me
I wouldn't be opposed to that at all
seriously
In fact that's a technique I use all the time when complaining to customer service about anything that I'm unhappy about

I will complain and complain and complain and complain and refuse to get off the phone AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU ALL KINDS OF COMPLIMENTARY THINGS TO MAKE YOU STOP

I've given people brand new expensive Samsung Galaxy phones and Samsung notes and other nice little freebies

because I would complain until different companies gave me something to make me stop complaining

And then I would give those things away to my friends

So yeah... I would have no problem accepting money from somebody if they were giving it to me just to make me shut the fuck up

either way, dumbass
THAT'S CLOSING THE DEAL

You're not much of a salesman, are you?
or you would already realize this fact

>>939446060

because you might find safety hiding behind the label of ASEXUALITY

with your adorable little video game controller in your clammy little hands

But you're not really asexual

because asexual men
DO NOT ASK OTHER MEN TO MASTURBATE WITH THEM ONLINE

That's called homosexuality

So I'll skip the semantics
and call a spade a homosexual

>>939446127
That might be, but are you a business genious? No. Hence your advice would be at the same level of competency (or actually less), and the going rate is $12.

>>939446216
>In fact that's a technique I use all the time when complaining to customer service about anything that I'm unhappy about
Like the time when you blackmailed that restaurant owner?

>>939446258
How do you know what they ask other men to do online? Are you often on gay sites?

>>939446060

CLOSING THE DEAL:

I'm not insulting you when I say there's a 97.3% chance you've never had any pussy

And if you actually did have pussy at one point in your life, you certainly don't have it right now

It's safe to assume you are manually dealing with your sexual desires, with the palm of your mother fucking hand

in between video games

CLOSING THE DEAL:
apparently that's what you're afraid of

If you're not a quadriplegic
then obviously you're simply AFRAID

AFRAID OF THEM SAYING "NO"
afraid of looking stupid
afraid of looking inexperienced and naive and stupid

afraid of being embarrassed

AFRAID OF THE WORD "NO"

........ pay attention
CLOSING THE DEAL:
A salesman hasn't sold anything until he turns the NO into a YES

a salesman does not hear the word NO, and run home crying with his head in his hands

A salesman turns the NO into a YES

a salesman sees the NO
as his opportunity to shine

So you're afraid of women?
how long have you been allowing this fear to prevent you from getting laid and having a beautiful woman wake up next to you?

>>939446285

blackmail?

So you're so fucking stupid, You are incapable of memorizing the EXTORT?

lol

You're talking about One of my favorite topics

IN FACT I THINK I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS IT RIGHT NOW

HAHAHAHAHAHA

BECAUSE THE JUDGE THROUGH THE CASE OUT OF COURT ONCE IT CAME TO THE PROBABLE CAUSE HEARING

there was no probable cause...

anybody can get arrested, dumbass

It's the CONVICTION that matters

But yeah I love talking about it
thank you for reminding me

>>939446392
Dude, baking a bunch of wrong assumptions and insults into a wall of text just makes people less likely to read it. If it is hard to actually get through your retarded pitch, it shows you aren't a good salesman. Those people you harass on the phone probably only talk to you because it is in their policy to not hang up on you.

>>939446328

here's the funniest thing:

YOU THINK PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE YOU'RE ACTUALLY A HOMOSEXUAL DEEP DOWN INSIDE

You think nobody recognizes the behavior

dude... You're not fooling anybody

You don't get any pussy
You're really uncomfortable around women

You've never been good at talking to girls
And you definitely can't hold a candle to AN ADULT WOMAN, because they see a scared little boy when they look at you

And you know it.. because you can't hide it

The inexperienced awkward scared geeky little closet homo video game sissy boy is right there in your eyes... You're incapable of hiding it

So you guys create threads
THAT APPEAR TO BE ABOUT WOMEN

again... these threads APPEAR to be about females... because you guys post photos of women...

And then you make comments to each other like "I'm stroking right now. Tell me what you would do to her"

HSHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

YOU'RE HOMOSEXUALS!!!
YOU GUYS ENGAGE IN HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR EVERY SINGLE DAY

(because you're not comfortable around women, And no woman will allow you to have a sexual conversation with her, SO ALL OF YOUR SEXUAL CONVERSATIONS OCCUR WITH OTHER MEN)

"I'm stroking my dick now. Tell me more Tell me more"

"Tell me what you would do to her. I'm jacking off right now"

THAT'S CALLED HOMOSEXUALITY

YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST ASEXUAL GENERATION

YOU ARE THE FIRST HOMOSEXUAL GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULT MALES IN HISTORY

>>939446556
you do this everyday and the only reason you don't buy the sale is because you don't want to admit that it's real and change yourself for the better

>>939446496
OK, since you love talking about it go through the key points of what lead to your arrest and explain how it wasn't blackmail but extortion.

>>939446328

imagine you're standing in front of a restaurant waiting for your name to be called...

suddenly a man approaches you, a complete stranger...

He pulls out a photograph of a naked woman and hands it to you

then he sticks his hand down his pants and says
"Tell me what you would do to her while I masturbate"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YOU ARE THE FIRST WHOLESALE HOMOSEXUAL GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULT MALES IN THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH

You're a video game sissy

YOU.... YOU in particular
97.3% of you are

BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW

YOU ARE A VIDEO GAME SISSY BOY
YOU DON'T GET ANY PUSSY
AND YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES LIKE A LITTLE GIRL

YOU'RE A LITTLE SISSY BOY

MOMMY'S LITTLE SISSY BOY AND HIS VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I guarantee you can't fight either
If you're not man enough to look a woman in the eyes and introduce yourself and charm the pants off her.... YOU'RE CERTAINLY NOT MAN ENOUGH TO JUMP INTO A FIST FIGHT

That's why if I broke your nose you would suck my dick to make me stop punching you

>ITT: Newfags humor LoLvis
Ishygddt

>>939446328

And I'm not joking

I'm also not threatening

nor am I copy pastaing

or role-playing or internet tough guying or any of that shit

I'm making a very simple statement:

YOU CAN'T FUCK
AND YOU CAN'T FIGHT

IF I BROKE YOUR NOSE
YOU WOULD GAG ON MY DICK TO MAKE ME STOP PUNCHING YOU

because you're not man enough to stand up for yourself

GO PLAY ANOTHER VIDEO GAME, LONELY SISSY BOY

>>939446597
Wow, you do seem to spend a lot of time reading about men stroking.

>>939446612
So your go to when the pitch fails is to just insist you are right? That still doesn't get you check.

>>939446711
Im not lolvis i just calls it like i sees it

>>939446662
>imagine you're standing in front of a restaurant waiting for your name to be called...
>suddenly a man approaches you, a complete stranger...
>He pulls out a photograph of a naked woman and hands it to you
>then he sticks his hand down his pants and says
>"Tell me what you would do to her while I masturbate"
I won't because I don't have gay fantasies like certain other people in this thread.

>>939446259

I never said anything about being a genius at all

And certainly not a business genius

In fact, I'm always the first one to say I'M STUPID AS SHIT... I'm a complete loser

I'm a stupid embarrassing loser....
I'm an lol cow
I'm a pathetic joke

I'm also ugly
And I've never gone to a gym in my life

BUT I FUCKED ALMOST 800 WOMEN BEFORE I WAS 25 YEARS OLD

exactly how old are you?

ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION THIS TIME, COWARD!!! You've been avoiding questions all day

HOW OLD ARE YOU AND HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU FUCKED?

If you lie I will call you out on it

You like to pretend you're courageous and tough

let's see how brave you really are

HOW OLD ARE YOU AND HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU FUCKED?

>>939446678
Well at least he made his own thread, might as well contain the retard in here by giving him the attention the retard craves.

>>939446768
>You've been avoiding questions all day
I literally just got here. I slept in and I'm having a coffee.

>>939446285

see in the American criminal justice system, they have a thing called "probable cause"

and although it's relatively easy to be arrested... actually being CONVICTED requires some proof of a crime

But the judge determined there was no crime committed

And that's why the case was thrown out of court and the judge asked me if I could paint him a portrait of one of his family members

He paid me well for it
And the painting is still hanging in his judges Chambers right now as you read these words

And after some of the people in the DA's office so the painting, two of them commissioned me to paint for them as well

So it ended up with the happy ending that you never knew about...

isn't that funny?
HOW MANY JUDGES HAVE PAID YOU TO PAINT A PORTRAIT OF THEIR CHILDREN?

>>939446328

anybody who's capable of reading English fluently can stumble into this board and see you guys engaging in homosexual behavior 24 HOURS A DAY

"Tell me moar Tell me moar I'm stroking it now"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YOU NEVER HAVE ANY SEXUAL CONVERSATIONS WITH WOMEN

.......................... NONE

........................... NEVER

And all of your alleged "sexual interactions" Have occurred online with OTHER MEN

would you like to know what they call men who engage in sexual activity with other men?

they have a name for those guys...
would you like to hear the word?

>>939446678

..................... (hee hee).....................

I fucking love this shit dude
This is my specialty

they don't realize I'm running circles around them

they'll figure it out eventually

>>939446882
I don't care about that, I asked you what grounds the prosecution listed for your arrest.

>>939446935
>anybody who's capable of reading English fluently can stumble into this board and see you guys engaging in homosexual behavior 24 HOURS A DAY
Well, I don't actively look for it like you, so maybe that's why I'm puzzled about this whole line of argumentation.

>>939446829

by the way, you have to remember I'm an artist

okay? So I paint with words.....

If you are capable of going to an art gallery and depreciating impressionism or maybe even cubism or abstract art...

then you can certainly read between the lines in here, motherfucker

STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION
HOW OLD ARE YOU
AND HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU FUCKED?

I'm just curious

>>939446979
why are you interested in crimes that never happened?

>>939447015
>So I paint with words.....
You aren't good at it.

>>939447069
you paint with your pain while holding my cum in your throat

>>939446959
Haha right right...circles, triangles, shapes n stuff my dude.

>>939447087
>automatically about homosexual desires
Everytime with you creepy fucking pRedditors i swear.

>>939446979
what grounds the prosecution listed for my arrest?

The charge was ATTEMPTED FELONY

That was actually the technical charge

But here's the situation:
My wife and I were sitting at a table at dunkin' donuts drinking our mocha coffees... back in 2017, I had THE BEST PHONE ON THE US MARKET....

It was the perfect phone for doing animations and sequencing music and doing artwork. It had an awesome screen and badass processor and at the time, it was even better than the Samsung phones

It was actually a ZTE STORMER

So I'm sitting at the table with my wife and she's telling me a funny story and when I leaned back in my chair I realized MY PHONE WASN'T ON THE TABLE ANYMORE

I turned around and looked and I saw him the young probably 19 or 20-year-old black girl "shift leader" dunkin' donuts employee walking away from the table with my phone in her hand

This is 100% true

see a guy named Joe kovac is a reporter for a newspaper who created a "wacky crazy news of the weird" article about my arrest... But he never included any of the actual details

instead, he literally just printed what the dunkin' donuts restaurant owner told him... verbatim

without actually cross referencing anything or talking to me or even finding out any of the real details of the story

everything in his article was WRONG except for my name....

The article said I had "claimed I left my phone at the restaurant"

But that's not true...
The dunkin' donuts employee STOLE MY PHONE OFF THE TABLE

(It was a big screen phone, and back in 2017 it was really nice compared to other people's phones)

to be continued

>>939447087
Are you the lolvis simp or the actual "non gay" lolvis who is upset by gays writing homoerotic lines on the board?

>>939447120
4chan is much gayer the only difference is you can say you don't like the fags

>>939446979

I jumped up from my chair straight to that fucking bitch and told "You've got my fucking phone!"

(by the way... every single word I'm telling you is absolutely 100% true.. I actually enjoy talking about this story, as you're now realizing)

I'm not embarrassed by this story AT ALL

I THOROUGHLY ENJOY TALKING ABOUT IT

So the stupid nigger bitch hands my phone over the counter to another dunkin' donuts employee, and she turns around...

and with that jive ass nigger HEAD ROCKING BACK AND FORTH, And the finger waving in the air she said "ION GOT NO PHONE"

So I told my wife "call the police. This bitch is going to jail"

to be continued

hang in there... It's actually a very good story

>>939447159
i don't know but here you are wanting to talk to and about the man

>>939447160
I promise you, its only gay if youre a faggot who seeks out gay shit. Go back.

>>939446979

see, I used to be ZZ top's art director.. I designed their logos and helped with album covers and I designed their stages and all their tour books and press conference events...

My wife and I were backstage at the ZZ top concert while all of this shit was happening...

Billy gibbons is a very good friend of mine so we always go backstage whenever they come through town

>>939447185
You are the only one who actually wants him to fuck you, tho.

>>939446979

okay.... so My wife called the sheriff's department...

DEPUTY MOBS was a friend of ours...
He shopped at stormy's vapors, The same vape shop we frequented

(thank God that fad is over)

deputy mobs showed up. I told him she had taken my phone, And my wife pulled up my phone on her device "FIND MY PHONE" And it showed my phone was still in the dunkin' donuts restaurant

we were standing outside the front door as he was taking the report

and the little stupid monkey bitch behind the counter with my phone? HER EYES WERE WIDE OPEN when she saw the deputy show up

So she ran into the MEN'S BATHROOM and came running back out just a few seconds later

So I told deputy mobs "I'm pretty sure I know where my phone is now"

to be continued

>>939447212
This horseshit again dude? Im pretty sure i already proved you where a liar, your name doesnt appear on any part of their art. Fuckin schizo meth job

>>939446979

I went into the bathroom and looked all around, looked under the sink and in the towel dispenser thing

I looked in the garbage can but it wasn't there

And I was about to give up when I decided to pull the bag out of the garbage can

AND THERE WAS MY PHONE AT THE BOTTOM

WITH A SHATTERED SCREEN

to be continued

(hang in there because now you're about to hear the details from the solicitor's office side of things, which is who you were talking about when you mentioned the prosecution)

also give me one second because I'm going to find a picture of the phone so you can see what I'm talking about

>>939447263
>to be continued
All the way to 404 amirite, see you tomorrow weird faggit. Sage goes in all fields

>>939447298
>Paddy detected

>>939446979
For some reason deputy mobs didn't arrest the girl. He said "You've got your phone and now it's a civil matter to get the screen fixed"

I was actually pissed at him. she committed a fucking crime.

unlike me, SHE ACTUALLY COMMITTED A CRIME

So for the next two weeks I had to deal with the Eastern Indian owner of the dunkin' donuts franchise, and for two weeks he refused to pay for the $100 repair of my phone screen

It's not that I couldn't afford it
MY MISTAKE WAS THINKING "THE PRINCIPLE OF THE MATTER" WAS IMPORTANT

So I finally texted the owner:
"I'm going to the courthouse and filing civil litigation against you and I'm naming dunkin' donuts and Baskin-Robbins as defendants as well"

And on the way to the courthouse
(pay attention to this part. It's critical)
I GOT A REALLY BAD GUT FEELING ABOUT THE ENTIRE THING

I should have paid attention to my gut feeling like I normally do, But again, I was so dumb I was focused on THE PRINCIPLE OF THE MATTER

Why should I have to pay $100? dunkin' donuts should have paid for the repair of my phone, but they refused

So I told my wife "I've got a bad feeling about this. I think I should discuss it with an attorney first"

And I went to a law firm right next to the courthouse called DOZIER LAW FIRM

I spoke with an attorney named DAVID DORER
(If you don't believe my story call him tomorrow and ask him yourself)

to be continued

>>939447014

You don't have to actively look for it

Just glance at any of those porn threads
And you'll see everybody asking other men to make them horny

>>939446979
I introduced myself to Mr Dorer, explained the situation, showed him my shattered phone screen, explained I used it to do videos and animation and music and art... as a mobile art and music studio...

(by the way I sequenced this song using nothing more than a smartphone. no computer at all. It was silence before I started, and I did all of this on my phone)
https://voca.ro/1cMdbLtEZW2m

I asked him if it was legal to write an informal agreement not to pursue civil litigation in exchange for the repair of my phone screen

He said "are you asking me if an out of court settlement is illegal?" which made me feel like he thought I was stupid...

I told him, "I'm concerned it might be perceived as extortion"

THIS PROVES THERE WAS NO CRIMINAL INTENT WHATSOEVER

CRIMINALS DO NOT CONSULT WITH ATTORNEYS BEFOREHAND TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT BREAKING THE LAW

>>939447538
>In porn threads there is a fag who can easily be ignored demanding people to stroke with him. That means everyone is gay!

>>939446979

attorney David Dorer assured me, "no. It's completely legal, and we always recommend people try this before proceeding with the court paperwork"

So suddenly that bad feeling in my stomach went away

And I shook his hand and told him, "awesome! I just didn't want to get arrested for extortion or anything"

DID YOU READ THE LAST SENTENCE?

I wrote an informal agreement not to pursue civil litigation if they paid for the repair of my phone screen

I DIDN'T REALIZE MR PATEL'S BROTHER WAS A DEPUTY AT THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE

It turns out it's relatively easy to get arrested... All you need is one cop who wants to arrest you and you're in handcuffs motherfucker there's nothing you can do about it

being convicted is another story altogether

>>939447671

It's not one person...

YOU SEEM DETERMINED TO PRETEND THAT I'M WRONG

BUT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S MISTAKEN

BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL ASKING EACH OTHER FOR OTHER MEN TO MAKE THEM HORNY

THERE'S PLENTY OF PORNOGRAPHY AVAILABLE ONLINE

they don't need anybody to show them pornography

they're fully capable of finding it themselves

THEY ARE NOT ASKING WOMEN TO MAKE THEM HORNY

THEY ARE ASKING OTHER MEN TO MAKE THEM HORNY

see I'm literally running circles around you

I'm not sure how long it's going to take you to figure this out

>>939447298

LET ME KNOW THE DAY YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO A BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT ADULT WOMAN WHO HAS A JOB

and charm the pants offer

forgive me if I don't hold my breath

(Believe it or not tomorrow is my birthday and today I am experiencing a cardiac event. This entire thread I have been experiencing a cardiac event but I'm refusing to go to the hospital much to my wife's dismay)

LET ME KNOW THE DAY YOU CHARMED THE PANTS OFF AN ADULT WOMAN WITH A JOB, OKAY?

when a man has ZERO experience holding sexual conversations with women... that he has grown awkwardly uncomfortable around women...

But he spends all of his time online WITH OTHER MEN

ASKING OTHER MEN TO PROVIDE PORNOGRAPHY FOR HIM

SAYING CREEPY THINGS LIKE "MOAR MOAR"

"I'M STROKING RIGHT NOW. TELL ME MORE. TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD DO TO THAT SLUT"

............ He's a homosexual
whether he acknowledges it or not

HE'S ACTUALLY JUST A COWARD
Who has settled for the bottom of the barrel
as long as he didn't have to try with a woman

>>939447729
Well stop going to cuck threads then, they are usually the ones posting some woman they claim is their spouse and ask people to describe how they would defile her.

Personally I don't even go to porn threads any more because they are boring af. I prefer touch, sounds, smells and sensations over pics.

>>939447838
>SAYING CREEPY THINGS LIKE "MOAR MOAR"
How is that gay?

>>939447729
I love seeing pictures of women that I can never have (which is all of them. I'm a total virgin incel.) It turns me on thinking about eating their asses out since I can't even get an erection anymore. Then I imagine myself getting manhandled by big dick Black guys. I can't cum from anything other than Black cock. I have multiple dildos that I fuck myself with. I've even injured myself with them and I'm in constant pain. The ultimate sexual fantasy is to get brutally gangbanged by a pack of niggers.

And here's the truth of the matter:

I FUCKED UP.... I MADE MORE THAN ONE STUPID MISTAKE OVER THAT STUPID FUCKING PHONE

I'M A DUMBASS

I ALLOWED MYSELF TO LET MY EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF ME

I allowed myself to become indignant
and think the principal of the matter was important

I'm the one who got myself arrested

BUT I DIDN'T COMMIT A CRIME
I did not commit a crime

And they threw the case out of court
It was tossed
because I didn't commit a crime

(actually I'm lying- because I in fact DID commit a felony)

But the judge never noticed

If you read my handwritten agreement, I say "I agree not to pursue civil litigation... OR CRIMINAL PROSECUTION"

And believe it or not THAT indeed was a crime

because threatening to have somebody CRIMINALLY PROSECUTED unless they give you money IS INDEED A CRIME

But they never even really noticed that part

lol

I noticed it myself after the case was dismissed

hahahahahaha

isn't that crazy? after the whole thing was said and done, I stopped and looked and noticed "OH SHIT! I ACTUALLY DID COMMIT A CRIME HAHAHA!"

>>939447969
During this whole convoluted explanation, you never actually said what you were arrested for and what they alleged you actually did.

>>939447846

I have never been a pornography masturbating guy that's not my thing

If I want to see sex occur
It's never involved much more than unzipping my pants and I've always had at least one woman to perform LIVE PORNOGRAPHY ON THE END OF MY PENIS

I like to go into those threads simply to
REMIND EVERYBODY THAT THEY ARE BEHAVING LIKE HOMOSEXUALS

sorry... But at this point, you've realized I'm absolutely 100% correct

everything I said about ASKING OTHER MEN TO MAKE YOU HORNY WHILE YOU MASTURBATE was 100% accurate.....

I think I might actually go to the emergency room I'm pretty sure I might be having a heart attack

If not then it's AFib and they might have to defibrillate me today

I've been defibrillated before
I've technically been clinically dead five times

something tells me the sixth time is going to be permanent So maybe I'll go to the hospital My wife is really pissed at me right now

>>939447887
Then go live in a black area.
Fulfil your destiny.
Profit.

>>939447878

because they are ASKING OTHER MEN TO MAKE THEM HORNY

how many times is it going to take you to realize you can't win this argument?

I HAVE NEVER ASKED ANOTHER MAN TO MAKE ME HORNY IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE

because I'm heterosexual. You should try it one of these days

>>939447878

LOOK EVERYBODY!!! I FOUND THE GUY WHO ASKS OTHER MEN TO HELP HIM MASTURBATE AND PRETENDS THAT IT'S NOT GAY

>>939448034

You're not very attentive, are you?

because I certainly did answer that question

I told you I was charged with ATTEMPTED FELONY

THAT'S A CRIMINAL CHARGE

ATTEMPTING TO COMMIT A FELONY
IS A FELONY

I told you already....
The category was attempted extortion

(The exact thing I told the attorney I was worried I would be arrested for but he assured me I wouldn't)

But I'm not blaming the attorney

He wasn't representing me
It was a free consultation
I DON'T BLAME ANYBODY BUT MYSELF

pay attention to this part:
I AM THE ONE WHO CREATED MY OWN PROBLEMS

It wasn't Jews, it wasn't blacks, it wasn't women, it wasn't the judge, it wasn't the prosecutor, it wasn't the attorney...

IT WAS ME ™

I'M THE DUMBASS WHO GOT MYSELF ARRESTED

see how easy that was?

So many people spend their lives pointing fingers and blaming the world for their own self-imposed problems and idiotic mistakes

I used to be that way and then I turned 15

>>939448047
I mean if it makes you feel better to think I agree with you go right ahead.

Good luck on your hospital visit. Sincerely. I don't mind you.

Actually, a guy in my building died two days ago from some acute illness. Not sure if it was his heart or a stroke, but I'm quite happy the old fuck died. He was an asshole. A rich fucking asshole who actually costed me money, so I am quite happy today. Your heart condition story made me think of it, although I don't wish that on you.

>>939447887

I could make you a very happy man

and make $73 out of the deal

by selling you to a bunch of crips
Who would beat you and pimp you out in cheap motel rooms

they'd gladly give me $73 if I handed you over to them

shit, I'd sell you for $25 just for the fuck of it

>>939448071
They are asking for more pictures, quite common in porn threads.

>>939448246

I'm going to be fine. Even if this is a cardiac event, I'm going to be fine

It's either a cardiac event or a pulmonary embolism. I've studied internal medicine extensively my entire life and that's the two choices today

neither of which I'm looking forward to hearing from the doctor because that means I'll have to deal with needles today

I quit doing drugs over 9 years ago but for all the dope I've ever done in my life, I never one time used a goddamn syringe because that's absolutely fucking disgusting however during the past 10 or 12 minutes I've been having really serious pains and my left arm and the whole fucking thing all of the symptoms are there

It's looking a lot less like a pulmonary embolism right now

>>939448195
>I told you I was charged with ATTEMPTED FELONY

Yes, but that is just a very obscure title. What did they claim you actually did.

You went into detail on what you think you did, but not what they think you did.

>>939448265

>they're asking for more pictures

Why do you do everything in half measures?

CORRECTION:
they are asking OTHER MEN to help them achieve an orgasm

when 95% of the internet is pornography and they don't need anybody's help finding photos

Why aren't they asking women to show them pictures while they masturbate?

WHY ARE THEY ASKING OTHER MEN INSTEAD?

no matter how many times you try
YOU WILL CONTINUE REALIZING YOU CAN'T WIN THIS ARGUMENT

sounds like you're justifying YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE DENYING THAT YOU ENGAGE IN HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR ON A REGULAR BASIS

But you've been fooling yourself into thinking it's heterosexual behavior simply because you guys are hiding behind photographs of women

HETEROSEXUAL MALES
DO NOT ASK OTHER MEN
TO HELP THEM ACHIEVE AN ORGASM

This might be a good time for you to stop and reassess your sexuality

>>939448265
yes pictures to get horny to.
tangentially homosexual behavior

>>939448345

I already told you dude....

allegedly the category was EXTORTION

But the actual charge was ATTEMPTED FELONY

You keep pretending like you're some kind of legal scholar and I'm not giving you the correct terminologies

BUT I'M GIVING YOU THE LEGAL TERMINOLOGIES, And you aren't recognizing them when you read them

>>939448415
I mean, by your logic the porn they find online also makes them gay, unless it is photographed by a woman. Or else it is a guy helping them achieve an orgasm.

>>939448417

exactly. If I didn't have a wife and if I was too afraid to talk to girls

I COULD FIND PLENTY OF PORNOGRAPHY WITHOUT ASKING FOR ANY MAN'S HELP

these guys think nobody realizes what they're doing

because they become so good at lying to themselves

>>939448466
yes and it is gay

>>939448463
>I already told you dude....
>allegedly the category was EXTORTION
>But the actual charge was ATTEMPTED FELONY

So prosecution went in front of the judge and said: This guy did EXTORTION

- Well what did he do?

- I just told you dumbfuck! EXTORTION!

- Yes, but what are you actually saying he did?

- Open your ears man! EXTORTION!

>>939448253
You'd get your booty taken in the process, along with any money

>>939448466
>The porn they find online also makes them gay

THANK YOU
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT

because the longer a man relies on masturbating like a little boy to pornography

The more and more uncomfortable he becomes interacting with women

The less familiar he becomes with flirting with women

AND THE EXPONENTIALLY LESS LIKELY HE BECOMES TO EVER ESCAPE HIS SELF-IMPOSED PRISON OF MASTURBATION AND COWARDICE

But he will eventually become so desperate to experience the touch of another human being....

that a pair of balls on his chin seems acceptable

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT SIR

VIDEO GAMES AND PORNOGRAPHY ARE THE REASON WHY YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT

If you had never picked up a video game controller and never watched a porn video You wouldn't have allowed almost 800 opportunities to slip through your fingers

because it's really not a matter of me fucking almost 800 women by the time I was 25

It's really more a matter of YOU BEING TOO AFRAID TO ASSERT YOURSELF WITH ALMOST 800 WOMEN BY THE TIME YOU WERE 25

And we all know what horny cowards do

they rely on pornography
fantasize about being sexual tough guys

HAHAHAHAHAHA

you'll never win this argument, homo
You're simply trying to justify your own behavior

TODAY YOU FINALLY LEARNED THE TRUTH

And I'm the one who taught you

next, I'll be more than happy to teach you the truth about fetishes that you never realized before

>>939448623
>missing the point completely and going off into some weird rant.

>>939448535

prosecutors never tell a judge "THIS GUY..." or "he DID extortion"

the way it's done it's very formal because remember they refer to the judge as THE COURT

"Your honor, if it please the court, Mr McGovern attempted to commit a felony by trying to extort money from Mr Patel"

Have you ever even been in a courtroom before?

>>939448696
>to commit a felony by trying to extort money from Mr Patel"
And how did they claim you did that?

>>939448600

>get your booty taken

I'd imagine you must be talking about jail? That's almost like thinking men and women save themselves until marriage and fall in love and live happily ever after

It's something little children think

hold on a minute.. I'll be right back

>>939448535
I may have inadvertently misunderstood your comment. at first I thought you were the guy who didn't realize I've already told him the answer several times

If You are not that person, please forgive me for misunderstanding. I kind of approached you as if you were the guy who simply can't process this simple information

upon reading it a second time, I realized "hold on a minute That might not be the guy I thought he was"

So if I seemed rude, please forgive me sir

>>939448535
yep yep yep now I'm convinced I misunderstood your post

I thought you were somebody else

So if I seemed like I was being rude and insulting, I made a mistake

SEE EVERYBODY?
part of being a man involves ADMITTING WHEN YOU FUCK UP

And that's why I don't blame anybody but myself for being arrested that day

It was totally stupid on my part
I'M OBVIOUSLY A DUMBASS

I made a stupid mistake
a series of stupid mistakes, In fact

see? by admitting I'm stupid and I made a mistake I'M FUCKING BULLETPROOF

>>939448600

I can only assume you're talking about jail

I guess that's what you're talking about...
"get your booty taken"....

That sounds exactly like something a novice would say

people who watch too many TV shows

People who think movies reflect reality

NOBODY GETS RAPED IN JAIL DUMBASS

they don't even get raped in prison

Not unless it's part of a much bigger punishment, v generally only if they're already being beaten and extorted and having their family extorted as well

But yeah... Your fantasies of homosexual activities behind bars are unrealistic at best

That's not what it's like in jail or prison

there's plenty of sissies in prison willing to do it for free, so they don't go around raping people, dumbass

>>939448815
So in a discussion you just deliberately miss the point.

Start off discussing something else or make little rants you think will phaze the other party, and when called out apologize and never get back on track to answering anything.

You are basically a woman or at least communicate like one.

>>939448694

lol at you thinking it's ME who's missing the point

hahahaha

look, I've already answered the question several times I'm not going to do it again

I just rolled a joint and turned down a cup of coffee because the caffeine probably isn't indicated right now so I'm smoking this joint to calm down and then I'm going to go to the emergency room

But the good news:
I'M A PHONE FAG
So I can shit post and insult gaming chair sissies anywhere I go

So I'll be doing it in the emergency room in just a little while. My wife wants me to call an ambulance because if an ambulance takes you to the emergency room you get fast tracked directly through the line

>>939448694

THE TRUTH ABOUT FETISHES:

there's no such thing as a fetish.
there are only asexual people with a fear of intimacy or other mental block

and cheap unoriginal prefabricated distraction techniques

THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU TELL ME I'M WRONG

>>939448935
kk, have fun at the ER with the latinos.

>>939448898

>You communicate like a woman

THAT'S AN AMAZING COMPLIMENT!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

because as you remember back in elementary school on the playground, when you were still telling poopy fart jokes and all the girls your age ostracized you

and the boys your age quickly followed suit

because girls mature faster than men
and women are much smarter than men

I would have liked it even more if you said I communicate LIKE A JEWISH WOMAN

because Jews are the smartest humans of all, And although I'm not Jewish, saying somebody was as intelligent as a Jewish woman IS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT YOU COULD EVER GIVE THEM

by the way......
I've got a question for you now

exactly how the fuck would YOU know anything about women? hahaha

as if you have experience with them
That was pretty funny
God damn it You're making me laugh and I'm having chest pains asshole

That was funny as fuck

"I HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH WOMEN" might be the funniest thing that never came out of your mouth

>>939448960
K, so I tend to buy hookers and girlfriends nylon stockings and crotchless pantyhose because it is a thing I'm into. It is considered a fethish, just like my preference for pubic hair over completely shaved. (weirdly enough because shaved should be the fetish).

How does that line up in your theory fetishes are asexual (or homosexual since you use the term interchangeably) fear of intimacy and mental block?

>>939448968

what Latinos?

You live a very isolated sheltered life, obviously

You don't seem to have much of an understanding about the way things operate in the real world

Latinos?.... hahahaha

dude go play another video game and ask another man to make you horny

YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSING CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL

YOU ARE A POMPOUS AIRBAG

YOUR MOTHER MAY HAVE CONVINCED YOU THAT YOU WERE SPECIAL

BUT 4 BILLION WOMEN DISAGREE WITH HER

I'd be more than happy to buy you a step ladder so you could reach my nutsack with that tongue of yours

>>939449035
>women are much smarter than men
Is that why most reputable scientists and elite chess players are men?

>>939449080
Dude, I was trying to be nice and wishing you good luck. No need to get pissy.

>>939449051

once again you're wrong

But at least you were intelligent enough to introduce the word PREFERENCES

because you're confusing preferences with fetishes

fetishes have absolutely nothing to do with sex

fetishes are non-sexual content introduced into sex to avoid, delay, or eliminate the possibility of intimacy

apparently, you seem to have an issue with intimacy

And I don't care how much you deny it

because you guys always use denial as your pathway to failure

okay she's calling an ambulance see you later

>>939449110

lol I might have very well clicked on the wrong post

But hold on let me read let me read give me a second

hold up....

oh okay now I see..
YEAH I SUPPOSE I MISINTERPRETED YOUR WORDS

maybe I was just in the defensive mode already or something

But I think I may have misinterpreted your meaning

My bad.. I stand corrected

I WAS WRONG...
APPARENTLY I MADE A MISTAKE

sorry about that
no offense intended sir

>>939449090

I thought I'd just told you to go play a video game and ask another man to make you horny

what's taking you so long

>>939449110
If I misconstrued your meaning, I'm actually very apologetic because you seem like a very intelligent and polite man so I certainly don't have any problems with you at all

sometimes I make mistakes. please forgive me

>>939449110

upon analysis, I've determined that it was the word Latinos that made me think somehow you were making a derogatory insulting comment

isn't that weird?

It's just that one word
Latinos

although I'm not a fan of Latinos at all
It didn't offend me at all

But I think I interpreted your words as being derogatory towards me

simply because the derogatory thing about Latinos as well

Yes upon careful analysis I have determined that I misinterpreted your words

>>939449142
>usual non answer going into a rant with non sequiturs and ad-hominems.

Fuck this and fuck you, I'm gonna go on my balcony and enjoy a cigar. Have fun "going circles around people".

FETISH:

she's ready to fuck she takes off her pants and spreads her legs

......... AND HE RUNS TOWARDS HER FEET

He's avoiding sex
He's avoiding intimacy
as a child it was fear of abandonment
The same fear manifests into fear of intimacy once he became an adult

It's the same exact fear

an unresolved emotional issue from his childhood

SO HE AVOIDS SEX
But he presents a non-sexual activity
and pretends it's sexual

NOW YOU UNDERSTAND FETISHES

a sexual preference cannot be a fetish, because inherently, a fetish is completely non-sexual content

>>939449272

cigars.......... gross

Have fun enjoy the balcony...

AVOIDING AND DELAYING SEX IS THE OPPOSITE OF SEX
Have a good day, sir

.......there
..........are

several reasons
......................... why
I type weird

The first one is because it's the fastest way to spot a control freak

because control freaks literally can't control themselves.. And they always show their hand... when they see somebody who refuses to follow their imaginary rules, they get upset and they lose control

because they can't control other people

lol
really weird psychology

But there is other reasons....
But there is other.....
But there is....
But there...
But...
I also type weird because it's my calling card. It's my signature

That sound everybody knows exactly who they're talking to and I don't need to use any trip codes or name fag bullshit

........... I make myself very conspicuous
here I am.. Right here... You know how to find me

So sometimes I might click on the wrong post in here because YOU GUYS BELIEVE IN ANONYMITY

I've never seen anybody accomplish anything worth a shit and not want their name attached to it

And yes yes I realized I just said IS
instead of ARE*

another mistake on my part
I'm full of mistakes
lol
And I can live with that

>>939449743
That sound?

THAT'S HOW*

That's how speech to text fucks oh shit the ambulance is here okay I'll see you in a little while

>>939449838
https://www.wfmj.com/story/53050112/lawsuit-claims-sexual-assault-during-alleged-ursuline-football-team-hazing